standard fanfic disclaimers apply for JE, Top Shot, and The Supernanny.
a/n I have been very ill the past month and have not been able to write. The idea for this story came to me during my hospital stay. I hope it's fun...it may not make sense if you have not read my other stories. Top Shot is a TV show on History Channel; Supernanny is a TV show on, I think "E"? She performs interventions for very naughty families, it's hilarious.
A photo of not-quite-Zoe will be on my blog, link is in my profile. Thanks, Bonnie!
This is for my dear friends, you guys know who you are, right?
Shelter from the Storm
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Chapter 54 - Could Be Worse...
(...after all, this could be the new JE novel you're reading instead of my fanfic, lol.)
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Scene: Supernanny Jo Frost is riding in the back of her chauffeur driven London black taxicab. She is dressed in a Queen Mum-ish suit, Elvis Costello eyeglasses, and has a disapproving expression on her face. She is not as old as she tries to look. But still.
As always she opens her laptop, looks at us and introduces this week's episode. She makes a prim mouth and tells us, "Not every family wants my help. Some parents do not want to change or learn. They prefer to live in chaos, with nasty disobedient children, mired in their dysfunctional world. Let's take a look!" She turns the laptop screen so we can join in.
On screen are two adorable little girls, one a blonde angel, one with a mop of wild dark ringlets.
The blonde says, "Our home life is crazy! We never know what will happen next!"
The dark haired one says, "My daddy is scary! My mommy blows things up!"
The blonde: "Not anymore...''
Dark haired child: ''But still!" Her mouth wobbles.
The littlest one says, "Supernanny, we need you! Please come help our family!"
Together: ''Please!"
Blue and brown eyes well with tears.
Fade to black, hint of hysterical laughter...
[commercial break]
... ... ...
Jo 's Voice over: I used a hidden camera.
I am now seated in the office of the girls' father. He is scary—but ever so handsome, oh my goodness!
"Mr. Manoso. I am so happy to be here."
Another man is present but he is not introduced. Mr. Manoso shakes my hand politely and we sit down.
"Who are you?" he asks.
''I am Jo Frost, The Supernanny!''
"And? You need a bodyguard, ma'am? Just let me call my sales executive."
''No! No, I am here at the request of your daughters. I help dysfunctional families! I am on TV."
"TV?"
...
20 minutes earlier
Hal: "Boss there's a woman here, asking for you. She has a British accent..."
"It's not Bailey, is it?''
"Uh, no sir. This is a ...well, a lady.''
''She's right there, huh?''
''Yeah.''
''Did you scan her for weapons?''
''Yes boss, all clear. She says she urgently needs to see you in person.''
''Fine. Bring her up. I just have to finish up with Anthony, tell her ten minutes.''
''Yessir boss.''
now
[back to Jo]
''I will show you the film your daughters sent me.''
''My daughters?''
''Yes. They contacted me.''
''Wait." The dad picked up his phone, said, "Immediate sit rep on Julie and Zoë."
''Yessir. Their details checked in within the past 15 minutes, all is calm: Julie is at soccer practice, Monster is bringing Zoë home from ballet.''
"Arkady," Ranger stated.
''Um, what?''
''He wants to be called Arkady, not Monster."
Without missing a beat, Junior said, "Yessir, Carlos."
Ranger stared at his iPhone. "...Double check on the girls.''
''Yessir.''
The man clicked off but the handsome young dad stared down at his iPhone as if it had bitten him.
A few moments passed. The scruffy blond man finally leaned over and said, "Ranger! You need to move on."
"He called me Carlos...,'' whispered Mr. Manoso."
"Get a grip.''
The dad locked his dark chocolate eyes on my face. "Go on."
I made sure I did not get flustered. He is amazingly hot. I said calmly, "It is brief, as you will see. We don't usually get tapes from the children."
The blond man snorted. "Go figure."
This one was hot too. I tore my eyes off his extremely luscious albeit raggedy clothed body and cued the children's reel.
Please come help us, Supernanny, please!
As the tape faded to black and the blonde child's angelic face disappeared. The dad said, "That child is a menace to society."
"Lethal weapon, dude."
I nodded calmly. ''I understand you may have discipline issues, but with my intervention...''
''I have NO discipline issues!''
The other man laughed.
''And she is not my child!''
''Blended families can be extra difficult. But if you are willing to learn, you and your wife, and allow us to film you for TV I can change the way things are. Surely you do not want your daughters to be menaces to society?''
''No filming! And she is not my daughter. Quit laughing!'' he added to the other hot young man.
He picked up his phone again. ''Britta, can you come to my office. Now." Frowns. ''Yes I realize it is your free time, I just need a word. Thank you.''
I said, ''Is Britta your wife?''
''No.''
''Where is your wife?''
''She's working, lady.''
''Please don't call me lady. You can call me JoJo.''
''Last name's Frost, Ranger,'' supplied the other young man. I wondered what he was? A personal assistant? And why were they both wearing holsters and guns?
''Britta is my daughter's nanny. She doesn't need you, she has a wonderful nanny."
''The little one with all the hair is his daughter, Zoë ,'' the other man told me.
"Yes, and the blonde terror is my niece Izabella, but she does not live here. Or near."
''Thank you, Jesus,"
Both men made aborted signs of the cross, then scowled.
Knock on the door. Tall blonde supermodel young woman walked in followed by another very handsome man, this one dark with sea green eyes.
The dad said coolly, "Britta, this is Ms Frost aka The Supernanny." To me he said, ''Ms Frost, my younger daughter's nanny, Britta Helstrom. And one of my daughter's bodyguards, uh, Dave, Smith?"
The employees nodded politely. The man said, ''No cape?''
?
?
"Do not all ze superheroes wear ze cape?"
''Oh Drag, shut up!'' giggled Britta.
''And talk normal, ese.''
''As you can see, Ms Frost, Britta is a highly trained childcare giver/ personal guard."
''How can a bodyguard be a good nanny?'' I huffed.
''Ms Helstrom is a college graduate with a degree in early child development, she was trained in hand to hand combat and weapons skills by both myself and Swedish special forces. And Zoë loves her. We consider her a member of the family." For some reason he added a glower at the dark young man.
"Show Britta the tape."
Afterward, the nanny sat in silence, her enormous blue eyes full of tears. "Why would Zoe say that? "
''I assume Izzy set it up, Britta. Zoë will be home in a few minutes and we'll clear this up."
I nodded briskly. ''While we wait perhaps you can tell me a bit about your home life? For example, if your wife works, who cares for the home? Prepares healthy meals? Do you cook for your children, Mr. Manoso?"
"Meals? Lady, the Amy taught me forty-seven ways to kill a tango with a toothbrush. They didn't teach me how to cook."
"Oh my...''
We were interrupted. The door was flung open and a tiny whirlwind in an enormous pink tutu flew into the room."Daddydaddydaddy! I am home!"
The child, who was followed by a lugubrious older man [agedly handsome, also armed!] and a small fat pug dog, flew into her father's arms. He swept her up, but instead of sitting on his lap she planted her pink toe shoe'd feet on his knees and stood, then bent forward, staring into his eyes.
We all got a good look at wrinkly pink tights on a round little bum amid a huge frill of pink tulle.
"Hi, baby." Mr. Manoso gave her a kiss and settled her on his lap."A couple things, Zoë."
"Yes, daddy?"
''First of all, in the future I would appreciate it if you would not give my men stupid street names."
Huge eyes and dropped jaw. Then, "But daddy! I did not name Binky! Or, or , or, Woody , or..."
"Fine." Mr. Manoso looked over the child's head at the old man."You're on your own, man."
The man shrugged, said something in a foreign language and left.
''Next! Why is Killer wearing a pink dress again? We agreed he would not have to wear dresses, didn't we?"
The child scrambled down from his lap, struck a pose. "It is not a dress! It is his costume! Do you not recall we have a recital soon? And Killy is the star!'' The girl did a few pirouettes then began to sing, "How MUCH is THAT doggie in da window!?"
All the adults clapped their hands over their ears and cringed. Manoso aimed a finger at the child and she stopped instantly. "Thank you," the dad said. "Killer, hey boy." He was talking to the dog. The little dog panted, then snorted. "Okay, fine. Your choice, man." The blond man scooped up the pink tutued dog and departed.
''And last, chica, see this lady? She is Jo Frost The Supernanny. Maybe you want to say hello?"
The child swiveled huge brown eyes in my direction and her face lit up. ''Oooooh! You came! Hello. Hello! I am Zoë!"
I shook her hand. "I am Nanny JoJo." Except for the singing, the child seemed very well behaved.
''M'hija, why did you ask the Supernanny to come here?"
The Swedish nanny, unable to contain herself longer burst out, "Why, Zoe? I thought we were so happy? Why would you...?"
The child ran to her caregiver and hugged her.
"Oh no I LOVE you, Britty, but, but...I was afraid you and the Dragon would get married soon, because, you know, Dave is all gooey in love with you, and then you'd have babies of your own and you'd have no time for me and and and..."
Both Britta and the man called either Dragon or Dave were blushing. But the young woman said calmly, "That won't happen soon, Zoë, and I'd still be working for Ranger, I wouldn't be a stay at home mom. I love my job!"
The blond man reappeared with an unadorned pug. "Sorry to interrupt. But, uh, Syria, bro? Mitch will be here in like five..."
Mr. Manoso nodded briskly if minimally. "Right. Nice to meet you, Ms Frost. Someone will show you out.''
''Nooooo!" yelled Zoë. "No! I want to be on TV! I can be bad, Izzy showed me! Look. Time out!" She slumped in front of her dad's desk. "NO!" She ran out. "Back! I can be naughty, I can! I can dump Cheerios on daddy, too! Izzy said..."
I shook my head. "I don't think so, Zoë." We all stood to shake hands, Manoso herding us politely out.
The blond man said, "Well but dude, our princess wants to be on TV. That is so cool. Maybe..."
Zoe piped up, "Yes! Everyone knows the tantrums are fake! It would be so fun, daddy!"
.Mr. Manoso frowned. "What's with all of you wanting to be on TV? Are you crazy?"
The blond man said to Dave/ Dragon, ''Man, I so wanna do Top Shot. That would be so awesome, right?''
"Yes,'' the other man agreed. ''Maybe...Top Shot: Rangeman?"
''Cool. Or..I know! Top Shot: The Assassins." They high-fived.
A new voice. "You called?"
''Dude! Mitch! Top Shot?"
The newcomer [will I bore you if I said he was handsome too?] frowned. "Geez, no. No photos."
"Spoilspo..."
The elevator door opened and disgorged two women, one a robust black women in neon spandex, the other a pretty brunette in torn jeans and a lot of diamonds.
"Honey, we're home!"
Manoso kissed her, then she bent down to hug her daughter, pat the dog. Looked up."What's going on?"
''Babe, this is Jo Frost the Supernanny, she was just leaving..."
"Oh I love your show! Well walk out with you! This is Lula, she loves the show too...now tell me the truth, the fights and the tantrums are fake, right?"
Lula said, "I don't know, my sister used to hit me with a foam Nerf baseball bat sometimes, she was a terror..."
The elevators closed. I was whisked away.
...
Ranger stood for a moment in blessed silence, flanked by Anthony and Mitch. Finally Mitch said, "Syria?"
''Yeah. Let's go upstairs. I'll get Zoë settled for a nap and we'll talk." He scooped up a now tired little girl. The elevator doors reopened and the three young assassins and the pug stepped inside, Ranger a bit in front with a sleepy Zoë in his arms. Killer sat on Ranger's foot. A few seconds passed, then Anthony reached out and carefully nudged Zoë's thumb out of her rosebud mouth. The child sighed and snuggled into her daddy's shoulder.
Mitch— who lost his unborn child and his wife to terrorists—finally said, "You're a lucky man, Ranger."
"...Define 'lucky'."
the end, series tbc
be sure to go to my blog and see Zoe and Killy's almost pix.