Note: I do apologize for the irregular updating. But my health is better now so things should return to some semblance of normal. And you guys have me inspired to work on part two of the story. So big thanks to all of you reviewers!

Chapter Thirty-four: More than That

The first chance that he got he escaped to the Trace Lab to check on the results of his tests. He tried not to think about having to bunk with Delko. That didn't even sound right, especially after the way Delko had been acting. What would happen if he decided not to go along with this? Maybe he could ask Horatio to swap buddies and stay with his boss instead. But that meant finding a place to keep Mite. It wouldn't be fair to ask Horatio to handle the presence of not only him but also the dog. That meant he was going to have to stay with Delko…most likely at his apartment. The last place he wanted to sleep was in his own bed. They had been at his door during the night and he hadn't even been aware of it until that morning. It was most unsettling. How come Mite hadn't warned him? Why hadn't his dog barked? Maybe they were too quiet. If they knew where he lived then chances were that they knew about the dog. Maybe that was the only thing that kept them from breaking into his apartment and adding him to their long list of captured cops. He could have woken up a hostage…

"Stop it," he whispered harshly to himself as he grabbed at a piece of paper. The results before him were inconclusive. He felt the wind go out from under his already flimsy sail. They still weren't any closer to finding his missing colleagues. Though at that precise moment Horatio was in the AV lab with Cooper going over the photo to see what types of clues they could gather from it. He prayed that they got something, anything. The sooner they could get Brian Hutt of the streets the sooner he could relax. Moving to the next machine he grabbed for the results. They weren't inconclusive but they were not very helpful either. In a fit of frustration he crumpled the test results and threw them on the floor.

Someone knocked lightly on the door. When he looked over his shoulder he wasn't all that happy to see that it was Delko. Then he felt horrible for feeling that way. When had his best friend, the one person he thought he could count on, become such a problem for him? Why was he letting their friendship fall apart, behaving the way that he was, thinking such unpleasant thoughts?

"I take it from that little display of anger that you didn't exactly get what you wanted…"

"No," he answered shortly. He wasn't going out of his way to be rude but…it was like he had no control over it.

"Listen…I think…" He ran a hand through his hair. "Can we talk?"

"About?" Since there really wasn't anything for him to do he leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. He liked that there was a good amount of space between him and Delko; it put him a little more at ease. Wait a minute, at ease? Where the hell had that come from? Since when did he feel uneasy around Delko?

"Speed…I…lately," he seemed to struggle in finding the right words.

Something inside of Speed snapped. "If you're here to talk to me about this morning you can forget it. I am so god damned tired of having people worry about me and asking me how I feel. You want to know how I feel? I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I can't sleep through the night because of these awful nightmares that refuse to leave me alone. Then I come to work looking for some sort of escape except there isn't one. Hagen and Jesup could be dead but all I can seem to focus on is the fact that I do not feel like myself."

"Speed…"

"And then there's you," he continued, ignoring his friend while knowing that he really should shut up before he saying something he regretted. "You're supposed to be my best friend but I don't…being in the same room with you leaves me feeling awkward and…I can't even find the right words to explain it. I know that I shouldn't have these feelings but they won't go away. They make me feel guilty which only ends up making me feel even worse and-"

"Tim, shut up."

Speed clamped his mouth shut, not able to look in Delko's direction. He didn't want to risk seeing the hurt on his friend's face.

"Don't look at me, I don't fucking care, but you had better listen to me," Delko started. "Maybe confessing how I felt to you wasn't right…no, on second thought, it was right. This just ended up being the wrong time for it. I won't take back what I said and I know that I can't change the way I feel. You're going through a lot of shit, I can see that. I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you. And yes, I love you. But you know what? Right now I don't want to be anything more than your friend."

He finally found the courage to look at Delko but didn't say anything. What was he supposed to say?

Delko let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping, any anger he had dissipating. "This isn't easy for you. Memories from the past are clearly haunting your every step and…I just want to be a friend, Speed, nothing more than that. There was a time when you would tell me everything. Maybe I'm to blame for that going away. Hell, maybe I am to blame for our friendship falling apart and for that I apologize. But I will never apologize for caring about you the way that I do. You may not feel the way that I do but guess what? You're going to have to deal with me sticking to you like glue because I'll be damned if those bastards get their hands on another cop."

"I…I'm sorry."

Delko actually smiled. "You don't have to say that, Speed. I can understand your position. I just wanted you to know that I'm here to listen whenever you want to talk. I'm always going to be here."