Shelter from the Storm

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55 - Choose One

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Ranger

I know just how Helen Plum felt: Why me? Why the fuck me?

It was a sunny autumn Sunday - - blue skies, crunchy red and yellow leaves, brisk wind blowing NJ's pollution out to sea. Or to Newark, who knows. Who cares. I was listening to my sat phone which was broadcasting to me, Tank, and Anthony an SOS/ Mayday from an operative whom we'd inserted into hostile territory. Not a Rangeman guy, needless to say. My men don't call and yell Mayday like their mission is the Titanic and it's sinking fast.

Not to mention we use a different, possibly cooler, code word, but...nevermind.

The agent's job was simple. He was supposed to position markers for US surveillance drones that when activated would monitor the development or deployment of ''weapons of mass destruction" .

Now you probably know whose operator this guy is, right?

"Sir, the native persons in the building attempted to detain me.''

''But you escaped.''

''Yes but I am injured!''

''Sign him up for a freakin' Purple Heart, dude,'' scoffed my stealth brother. He wouldn't call in a mayday if he was dead.

''What happened?"

''The hostile...''

''Hostile?"

''Well the man whose warehouse I was trying to infiltrate? He thought I was a burglar, I guess.''

''And.''

''He grabbed me! He got holda my jacket, wrenched my arm really bad getting free-''

''But...?"

''Um, my arm hurts bad! But I can move it okay. The problem now is...''

Scratch scratch scratch on my office door. Then the door ever so slowly cracked open and a little face peeked in.

"Hang on a moment," I told the operative. I looked at my daughter. I had finally impressed upon Zoë that she was not to come bursting into my office when the door is closed. But like any five year old her grasp of Don't Interrupt Daddy was a little open to interpretation. So now she didn't barrel in shrieking ''Daddydaddydaddydaddy'' but here she was. On tiptoes. Looking hopeful.

''What's up, baby?''

''Daddydaddydaddy!'' she whispered loudly. ''I must consult you on a very important issue.''

Tank and Anthony snickered.

I told the guy in XXX, ''I'll call you back.''

''But sir!''

''Go on, chica.''

''Daddy! Soon it will be Halloween.'' She climbed up on my lap and snuggled in, face craned around to look me in the eye. Kid voodoo.

''Yes?''

''And I have had a poll on my Facebook page, deciding what the very very very best costume for me and Killy could possibly be!''

I could swear I recall banning Facebook.

''Here is The List*: (now remember, the most best thing is what Killy wears because he is so ever so cute, right?)"

We three idiots nodded. "Right.''

''So ..." she brandished her pink iPad. We all leaned in to look. "Chia Pug! Baked Pugtato...Yoda Pug. Marilyn Pug."

''No pink dresses!''

''UPS Precious Package Pug. Bumble bee pug, Bat Pug..." The photos went on and on.

Anthony grinned happily. "These are awesome, Zee."

''Yes but everyone's favorite is...tah dah! Queen of Hearts Pug. And I shall be Alice in Wonderland and wear a blonde wig and stupid maryjane shoes. And mommy wants to be the March Hare. She says to tell you she has a bunny costume you're gonna love?"

Hmmmm...

''I can be the Cheshire Cat,'' volunteered Tank.

We all turned to stare at him.

"No?" he shrugged.

''I wanna be the Caterpillar!" crowed Anthony. ''I'm sure I have a hookah stashed somewhere and Mooner's got those tight lycra outfits, I hope he has like neon green, and..."

''Bro. Please.''

Zoë was smiling and nodding. "And you, daddy, you will be - -"

bbbbrrr.

The sat phone buzzed insistantly. I hid a sigh. ''Zoe, just a second, okay?" Then, ''Yeah?" to the idiot in XXX.

''Sir, you hung up before I got to tell you the bad part! ''

''You're injured, I heard you. You'll survive.''

''No! I lost my passport! It was in my jacket pocket. The warehouse guy has it.''

''Your passport?''

''Yeah.''

''Why the fuck do you have a passport?'' I covered Zoë's ears. "Black ops agents do not carry passports."

''Uh. Travel to a foreign country? Anyway, I was gonna go to the US embassy, but then I remembered we don't have an embassy here, so I was thinking maybe the French embassy.''

''What?''

''This guy's a moron,'' mumbled Tank.

''Agent Jones - -'' I said sternly.

''Name's not Jones, sir.''

''It is now. You'll need to get across the border into XXX.''

''No, I can't set foot in XXX.''

''Why not, Jones?''

''Well, that's private, need to know, between me and the Agency.''

''Right now I am the Agency. I'm your Agency and your only hope, Jones. So plant the damn bugs and haul ass over the border. Call me when you're safe. And the mission is accomplished.''

''But sir!"

I shut down the sat phone.

''Now Zoë, what were you saying? Mommy is the March Hare, poor Killy is wearing a dress again. And I am...?''

''You're the Joker, daddy!''

''There is no Joker in Alice in Wonderland,'' Anthony told her.

"Oh well. There could be. It's cards right? Queen of Hearts? Joker?...or, I know, you can be the Mad Hatter!''

''But, Zoe."

''You haveta choose, daddy: Mad Hatter? Or Joker?''

I looked at the sat phone still in my hand and nodded. Yep. I was one of those things. Just not sure which.

the end, series tbc

*the photos with Killer's outfit choices are on my blog, go look! Link is in my profile here.