Chapter Seventy: Just Don't Tell Me That

"Speed, what are you doing sitting outside my house?" Horatio asked as he came up behind him. When Speed didn't answer he settled on the curb beside him. "Imagine my surprise when my phone rings. Apparently one of my neighbors called the cops because they figured you might be some drug dealer or something. At least they gave me the courtesy of calling me to see if I needed help. So tell me, Speed, what brings you to my house at this hour? Does it have anything to do with earlier today?"

Speed looked at his boss's wrapped ankle. "You shouldn't be up walking around."

"Be that as it may, when I see you sitting out here I can't help but find myself sitting beside you," Horatio answered. "Now come on, tell me what's wrong. Don't start shutting me out now, not when you're starting to make progress."

Realizing that his boss was right he started telling him about the rest of his day, the things that happened after he left the hospital and returned to the lab only to venture home with Delko. Much as he expected Horatio never once interrupted, listening with an open mind and letting him tell the story at his own pace. When he got to the part involving him and Delko he hesitated, afraid of how it would sound should he actually speak the truth about the situation to another person. Then he remembered that it was Horatio, the one person that kept telling him to do these sorts of things, to figure out how he felt about Delko and his life and all that other stuff. So he told him, afraid to look at Horatio as he spoke. His voice cracked once as he recounted the sorrow and pain in Delko's voice at finding the scar on his arm. Absently he traced the same scar as he talked about it.

When he finished he sat there holding his breath, waiting.

"Tell him the truth," Horatio suggested. "Tell him how you came by the scar."

Speed finally looked at him, searching his eyes for hidden meaning. "I can't."

"Only because you don't want to," pointed out Horatio. "I know how you came by the scar, Speed." That was news to Speed and he did little to hide the surprise on his face. Horatio smiled faintly. "You dropped enough hints about your travels that it wasn't all that hard to trace your path and check hospital records. I'm sorry," he quickly apologized. "I shouldn't have gone snooping but I was worried."

At first Speed was angry, mad that his privacy had been violated by someone he trusted. Then he realized how stupid it was to be mad. He needed to stop keeping it a secret. At some point the truth would come out, best that everyone learned it from him and not some other place. Of course, just because Horatio was willing to accept something so readily didn't mean that the others would be that at ease with the truth.

He shook his head. "I don't know…"

Horatio placed a hand on his shoulder. "Trust me, he'll understand, Speed. He loves you."

"Maybe you're right," agreed Speed somewhat slowly.

This time Horatio smiled. "Of course I'm right. Do you have any idea what it has been like for me since you came back? Every day I get the same questions from Alex and Calleigh. They are very curious about when the two of you are going to finally get together."

"Never can keep anything from them," Speed smiled for what felt like the first time in hours.

"So what are you going to do?" probed Horatio.

Speed swallowed somewhat nervously, amazed at the words that came out of his mouth. "Go back to his place and tell him the truth."

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He stood in the hallway outside of Delko's apartment, chewing his bottom lip, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Before leaving Horatio's he'd helped his boss back into the house, then headed back to this place. Now that he was here he couldn't figure out what to do, his courage starting to wane. For a while now he'd been weighing the idea of letting someone in on his secret and it turned out that Horatio knew all along. Of course, that got him thinking, the hospital didn't know the whole story so how was it that Horatio understood? He read the understanding in his boss's eyes; saw that the older man knew all the answers. Leave it up to Horatio to think about the ins and outs of the scenario until he came to a conclusion that fit. And also happened to be the truth.

Wiping a sweaty palm on his jeans he knocked on the closed door. Almost instantly Delko pulled it open. "You don't have to knock, Speed. You never have to knock."

He had to do this before he lost his courage. "Eric, we need to talk." He walked passed Delko, heading toward the couch. He settled somewhat uncomfortably on the couch, arms crossed over his chest. Wisely reading his mood Mite stayed curled up in his spot on a cushy chair, though he did wag his tail to show his happiness at having his owner back home.

Delko closed the door, slipping the locks into place. "Okay, let's talk," he said, settling on the coffee table across from Speed.

Speed wasn't sure he could do this with Delko looking at him so he closed his eyes, gathering his courage. "It was night. I was driving down a back road when I came upon an accident," he started, hearing a distinct quiver in his voice. Much to his dismay he felt an all too familiar tremble in his hand. At least it was hidden so that Delko could not see it. "You could hear the sound of the emergency vehicles in the distant so someone had made the call but I couldn't just drive away…I…."

"I don't think any of us could just drive away," Delko said softly.

For a moment he bit his bottom lip. "I got out to help. I….the details get a little fuzzy at this point. The driver's side window was busted, glass everywhere. There were some pretty nasty shards still in place and….A cop car arrived at the scene at the same time that I reached through the window to feel for a pulse on the driver's neck. My arm…." He shook his head. All at once that night came roaring back to him. He remembered the burn of the glass as it cut through his skin, the warmth of the blood pumping quickly from the open wound. "The cop started yelling. He pulled me away from the car, wrapping something around my arm. And then suddenly, I wasn't there. The scene got blurry and the noises distorted. I could see what was going on around me but my brain refused to process…" He trailed off.

Not even a moment of silence passed before he felt the warmth of Delko's hand on his cheek. "It was an accident, Speed. Nothing more than an accident."

Speed opened his eyes, tears starting to fall from his eyes. "No, it wasn't," he said barely louder than a whisper. "I could have reached the driver and felt for a pulse without touching any of the glass. I purposely…."

"We all have moments of weakness, Speed."

"But I-"

In one swift motion Delko reached out, grabbing hold of Speed's arms and pulling him close. The next thing Speed knew he was kneeling on the floor before Delko. The emotions of the last few months overwhelmed him. He threw his arms around Delko's waist, resting his head in Delko's lap as he cried. Delko did his best to comfort him, wishing he could take away the pain. Wishing that his love for Speed was more than enough to make everything better.