Title: Clinging to Hope
Author: darkling59
Fandom: Bleach
Date: 7/1/2022
Disclaimer: Bleach and all associated characters, settings, concepts, etc within this story do not belong to me. Character spellings will attempt to follow those on the Bleach wiki.
Please read and review!
The two hollows listened to his story in silence, watching him with unwavering half-feral eyes.
"If ya don't want to be here, then why don't ya go back?" the child-hollow eyeballed Jushiro suspiciously once he stopped talking, as if he was somehow fabricating the entire situation just to trick her. The shinigami chuckled tiredly in response.
"I'm afraid that is beyond my capabilities." He intended to elaborate, but Lilynette jumped into the pause.
"Seriously?" She sneered. "Even the weakest hollows can do that! Even the ones that stay in the human world!"
Jushiro blinked, opened his mouth, closed it, and blinked again. A faint flicker of hope – which he thought he'd long since given up on – ignited within his chest.
Starrk grumbled from off to the side where he'd been all but forgotten. "He's a shinigami, Lilynette. I doubt his kind can make hollow portals."
Garganta. Jushiro realized. They are talking about Garganta. The only known inter-dimensional portal capable of entering all three realms without relying on any tools other than the creator's will. The twelfth division had never managed to figure out how they worked – all of their attempts had ended the same as this experiment: with a shinigami lost irretrievably in Hueco Mundo.
But, once again, he was reminded that he was not dealing with shinigami. The girl was still glaring suspiciously and Starrk seemed willing to stand back and let her treat Jushiro however she wanted. Internally, the shinigami frowned at the lack of discipline, but he did not say anything.
"So?" she demanded. "Shinigami really can't make portals? How'd ya get here, then?"
"Starrk-san is correct." Jushiro nodded at the male hollow respectfully, receiving a skeptical cocked eyebrow in response. Mentally, he winced, considering his behavior thus far. "The ability to create hollow portals – or as we call them, 'Garganta' – is unique to hollows. Shinigami travel between the human realm and Soul Society using Senkaimon, and I wound up in Hueco Mundo because a scientist made a mistake with the Senkaimon I was using."
"And ya can't make a new one?"
"Unfortunately, no. They are only intended for use between Soul Society and the human world, and even then it is necessary to have a hell butterfly guide your way. Even if I could open one in Hueco Mundo – which I can't – it is unlikely I'd be able to make it back without a guide." He smiled, trying to look harmless and curious rather than desperate and grasping. It was made doubly hard because so far, he'd been trying to appear as dangerous as possible. "Do you have any restrictions when using Garganta?"
"Uh…" Lilynette pulled a face and looked at Starrk, who shrugged casually.
"We don't get out much."
"But you have used one at some point…?"
"…Yeah." Starrk stretched and stepped closer to Lilynette. "It's easy." He held up his right hand in front of him and drew it sideways in a slashing gesture. A crooked line of darkness followed it – not so much drawing a black line as creating a lightless, colorless aperture that steadily widened. Reality drew away from the Garganta in geometric shapes, as if the fabric between dimensions was simply a flat curtain to be pulled back. Through the resulting dark chasm, Jushiro could catch a glimpse of a gray pre-dawn sky and the twinkling of lights.
Hope rose, painful and sharp in his chest and he took a quick step forwards, but Starrk twisted his hand into a fist and the opening followed the gesture, closing and fading out of existence. The loss was like a slap in the face and Jushiro turned on the hollow, disappointment bitter and expression angry.
"Why did you do that?!"
Starrk drew away, startled by his fervor, and eyed him, his own reiatsu rising to match the captain's sudden aggression. Jushiro caught himself before he could say anything more offensive (or, worse, go for his zanpakuto) and simply met the apathetic hollow's gaze with burning eyes. He was trying to compose his expression into neutrality in the interests of remaining alive, but it was difficult.
After a long, tense moment, Starrk shrugged, apparently unconcerned. His eyes stayed sharp, though, and his reiatsu did not recede.
"I told you – I'm too strong. If I leave it open any longer, my power will seep through and kill everyone on the other side." His eyes shifted to the killing field around them, becoming distant and vaguely mournful as he remembered loss and pain. "Most of them are even weaker than adjuchas." He said it with the air of someone who knew for a fact he was correct, and Jushiro was struck by the uncomfortable certainty that the hollow had gone looking for friends on the other side. Obviously, the attempt had ended in tragedy.
"Oh. Of-of course." Caught flat footed, Jushiro awkwardly withdrew. The concept of 'hollow' was so closely paired with malicious intentions in his mind that he had not even considered the possibility that Starrk might have other motivations. Now the feral man was eyeing him warily while Jushiro was forced to realize that his own motives had been more self-centered (than those of a cannibalistic hollow). It was a difficult pill to swallow. But he did not have the chance to dwell on it – Starrk and Lilynette appeared to be on the verge of backing off and Jushiro was suddenly desperate to make them stay. Now that they had shown they had a way to leave Hueco Mundo, they were infinitely more valuable.
"I apologize for my abruptness." He stated calmly, spreading his hands as if reassuring an animal. It was apt – they were keeping their distance and the feral cast to their eyes and movements put him in mind of untamed beasts and the old adage 'once bitten, twice shy'. "I was surprised to see it, that's all."
Starrk grunted, obviously unconvinced. "Why?" He did not come any closer and stayed carefully between Lilynette and Jushiro. She crouched, silent and still although the tension quivering in her muscles indicated she was on the edge of a fight or flight instinct.
Jushiro sighed, realizing he'd just set himself even further back than he'd been when he arrived. "Forgive me – I believed myself trapped here and that I would die without proper food, water, and medical treatment." Something inside cringed at the thought of revealing such information to a hollow, but he muscled past the impulse, knowing a sign of trust would be necessary in this situation.
"You thought I was mocking you?" Starrk was three steps ahead with the right conclusion.
"I suppose so." Jushiro sat down gingerly, purposely making himself look small and nonthreatening – another action his instincts screamed at him to avoid in the presence of a hollow. "I apologize."
It was a struggle for Jushiro to overcome his deeply ingrained survival instincts to humble himself in front of hollows but, paradoxically, he was now dead certain that was the only thing that would keep him alive in this situation. A younger, less practical shinigami never would have managed it.
But a younger shinigami never would have survived in Hueco Mundo this long.
With awareness of the Vasto Lorde mere meters away burning through his nerves, and remaining steady by sheer force of will, Jushiro sat down in the sand and set about cutting strips off the bottom edge of his haori with his zanpakuto. There were faint clicks and crunches of breaking and shifting bone shards as the hollows moved around the deadly minefield below the mountains of corpses, restless but still not aggressive. Jushiro could only hope they were also curious enough to stick around and keep him alive.
It was the little hollow girl who broke the silence.
"What're you doing, Shinigami?"
Jushiro pasted a smile on his face and kept his tone light as he responded. 'I'm cutting bandages to use on my injuries."
They wouldn't do much to help the deep, debilitating cuts on his feet but maybe they'd keep more of his blood inside his body than on the sand. And, more importantly, drawing attention to his pain might evoke sympathy in the two strange hollows.
If they didn't choose to eat him in his moment of weakness.
The old shinigami forcibly buried that thought.
"You won't be able to walk far with your feet like that." The male Vasto Lorde observed quietly.
Jushiro looked up at him, allowing his smile to fall but attempting to maintain an air of helplessness and sincerity. "I know." He replied, equally quietly. "But I need to do something."
Remarkably, his ploy seemed to be working.
Lilynette wavered, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and glaring back and forth between Starrk and Jushiro while Starrk himself sighed deeply and scrubbed a hand over his face.
Well, okay. Maybe he wasn't deceiving them, but he definitely seemed to be convincing them.
"What do you want me to do?" Starrk asked, hand still covering his eyes. "I doubt you want the souls on the other side to die."
"Of course not!" Jushiro's eyes drifted to the younger hollow and he smiled hopefully. "Perhaps if you weren't the one opening the garganta…?"
"Me?" Lilynette yelped, recoiling against Starrk in surprise. "You want ME to do it?!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Unless you can't…?"
"Hey! I can do it just as well as the lazy bastard here!" She snapped but stayed pressed against her companion's side.
Jushiro smiled, the tense line of his shoulders slowly relaxing.
Bizarrely, the thought of trusting the two hollows to get him home didn't scare Jushiro like he thought it would. It wasn't desperation driving his decisions, either; Starrk seemed genuinely trustworthy. And Lilynette…well she didn't not seem trustworthy and it was difficult to see a child as a threat, even a hollow child. Logically, Jushiro knew the two of them were hollows, the beings he'd been taught to believe were unnatural monsters for his entire long life. Logically, he shouldn't be considering this.
But his instincts disagree and Jushiro has been around long enough to know the value of his instincts, sometimes even more than orders, experience, and training. It's rare for them to prod him so insistently but it is his survival at stake.
"So…" Starrk drawled, arching an eyebrow and shifting to lean heavily on Lilynette. She stumbled, squeaked, and jammed a pointy elbow into his side.
"…Ah. Apologies. I lost my train of thought. I would be grateful for your help." Jushiro replied with a smile, His instincts tell him it's the right decision even if his logic-based paranoia bristled. The smile on his face was more genuine than he expected.
Starrk nodded, not seeming to realize how much was going on behind the captain's eyes. Or maybe he just didn't care. He's powerful enough not to be threatened by Jushiro's decision, after all. Then he raised an eyebrow at Lilynette, who nodded in decisive agreement.
"I'll do it over there!" Lilynette pointed to an empty plot of sand far away from the piles of bones. At Starrk's confused expression, she explained. "That way he won't cut his foot again. There's nothing sharp over there."
"That's kind of you, but with my foot in this condition, it will be difficult to manage the dunes. Right here will be fine."
"Nah, don't worry about it. I'll carry you."
"You really don't have to-!"
Too late. Starrk didn't hesitate to heft Jushiro up into his arms, apparently over his bout of wariness. Lilynette too seemed fully dedicated to the plan, now that she'd made the decision to help. She dashed to the chosen spot in a blur of sonido and was there waiting, bouncing on her heels, when Starrk arrived and placed Jushiro on his feet. The shinigami barely had time to stutter out a protest before the hollow flashed back to the crest of the next dune, out of the garganta's direct line of sight. Lilynette stiffened without him there but she still waved her arm in a wide arc and a garganta cut through the void. It was smaller and rougher than Starrk's, but Jushiro didn't care. Soul Society was on the other side. Home.
"Okay, so, you need to make a path through the dark an' follow it to the other side. Yell through once you're out an' I'll close the garganta. If you don't yell, it'll close automatically after…um…about five minutes." Her voice dipped to a mutter. "I think."
She dashed away as soon as she finished speaking and Jushiro turned to watch her come out of sonido next to Starrk. The garganta stayed intact despite her distance and both hollows watched him with eyes that glinted animalistically in the moonlight.
"Thank you!" The captain yelled back, as loudly as he could with his lungs in their current state.
They didn't reply and he didn't linger. Keeping Lilynette's words in mind, he focused on solidifying a trail to walk on through the emptiness between the two dimensions. Bloody footprints followed his slow progress, dimming the bright white construct.
The path was mercifully short. After a dozen steps, Jushiro was able to step out of the nothingness and onto cool, wet grass glistening in the weak light of dawn.
As Jushiro emerged into Soul Society, he felt the tension slide from his shoulders. The silent, shadowy forest around him was a beautiful sight even though he couldn't see much of it due to the lingering night time shadows. It was something he never thought he'd see again. He took a deep breath full of the scent of green, growing plants and the faintest hint of distant campfire smoke – all so much more alive than anything in Hueco Mundo.
On the exhale, he choked.
His chest locked up. His lungs spasmed. Before he could breathe any more, he started hacking. The taste of copper teased the back of his tongue, making him grimace.
"Hey, um, Mr. Captain? Ukitake?" Lilynette's voice was a worried squeak. "You okay?"
"I'm…" He gasped around the throbbing knot in his chest. "I'm…fine."
"You don't look fine." There was a distinct note of concern in Starrk's monotone. Jushiro couldn't help being touched.
He turned to look back at the garganta and found Lilynette wavering halfway along the path and Starrk close on the other side, apparently having advanced to watch him leave. They hadn't been there long enough for their reiatsu to affect the Soul Society side of the portal but they were clearly ready to jump to his aid if he needed it, even if it would reveal their existence and location to the Gotei 13.
The thought brings an unexpected surge of shame and sadness. Jushiro would have to report them to the head captain, of course, the existence of hollows like Starrk is a terrifying and important fact, but he wanted to avoid harming them if possible. If they entered Soul Society for any reason, that would be much harder. Especially since their mere presence would likely wipe out the nearest three communities, bright flickering collections of souls that he can feel on the edges of his reiatsu.
With that in mind, Jushiro forced himself to straighten, holding his breath until his lungs stopped spasming and swallowing until there was no more blood in his mouth. It was a temporary way to push back his illness and it only worked because he's not actually having an attack. He's just overreached, too used to the support of the high levels of ambient reiatsu in Hueco Mundo after days trapped there.
"No, really. I'm okay."
Starrk shifted like he was about to step into the garganta with Lilynette. "You sure? I could-?"
"No, no." Jushiro waved him off, trying to keep the gesture light and natural. "I appreciate it, really, but the two of you have already done more than enough." He smiled. "I wasn't expecting to find such kindness in Hueco Mundo. Truly, thank you."
"Uh!" Lilynette squeaked and blushed, recoiling from his smile until she banged into Starrk. Then she looked up at her counterpart, single visible eye wide with confusion.
Starrk was similarly surprised. Instead of apathetic, he looked distinctly embarrassed. He shifted his weight and ran a hand through his hair. It took him a full minute to formulate a response.
"Er…You're welcome? We…weren't actually trying to be kind, though. We're still hollows. You just…asked."
"I asked, and you helped. I think that's kind, regardless of your species." Jushiro replied, much more confident now that he was back in his home dimension. "I do need to be getting home now, however. My friends are likely worried about me."
Something flickered through the hollows' eyes and Starrk nodded, apathy settling back into place. He pointed past Jushiro and into the darkened trees behind him.
"The highest concentration of reiatsu like yours is a sonido or two in that direction."
Jushiro blinked and raised his awareness. To his surprise, what he found agreed with Starrk's senses; there are shinigami there, in a random forest on the edge of an unknown district. He can feel a full squad of rank and file shinigami and two brighter presences that he recognized as Shunsui and Nanao. A sneaky suspicion crept into his mind.
"Did you aim for-?"
But when he turned to ask the hollows if they helped him one last time, the garganta was gone, closed while he was trying to pinpoint his comrades.
The captain chuckled and then released the reins on his power, providing a beacon for Shunsui to detect and follow.
He's going home.
Almost there! Just a short epilogue left.
Also, I'm having trouble with my ffnet private messages, so I'm sorry if you've tried to contact me and haven't heard anything back. Dunno what's going on - everything disappears into the ether as soon as I try to send it.
Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed!