Chapter Thirty-eight: It's True

"So it's true," Calleigh said as she stumbled across Delko in the locker room. "They managed to get their hands on Speed."

"Please," he protested, "I really don't need to hear it from you, too." He'd been sitting on the wooden bench in front of his locker, his head hanging down, feeling like a complete shit. Of the decisions he had to make in his life, this was the one he wanted back. Instead of being so worried about pushing his best friend away, the one person he really loved, he'd left Speed alone and vulnerable. Horatio had given them direct orders and he hadn't followed them. Nothing he could say would make it better. He'd fucked up and now Speed's life was on the line. To say he felt like shit would have been an understatement.

Calleigh settled on the bench beside him. If he'd bothered to look at her he would have noticed that her eyes were red and swollen from crying. "Delko, you couldn't have known," she soothed, rubbing a hand up and down his back. "Speed's been…difficult these last few days. He definitely hasn't been himself. I am more than sure that you had a reason for letting him walk off on his own."

"I didn't want to push him away," Delko said quietly. Calleigh wasn't the only one who had been crying. "He was so mad when I stopped him and…I should have followed him, dammit."

"If Tim has proved anything over the last few months it's that he's strong," she told him. "He'll pull through this, Eric. Don't go beating yourself up. We all make mistakes."

"I let them take my best friend," he said, suddenly raising his voice. "I might as well have fed him to the sharks. How could I have been so stupid?"

"Delko, please," she pleaded.

"Leave me alone, Calleigh," he said, turning away from her.

With a sigh she gave him a pat on the shoulder before standing and heading toward the locker room door. When she looked back over her shoulder she saw that he was hunched over, his shoulders shaking slightly. It tore her up inside to see him reacting that way. She expected him to be working through the anger to find Speed, to get him back. But he was sitting in the locker room crying. She bit her bottom lip and slipped out into the hallway, nearly bumping into Horatio. She really wanted to say a few choices things to him, thought better of it. It wasn't her boss's fault that things were quickly falling apart. Hell, it wasn't even Delko's fault that Speed was taken by the militia group. From where she was standing they were particularly lucky that only Speed had been taken. Just because they were going to be walking around in pairs did not mean that they would be safe. They could have made off with Delko and Speed. There was always something worse, and she thought of pointing it out to Horatio. Then she started thinking that maybe he was the reason that Delko felt so bad. Horatio meant well, he always dead, but when it came to Speed…she sighed.

"Something wrong, Calleigh?"

She forced a smile. "No, nothing more than usual lately."

"If you aren't holding up well…"

"No, I'm fine. I just really want to get these guys, H," she said, conviction in her voice. "They've proven they can get to us. We need to prove that we can get to them."

"Well, if it helps any I have Valera and Ryan working on identifying a plant substance that Speed was working with," he told her. "Here's to hoping that it helps us, even just a little."

"Every lead is important."

"Exactly," he remarked, offering her a sad smile. "I'm going to go see how Mrs. Springer is doing with our sketch artist."

"All right, keep me informed."

"Can and will," he said before walking away. She stood there, watching him go. This had to be eating away at him. Delko was in the locker room crying over the person he loved. And Horatio was trying to remain cool when his best friend could very well wind up dead. There was a bond between the two men, she saw it nearly every day, something that neither she nor Delko nor Ryan had been able to achieve with their boss. She felt that Horatio saw Speed as his younger brother or maybe as a son he never had. She knew that Speed's past hadn't been the best, dark shadows always lurking, leaving him in brooding moods. And Horatio's own past was shattered by violence and deaths of people he cared about. If only Delko and Horatio could see how badly the other was hurting, maybe then they could turn that pain into something useful. However, she understood how man felt the need to hide their true feelings. Sighing, she headed toward the DNA Lab to see if she could be of any help to Valera and Ryan.

--

They threw him into the room, slamming the door behind him. He stumbled and fell to the floor, the cracked concrete biting into his knees. The forward momentum was enough to keep him going until he was lying flat out on the floor. With great effort he managed to twist his body around so that he was at least lying on his side. The metal of the cuffs dug into his skin, the rings almost tight enough to cut off the blood supply to his hands. There was a bounding in his head and he was trying like hell to hold back the panic attack that threatened to send him over the deep end. Unfortunately he wasn't having an easy go of things. His breathing was rapid and his heart was racing. He was starting to feel somewhat dizzy, even a bit nauseous. Maybe he shouldn't have been so hasty to send Delko away. Maybe then he wouldn't be in this position, lying on the floor in some unknown building, his own fears rapidly consuming him.

"So…it's…true," someone said in a raspy voice.

The voice helped drive away some of his fear. At least he wasn't alone. If he'd been alone…Looking around he saw that it was Jesup that had spoken to him. The officer's uniform was torn in multiply places and there was dried blood spattered over it. He noticed Jesup's black eye and busted lip, the discoloration to his right cheek. And there was something slightly off with his right left, the way that he had it stretched out in front of him…

Jesup nodded toward the general direction of the door. Speed turned to look. There was a wooden crate to the right of the door and sitting atop it was a police radio. Jesup's radio. "Don't ask me why they left it with us but I heard….I heard the call." His voice was raspy from a lack of water. Speed knew that the officer must have had water since his kidnapping or he would have been dehydrated by now. The kidnappers wanted to keep them alive and yet…

Hagen was lying on the floor motionless. The picture of him flashed into Speed's mind and he began to think that the detective was indeed dead, that they were too late to save him. But the he noticed the slight rise and fall of Hagen's chest, his breathing shallow. At least he was still breathing. Still he felt compelled to ask, "Is he…?"

"Not yet," Jesup shook his head. That simple motion seemed to take a lot out of him. "Every once in a while he manages to find his way back to the here and now. But most of the time he's unconscious. I think he's better off that way." Jesup coughed, dry, painful. "They did a real number on him."

"Looks like you haven't faired any better," Speed said.

"I'm…holding my own. But now they have you…."

"And?"

"I think I'm going to end up like him," he gestured with his head to Hagen.

Speed decided not to say anything. The panic attack was still lingering and the more he thought about his feature the more of a foothold it gained on him. He closed his eyes and tried to listen to his heart beat, concentrate on his breathing. But it was no use. With his eyes closed he saw himself bloodied and dying.