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Chapter 25: Messed Up Fairytale

Clary's Point of View

My heart hammered loudly in my heart and I just stared at him for a second. I had no idea what he wanted to talk to me about but I needed to talk to him as well. Might as well get this over with now. Besides, it's not like I can just walk away.

I chewed my bottom lip before answering. "Talk."

He sat down at the edge of the bed next to me, as if to not frighten me by coming closer. He was going to fall off any second. "Okay," he said, taking a deep breath. "You know when I broke up with you?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I didn't want to go back to that place. A place that was very dark. "I said I wanted to see other people, but that wasn't the truth. The truth was that I didn't think I was worthy enough for you." He seemed relieved that he got it out, like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders.

I blinked, wondering how in the world he could possibly think that. If anything, I was the one that didn't deserve him. "But –" I started, going to tell him exactly how wrong he was.

He shook his head, motioning for me to stop. "Let me finish. That was the only reason why; I thought it would be better for you. But really, I just tried to cover up my pain and loss with Selena. There was no one but you and there only will be you." He stopped talking, looking at me straight in the eyes.

"Jace…" I said, at a loss for words, just like in my dream. Why are you so blind to thinks that are right in front of your face? is what dream Jace said to me. Maybe my subconscious mind was trying to tell me that despite what I thought, he actually did love me.

Tossing aside any words I wanted to say about how I was doing the same thing as he was or how I wanted him as well, I leaned forward, forgetting about the pain and kissed him. One hand cupped the side of his face while my other hand tangled in his silky blonde hair. This was definitely a hundred times better than the paradise dream place.

Jace's hands went to my waist, pressing me against him as if I was going to disappear any second. I couldn't blame him, that's exactly how I felt and some distant part of me wondered if this was another dream. Because in real life, fairy tales never came true. But my messed up fairy tale did.

I had missed the taste of Jace: the liquid sunshine, the sweet taste of him that was indescribable. His scent was intoxicating, making my head dizzy with joy. We broke apart all too soon but he still kept close to me, so close that our lips were nearly brushing.

"Do you know how long I've waited to do that?" Jace asked me, his golden eyes locked on my jade green ones. His lips brushed against mine as he spoke, and I probably would have fell against the bed if Jace's arms weren't wrapped around me.

Our breaths mingled into each others, and I could feel his fan across my face. I kissed him again, one hand tugging on the circular neckline on his shirt, bringing him close enough that only our thin clothes and my bed sheets separated us from skin.

Jace straddled me, so it was easier for us to kiss, and I slid my tongue against his lower lip, asking for permission to enter. He complied immediately and he kissed me harder, as if he could make up for the lost time.

I was so involved in Jace, in the fire and heat that was spreading through my body like a wildfire, a need that was never satisfied and only wanted more that I didn't notice when the door opened.

"Oh, gross! I didn't come here to find you guys sticking each other tongues down the others throat!" Izzy exclaimed, making a face. But I could tell that she was more than happy that we made up.

"Oh shut up," Jace said, momentarily taking his lips off mine and I felt the absence of his lips immediately, like someone took off an arm or leg. I wanted more. I needed more. More Jace, more everything. "It's nothing you haven't done before."

Izzy just glared in response but didn't say anything, just crossed her arms over her chest. Her look had touché written all over it. Jace pressed his lips against my jaw line, trailing down to side of my neck and against my collarbone before going the same way back up. I couldn't keep the shiver that went through my body, wondering how I let this go for one too many weeks.

"Are you kidding me? You guys are still doing it even while I'm here! Get a room," Izzy groaned, undoubtedly annoyed but I could sense that she was still happy for us underneath the irritated façade. Or maybe it was not so much anymore. I had even forgotten that she was even there.

Once I had Jace after such a long time, it was like a drug again; the intenseness of not having him cooled down, but a new fire of more took its place again. I needed him so badly that I forgot everything else. It was always like that with him before, but after a month and a half of not having him, the feeling was intensified beyond imagination.

Jace took his lips off my jaw and look up again. Saying that he was annoyed was an understatement. I felt the exact same way. I finally got Jace back after such a long time; I wasn't just about to let him out of my grasp so fast.

"We are in a room," Jace pointed out, smirking, "and you came into our room."

Iz threw her hands up in the arm, shaking her head. "All I came here to say is that they want you downstairs in the library. If you don't come, I guess we'll all know why." This time, Izzy was the one smirking and I smiled apologetic at her on Jace's behalf before she left, closing the door firmly behind her.

"Now, where were we?" Jace smiled, and leaned closer, brushing his lips against mine.

"Jace," I said, as his lips traveled to the spot behind my ear, the spot that he knew I had a weakness for. "We have to go," I whispered shakily, not really wanting to anymore. Damn him for knowing me so well.

"You sure?" he asked, his lips trailing down to my shoulder and his hands gliding down my sides.

"Jace," I breathed. "Really, we have to go. Or else they'll think you know what."

"Let them," he said, his lips on mine again. I tried resisted but I've already gone too long without them. I melted in him, wanting this moment to last forever. Just me and him. The never ending need for each other. The bliss.

But the tiny voice in the back of my mind wouldn't shut up. Reluctantly – and very slowly, I might add – I pulled myself away from him, leaning my forehead against his. "As much as I love you, we really have to go. Like, now."

Jace's face broke into a huge smile, like the sun had come out on a cloudy day. "What?" I asked, wondering why he was looking at me like that: in happiness and surprise but mostly happiness.

"You still love me," he answered, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Of course I do," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Excuse me for being the tiniest bit worried." He paused. "I love you too – that's what I was trying to tell you before you almost died," he said, his face twisting with remembrance before giving me a quick peck on my lips before giving me a hand up.

"Ah," I winced, "thanks. And really?" I rubbed my arm, hoping that it would stop hurting soon. It sting stung a little and it hurt to stretch the there too much. But I couldn't get my mind wrapped around the fact that I almost would have died since I was unable to read his lips. And that he would take the chance to tell me that. My heart swelled twice its size and I had to hid a smile.

"Really. Still hurts?" asked Jace, concerned.

"I'm fine." I waved it off as we entered the library.

"And the couple finally arrives," Izzy announced and I gave her a stern look. I didn't officially break up with Aden – speaking of which, what the fuck was he doing here? That bitch…

I tensed and looked around for a weapon. "No, Clary, he's innocent. Really, just hear us out," Samara pleaded. I looked at her, chewing my bottom lip.

"Fine. Only since you saved my life," I say.

"Thanks," she smiled, showing her pearly white teeth. Was it just Seb and Samara or were all Shadowhunters with demon blood unbelievably gorgeous? "Okay, so let me start at the beginning. Along with my mother being hidden after my grandparents died, I was hidden as well. But even if I wasn't, it wouldn't have made a difference. I was training almost every second of my life.

Either learning new languages, studying or fighting but mostly the latter. My mother always said that I had to be the best if I wanted to defeat our so called enemies which were basically everyone. It didn't matter that I was so young when I was training, which started when I was six, which compared to the normal age was very early. I was never good enough for her, even though I was stronger than basically everyone, even her.

I got my first mark when I was only 7. One year after I started studying. She pushed my beyond my limits. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't exactly sad either. That's basically how most of my life went. After you guys killed Valentine, she planned her revenge, which involved me. She told me my time has finally come and it was time to prove myself." Samara paused, looking at our faces.

"She decided that I couldn't get close to you guys in the way Selena and Aden were. So, like my mom had a much simpler plan before; the first attempt was the kidnap Jace and of course, Clary would try to rescue him."

"Wait," I interrupted. "But we were already broken up, what made you think that I would still go after him?" Jace gave me a look that was mostly hurt tainted with anger. "I would have but still."

"Well, we didn't know you guys were broken up; it was really recently, no? Anyways, that didn't work when Aline saved Jace. After my inability to capture Jace, I was sent to study Aline and who was staying with her and what she was doing and etcetera. That's how I found these two," she said, gesturing towards Selena and Aden.

Selena cleared her throat and started speaking. "We did tell you the truth that we traveled a lot, but not for the reasons you think. With our families dead and no relatives, all we had was each other. Our families weren't well known like we once were and we didn't have that much money. We kept moving around, for economic reasons. Aline, who was my friend when we were training in Idris was thoughtful enough to let us stay with her here when we ran into each other.

The next day, when Aline was out, Samara came and told us that she could offer us a job with a lot of money. Of course, with our money tight, we agreed to meet up. When we did, Valentina made us swear on the Angel that as long as she is alive, we can't tell anyone about we talked about. She said that she would give us money that would last us a lifetime if we befriended you guys – which worked out better than expected. That's when we finally realized that you guys were broken up." Selena took a deep breath and looked at Samara, as if asking if she should continue.

She nodded and Selena started talking once more. "Were were basically here to learn about you guys and spy on you while gaining your trust. Then, I after a month realized that Jace here still had feelings for you. I always suspected it, like it was just buried deep – so deep that even Jace probably didn't even realize himself – but it was confirmed for me and Valentina arranged Felix to kidnap her. Using Felix wouldn't leave a trace of Shadowhunters and lead you guys to the mundies. But Clary here," she smiled sadly at me, "was smart and called Jace and ended up beating Felix."

"And while Jace was at the Institute, getting Clary healed and talking to Selena about their relationship and Aden taking care of Clary, I quickly went out and got Felix. Which is why when your brother Alec went to get the mundie, he wasn't there," Selena explained, taking over again.

"The people that you always say texting and when alone calling? That was me and Felix. They were keeping us updating, letting us know that they were still loyal and on the plan. But one day, Selena and Aden told us while pretending to be with you guys, they actually fell for you despite trying not to. That had jeopardized everything and how were they suppose to actually kill you now?

And I hated knowing that I was a part of the plan to kill two, well, what was suppose to be two innocent people that were right in killing Valentine. I always hated him, just like my mother. They were both alike, like how many twins were. I hated both of them, so I agreed to help them.

We followed through with the kidnapping, yes, but we had devised a plan to kill my mom instead. Thankfully, Izzy kept screaming that they turned off the audio and later I tampered with it so they couldn't hear anything even if they wanted to. Then, I distracted my mom long enough for them to talk to you," she gestured towards Selena and Aden who were looking down at their clasped hands sadly, avoiding eye contact. They seemed like brother and sister, if it wasn't for their appearance.

"So," Samara continued, "when my mom and Felix – who wasn't part of the plan – went to go for uhm, 'play time' I escaped from guard duty. Apparently my mother – who was right in thinking – thought that since they were close to you guys that they wouldn't want you guys to die so they locked them in a room and I was their guard since she trusted me.

I killed her with the same gun she gave me to use in case they tried escaping." Samara looked at us, judging out expressions since her story was told.

"So you didn't just save us to pull us into another trap," Izzy mused, looking relived. I internally sighed – Izzy always spoke what was on her mind. No doubt that they were going to take offense in it.

"What?" asked Samara, taken aback and hurt underlying it.

"I thought that maybe that was all part of your plan, to make us trust you and stab us in the back. Sort of like Aden and Selena." I noticed them wincing and Aden didn't dare to look at me in the eye.

"Oh, no. I didn't know you thought that," Samara said, looking hurt.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I didn't want to take another chance, but I trust you now."

"Wait," Jace butted in, "so all those times I saw a girl with green eyes, that was you?" Jace asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

"Yeah, I was suppose to be keeping an eye on them and you. They told me when you were going and everything. I didn't try approaching you again like last time, fearing that you might remember me."

"I knew that I had saw you before. I kept noticing you."

"Yeah, I half expected you to come up to me and ask if you knew me but you didn't. The way you were looking at me when I was Mara had me scared enough as it is. That would have ruined the plan."

"Mhmm," Jace said absently, thinking about something else. "So that's why you were breaking down when you first tried kidnapping me." Samara's cheeks turned pink in embarrassment as she nodded her head. "Is Samara your real name?"

"Well, Samara is my first name. My full name is Samara Mainsha Amara Matilda Mara. I don't use my last name anymore. My mom gave me multiple names in case if I ever was asked my name and I couldn't lie if I swore under the Angel."

"That's your full name. You know the meaning of all your names?" inquired Jace.

"Yeah. Samara means guardian, and that proved true for you guys. Manisha is desire and Amara is unfading, which is pretty wrong in my case. Mara as you already know is bitter and Matilda is powerful battler. Valentina believed in giving me names that meant something although Amara is stupid. But other than that, they're pretty true."

"Your names are pretty," I said, trying to make her feel better. I can tell that she didn't like the names her mom gave her. "I thought Mara was just a nickname for Samara."

"No, although I think of it like that sometimes too. Now," she said, rising. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go deal with Felix. I kept him locked up down there and I need to…do some things." She glanced meaningfully at Selena and Aden who finally weren't looking down for a change.

"Can I talk to you," Aden said, glancing at everyone in the room, and even longer at Jace. "Alone?"

I looked at Jace, trying to judge his reaction but he still had a calm look to him. I hated when he shut me out as well. There was nothing for him to hide anymore. But I guess habits die hard. Without knowing if Jace consented, I said yes.

He led me back to his room, which I was pretty sure wasn't going to be his room for longer. In fact, it was already bare, looking like how Jace's room first looked like when I came: like a monk's. Everything was white.

"Please, sit," Aden offered formally, gesturing to the chair while he sat at the edge of the bed.

"I'll stand," I said stubbornly.

"I insist." Again with talking formally.

"I'll stand," I repeated, lifting up my chin.

"Fine, have it your way," Aden sighed and I could just barely hear him mutter: always so stubborn.

I raised my eyebrows at that but kept quiet. He just looked at me for a second, how a man would look at his wife for the last time if he was going off to the army. I stiffened, not liking the way he was looking at me. "What do you want?" I snapped. If he was going to stare like that for another second, I was going to leave.

"I – I wanted to apologize. For everything." He looked at me in the eyes, so I know that he wasn't lying. They were pleading, begging for me to forgive him. I looked away, unable to look at the deep blue eyes anymore.

"I know that I betrayed you, but it was the only way to keep you safe. I thought about it, how if we quit that she would just get someone else. And I couldn't do that to you." He paused for a second, decided if he should say more. He looked like he was thinking either what the hell or what else have I got to lose?

"It was true that at first I did it as part of the plan. But you grew on me Clary as much as I tried to resist, and the lying stopping. Everything I told you was true – I loved you then and I still do."

I didn't say anything. So the first time he meet me was no accident. Of course, no drop-dead good looks would start talking to her like that. The way he cocky around her sometimes was all an act. How could I forgive someone that was pretending how he was to me? That he actually loved me? How do I know what was an act and what was real?

"I stopped acting – and I'm not joking – like a week on from the Institute. I was trying to deny it for a while but I couldn't," he continued when I didn't say anything. The intensity in his eyes made me almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"So for a whole week, you were acting around me, pretending. Why didn't you tell us about Valentina?" I asked, accusation coloring my voice.

"I'm sorry Red, you don't understand how things were like for me back then, I really am sor–"

"Do not call me Red." I enunciated each word darkly, gravely. How dare could he think that he still had the right to call me that?

"Sorry Clary, but try to understand how things were for me. I could have told you about Valentina but that would have done nothing."

"We could have hunted her down, tracked her. Something! You could always do something. Always."

"She would have killed you!" Aden exclaimed, his patience running thin. He took a breath, returning to his calm façade.

"How could you know that?" I shot back. "Even if you just told us about her, even if we still went through with the plan of kidnapping us, I at least would have known that you didn't betray us – me."

Aden swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Valentina would have known," he whispered. "I did the best I could do under the circumstances."

"I don't love you," I said bluntly. If he thought that we could go back to what we used to be – which was all fake and based on lies – then he was wrong.

His blue eyes shined with unshed tears as he looked down, embarrassed and not wanting me to see. "I know," he said quietly, surprising me. I would think that someone like him would think that he still had a shot.

As if sensing my shock, he stated bitterly, "I had the same feeling, the same one as Selena. I guess that's what I – we – deserved after all." He looked so down, that the yearning to comfort him, to tell him that he didn't deserve it almost overpowered my will to be angry at him.

Instead, I sat there like an useless idiot, unable to say anything. At least I didn't make it worse. "Karma's a bitch." Aden laughed without humor.

Finally finding my voice, I said, "Tell me about it. I was also the one betrayed, but I guess I deserved that. I was with you when my heart belonged to someone else. I'm sorry." I didn't know why I apologize, I was so angry at him, but I couldn't let him feel like that.

A part of me did love him before – not anymore – but I just loved Jace more. And something tells me that his past was a horrible, cruel thing. I thought that my childhood was bad, not knowing that I was a Shadowhunter. But the ripples of darkness came off him like a tidal wave whenever he spoke about his past. It was something beyond me.

"It's alright. So, can you forgive me?" Aden asked hopefully, looking at me with his blue eyes. They bored into my own and I didn't have the heart to say no.

"Okay," I said, looking away. But I could sense the smile that stretched across his face.

"Thanks Clary, you have no idea what this means to m –" I put up a hand, stopping him. I didn't want to say these words, but they had to be done.

"I can never forget that you used me," I whispered, looking down at my hands. I looked up after a second. "I want to forgive you." I paused before saying the next words, "and forget you." He reeled back like I struck him, his face twisted in hurt, pain, but there was the same looked that he wore during most of this conversation. One that read: I deserved this. Like he brought this on himself.

Which, he kind of did.

I don't know who or what made him feel like this, making him think that he deserved everything – from what little I heard about his past, he didn't – but I really couldn't look at him anymore. Every time I did, I remembered the betrayal. How close I was to dying. My heart reached out to this poor soul that was holed up in a broken boy. I can only hope that someday it would be fixed.

"I hope you find someone Aden, because that girl would be very lucky. Just what you did to me, I can't get past it right now. Maybe someday in the future I will get over it. But until then…" I shrugged before looking at him one last time and exited the room.

I wandered into the garden, thinking how someone like Aden could be broken. He thought he deserved everything bad that happened to him. His guilty conscious was much too high for some reason. I never realized this at all; I guess he was good at hiding it.

Then I thought about Selena, who always was pretty much always happy. Maybe she was the same way, maybe she wasn't. Hopefully she can keep Aden from feeling too bad for himself. Aden and Jace were really alike, I realized. They were both hot guys, yet they were broken at some point.

I sighed, wondering why it was always the good people that fell the hardest.

And why they were always broken.

So, mostly an explanation chapter (and sadly none of my cliffies), but this is important to know what they did and show and yadi yadi yadi. And might have answered some of your questions.

Goal: 196. Secret Word: fun because I had the best time ever on my vacation, even if I did get really tan (and yes, i dont need to get any tanner than i already am). And you guys are lucky that I got this out as fast as I did – I just got back on Friday with no internet connection, computers and stuff. Thanks guys for meeting the goal last time :)

Your review addicted author who loves reviews (;P),

~Icyfirelove3

P.S. Check out the stories I beta for! All of Bookninja15's stories (too many to list out but a lot of MI ones), Skyecelade99's Parallel Hearts, CoolxNerd's You Should Have Stayed and MollyGM's City of Bones Jace POV! All are awesome MI stories, so check them out!

P.S.S. Also, this is going to end. Like one more chapter and maybe an epilogue. That's it. Yes, I know, about time, eh? (and no, I'm not Canadian for saying that, you can blame my cousins who live in Canada)

P.S.S.S. Yes, promise, last one. Anyone else just feel that earthquake? I just had one in my area. Scary stuff.

***To Lol (if anyone else is reading this, feel free to skip over it):

Thanks so much, I love your support, thanks so much :). Now, the secret word is about well, basically whatever I say at the bottom (the A/N) and whoever says it gets a teaser (so I know who is reading it and who isn't. Just curious to see how reads my constant babbling. Hope that answered your question. But, since you are my anonymous reviewer, I can't really give it to you (i give it in the PMs) unless you sign in or tell me your penname for fanfic.***