Sorry if this chapter happened to suddenly, but I think its timing was perfect. ^.^ For those that are light-hearted and don't feel like witnessing a slightly gruesome birth, feel free to skip to the end. Because it is gruesome. Graphic. Detailed. An average human birth. Whatever you'd like to call it.
oOo
We woke up at 10 (due to lack of sleep) in the morning, very rudely, by harsh knocking on the bedroom door. I groggily lifted up my head off Peeta's shoulder to find I had a painful crick in my neck. But between on second and the next I realized what that meant. Someone was inside the house at the bedroom door, and here I was in Peeta's bed wearing his clothes. That must look really, really bad.
I scrambled off the bed and looked around frantically for ideas. Peeta just cast me a peculiar look and went to get the door. I sidestepped into the bathroom and closed the door after me, face red with embarrassment, hoping it wasn't my mother.
The sound of the bedroom door opening reached my ears and I heard Peeta's surprise in his voice.
"Haymitch! What are you doing here?" He only sounded a teeny bit irked.
"Katniss has been called back to District 13 for an urgent matter. She wasn't at her house, I thought I might check in with you." Haymitch seemed out of breath and edgy. "We need her right now."
"For what?" It was plain and clear in Peeta's voice he was heavily debating whether or not to tell him I was hiding in his bathroom.
"It's Annie. She's in labor and won't let a single doctor even touch her. She wants Katniss to deliver the baby."
My jaw dropped to the floor and an idea popped up into my head, stupid, but might work. I reached over and turned the shower on. Over the noise of the water, I heard Peeta catch on with my plan.
"Sorry, Haymitch she just stepped into the shower. I'll get her." He walked right up next to the door and yelled at me over the noise. "Katniss you need to come back out, Haymitch needs you!"
This might have been fun if I hadn't been running on pure embarrassed adrenaline. Annie's baby is coming and-and if I don't hurry…
"There's a spare pair of my clothes on the cabinet since you already put yours in the washer!" Peeta, again, saved me and I quickly stuck my head under the spray of water to get my hair wet and then turned off the faucet.
Sparing a second or two to "pull the clothes on", I stepped out, hoping my red face would pass for 'scrubbed clean'.
Haymitch gave me a familiar exasperated look. "You could've saved us some time, sweetheart. We need to hurry."
Borrowed shorts and T-shirt with no supportive undershirt was hardly acceptable for delivering a child, but I had no time to object before my wrist was grabbed and I was being yanked out the door. And before I knew it, I was being tossed roughly into an awaiting hovercraft, being rammed in between Peeta and my old mentor. The bruises surely will show up tomorrow.
In no time, the hovercraft had taken off and I had time to breath. "Is it really that big of emergency?" I panted to Haymitch with an annoyed look. "Women could be in labor for days before the baby actually comes. Was all the shoving necessary?"
Haymitch opened his mouth with a look that suggested a very good reasoning, then he shut it with a frown. "Two in the morning Finnick came running in to the hospital claiming she started having contractions. The doctors came rushing, but she screamed for them to get out. She refused to let them do as much as check on her without you there."
I briefly rubbed my eyes. "I don't think I've ever delivered without my mother's help."
"But you know how to, right?" Peeta cast me an uncertain glance. Even unconditional love doesn't stop him from doubting my abilities.
"Yeah." That was all I said.
For twenty long minutes, I sat, cramped, anticipating the hours to come. I didn't question my capability of delivering a child unassisted. It's just that if something went wrong I'd be 100% at fault. Banishing that horrid thought, I watched out the window at the uneven shapes of the ground as we approached District 13.
The hovercraft slowed and descended into the hole opening up in the ground. It was sickeningly familiar, but I tried to hold my head high and stay somewhat sane for the sake of everyone else.
A group of people—hovercraft managers, doctors, people there to see the infamous Mockingjay indeed alive, guards—were waiting when we touched down. When I crawled out of the craft after Haymitch, half of the group fell to their knees and started crying. My name was yelled, sobbed, cried over and over. I had almost forgotten I had saved them all. Not.
The doctors and guards shooed the people away and I was escorted briskly through a set of tall metal doors. Peeta walked by my side the whole time, there but not interfering with my all-business mood. Haymitch disappeared soon after leaving the hovercraft, so it was just us and our escorts.
There were two doctors—presumably higher-up—in front of me, leading the way to the room Annie was staying in. They remained stiff-backed and unspeaking, which was okay with me. I was busy preparing myself.
I was ushered down a hall, and abruptly stopped at the first room. One of the doctors, short and muscular, beckoned me inside. Heart pounding with nerves, I took a breath and stepped inside. No one except Peeta followed, and I was fine with that.
The scene in the room both frightened me and made my heart melt into my shoes. Annie was laying flat in a hospital bed, wrapped in a thin purple gown down to her knees. Her brown hair was sticking to her pale forehead with sweat, chest heaving up and down with every frantic breath. Finnick was there at her side, pressing a wet washcloth to her forehead, holding her white-knuckled hand.
When they heard the door open, Annie and Finnick's sea green eyes flicked up to me and Finnick let out a breath of relief. Taking a second to squeeze his wife's hand, Finnick stood up and greeted me.
"Thanks for coming on such short notice. This has really been…" He ran a finger through his too-long copper hair. Circles were painted under his eyes, marking exactly how tired the poor guy was. "Stressful. Really, really stressful. Annie hasn't let anyone except me touch her, and I'm no doctor. I'm grateful." The words, unlike most times, didn't seem too painful for him to say.
I gave him a genuine smile. "No, I'm glad to do this. Get away. Is it okay if…?" Glancing behind me at Peeta then back at Finnick hesitantly.
Finnick then glanced at Annie, who swallowed, then nodded.
After that was cleared up, l, Like any good doctor, began with a thorough hand-washing. Next to the modern metal sink was a stack of boxes that held various sizes of rubber gloves. I took a pair of 'smalls' and pulled them on. I've never liked rubber gloves and never wore them, but this was no doubt going to be messy, and I guessed it was just proper as a doctor. Annie should have asked Prim or Mother, though. They were the real doctors in this family.
On the walls were funny white-plastic aprons meant specifically for these…situations. Feeling extremely self-conscious in my borrowed shorts and shirt, I tied the smock around my waist. Once it was securely knotted and my hair was pulled back in a band, I walked cautiously over to Annie, who seemed to be in between contractions.
Annie lifted her eyes up to me. "Katniss… Thanks." Her voice was strong, but it seemed like she was using a lot of breath for her words.
I took one of her hands in my plastic-gloved ones and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "It's my pleasure. I worried I was too late."
"No." With her free hand, she tucked a sweaty lock of hair behind her ear. "I had my-my first contraction in the middle of the night, and it-it woke me up. But after I was settled in the hospital bed, another one didn't come until five. They keep getting closer and c—"
Annie's abdomen tightened suddenly, and she let out a small groan of pain. Her hand tightened around mine and for a second she laid there, back arched grotesquely. A few more seconds passed and she relaxed again, breathing heavily.
I swallowed slightly and kept hold of her hand even though my fingers may have shattered. "We need to keep track of them, okay?" I told Annie. "When they get a minute apart…" My eyes flicked up to the clock on the wall and I judged what time it was, only to have a base time when the next happened.
"Okay." Annie's eyes trailed down to her stomach and she placed a hand there. "I can…I can feel him moving." Her mouth twitched up into a smile and she glanced at Finnick. "Strong little guy."
Finnick lifted his hand to cup the side of her face and I immediately felt invasive. Letting go of Annie's hand, I took a step back. Peeta, who was standing awkwardly behind me, took a step forwards and put his arm comfortingly around my shoulders.
"You're doing great." He assured me, pressing his lips to my cheek.
"The worst hasn't even started yet…" I let a sigh escape me, and I picked at the rubbed seam of my glove. "Maybe you'd want to wait outside. There is no doubt it's going to be extremely graphic."
Though he looked hesitant, Peeta stood firm. "I want to stay with you. I've never seen a baby born." A thoughtful look appeared in the blue irises.
Haha. I grinned. "You're missing out."
"Was that sarcasm?"
"Not at all." And it was true. "It's beautiful, the first time a baby cries. You want nothing more th—"
I was immediately cut off by a pained cry building itself in Annie's throat. She clutched her stomach feverishly, and I was there by her side in a split-second. As she convulsed, I glanced up at the clock. Four minutes.
Finnick was holding Annie's hand in both of his, and he looked at me. "How close?"
As I freshened the washcloth with new water, I answered him. "When they get closer than a minute or so, she needs to push, but not too hard. When the head is clear, that is when…" The contraction had passed, leaving Annie sweating even more. I put the cloth on her forehead. "That's when she needs to push as hard as possible. And soon you'll have Jace in your arms…"
Both Annie and Finnick looked elated hearing their unborn child's name. After frowning slightly, I went back to Peeta's side.
A vision flooded in my head and I was suddenly not the person standing up and doctoring. I was laying in the bed, holding Peeta's hand as the spasms rippled through my body. I never had the chance to experience that with Alexis. She…wasn't normal. I didn't get the usual eight months gestation period, or the agonizing hours in the hospital, or the ability to hear her first cry or change her first diaper. I never got that.
Again, Peeta had wrapped his arm around me since I wasn't busy with Annie. He rubbed consoling circles on my back and I wondered what it would be like to have a baby with him…
"What's that face for?" Peeta's voice was highly amused.
I glanced at him, only then aware of the contorted expression. "Um—nothing." I turned my attention back to Annie and Finnick. They were standing there, motionless, hands on each other's faces, looking exhausted but doting.
For a minute more Peeta and I stood there, bodies pressed together, but the peace didn't last long. Finnick had reached over to refresh the cloth again, but just when he turned the tap on, Annie cried out his name. Everyone except Peeta rushed to her side.
In my head, I calculated that this one was lasting slightly longer than the last, but only by a few seconds. Annie whimpered and her breathing grew rapid. This lasted for seven seconds, but on the eighth she calmed down. Finnick was trying to comfort her, but she glanced over at me instead.
"H-How long was that?" She panted, her body slowly relaxing. "Is there… How long?"
I gripped her hand. "Two minutes. I think the next one… You'll have to prepare to push, okay?"
Annie nodded.
But we all prepared ourselves, not just her. I fixed the blanket across her legs, pulling it up to her thighs. Finnick flexed his hand, which had been gripped with no mercy. No doubt there are going to be some bruises in a few minutes.
I glanced back at Peeta, who seemed to be considering whether or not to stay. When I walked up next to him, he squeezed my hand. "Are you sure it's okay for me to stay?"
"It's fine." Though I hoped he would have the…decency to find a better spot than right opposite her. It is a birth, after all.
Peeta bent his head close to mine with a frown, and opened his mouth to say something, but it was interrupted.
"Forty five seconds?" Breath whooshed out of my lungs and I scrambled away from Peeta to the edge of the bed, leaving him with a weird face on. "Here we go…"
Annie's eyes wheeled up to me and she gripped my hand tightly. "Is it—?" She whimpered and bit her lip as a tight convulsion rippled her body. She panted heavily, and the convulsion didn't stop. "Should I…?"
"Yes, Annie." I nodded at her, hoping through the tears she saw. "Push now, but not too hard."
Tears cut tracks on her cheeks as she did, moaning in pain. "It-It's…" Her chest heaved madly, but the rippling didn't stop. Swallowing my fear, I gently bent her legs at the knees and positioned myself in front of her.
"I know it hurts…" I said softly. I'd watched many births my mother has helped with. A good third of the women grew deathly sick or died during birth, but I didn't mention that.
For a moment Annie relaxed, but I flicked my eyes up to her quickly. "No, Annie, don't stop. Keep pushing, you can do it."
She whimpered, but did as I told her.
Slowly, the head of the baby could be seen through a layer of bloody white gloss. Halfway out, my heart began speeding up. I looked up at Finnick. "She needs to push now. Now."
Finnick held Annie's hand tightly.
"Now push, Annie!" We both said. "As hard as you can."
Annie was now howling, tears pouring down her face, but she kept obeying us. Tremors raked her body as the infant was more and more visible. With one last scream, the infant slithered out into my awaiting hands.
As quickly as I could, I grabbed a towel hanging up and wiped the nose and mouth clear. With a gurgle, the baby opened his mouth and started crying.
My heart thudded unevenly and I wanted so much to take this child and run away with it, cradle it to my chest and love it to pieces forever. But it wasn't mine.
I found spare blankets in a cabinet and wrapped a blue one around the child gently. He squirmed and twitched in my arms, crying out for food. Holding him gently, I walked over to Annie, who had her hands lifted weakly, awaiting the first touch of her child. I folded him into her arms and Annie started crying.
"Jace…" She wept, holding the infant to her. Finnick, who was crying too (I've barely ever seen him do that), sat on the edge of the bed and put his arms around the both of them.
It was a mess everywhere, blood all over Annie's legs and the bed, tracked footprints of crimson on the floor. I took this as a good time to leave. Pulling off the gloves and tossing them in the , I pulled off the apron and turned to Peeta. His eyes were shining, and he was still staring at the happy family crying in unison on the opposite side of the room.
Peeta's arm went around me and I was brought from the room into the silence of the hallway. It was only until the absence of yelling and weeping, I realized I was crying, too. Tears were falling down my face, dripping onto the borrowed clothing I was no longer embarrassed over.
I was pulled against Peeta's chest, and sobbed into his shoulder. I don't know why I was crying.
Maybe it was because I just delivered my good friends' child unassisted.
Maybe it was because the sense of life was so pure and good I could just feel the small, fragile soul being pulled into this world, crying, free from the warmth of the mothers' womb.
Maybe it was because I wanted so badly to have a child of my own, to experience what I never got to. But I was so afraid…
We stood there for what seemed like an hour, but in reality it was only about half of that.
The door behind me and Peeta opened again and I pulled away, wiping my eyes. Finnick was standing there, fresh tracks of tears still on his face. But he looked nothing less than happy.
"Annie wants to talk to you." He said. I began walking towards the door, but when Peeta started to follow me, Finnick held out his finger. "Just Katniss, though. Don't look so wounded, lover-boy." He grinned, though lacking arrogance. "She doesn't want me there either."
He stepped aside, letting me go in. After flashing Peeta an apologetic look, I closed the door behind me.
Annie was looking slightly better, the sweat washed from her face and most of the blood was cleaned up. She just looked so exhausted. I pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down.
Jace was suckling right now, tiny fists kneading his mothers' breast like a kitten. He was making small grunting noises that I found absolutely adorable. It was almost impossible to tear my eyes away from him.
"Thank you, Katniss." Annie smiled tiredly at me, shifting baby Jace in her arms. "It couldn't have been more perfect."
"Really, Annie, I was glad to do it." That was nothing but the truth.
Jace, who was done sucking, was now squirming slightly in his mothers' arms, making tiny whining noises.
Annie glanced down at her child with a loving look on. Then she glanced back up at me. "Do you want to hold him?"
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I just nodded, afraid that if I tried speaking it'd come out in a howl and I'd frighten them. Carefully, I slid my arms around the frail form of the infant and held him to my chest, sitting back down. He grunted and stretched his teensy hands up and me and tried searching for more food.
I let out a small laugh and slipped my finger into his hand. Tiny fingers wrapped around it. "There's no food there." I said to him in a coo, gentle. "You're going to be disappointed."
Annie laughed, too. "Isn't he perfect?"
"He is…" I held up his head with my hand and rocked him softly, feeling the tiny thrum of his heart beneath my fingertips. I paused. "How did you do it?" I looked up at Annie. "How did you make the decision?"
Her face grew less amused, eyes sympathetic. "I don't know…" She knew what I meant. "I knew I wanted him. I guess that is the first thing I needed to be certain of."
I nodded. In my head, I was keeping track of what she said. If I was completely honest with myself, I would say I wanted one, too. I was just scared admitting it. "But… You're now in charge of a whole human life. Doesn't the thought of failing ever…frighten you?"
"It does. But I have confidence." Annie looked thoughtful. "Think of all the things you've accomplished. Thinking of that, and how much one person can love another, do you really think you'd let yourself fail?"
Heh, no. I wouldn't let myself. But accidents happen… I told this to her, shifting the tiny infant in my arms.
"Everyone makes mistakes. Think of all the things your mother did. She wasn't perfect, surely. Yet here you are, leading your own life, saving entire countries."
My mouth twitched into a weak smile. "Only one." But I liked how much sense she was making. Maybe talking to her long enough would convince me not to be such a chicken.
"And you aren't completely in charge." Annie reached over and touched her finer to Jace's cheek. He let out a small whine. "They are their own selves, too brilliant and alive to let you mess up. They can correct your mistakes just as much as their own."
Nodding slightly, I took a second to comprehend this. She made so much sense it was painful. Knowing it was just barely out of grasp, but in sight. I'm positive Peeta wouldn't say no if I asked. More than positive.
Jace whimpered in my arms and I gave him back to his mother. Immediately, he latched back on and kept eating.
We were silent for another few seconds. I kept my eyes on my hands, which were folded in my lap. When I did speak, my voice was low. "I want a child of my own."
Annie sighed understandingly. "I know. I could see the look in your eyes when you handed Jace to me. What's holding you back?" Her eyes widened a fraction. "Is it Peeta?"
I let out a small laugh. "No, it isn't him. In fact, he wants kids more than I do, but I think that may be changing on my part. I was just afraid I couldn't handle one. Before I used the excuse of the war. If we lost, no child of mine would be put through hell like almost every other kid in Panem. I didn't want any child of mine to suffer. Now…Now I'm using the excuse of my sanity." I felt kind of foolish admitting that last one to her, because Annie was supposedly mad. But I thought she was anything but.
"Why are you making excuses, Katniss?" She seemed genuinely concerned, and subconsciously adjusted Jace on her breast.
Maybe I should stop talking to this girl or I might turn into a nun and go around kissing everyone's forehead, only telling the truth. That thought frightened me. Because Annie really is making me think more than I usually do, making me tell the truth to myself and everyone else. This may very well be changing my life.
I glanced back down at my hands. "I don't know. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll screw up. I think of every bad thing that could happen, and making excuses comfort me in some way, because whenever I think of those few bad things that could happen, my excuses stop it from happening."
"They also stop every good thing from happening."
Silence.
For a few minutes, we sat in stillness, me in awe, Annie staring at me reasonably. But the peacefulness was broken when Jace started crying, tiny, high-pitched wails. Annie frowned. "You're not hungry, why are you crying?" She rocked the baby in her arms, but he kept crying.
"Probably needs a diaper change." I suddenly felt exhausted beyond belief. A sigh slipped from my throat and I rubbed my eyes. "I should get going." I certainly hoped Annie didn't think it was because I didn't want to change a diaper.
She didn't. "Goodbye, Katniss. And good luck." Annie smiled kindly at me. "It would be fun to raise our children together, you know."
A lump built up in my throat and I nodded. "Goodbye. And good luck with Jace."
"To you, too."
I left the tired mother and her son to themselves in the hospital room, and entered the hallway. Finnick and Peeta were sitting awkwardly side-by-side in the chair provided on the wall. When they heard me come out, both stood.
Before going back into the room, Finnick turned to me. "Thanks, Fire Girl. I owe you."
I rubbed my eyes again. "Yeah, no." I opened them to look at Finnick. "You don't."
His thin eyebrows arched delicately. "Okay. Well, see you."
"Bye." I turned my back to him and leaned gratefully on Peeta's shoulder.
He put both arms around me. "How did things go?"
In Peeta language, that meant 'what did she want to say?'.
` "Mm, they were fine. We…talked." I trailed off, hoping Peeta would get it.
"Talking is always good." Peeta began leading me out of the hospital, keeping one arm around my shoulder. Though the talk was small, I had a feeling he knew what we were talking about.
Now that I had my mind made up, I just needed to find the right time to bring it up. Hopefully it wouldn't be in too long. If I held this in any more, I just might explode. The sooner the better. Peeta needed to know. But not today. I was tired. When we get home, I'm going to take a very, very long nap. Perhaps tomorrow'll be the day I tell him. And perhaps I'll get my wish. After we're married, of course. But let's hope that isn't in too long…
oOo
Goodness, ramble alert at the end. Whew. That was an amazing chapter. I got a lot done. 4,385 words, and in them I made Annie have the baby and Katniss she decided to want one too. I just adore babies. *siiiigggh* REVIEW! PLEASE!