Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Authors' note- Language warning for this chapter

I woke up and knew today would be a bad day, my stomach rolled and I went running to the bathroom. Once I calmed down, I went to talk with Nate; I had to get him to sign a Power of Attorney. He wasn't up yet, so I went online and researched the home where he would be going . I was relieved to see there was a top neurologist on staff. I heard him up and moving so I went in, papers in my hand.

"Hi Nate, how are you this morning?"

"I will be going away today, won't I?"

"Yes Nate, but it is a nice place. I am here because I need you to sign some papers for me. This is a power of attorney form. Do you understand what it does?"

I paused, making sure he knew, about this time I saw Gemma walk away from the doorway.

"Ok, well this will give me the power to make decisions for your care."

"Why you, Tara?"

"Well because I am a doctor and everyone feels better with me being in charge." I couldn't dump all the legal problems on him.

"How are you related to me?"

"Well, I am Jackson's longtime girlfriend."

Finally he signed the papers and I went to let Gemma know. I had never realized she was so against putting him in a home.

"Gemma, this is the best thing for Nate. With his condition, he needs 24/7 supervision. None of us can give him that. I promise, he will be ok there."

"Ok, Tara you have to visit him please…just take care of him while I'm gone."

"I will, Gemma."

We sat in silence for a little while before she spoke again.

"Thank you Tara, for everything you do for us." She smiled at me "Ok, enough mushy shit. We need to pack everything up. Will you take the guest room?"

"Sure."

I was going through a dresser when I heard a knock; I turned to see Jax. He looked miserable. I walked to him, giving him a slight kiss before he walked away. I was getting really sick of this huge void we had between us. He sat down and began filling me in on the bail revoke, and finding Abel. We were interrupted by Tig and they began carrying the boxes to the basement.

I went back to packing because when Jax asked about the caretaker; I just wanted to tell him everything. I tried to keep my mind off everything but that was until I got called into the meeting. I kept waiting on them to tell her about Abel but they never did. When Nate walked in and yelled at the guys, I wanted to join him. Gemma had calmed him down so I went back to packing but Nate came in.

"Hey, Nate."

"Why are you with my grandson?" that was not something that I was actually expecting to hear.

"Because I love him and he is a good man."

"He's turning into a criminal just like his dad."

"No Nate, he is a good man. He is smart and tries to do the right things. You really should talk to him."

He just nodded and walked out again; only to be replaced by Gemma.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Trying to get him to talk with Jax, and all the great things you said about my son. You are an amazing woman and a great future daughter-in-law." Before I could respond she walked out.

She had no idea how far that possibility was right now. I started carrying boxes to the basement and labeling them. I passed Tig, who said they would carry the rest for me. I was labeling them when I got up the courage to confront Jax with wanting to go to Canada with them. I couldn't believe everything he was saying. I wasn't part of the family; he was drowning, to do as I was told. With every statement, I was becoming more and more livid. I knew my snap was coming but didn't think it would involve me telling him about the caretaker. I was so happy when they all left, I sat in the wheelchair.

I knew I had to explain why I blew it with Gemma, but couldn't tell her everything either. I had just reached the end of my rope and I began sobbing when she told me I'd be a good mom. There is no way I would be a good mom; I had let Cameron take Abel, I couldn't keep Jax from falling apart and I just plan couldn't keep it together. I looked at Gemma who was looking too closely at me and I was afraid she would see everything, so I bailed and used Nate as an excuse.

The guys were still gone when we took Nate to St. Paul's. I left Gemma alone with Nate while I let them know we were there. When we went to bring him in and he begged Gemma to take him home, I wanted to take him home. Dr. Adar and I showed Nate around and helped him into his room. I sat with him for a little while and helped him unpack.

"Nate, I have to go now. Are you ok?" He just nodded "OK, well if you need anything, just have them call me, ok?"

I had tears in my eyes as I left the building. I didn't see Gemma where I left her, so she must be hiding in the car. I went to the parking lot but couldn't find the cutlass. I looked twice before giving up; I tried her cell but got no answer.

"Shit!"

I did what I had to, I called Jax.

"Jax, we have a problem…I need you to come to St. Paul's and pick me up."

"Did the cutlass break down?"

"No, your mom took it."

"We will be there in 5 minutes."

I heard them coming before I saw them, I walked to the road to flag them down. We will see how well this goes. When we realized that Gemma went back to Charming, Jax practically threw his helmet at me. As I sat on the back of Jax's bike riding back toward Charming, I tried to find the good in the situation. At least I was riding with Jax and not in the van with Piney. I was getting tired, damn pregnancy, so I laid my head on Jax's back and relaxed. He was very tense but at least I got a little rest, not sleep but rest.

We hit the Charming border and Clay stopped.

"Where should we go first?" everyone said something different.

"I think we should go to the clubhouse. She had a head start; she would have already realized Abel isn't at Jax's and probably went to the clubhouse next." I said.

When I saw my car, I was relieved to have been right for once. My relief didn't last long because Gemma collapsed in front of us. Jax was off the bike before I could get off; once I made it off I started running toward her; just in time to hear Jax call for me.

I begin to check her out but everyone was too close.

"Get back and give me some room." Once they moved, I leaned over her, "Gemma, I need you to talk to me, what is wrong?"

All's she could do was tap her chest. I felt her pulse and realized just how irregular it was.

"Call an ambulance, there is nothing I can do here. She is having trouble with her heart; she could die without a hospital." I thought about what this would mean, she would be arrested "I am sorry Clay, Jax; I can't do anything else without medical equipment."

I kept checking her pulse until the ambulance got there; I quickly relayed medical history and watched them to make sure they were doing everything needed to be done.

"Ok, Clay I think I should ride with her just in case, you guys can follow. Is that ok?"

"Yeah Doc, that is a good idea. We will be right behind you."

Thankfully the ride to St. Thomas was uneventful. As soon as we stopped we were surrounded by SAMCRO, but I ignored it all and was running beside the gurney giving information and direction. An E.R. doctor wanted to examine her before anything so I had to stand up for everything I knew was needed.

"Listen here Dr. Smithson, I have already examined her and she needs her heart looked at, not a ton of blood work. Since you obviously can't do your job, I will help you out get out of here. Becky, call the cardiologist on duty and get them down here now."

I heard a few of SAMCRO clapping but I just walked back into Gemma's room and waited on the cardiologist.