Disclaimer: Okay, so I sent my demons to Cassandra Clare to get the publishing rights! If I win, I'll tell you guys and then I won't be here anymore ;)

Okay, so I'm just as happy as I can be. Why? I requested 37 and I got 40! That's 10 more since last time! So thanks to everyone who reviewed! Also, thanks to those who added my story as their favorites and/or story alert. Thanks guys, you all make my day =) So, I know this is really late (for me) so I apologize for that. I know this is lame but I've been REALLY busy and since you guys made me really happy I stayed up all last night to make this and now, it's here! It's really long, so I hope it makes up for it. It's actually the longest chapter yet! Oh, and it was going to be longer but then I decided not to torture you guys (because of those who reviewed =D) and make it two parts. So, the next part should come out pretty fast. Oh, this is still AFTER City of Glass and BEFORE City of Fallen Angels. No, I'm not changing anything to fit CoFA, I'm sticking with my plot line. Just an FYI. So, now I'll let you read!

Chapter 6: What Hurts the Most - Part 1

Clary's Point of View

For the second time within twenty four hours, I woke up on the floor near the door. My cheek was pressed against the hardwood floor and was throbbing in pain. I picked my head up to see that I had drooled; my cheek was sticky and disgusting where the drool had dried on it. Great, I thought sarcastically. First, I end up falling off my bed all the way near the door and now I'm drooling. Just prefect.

I got up from my sleeping position on the floor, getting up just in time when the door suddenly burst open. If I was still lying there, I probably would have gotten hit by the door. I dimly wondered why I woke up randomly when my mom's concerned face was all I could see.

"Clary, honey?" my mom asked apprehensively as if I was going to have a sudden outburst or mental breakdown any second now. She even looked surprised. And that's when I remembered.

Struggling to keep my face neutral, I replied. "Yeah mom?"

Jocelyn, fooled by my calmness calmed down herself; her stance wasn't as wary anymore. "Are you okay Clare-bear?" she asked slowly as if she didn't want to really ask but forced herself to do it. She also used my old nickname. She hadn't used that since I was nine and refused to be called that anymore.

A look of surprise crossed my face as I answered, "Yeah, I'm fine." Adding in as an afterthought, "And what did we say about my old nickname?" I jokingly chastised her with a small smile and wagging my index finger at her.

Buying it, Jocelyn calmed down almost completely and smiled back. "Sorry, I forgot. It's just that…" she trailed off, not wanting to bring it up again looking again as if she expected a mental breakdown. I'm sure she had guessed as to what happened. She wasn't exactly happy that Jace was my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now. He wasn't exactly 'boyfriend material'.

"Mom, I am fine, I was just a little upset that's all. No need to worry about me, you worry too much," I reassured her. Mentally I added, what I mean by fine is not breaking down in front of everyone by crying my eyes out and hiding behind fake smiles. That's my definition of 'fine' right now.

Jocelyn hesitated before nodding – a slight jerk down – to herself before smiling and blowing me a kiss behind her shoulder before leaving, closing the door behind her.

Leaning against the door, I took a deep breath, trying not to sag against the door. Unpleasant and unwanted memories filled my mind. Clearing all thoughts out of my mind, I wondered what I was going to do. I had to go to training; I had to if I wanted to ever catch up into being a Shadowhunter. I was only a couple years late you know, that won't be hard to catch up with, I sarcastically thought to myself. The only problem was that I was going to run into Jace there. Hell, I was going to have to train with him!

This is what you get when you asked to train with him when you were still together, I bitterly thought to myself, tasting the hatred and the anger in the back of my mouth.

What hurt the most was that not only was my heart broken twice but it was by the same guy. The first time, it broke and he picked up the pieces, taping them together. This time, he shattered it into millions of tiny little pieces like it was glass. Sure, they could be taped together again, but some parts will always be missing and you will always have the broken feeling; you could never be whole again, no matter how strong the glue or tape is. This is how it was for me; the pieces weren't picked up yet! I wondered if they ever would. My heart was shattered one too many times by the same man. And now, I was expected to train with him!

Attempting to clear my thoughts again, I grabbed clothes to wear, and headed into the bathroom. Stripping my clothes off quickly and checking to make sure that the water was hot, I stepped in, and toke one of the longest showers I took in a while.

I sighed as the hot water pounded again my back, steam curling above me in white – almost clear – puffs. I tried desperately to not think about Jace. I couldn't deal with it. I had less than a day to recover and I was expected to act fine and normal in front of him. On top of that, I had to train with him! I how could I do that? It was like the icing on the cake of my problems. That was the finishing touch to it.

My heart – what was left of it anyway – leaped out my skin. My heart was wrenched painfully, each heartbeat more agonizing than the last. I wasn't recovered yet – far from it. What was I going to do? I thought, wanting to wail the words out. Keep it together Clary, I reprimanded myself.

Not wanting to think anymore I thought about anything that was exciting that happened that didn't involve him. My mind, knowing how distressed I was, popped the first thing that was thrilling in my mind. It just so happened to be my dream.

I furrowed my brows at the thought of my dream. Unlike all my other dreams, I usually don't remember what happens in detail, but I remembered each and every insignificant detail in this one, it was so real feeling. The brass bed. The books that were so old. The girl morphing. The Shadowhunter boy.

I mentally winced at the last part – even though it was just a dream, I really don't know how my mind came up with this Will Shadowhunter boy in London being his ancestor. Not like I cared anymore.

I focused on the dream itself, it had seemed so real, and I remember slamming down on something so hard…that must have been me falling off the bed, something I had never done, even when I was little. I never move in my sleep, I usually stay curled up in a ball and I was a pretty light sleeper too.

Something about the dream though…. I remember craving the rune into the wood, but my door obviously wasn't the weird portal thing it was in my dream. Of course not, I scoffed. It was just a dream. I convinced myself that it actually was just a dream but there was some doubt of how I ended up landing right next to the door on the floor.

Even if I fell off the bed, I wouldn't land there. My bed was a good few feet away from the door actually. It didn't really make sense as to how I landed there. Maybe I rolled in my sleep? Doubting that, I pushed it out of my mind; I got out of the shower and quickly got dressed, not wanting to think about anything anymore.

.o.O.o.

When I finally went downstairs to have breakfast, I plastered a fake smile on my face. I had made sure before I went to the kitchen that I wasn't about to burst out crying any second, taking my time before I forced myself to go get breakfast; my stomach growling had finally had me convinced.

As soon as I was near the kitchen, the aroma of coffee and my favorite sticky buns wafted towards me. Luke, I thought, smiling inwardly. At least not all guys are douches. There was still Luke and Simon, and things between me and Alec have been steadily getting better since he was with Magnus. And of course, there was always good old, literally very old, Magnus. Only four guys that I could trust, such a small number.

Stepping into the kitchen, I was greeted by Jocelyn – she had a cup of coffee in her hand and a sticky bun in the other – while she pecked me on the cheek. Taken aback, I look at her in mild surprise. It seemed like she was in a good mood. Seems like everyone was in a good mood except me, I acidly thought.

I forgot about it as soon as my mom said cheerfully, "Good morning Clary!" She was in an awfully good mood. And she didn't scold me for being late – taking that long shower had wasted some of my time and I even had woken up late. Well, if she wasn't going to mention it, then neither was I. I wasn't going to ruin the only luck I had.

"Morning," I replied. "Why in such a good mood?" I asked to find the source of this sudden happiness.

"What?" Jocelyn stopped in her tracks, turning to face me. "I can't be in a good mood?"

Laughing I shook my head. "That's not what I meant you and you know it."

Mom rolled her eyes at me as she handed me a plate of sticky buns. "You're late," she observed Shoot. I thought. I can't deal with her yelling at me now… "I called the Maryse and she said it's okay that you're late. Apparently everyone woke up late, so it's all covered."

Phew, I thought, mentally wiping sweat off my forehead since that's what people in the movies do. I only nodded before devouring a sticky bun. I haven't had these in such a long time and having this after what happened, it was incredibly comforting. I mentally thanked my mom and Luke.

As if on cue, Luke came in the room, holding a newspaper under his arm. "Hey sweetie," Luke greeted.

"Hey Dad," I replied, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Luke had always seemed like a father to me, but it wasn't until a couple of months ago that it was official.

"Don't call me that, it makes me feel old," Luke joked. He actually was overjoyed to be called 'dad' and it felt so right to call him dad. It was always meant to be, Valentine hasn't exactly been a great fatherly figure. Hell, he tried to kill me. Worst. Father. Ever. Then again, I never have and never will consider him to be my father. A father is someone who takes care of you and loves you. Valentine was just my biological father; Luke was my father, even before he married Jocelyn. I just never called him dad.

"Oh," said my mother while cocking an eyebrow, "so I'm old?" She feigned a hurtful expression.

"Of course not, my beautiful wife," Luke stated. He always had loved my mother and I could tell he was just ecstatic to call her 'wife'. After all, he had waited years just for her. I smiled, even though I couldn't have a happy ending, at least my parents did. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her into him.

"So now you're trying to butter me up huh?" She asked. "Well, it's working." She turned around in his arms and kissed him lightly on the lips. Luke smiled and returned it, locking them in an embrace.

I looked away, not only for the sake of their privacy but because it hurt. It looked like they fall in love with each other again and again every single day. They looked so happy together, so perfect. It was so perfect that I had to look away. Of course I was happy for them but under the circumstances I couldn't deal with a perfect couple.

Luke cleared his throat a little and pulled away slightly from mom but his arms were still wrapped around her, whispering something in her ear and she giggled. See, things like that…I couldn't deal with right now. He was making her chuckle like a teenager. But my problems shouldn't stop their happiness; after all, they had many years of marriage life to catch up on.

Pulling completely away he produced a mug filled with coffee in it. "Coffee?" he asked, looking at me. I smiled. For some reason, we both loved coffee but Luke drank more than me. Okay, more is an understatement. He literally drinks gallons of that stuff every day. In the morning. While reading. With a snack. The list was endless.

"Mmhmm, that would be nice," I confirmed and I got the mug in response. It was black coffee, just the way I liked it. It seemed to match my mood, no sugar or milk in it to make it any better. Black – just like my soul. And my life.

Smiling up at Luke, I drank the coffee quickly, burning my throat as the scalding liquid went down. "Clary, I think you should go train now," my mom said. I was confused. My mom hated me going there as of Jace, and now she was all too happy to get rid of me. There is definitely something fishy going on here. I'll find out soon enough, I figured. Plus, I have too many problems on my plate already to deal with this. So long as they are happy, I don't really care about the reason.

"Let her finish her coffee in peace, she's probably burning her throat right now," Luke allowed. Jocelyn rolled her eyes in response.

With my mouth twitching, I got up and put my dishes in the sink. "Mom, can I go now?" I asked, not sure why I did as I really didn't want to go. Probably because I didn't want her to be suspicious and I didn't want to ruin her good mood.

"You want one of us to come drop you off?" Jocelyn offered except I could tell that she didn't really want to and only half meant it.

"Nah, I can walk there, get some fresh air," I replied. It wasn't only for my mom, I really needed some time to just get out of the house, I was feeling too trapped in here and plus, I didn't really want her to see the tension that was bound to be there. Yes, it was better that she stayed in the dark.

"If you're sure." Mom proffered again, giving me another chance to get a ride from her.

"I'm sure," I acknowledged. I headed towards the door, calling behind my shoulder a goodbye. I heard a muffled bye in response followed my giggling. I rolled my eyes, they could be so childish sometimes, but it was cute in a way.

I walked into a busier part of a New York City, walking several blocks, not minding since it was a mild day, thank the Angel. It was getting searing lately, and the cool day felt refreshing. I kept myself purposely distracted the whole time, saving mental images of something that I could sketch.

I couldn't think about the horror that was waiting for me at the Institution. If I did, I would turn around right now and I won't – can't – do that. They would know if I tried to ditch and I didn't think it was worth the trouble that I would get in. Also, I was going to show Jace that he wasn't the only one in charge. I wasn't going to act like a baby and not go just because of him. I can do whatever I want, I thought as I walked towards a little park filled with statues.

Magnus had found a way to make the distance shorter for me after I crossed this park as a favor for giving him the White Book. I was pretty sure that he got the spell out of the White Book but all he said was that it was all because of him. I mentally rolled my eyes. Oh Magnus, I thought.

If anyone ever had to go with me then they would have to walk with me and hold onto my arm or shoulder to get across too. Otherwise, it only works for me. Thank the Angel Magnus did this. Otherwise my parents would have to drive me every day and it was quite a ride to get the Institution and back; Luke's house was far away and now that my mom was married to him, we obviously live with him. At first that caused a problem. Now, I can just walk a few blocks and I'm there.

I passed the Hermes's statue that was in the park that I was walking through and whispered under my breath, "In the name of the Angel, I, Clarissa Morgenstern, I ask for access to the Institution with it being possible with the help of the warlock Magnus Bane." As I finished walking across the Hermes statues which had ruby red roses planted around it, I was transported near the Institution.

I was still upset that I had to use Clarissa Morgenstern since that was the last name of my father. I could use Graymark but I wasn't sure if that was going to work and I didn't want to take my chances. I mean, Luke isn't a Shadowhunter anymore and Jocelyn was married to Valentine. After all, I was alive because of him so I guessed that it would always be my Shadowhunter name, sadly.

As I glanced around me, to make sure that I was transported to the right area I started walking again, only a couple of streets away from the Institution. I was brought to a rather busy street – not that most of the ones in New York City aren't – so it looked like I just melted in with the crowd. No one ever suspects a thing.

I smiled as I grew closer and closer to the Institution. Magnus was a genius with coming up with the place to transport at. Sure, it wasn't in my backyard – it couldn't be that close to me in case if anything ever happens – but it wasn't too far away and it was better than nothing. No one else could go through it and had I had to say the right words to transport.

The spot was perfect and I understood why after Magnus explained it to me. Hermes was the Greek god of transportation and it seemed very fitting that I could transport near the statue. Luckily it wasn't that far away. I was sure that if it was even a mile away, Magnus would force me to walk to there, despite the distance.

I still had to walk pretty far though. I couldn't just pop right into the Institution and this was as close as Magnus would let me to the Institution for safety reasons.

When the Institution loomed into view I walked towards it, making sure no one saw me. I didn't even have to peel the glamour away anymore, it came effortlessly. I nervously entered through the doors, reminded that I was doing something I dreaded.

My second home barely comforted me as it usually did. I looked up as I closed the door behind me and someone was standing there. I couldn't see who it was because they were standing in the corner, away from the light. My heart skipped a beat. Oh no, I thought. I couldn't deal with it, I just can't. What am I going to –

And that's when I realized that it was just Izzy. She looked tense and worn out which was bizarre. Iz was always looking tip-top. She turned around as if she sensed me there and a light smile touched her lips.

"Hey Clary," Izzy greeted.

"Hi," I replied studying Iz closely. Something was off about her…

"C'mon, let's go," Iz chirped out, sounding more like the normal her. She turned around, not bothering to check if I was following. As much as I would love to take this opportunity, I couldn't. And I couldn't let Iz get in trouble just because she was helping me.

I took tentative steps toward her before stopping. "Iz?" I called out to her. She was already several paces ahead of me, as if she was in a hurry. Or maybe it was just that her stride was longer because of her long legs. Or maybe, it's 'cause you're so short. That was probably the truth, but Iz did seem like she was in a hurry.

"Yeah?" she called out over her shoulder, not breaking her stride.

"Iz, I need to train!" I said firmly. "You know that." I could tell that she wasn't going to let this go easily. She faltered before finally stopping.

"I know you are, that's where I'm taking you," she croaked out, her back still facing me.

"Where is he?" I asked, purposely avoiding his name. Izzy seemed to mutter something. I had a sinking feeling that it was something like 'I knew this was going to happen'. Am I really that predictable?

"He isn't training you anymore," Izzy said flatly. I blinked in astonishment.

"What?" I was purely astounded. I felt relieved too, as if someone took off all of the weight on my shoulders.

Izzy sighed, as if she expected this kind of reaction. Again, am I that unsurprising? And did she not hear the shock in my voice? "Look, I'm no relationship expert but I'm pretty sure you would want some space," she replied. "I'm only doing this as a friend; if this happened to me then I would want someone to do that same." My head spun with all the new information I just heard. Wow…I thought. Just wow.

"Jace told you?" I inquired weakly. That was the only think that popped out of my mouth. No thanks or OMG Iz, you're the best! My mouth felt like sandpaper. I couldn't say anything else so instead I thanked her with me eyes.

"No." Her response was curt, as if she didn't really want to talk about it. Shouldn't I be the only like that? Well…I did ask the question. "And I wasn't even sure if you were going to show up anyways," Izzy added on as an afterthought, and changing the subject slightly.

"Really?" I asked, not really caring about it that much. I still felt as if the world was spinning out of control, my legs as strong as jello. I couldn't believe the turn of events; it seemed that the world hated me one day, and seemed to love me the next. I couldn't believe my luck; it was too good to be true. Way too good.

Iz just nodded once and continued walking to the training room. I hadn't even been paying attention to where we were going before. "Izzy?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Was it your idea?" I asked, not sure what brought this on.

"My idea for what?" Izzy was avoiding the question. She knew very well was I was asking.

"To train me instead."

"Oh." Izzy paused for what seemed like that longest time ever. I was fast walking in order to keep pace with Izzy before but now I just slowed to a walk. "Well, it's only for today." She seemed like she didn't want to say that. And she was still dogging the question.

We stopped to the door and I ran up before her and blocked her way. "Isabelle," I demanded, using her full first name, "was it your idea?"

"Of course!" Izzy nearly shrieked, waving her hands dramatically in the air. "Why do you care so much anyways?" I still felt like she was lying but the last part caught me off guard. I actually don't know why. What was I thinking? I know, I was thinking about Jace. Jace, I thought. I didn't want to admit it, to anyone including myself, but I did miss Jace. A lot. Izzy seemed to slightly regret it, as if she was thinking what I was thinking. She looked like she really wanted to enter the room and didn't want to try me.

"I don't know. I thought that Si might have spoken to you or something," I lied smoothly. I don't think Simon knew yet, and I really wasn't planning on telling him anytime soon. He would hurt Jace if he ever hurt me, and if he knew now…I just hoped that I didn't get caught in my lie. Izzy and Simon were dating after he broke up with Mia. It's been an on-of thing between choosing between Mia and Izzy, breaking up with one and going out with the other. Poor Si.

Izzy looked relived and nodded. Taking it as my cue, I let us both in and let the training began.

.o.O.o.

Even though Izzy was a girl, it didn't mean that she wasn't as hard to beat as Jace. Afterwards, I felt as beaten up as if Jace had gone through me. We did hand to hand combat and it wasn't exactly the best thing to do in the world especially if you stink compared to the goddess you're fighting against.

After Izzy decided that she bruised me black and blue enough, we finally stopped training. By then, it was already later afternoon and we trained right through lunch. At least when I was with Jace, he feed me. Luckily, I had a big breakfast of those sticky buns and coffee.

Izzy and I walked into the kitchen to get a snack before we have dinner in a few hours. Izzy had offered to make something but of course, I politely declined. Izzy still can't cook and I wasn't really in the mood of trying one of her 'experiments'. Her food should be on something like Can You Eat This or something. No one and I mean no one likes her cooking. Except Church but he eats anything and he's not a human.

We settled for fruit snacks, and I took them with a pang. I had those when…I trialed off, remembering suddenly and conveniently that I had to bring home my sketch pad.

After eating a red fruit snack, which was my favorite, I decided to bring it up. "Hey Izzy?"

There was a pause as a fruit snack was eaten before I heard a reply. "Yeah."

"I left my sketchpad here somewhere and I was hoping that you found–"

"Yeah, I did find it actually. It's in my room," she explained. "I'll give it to you before you leave." I nodded.

"Where did you find it?" I asked after a long silence.

"It was…" Izzy trailed off, seemingly lost in thought. However, I could tell that something was off. "It was in the library, I think." Izzy said before I could analyze her more.

"Really?" I could hear the suspicion dripping out of my voice.

"Actually," Izzy said quickly, "I think Maryse found it and I think she said something about the library or she was telling me something about that…I don't know, but the point is that I have it." I pursed my lips but didn't ask more.

Okay, so I know that this chapter is a little slow; not as exciting as I usually make it but there are little things like why Clary's mom so happy and the transportation and her not training with Jace that day. It's basically here to add more insight to how Clary feels and I needed this chapter to move it along (and remember, this chapter is in two parts!) Now, I have realized that a lot of the people don't read my author's note (sadly and the top and the bottom) and I promise to try to make them shorter. Now, I decided that if you guys prove that you read it by saying 'cheesecake' in your review, I'll give you guys a little...gift. Make sure you guys are signed in please! Or else, idk how you are going to get your gift. Say it randomly in your review and a lot of you don't review but even if you just say cheesecake then you'll get the gift and that's all I ask, you proving you are acutally read this, because I know for a fact that not all of you do! And, new goal, 47? Please?

P.S. Check out the stories I beta for: Bookninja's Raziel Academy, Coolxnerd's You Should Have Stayed and MollyGM's City of Bones Jace POV! They are all amazing and I love all of them!

***Reminder: This is set AFTER City of Glass and BEFORE City of Fallen Angels. And don't forget to review!