Chapter Forty-one: Inconsolable

It took much convincing, a lot of pleading on his part to get the group of them to return to the lab with the few items that Speed had been wearing. Now of them wanted to leave because leaving meant that it was real. They would have to go back to the lab, process the handcuffs that had dug cruelly into Speed's wrists for the last five days. They would have to process the bloodied shirt, knowing that the blood on it belonged to Speed, belonged to their friend. Somehow he finally managed to get them to leave, got them to walk away. It broke his heart to send them away knowing how much pain they were in; he felt that same pain slowly consuming him. After five days the emotions had built up and now they were harder than ever to keep in check. Once he was alone he sank back down into the lush green grass, his hand coming to rest on the exact spot Speed had been lying when they found him. With his eyes closed he recalled the heartbreaking worry, the pain, the words softly spoken. Every second that passed seemed like an eternity. He could feel the faint pulse of Speed's heart as he held him close, as he comforted him much like he did a few months ago. All those fears came rushing back to him, consumed him, brought him to his knees, tears to his eyes. Very rarely, if ever, did he show such emotion on the job but there were moments in his life when it was impossible to hold back such...grief.

He felt a gentle hand upon his shoulder. Heard a voice say, "Come on, lieutenant, I'll give you a lift to the hospital." There was no ridicule in the voice, not sign of unease at seeing the great Horatio Caine showing weakness. A human reaction that affected him greatly. Dare he suggest that a hint of sorrow lingered in the words of the officer that helped him to his feet? Was he even willing to admit to himself the events that had transpired on this access road through the everglades? Would he ever be able to think of this day without feeling that tightening in his chest, the ache wrapping around his heart? Probably not, he thought as he settled into the patrol car. Just like the last time this day would cling to him, haunt him. He would have to deal with it.

They all would.

--

By the time they reached the hospital he'd managed to gain control of his emotions, forcing them deep inside and trapping them there. He was a professional. He could do this. He had done this so many times before. Thanking the officer for the ride he sent the patrolman on the way, then headed toward the doors of the emergency room. He knew what awaited him beyond those mechanical doors. The hustle and bustle of a big city emergency room filled with patients with all means of injuries, some sever while others would be so minor it wouldn't be a priority to the doctors working inside. There would be the smell of antiseptic, sterilizing fluids, rubber, medication, blood. He knew the place well. Perhaps a little more than he really wanted to, but in his line of work he kept coming back here, kept finding himself surrounded by doctors and nurses.

Would it ever get any easier?

He wasn't inside for even five minutes before a doctor with graying hair and a white lab coat covering hospital green scrubs approached him. A few of the people waiting in the offered chairs gave him curious glances as they tried to figure out what made him more important then them. But all they needed to see was he badge before they understood. All over the city the word had spread of the three cops. Missing, presumed dead. The grief on his face gave them answers to some questions while leaving them seeking answers for new questions. No doubt they would all be tuning into the news that evening to see the latest report. Horatio would not be joining them. He would not be sitting before his television to watch a news recap of the day. If he wanted to see it all played out again all he had to do was close his eyes, the images still fresh and oh so vivid in his mind.

"Lieutenant Caine," the doctor said, "would you follow me to a more private place so that we may talk?"

"Of course," Horatio said, unsure until then whether or not he'd be able to talk. He was still trying to process the afternoon's events. He followed the doctor down the hall where there was less people, his heart hammering in his chest with each step that he took. Finally the doctor turned to face him. Horatio listened quietly as the man began to talk, telling him things he wasn't sure he wanted to hear.

--

Hours later the sun was sinking below the horizon when Delko finally stumbled into the breakroom. Calleigh and Ryan were already sitting there, neither one speaking as they listened to the news reports coming across the television. For hours they had been busily running tests on the clothes Speed had been wearing in hopes of finding some sort of clue. Now they were waiting for the last batch of tests to finish, taking a break to rest their weary bones. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and collapsed into one of the chairs by the table, the last of his energy finally draining out of him. He was all prepared to say something when the voice of the news lady cut through the otherwise silent room.

"Earlier today we brought you news about a body found on a road running through the glades," the woman said. "It has now been confirmed that the body removed did indeed belong to one of the three missing officers. We have no other information at this time on which officer was found or how the man died. Stay with us as we continue to bring you coverage on this tragic story."

Ryan reached out and shut the TV off.