Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Authors' note- Language warning for this chapter

When I finally made it to Gemma's dad's, it was early morning. I was met at the door by Gemma, who engulfed me in a hug.

"It's good to see you, sweetheart. Thank you for coming so quick."

"It's good to see you too, Gemma, you have no idea how good." I gave her a smile "What did you need my help with?"

Once she had explained I went to check with Tig. I saw him sitting on a bed, mumbling.

"Tig, maybe this will teach you to watch who you are screwing." I started chuckling when his eyes narrowed. "Ok, let me see your wound."

I was able to get to slug out without any trouble and then began bandaging it. He surprised me with actually caring how Jax and I were. Then Gemma came in saying Nate was gone, great that's just what we needed. She took me to the basement and I couldn't believe she had a woman tied up, I take that back, this is Gemma, of course she does. When she handed me a bed pan, I wanted to slap her; I haven't had to empty bed pans since med school.

Since I was the only one who wouldn't attract attention, I had to go look for Nate. I had been everywhere and was exhausted when I got back. I hadn't found him and knew Gemma would be mad. Once Gemma snapped and broke her mom's doll collection, I knew I should get away from her.

"Gemma, I am going to check on the caretaker."

I hated that this poor woman was taped to this wheelchair but I also couldn't let her go. My phone rang for the millionth time; the ringtone told me it was Jax again. I couldn't deal with him right now. I knew he would be mad I hadn't waited for him and that I went directly against his orders. The asshole, I still can't believe he tried to order me around. I stomped all the way down to the caretaker. I was probably being too rough, so I made myself take a deep breath before going back to work on her. She asked to be untied, when I looked at her hands I saw she was right, they were turning purple. I was still mad at Jax and the whole situation I was in and wasn't paying enough attention until I felt her make a big move; I saw the oxygen tank coming at me but I couldn't do anything to stop it and then my world went black.

I woke up with a pounding in my head, and then the events that caused my blackout came back in a rush. I tried to stand up but swayed, between my probable concussion and my pregnancy I wasn't very stable. I started to make my way to the stairs when I realized she took my shoes, the damn bitch, I love those boots. I stumbled up the stairs and saw the caretaker with a knife to Gemma's throat. I looked around for a weapon and saw a pair of brass praying hands, I grabbed them and tried to hit the caretaker but my lack of coordination caused me to barely graze her. It was good enough to let Gemma fight back, but then the caretaker quit fighting and collapsed. I felt for a pulse but knew from the position of the knife, she would be dead. I had just helped to kill a woman; I didn't know what to do.

Luckily Tig came in, he was on the phone but once he saw the body, he got off.

"What the fuck happened?"

Gemma took me to the kitchen to get me an ice pack and we told Tig what happened.

"I leave you girls alone for 10 minutes," I quit listening, he sounded exactly like Jax. Jax… I couldn't let him know what I did; he would use it as another reason to push me away. I couldn't lose, him not over something this crazy. I heard Gemma say we would take care of her and my stomach started churning. When she finished, I took off to the sink to throw up.

"Concussion?" Gemma asked, with concern in her voice.

Yeah, that's a good excuse, although I knew it was my pregnancy. Gemma and I carried the caretaker to the bed in the basement and started upstairs when my phone rang.

"Talk to him."

I sat on the steps to talk to him. I was surprised when he didn't spend the whole call yelling at me. When we got done talking I was actually looking forward to him coming up. That was until I looked at the caretaker's body again. I had to run and throw up again. This pregnancy is going to bust me if this morning sickness doesn't quit.

I had just rinsed out my mouth when I heard a bike pull up. This "cleaner" guy was a very creepy man and I stayed upstairs and sat with an ice pack on my head. Tig came up to me.

"We need you to go get this stuff, as quick as possible."

I got in the car and went to the store. I didn't think; I just went item to item grabbing what was needed. I made it back to the house within a half hour. All three of us were sitting upstairs when the cleaner came back up. When told to take whatever he wanted, he grabbed the praying hands statue I had hit the caretaker with. I thought it was a crazy choice, but was thrilled it was gone, too.

We all went and looked in the basement and was amazed to see there was absolutely no trace of the caretaker. We all looked at each other before turning to go upstairs; I gave it once last look. I couldn't believe I had helped kill someone then helped to get rid of the body. I couldn't analyze what this all meant about my life; I simply had done what had to be done. Those thoughts took me back to the day after Jax had killed Joshua.

I knew Jax would probably be asleep but had to give it a shot and called him. I was about to hang up when he sleepily answered.

"Hello."

"Hey Jax."

"Tara, everything ok?" I heard the panic in his voice.

"Yes, sorry I didn't mean to scare you…I just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh ok, my question still stands…everything ok?"

"Yeah, I just missed you, I guess. I mean we haven't been on the best of terms lately and I just missed...us."

"Yeah, it has been a bad week. I am sorry I dragged you into all of this."

"Jax, I chose to be here, so don't say things like that. I just was thinking about the day after Joshua…" she didn't finish and he didn't say anything.

"Well, I guess I should let you get back to bed and I can talk to you when you get here tomorrow. I love you, Jax."

"I love you too Tara. Are you sure you are alright?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that, but knew some things were better told face to face. "Yeah I'm fine. Goodnight, Jax."

"Good night, darlin."

I cried myself to sleep that night; I cried for Abel, for Kip, for having to keep my unborn baby a secret, for being a part of Joshua and the caretaker's deaths and just because I didn't know how much longer I could be the only one fighting for our families' future together.