It's hard to get up in the morning, and even harder to be in Jiaying's presence when the hour to work on improving her control over her abilities arises. There's an underlying tension the whole time, one that Skye refuses to address. She doesn't mention what had happened the day before, and Jiaying doesn't force her to talk about it either. Nonetheless, despite that truce, the air is different between them. Skye doesn't like it.
Gordon isn't around when she reports in for lunch, and Lincoln makes a clueless guess that the man is off running errands somewhere halfway around the world. Skye knows better than that; Gordon is avoiding her. She's not surprised in the least, not after how he lied to her face. She isn't sure what she would do if he was around, and she's not exactly sure that she wants to find out yet. It probably wouldn't be pretty, not this soon.
She hits the communal showers next, tries to scrub her emotions from her very being. It doesn't work, of course, but at least she's less filthy than before the morning's lessons. The water felt nice, too, and a tiny bit of pleasure means a lot in the misery surrounding her right now.
Skye doesn't have anything else scheduled for her afternoon, so she heads over to the cliff face that overlooks what she's dubbed Avalanche Mountain. Tucked away from the main population of Afterlife, she finally feels that she's no longer suffocating. She's really needed this.
She sits there, on the edge of the mountain, feet dangling over a few thousand feet of nothing, and just breathes. In and out. In and out. In. Out.
It feels good, being able to just sit and get a whiff of fresh air for once. Even in SHIELD, she never got that much of it at the times she needed it most. Her life is a mess, and it's truly great to get away from it for even a moment.
She stays there until well after the sun sets, and in the moments that everything comes crashing back, she reaches out towards the mountain opposite her and triggers another avalanche. It's beginning to run low on snow. She's going to need a new outlet for her emotions within a few days- she just hopes it doesn't end up being a person.
Having skipped dinner, Skye stops by the kitchens before she heads back to her cabin. But it turns out that she still has energy to burn, and she heads back out in hopes of finding something to do.
She ends up back at the cliff, staring out at the mountain, watching how the moonlight glints off of it and highlights its features. It's colder now, and her breath billows out in white clouds before her. But she has her jacket, and her shivering is minimal.
Out here, the night is quiet- even the crickets are near-silent to her. There's no wind or noise, no movement of any kind. As far as she knows, no one else is around.
She watches the moon rise higher above the mountain, watches the stars follow along, and thinks of how beautiful the view here is even at night.
She decides that she'll return the following night, too.
The next day goes similarly. It starts with her doing her best to ignore the thin line between getting along with her mother and not, then her making her way to lunch. Lunch is the one thing that differs from the day before: Gordon's there.
Skye cringes when she forgets that Lincoln is oblivious to their silent eschewal and heartily calls him over to converse with them.
And, sure enough, Gordon strides over to them with only the slightest hesitation.
She tries not to look at him, simultaneously doing her best not to look like she's trying not to look at him.
"How have you two been?" He asks, sounding as friendly as he usually is, as if he's not been avoiding her, as if nothing happened. He looks well, though, his short-cropped hair flat atop his head, his trenchcoat without wrinkles. Yeah, he really is trying to ignore what happened.
"Never better." She mumbles around a faux smile that hides her grimace, mindlessly poking at her food. Why couldn't she have been granted the power of invisibility instead of the ability to control vibrations? She really wants to fade away into the bench. "Doing great."
Lincoln doesn't notice her contradictory attitude, and cheerfully pipes up to respond to the question himself. "I'm doing alright. I have an exam in a few days, so I've been cramming for that."
"I'm sure you've got it handled." The older man says, his voice that steady, calm support that he is always so ready to offer to those who need it.
"I hope so." He shifts anxiously, and amid her own discomfort, Skye realizes that he'd never told her of his upcoming exams. He's been so focused on wanting her to be comfortable that he hasn't really mentioned himself. Guilt pools in her stomach at how much she's taken his friendship for granted, and she almost doesn't hear his next words. "We've gotten into some pretty detailed stuff this semester."
"You'll do fine." Gordon presses. He shifts his weight back half a pace, as if preparing to leave and go elsewhere. "Jiaying has me kept very busy lately. I should get going."
Skye believes it. That Jiaying has kept him busy. And that he'd rather be busy than lingering in her presence. Oh, what she'd give for that herself. She hates the foul feelings swirling in her gut, the way they make her feel almost physically sick.
"You going to be around for dinner?" Lincoln asks, still unaware of her plight.
Gordon shakes his head in polite rejection. "I don't think so. I have a few pickups to make."
"That's too bad." The other hums in quiet acceptance of the fact. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
That sightless face dips forward in a courteous farewell. "Have a good afternoon." And then, with a touch of forced amusement and definitely directed towards Skye: "And stay out of trouble."
She manages to stay with Lincoln for the rest of the meal, and wishes him luck in his studies when they part for the afternoon. He smiles and nervously thanks her, then he's gone and she's heading back towards her mountainside perch. She can't get into any trouble here, nor can trouble find her.
Skye sits and relishes in the feel of the wind on her face, of the sounds of the wildlife- the things blissfully ignorant of the horrible plagues that conquer the vast world, of the struggles outside of their own.
If only the entire planet was as peaceful as this small expanse of wilderness before her.
She wonders how long she's been away. From the Retreat. From SHIELD. From Coulson. She only knows that it has been over a week. Perhaps even closer to two…
She has grown more powerful in her abilities, but she still has quite a ways to go.
Will I ever see you again?
Something aches deep in her core, and she exhales, reaches out to Avalanche Mountain and squeezes it. Watches the snow peel away, thundering down the slope in a white fog. It's beautiful. Distracting. The faintest smile pulls at her lips.
She meets Lincoln for dinner, and she makes sure to ask him about his studies. His eyes glow appreciatively. His smile is more genuine. She decides that she's not going to forget about him ever again in their moments together.
Skye returns to her mountain spot and watches the array of colors that paint the sky when the sun sets behind her. She feels different. Like, even after the disaster that was her meeting with Gordon and Jiaying, she really could stay here, if only for the view and the gentle hand it offers her with each visit. Afterlife could be home.
But that would mean forgetting about SHIELD, and Coulson, and May, and- and everyone. And she already knows that she can never do that. She can never give them up.
Afterlife could be home, but it never will be. The Bus is already that.
The sunset fades, and the sky is a light purple-blue that grows darker with each passing moment. And then it is dark, and the crickets come alive as the wind dies and many of the other creatures fall silent.
It grows cooler, and she doesn't have her jacket. She decides that it's time to turn in for the day, to rest for whatever exercise Jiaying has next for her. Because she needs to get her game on, needs to do better faster. The sooner she has full control over her abilities, the sooner she can go home.
And so, she pushes off of the dirt, rises to her feet. She casts her gaze out across the land between the two mountains for a long moment, then turns and begins to head back along the path that will take her to her hut.
Skye doesn't make it very far before she's startled by a familiar whooshing hum, the crackling of the Earth being torn open and stitched back together. A bright blue casts her shadow across the ground in front of her, then fades.
She freezes, hardly dares to breathe. Gordon.
But he doesn't address her, and she tentatively turns back around to face the cliff.
He's there alright, standing on the very edge, head tilted at an odd angle, as if listening, drinking in the sounds of the night. She even thinks that his toes are hanging over the abyss, but she doesn't quite have the angle to tell.
There's something strange about the way he stands, his posture concerningly stiff. He isn't aware of her presence, is he? She doesn't think he is. And yet, his behavior is so odd, unlike anything she's ever seen…
Gordon seems to teeter for a second, on the edge of the mountain, and a sudden fear strikes her dead center in the chest. Is he going to jump?
Oh God.
Skye opens her mouth, prepared to talk him down if need be, and steps forward. A leaf crunches beneath her foot.
The man freezes without warning, and the night lights up in a sudden flare of writhing blue forks of lightning. An invisible rip tears open in the air, and he's gone. The light fades once more, leaving the mountain darker than before.
Relief pulses through her veins, but it doesn't fill the empty void deep within her. He's still avoiding her.
He's still avoiding her.
She swallows back her guilt and turns to finally retire for the night.
Skye realizes a couple of things, on the journey back to her cabin: She realizes that she may never have the chance to properly apologize, the chance to right her wrongs. She realizes that he may never forgive her.
And that's okay, she realizes, because she also realizes she needs to move on. She's already decided that she won't stay in Afterlife, that she'll request to leave as soon as she's mastered her abilities, that she'll return to SHIELD.
She needs to accept that there is nothing left for her in the ashes, that there's no life to be lived in the one that she could have had. Her life stretches beyond the 'what ifs'.
So, she does. Skye accepts it, because it's the only way forward.
Goodbye, Gordon.