Disclaimer: Not mine, never been mine. I'm not making a single knut.
"Absolutely not."
"But, Severus…"
"No."
"It won't be dangerous…"
"No."
Harry and Draco walked into the living room where Hermione was begging with Snape.
"What's up? Everyone ready?"
"'Everyone' is not going, Mr. Potter. The whole reason I'm here is to protect Hermione, which does not include going out to the store."
"Oh come ON Severus; Lucius isn't going to be at the local Sainsbury's," Draco said, pulling on his coat.
"I repeat, I was sent here for the sole purpose of protecting Hermione-"
"Which you can do if you come with us!" Hermione finished. "Please Severus? I don't want to be locked up." She conjured up the biggest pleading eyes she could without overdoing it. Finally, Snape sighed.
Five minutes later they were in Harry's garage in muggle clothes, three people staring at a car while Harry sat in it.
"I didn't even know you had a garage, let alone a car, Harry. When did you learn to drive?" Hermione asked.
"This last year. It's really therapeutic when you want to be alone. Took a few road trips, started driving to the store instead of apparating, that sort of thing. And I had to add the garage; we're actually going to be going out the back of the house. Severus, maybe you should sit up front."
Snape looked appalled and Draco looked put out at this statement.
"Listen, there's more leg room up front, and Severus is a little taller than you Draco," Harry tried explaining.
"It's ok, Mr.- Harry; I will be fine in the back. Draco, stop looking like someone canceled the Yule holiday; it's very unattractive," Severus said, opening the back door for Hermione to get into.
When they were all sitting in the car, it took another few minutes for Draco to figure out the seat belts, and then he wanted to fiddle with everything on the dash.
"So, what is this make and model called?" Severus asked, as Harry reversed out of the garage, ignoring Draco as he turned on the windshield wipers.
"It's a Vauxhall Insignia. It rides great; I love it."
"What's that?"
"That's where I shift gears."
"Can I try to move it?"
"No."
"But I want to make the car go."
"You might make us crash."
"Well, we have impenetrable and cushioning charms for that," Draco said, looking confused. "What are you doing with your feet?"
Harry sighed. "I don't want to wreck my car, and the muggles might wonder if we crash straight into a pole and we don't get a single scratch. My foot is alternating between the three pedals: gas, brake, and clutch. To put the car into gear, I press the clutch. You press the gas to make the car go, and brake to stop or slow it down. I can show you later."
"…can I move it now?"
"No."
Thankfully, they made it to the grocery store in one piece.
"Why are we even here, Harry? It was my understanding that you had two house elves," Snape asked as they walked up to the front; Draco was enthralled by everything around him.
"I do," Harry said indifferently, "but we have an understanding. I don't yell at them and make them punish themselves, and they let me do some of the work. I like to take care of the yard when I'm home on summer, they left the tree for me to decorate, and sometimes when I'm home, they let me go to the store and grab some food for them; especially if it's something specific."
"Woah!"
"Draco, you have to keep moving through the door; people are staring," Hermione said, nudging him forward.
"How did that know I was there?" Draco whispered.
"It was the mat you were standing on, Draco. The door has a machine that knows when you stand on the mat so it opens as you walk up," Snape said casually, as they walked through the doors.
"I didn't know you knew so much about muggles, Severus," Hermione remarked as Draco hurried to walk next to Harry and she hung back with Snape.
"My father was a muggle, so I learned enough. And in my old days, there were times I had to stay in the muggle areas."
"You look very handsome in muggle clothes, you know that?"
Harry, Draco, and Hermione had all opted to wear jeans and shirts, where as Snape refused to consider jeans. Instead, he had on black slacks, although they were able to persuade him into a t-shirt instead of the button up one.
"Thank you. Those jeans flatter you very much as well," he said, eyes straying to her rear before touching back to her eyes.
She smiled. "Good, because I wore them hoping you would like them."
Finally, the shopping was done and they were heading back to the car. Draco had slowed down the trip by trying to put random things he thought looked interesting into the cart, making Harry have to grab them and put them back.
Bags loaded into the trunk, Draco grabbed Harry and spun him around. "You, sir, are amazing. Thank you for that."
Harry laughed. "Nothing to thank me for; we needed the food."
"Yes, but I know I was being a pain-"
"Yes," Snape interjected.
"-but you dealt with it anyway, and even answered all of my questions," he said, ignoring Snape. "I'm not used to that." With that, he pulled Harry closer and began to kiss him.
Hermione just looked at Snape and smirked, giving him the 'they-do-this-all-the-time look', making him grimace. He was about to break them up when the task was done by someone else.
"Oi! Stop that! That's bloody disgusting! No respect for people, I tell yo-," the voice stopped short, then got distinctly colder. "Oh, it's you."
Draco was looking incensed, while Harry just stared at the couple in front of him coolly.
"Uncle Vernon," he said, just as cold.
"What are you doing here? In a normal setting! Don't they have stores where freaks like you can shop?" Vernon hissed, making sure no passerby's could hear them. A rather horse-faced woman stood next to the man called Vernon, whom Hermione could only assume was his aunt.
"Freaks?" Draco said, starting forward.
"Draco, stop," Harry told him, grabbing his arm. "It's not worth it."
"When you never came back, Petunia and I had thought the best; maybe you had managed to get yourself blown up by the Voldycort man, just like your worthless mother and father," Vernon continued, obviously hoping to hurt Harry. She heard Draco hiss his breath in at the statement, and felt Snape tense up next to her.
"How dare you!" Draco hissed back. "Harry saved the whole wizarding world, and by doing so, saved your worthless bloody muggle hides. How you can even think to say that-"
"Oh shut it, you little faggot," Vernon said, not taking his eyes off Harry. Petunia was trying to look anywhere but at her nephew and Draco; she looked horrified every time her eyes strayed there, as if someone would see them and know they were talking with a gay "freak" couple.
Draco tensed and she felt magic rippling off him in waves.
"Vernon, just leave me alone. I never came back because I hated that place. If you've forgotten, I have a house of my own. I never let you two know how I was because I knew you wouldn't care. You can say what you want about me, but leave Draco out of this. You can't run my life anymore," Harry said, voice cool, but with a posture Hermione both recognized and feared.
"How dare you talk to your uncle that way!" Petunia finally snapped. She turned her blazing eyes to her nephew and glared with disgust. "You should be on your knees thanking us for everything we did for you! I could have, and should have, dropped you off at an orphanage or better yet, in a lake. I always knew I'd get saddled with something from your world when Lily got that blasted letter! It served her right, getting killed by some maniac, but she should have at least sent you with someone else."
"That's your sister and my mother; have some respect," Harry said quietly, still glaring.
"She never deserved respect, just like no one in that little freak world of yours does!"
Suddenly, Snape was standing in front of Harry, and even without his billowing robes, he looked intimidating and scary.
"Leave. Now."
"Don't you talk to my wife or I like that!"
"I will not ask again after this. Leave."
"Just who do you think you are?" Vernon said; Petunia had gone paper white and was tugging on her husbands arm.
"Let's go, Vernon," she said, avoiding Snape's eyes.
"No!"
"Listen to your wife, Mr. Dursley."
"Who the hell are you, thinking you can speak to us like that?"
"Ask your wife; we're something of…old friends, aren't we, Petunia?"
Vernon gaped at his wife and Snape's lip curled as he sneered at her.
"Petunia?"
"I…I don't…Let's go…let's just leave," she said, still tugging on his arm.
"My name is Professor Severus Snape. I am the Potions Master at the freak school, and I also fought in the war. I was a spy for over 20 years, gathering information from the Death Eaters and fooling the most powerful Dark wizard of all time, Lord Voldemort. Before that, I was in his ranks as an actual Death Eater, and I assure you, I did some horrible things. But I digress. Before all of this, I lived down the street from Petunia and Lily. Have you ever told your husband about those letters you wrote to Professor Dumbledore, begging him to let you come to Hogwarts?"
Petunia was shaking her head, muttering to Vernon about leaving. Harry, Draco, and Hermione all listened intently, watching Vernon's confused face.
"Lies. My wife never wanted anything to do with you freaks!"
"Ask her yourself, Mr. Dursley. She used to spy on Lily and I when we would hang out during the day, and I intercepted her mail when she wrote to Dumbledore and when he wrote back; he was very kind to her. However, there was no place for her at the school. That didn't sit well with Tuney, however, so all this hate stems from pure bitterness."
"Severus…stop…please," Petunia gasped out, still tugging on her husband's arm.
"You deserve to know, Tuney. Did you know that Lily used to talk about you at school? About how much she missed you, and what she wanted to bring home to you? That stopped after second year, of course, when you kept being a bitch, but she never stopped talking about missing you. Did you know that if Harry here would have been a girl, she was going to have her middle name be Petunia? Did you know she had PICTURES OF YOU IN HER HOUSE?" Snape's voice was going lower, but had the effect of him yelling. Petunia had finally stopped tugging on Vernon and was standing, staring wide eyed, at Snape. "How about, did you know that she and James argued over who Harry would go to in case of an emergency? She VOUCHED for you, argued against his best friend who they both knew would LOVE Harry. Sirius Black won out, of course, but Harry was still sent to you. Or did you know that when Harry was born, I went to go see her and she cried about how her only sister wasn't there for the birth? She vowed to make things better between you both, in case anything should happen to them in the war. And, were you aware, that I saw her a WEEK before she died, and she was making plans to come see you when they were out of hiding? She LOVED you…and you couldn't even care for her son, the only living part of her left, even a small amount. You both abused him, making him live in a cupboard, basically starving him, treating him like shit. How did it feel Petunia? How did it feel to see HER looking at you through his eyes, so identical to hers, every time you mistreated him? Or did you just stop feeling by that point?" Snape was trying not to breath too heavily as he finished, attempting to hold onto his cool demeanor.
"She didn't," Harry spoke up suddenly, looking as if he had just solved a particular hard math problem. "It makes sense now. If she was ever being horrible to me, she never looked me in the eye; she always stared above my head, or my shoulder. If it was something bad, she would have Vernon do it. It makes sense now."
Vernon looked utterly perplexed, and tears streamed down Petunia's face.
"I…I had no…no idea…," Petunia stuttered. "If…if I had known…"
"What? You would've treated me better? You couldn't just do it because it was the right thing to do?" Harry asked coldly, looking almost like a mini-Snape but with glasses.
"I'm s-sorry, Harry…I didn't know…," Petunia tried again, but Harry cut her off.
"Forget about it Petunia. It's the past," he told her, glaring.
"Th-thank you, Harry. M-maybe you could…could come by…and…," she started, but was cut off by him.
"No. You misunderstand me. I mean, it's the past, so let it die. Everything. I'm no more your nephew right now than I ever was, and sometimes it's too little, too late. Don't come near me, don't try to contact me. You are both horrible people, and I can only hope Dudley came out better than you both. I have my own family now; it's the same family that was there for me the years you weren't. Now, you and your worthless husband go shopping. I'm going to grab my boyfriend, get in the car, and go back to our house, where I will then snog him thoroughly. I will give him an extra kiss in memory of you. Goodbye."
With that, Harry turned around and walked over to the driver's side door and got in, unlocking the doors for his friends to follow.
XXX
Back at Grimmauld place, Harry sat in the driver's seat when they pulled in. When he made no attempt to move, Draco looked at Hermione and Snape. Snape nodded at the two of them to leave, making their eyes go wide. Nonetheless, Draco and Hermione went to the trunk, shrunk the bags, and carried them inside, leaving Snape leaning against the side of Harry's car, arms crossed.
"That was…intense," Draco commented as they got inside. Hermione started laughing.
"It was bound to happen eventually. I didn't know all of that about Harry's mum, but it makes sense Severus would know. Here you are Kreacher," she said, handing the bags over to the house elf, who bowed.
"Hey Kreacher, could you please send out a glass of brandy or firewhiskey to Severus and Harry? I think they could use it," Draco said, and Kreacher nodded.
Heading back to the living room, they saw Dobby arranging sandwiches and juice for lunch.
"Thanks Dobby!" Draco said, grabbing a couple and flopping on the couch, simultaneously turning on Harry's T.V. "I think Independence Day would be a good one to watch. I hear it has a lot of action."
"It does. But I have something you might find even more entertaining. I was planning on saving this for Christmas, but…well…who knows how long they'll be out there for, and we could use a distraction," Hermione said.
Draco immediately turned off the television and stared at her intently. "Well? What is it?"
Hermione started laughing and summoned her book-bag. "It's funny what you did for the television in our dorm room, because I've been working on something similar for us to enjoy. However, I haven't yet perfected it at Hogwarts; we might have to collaborate on that. But I tried this last night before I went to sleep, and it worked!"
"Seriously, witch, you're killing me."
Hermione reached into her back and pulled out an odd black flat rectangle-looking thing that looked like it opened. "Ta da!" she said, beaming.
"…what is it?" Draco asked, poking it. "What does it do?"
Hermione started laughing again as she opened it. Draco gasped.
"Is it a mini television? That would be cool, except we have a giant one. But this would be nice because it's portable."
"No, this is a laptop. You remember studying muggle computers? This is a portable computer."
"WOW! Let me see! And it works? What can you do on it?"
"Lots of things. I use the spreadsheets to help categorize things, like for potions and stuff. It's how I used to make the inventory sheets in the storeroom during the war and times before it when Severus and I worked together. There's games on it. There's programs that allow you to press the keys with the letters and create documents. It's how the muggle students turn in paperwork at school instead of writing them by hand with a quill like we do. But that's not even the best part."
"What's better than not having your hand cramp up writing 2 feet of essay?" Draco said, mesmerized by the colors on the screen; he had found the painting program and was doodling.
"I've been working on getting the internet to connect to it," she said smugly, waiting for the knut to drop in his head. She knew that during class he had been fascinated by the concept of the internet.
"And you did it?" His eyes were as round as galleons.
"Yep. Want to go exploring?" The friends had identical broad grins.
An hour later, Snape and Harry walked in from the garage and were told by Kreacher that their friends had gone upstairs to the library. The two men curiously ventured upstairs to find Hermione and Draco seated at a large table together, laughing at a thin black rectangle.
"Whoa! Is that a laptop, Hermione?" Harry asked and ran over.
Draco started explaining enthusiastically about what Hermione had done, and Snape tried to not look lost. Hermione quickly saw through that, however.
"It's a portable computer, Severus. I'm not sure of the last time you saw a computer, but they've considerably changed over the years. Do you know about the internet?"
"I've…briefly heard of it," he said vaguely, not fooling anyone. Hermione started explaining the basics of it and Snape found himself more and more intrigued.
"I had wondered how you got the inventory sheets to look so good. I remember you mentioning a 'spreadsheet' but thought you were just crazy and let it go," he said, causing everyone to laugh.
"So what's so funny, anyway?" Harry asked, looking over their shoulders.
"We were browsing the most searched topics on this search engine and came across a very popular book series. Hermione was interested in them, so we went and read the reviews and the plot of them. It's hilarious. Did you know this author wrote a story about vampires?"
"And it's popular?" Snape asked, surprised. Vampires were not to be trifled with.
"Yeah! It's one of the biggest book series sold! And get this: she made it a vampire LOVE STORY…and the vampires are nice and don't kill people. But the best part is…if they go out in the sun, they SPARKLE!" Draco said, collapsing back on the chair again, laughing hard. Soon, all friends and their professor were laughing at the ideas that muggles came up with in the name of entertainment.
XXX
"When will the Weasley's be arriving, Harry?" Snape asked the next morning at breakfast.
"This afternoon. I believe the whole clan is coming, although I'm not sure about Charlie. He should be though; I know he didn't stay at Hogwarts."
Snape stiffened slightly at Charlie's name, but let it go. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and Harry was running around making sure everything was perfect. Currently, he was going through the list he made of meals they were to have, muttering about changes to make.
"Calm down, Harry," Draco drawled, looking disheveled as he walked into the kitchen, bleary eyed. "It's going to go off without a hitch."
"You really think so?" Harry asked, looking up at his boyfriend.
"Of course not; nothing is perfect. Something is bound to go off course," Draco said nonchalantly as he picked up a muffin and started to butter it. Hermione reached over and absentmindedly smacked him on the back of his head without looking up from her paper. "I mean, yes; yes, it will go perfectly, Harry."
Harry snorted at him and went back to his list.
"I think what our dear friend here was trying to say, Harry, is that you can't plan for everything. So you can keep obsessing over your lists, but you can't account for it all. So calm down; the Weasley's love you," Hermione said, finally looking up at him.
"Exactly," said Draco, before taking a huge bite of his muffin.
"I know, I know. And that's the problem! I love them. They ARE my family. But with…recent events…-"
"Such as you coming out of the proverbial closet to admit to the world that you like to take my broomstick for a spin…-"
"-being how they are, I'm afraid Mrs. Weasley won't be happy with me because she wanted me to be with Ginny-"
"Or you like to let me take your broomstick out; I'm really not picky when it comes to technicalities…-"
"-and I just really don't want her to hate me," Harry finished, used to ignoring Draco by now.
"It's ok, Harry. If she is disappointed, I'll swoop in and save you. After all, she wants me to marry Charlie and instead-"
"-you decide you have a taste for gits-
"- I drop the bomb on everyone that I'm with Severus."
"-whom, apparently, has a taste for know-it-all's."
"Draco."
"Yes, Severus?"
"I'm going to kill you. Shut up." Everyone laughed and Hermione assured Snape that they were used to it by now.
"But, Hermione, you didn't choose Severus; I chose Draco."
"Maybe at the beginning, but I choose him now," Hermione said, and shrugged. The table was quiet for a few seconds.
"Oh. Well. That's…that's nice. I'm…happy…for you," Harry got out, looking extremely awkward. Draco was grinning at his uncomfortable looking godfather who was attempting to ignore everyone at the table.
"I hadn't realized you two had made it official; congratulations. It was high time Severus got laid," Draco said, grinning more broadly still when both Harry and Snape choked on their tea, and Hermione's face got red.
"That's quite enough, Draco. And we haven't made anything 'official'. And my sex life is not something I wish to discuss at the breakfast table," Snape snapped.
"Oh, I see. You haven't gotten any yet. Well, it's ok Severus; Christmas isn't over yet," Draco finished, picking up another muffin.
"I only meant that as far as the 'charade' is going, I'm not really a participant in it any longer. I actually care about Severus; I never said that he cared about me, Draco," Hermione told him, still blushing and averting her eyes from Snape.
"Hermione…," Snape said softly to her. She peeked at him, and he took her hand under the table. He opened his mouth to speak, but then glanced at the two men sitting across from them, not even pretending not to eavesdrop. Pulling out his wand, he made a few complicated twists in the air and she felt rather than saw a shield go around them.
She saw Draco roll his eyes and say something she couldn't hear and Harry just raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"It's a charm that not only makes it impossible for people to hear you, or you them, but it distorts our lips to them so they can't even read them," he explained.
"Clever."
"Quite. Now," he hesitated, "Hermione, I'm not a man of many words. I know I don't have the eloquence to project an air of romance most women want. You should never expect any grand projections of love; no rose petals and floating candles, no reciting poetry into your ear as you fall asleep. I'm old enough to be your father. I'm prickly, snarky, short-tempered, sarcastic, and caustic. I have done things in my past that I hope you never find out about. I don't deserve your feelings, Hermione. However, I'm much too selfish to let yours go to waste. So if you would like to attempt to engage in an actual…relationship…with me, then I feel you have whittled me down and now I feel I'll give in if you endeavor to persuade me into it again." He smirked at her.
"You know, for a man of few words, you just said a mouthful. Wouldn't it have been easier to just say 'hey, I like you too'?" She laughed.
"Would you have believed me if I did?" he arched an eyebrow at her and smirked.
He leaned forward, keeping his eyes on hers the whole way, and finally touched his lips to hers. When he finally pulled back, they were both a bit breathless and her eyes were close to being dilated with pleasure; it made his breath catch in his throat. He turned away before he could lead them down a very embarrassing and public display on the kitchen table. The spell may not let others hear what happened, but they could still see.