There was a very important discussion I had with one of my friends, and it was very, very hilarious. But that wasn't my point. My point was: "Mellark babies" before wedding "Mellark babies" wedding night. There was the matter of virtues, but we both agreed that even though it would be more 'proper' to wait until the wedding, we just aren't that patient. So my not-so-sincere apologies to anyone who thinks this chapter was not good. But the majority of us would be saying "HECK YEAH!" right about now. (Btw, this chapter starts directly after the last chapter and is still in Katniss' POV)

oOo

I will never forget the look in Peeta's eyes when he said that.

"Always…" He repeated, bending down to brush his mouth against mine, sending a rush of something up my spine, making my heart beat even faster. But he pulled away sooner that I had thought, so we just laid there on the grass together, wrapped in each others' arms.

I had turned my head on his shoulder to stare up at the sky. A glassy white orb still hung in the sky, to bright and perfect to be the moon. It looked as if the stars had trimmed it down, making it slightly lopsided. But the light that was illuminating from it was the purest glow of silver, casting shadows among the already black ground, but lighting up the tops of trees and grass.

Peeta, who seemed content staring at me all day, drew in a breath. Then he gave me a brief kiss. "I'll be right back."

I nodded and untangled myself from around him, which was quite a feat. When Peeta vanished among the shadows of the porch, I leaned back on my hands, spreading my legs out in front of me, just drinking in the warm light of the moon.

Like the old times, Peeta was not silent coming back, but he said nothing. I didn't turn around as he sat behind me. I could hear the scratching and rubbing of charcoal on travel canvas, something I've gotten quite used to over the weeks, months, years. Was he drawing me?

There was no doubt.

I stayed where I was, perfectly still, just absorbing the light of the moon. But while I sat, I also thought. Okay, so I was getting married to Peeta. And I knew we both knew what that entitled, and I knew we both knew he wanted children. Except I know that he doesn't know that I want them, too.

I was so wound in my thoughts; I didn't hear Peeta put down his charcoal and crawl over to me. Warm lips were pressed on my neck, and I was startled out of my musing.

"Sorry." Peeta apologized, but he didn't seem really sorry, seeing as how he kept his eyes closed and that alluring little smile playing on his mouth as he kissed me.

Of course, there was no time before we were back on the grass, but Peeta was being more careful this time. Gentler. It was so hard for me not to get so wound up in him again.

But if there was any a time to say it, it would be now. I pulled away from him, still so close, yet far enough to say what I wanted to. "Peeta," There was no way I could tear my eyes from his, sparkling blue. "You wanted to know what I really, really wanted. Why I was making a big deal about everything. You asked me what I was chasing after, what—deep in the back of my mind—was I actually wanting to get done with all this."

Peeta nodded, slowly. Though he just proposed to me, and I had said yes, and adrenaline was pounding through our every nerve, he still found the ability to concentrate 100% on what I was saying. That was something I loved about him.

"I want…" God, this was going to sound awful. This was going to sound so cheesy and terrible and… I sighed, fighting back frustrated tears. I couldn't tell him.

"What is it, Katniss?" Peeta cupped the side of my face with his hand, tracing the line of my jaw with his pinky finger. "Please tell me. Please."

I swallowed. "It's stupid, though. Maybe right now isn't the right…" This was getting awkward; me pinned underneath Peeta, on the verge of crying because I couldn't tell him what was on my mind.

"Please." He slowly pulled one of his knees under him to get the weight off of me, so I could sit up properly. "I want to know. It's not stupid."

"How do you know? I haven't—I haven't told you…" A grimace painted my face, and I felt awful for doing this probably the most memorable night of our lives.

"Its okay, Katniss. Please tell me." Peeta touched the side of my face with his thumb. "What do you want? Just start it like that. You want…?"

Here we go… I took a deep breath. "I want…I want to-to have children with…with you." Ahhh that sounded so lame and horrible… I turned my face away from Peeta so he couldn't see the shame in my eyes.

But a slim artist finger touched the other side of my chin, and forced me to look at him. Peeta, who was looking concerned, yet thrilled. He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.

"Don't-don't tell me to think about it. I've thought about it a lot, maybe more than I should have. I'm one-hundred percent sure and there's nothing you can say about that. No 'think it over' or 'that's excellent'." Though my face was still burning red in embarrassment, it was less difficult to look him in the eyes.

"Then what should I say?" Peeta had paused for a moment before saying that, in a low whisper.

My head shook, slowly and uncertainly. When I spoke, it was with insecurity and a low voice as well. But when Peeta's voice was low with curiosity and elation, mine was low because I knew exactly what I wanted. Exactly. My lips trembled, and the words were barely words at all. "Nothing."

That was all it took.

Peeta looked at me through shining eyes as he bent closer, and there was no time to think before he pressed me to the ground again, but this time, with a different intention.

My heart raced a million miles an hour. Was this what I wanted? Right here, right now? I knew I wanted children, but-but now? Without being married? Who is this and what did he do with Peeta?

I loved this, being with Peeta this intimate under the lazy moons' light. But it wasn't the right place. As hard as it was, I forced myself to pull away from Peeta's lips. Ragged breaths raked from inside both our lungs, and Peeta momentarily propped himself up on his elbows.

There was no need for him to speak. I spoke for him. Well, stuttering and panting was more like it. "We—I… I don't think here is the-the best place… We're-We're not even married or-or anything…"

Peeta took a moment to breath. Then he swept hair out of his eyes and looked down at me apologetically, though the mischievous sparkle had not yet vanished. "Sorry. I know that this isn't…the best time. Before the actual…wedding and such."

But I could see the disappointed light in his eyes when he prepared to get up.

I gripped his arms, preventing him from leaving just then, feeling guilty. "No, no, it's just that…" A sigh whistled from my throat and I swallowed again. "I know it's before getting married, but I've been…not fair to you."

One of his eyebrows raised in a sympathetic look. "No. You've been perfect."

Ugh. Could he be truthful for once? I'm not perfect. I'm anything—and everything—but.

"That's not what I mean, Peeta. I have been so sickeningly unfair to you. When we were 'married' the first time, we both claimed it was for-for Alexis, but I knew what you meant. I knew your intentions and such, but… I was awful. We were both so wound in my troubles and whining; being 'married' meant nothing. It was insane and-and…"

There was a pause, in which neither of us even breathed.

"And I'm tired of waiting. I've been lying to you—to both of us, and I don't want to anymore. I'm done with lying, with being a bad…partner, or whatever. Right now…" I trailed off, hoping Peeta would finish the rest of my sentence in his own head.

He did.

Peeta sat up, never letting go of my hand. "Then come on. Not outside."

And as if in slow motion, he helped me up and we were floating up the porch steps, into the house, up the stairs, and into his bedroom. Contrary to what I would have previously thought, time didn't slow down, and my senses didn't turn off. Instead, everything was amplified.

I could hear the loud beating of both of our hearts as if it was a bass drum right next door. I could feel Peeta's hair tickling my fingertips, his lips firmly on mine, every inch of our bodies pressed together. I swear I could even hear the trees laughing at us as they kissed the sky.

This was new to me, this feeling of ecstasy I got from being this close. The first time, it was nothing. Meaningless. I tried to pretend that never happened. But this; this was unforgettable and undeniable.

I guess I shouldn't get too worked up though. Before we got too far, something inside me changed, turned around, jolting me out of my seventh heaven. I was so surprised I pulled away, gasping. It was then I realized I wasn't wearing a shirt. Or…or anything on top for that matter. Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Breathing growing frantic and terrified, I scrambled away from Peeta, clutching a blanket to my chest. My heart was hammering against my ribs painfully, and my vision only cleared in time to see Peeta on the other side of the bed, looking confused.

"What's the matter?" He reached out to me to touch my cheek.

A sob built up in my throat and I pressed the blanket to my face, ashamed. What was wrong with me? I had no problem with it the first time… But actually sitting back and realizing… A tiny whimper escaped my throat and I pressed the covers hard to my eyes, feeling mortified and humiliated.

"We don't have to if you don't want to, Katniss." Peeta tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "This is your choice, you know."

"I-I know…" I took my head away from the blankets and looked at him through a blur of tears. "I'm just…"

How could I explain that? It was all fine when I couldn't think straight, but as soon as I realized what was actually happening, it scared me. But is there even a reason to be scared? I'm not even married, and I thought about…

Peeta, whose chest was also bare, chanced wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "I'm serious. This doesn't have to happen if you don't want it to."

Grateful he acted as though I wasn't half-naked, I gulped down past the lump in my throat. "No." My voice was just a whisper. "I'm just…just nervous. I surprised myself."

There was a moment when we both paused, taking a moment to breathe. Now, doubts started to press upon me. We weren't married. Sure, it's not illegal to…to sleep with someone when you're not married. But legal or not, it was still immoral. But…I owed this to Peeta, to both of us. We've been practically married for two and a half years, but the thought us doing this and it actually meaning something…it made me nervous.

While we sat there, Peeta contented himself with running the tips of his fingers along the scars on my abdomen. The horrid pink one where I had grafted skin, the ragged splotch on my stomach from the gunshot, the wide one running vertically over my belly button. He traced all of those, staying silent if only for my sake.

A vacant expression took to his face, concerned but elsewhere.

What was stopping me? I'm not going to say morality, nor my family. I can't say this is a bad time. Frankly, there was nothing at all holding me back from doing this. Just as soon as I was able to see through the adrenaline numbness, it shocked me. It wasn't me acting, allowing him to-to take of my shirt and such.

I shrank down in the covers, thankful it was dark or Peeta'd be able to see the crimson rush across my cheeks. When Peeta looked down at me, a memory jolted back into my mind. After the Quarter Quell interviews…Johanna Mason…Peeta laughed at me and had called me pure. I had been angry at him, but there was nothing wrong with being pure. And I was, I realized. Very.

Peeta seemed to register the remembrance on my face as something else, because a small smile stretched across his mouth. "What?"

My eyes were wide, but not in panic. "I am pure." The words came out in a whisper, and as soon as they came out, Peeta started laughing.

I could feel tension melting away like butter on a hot stovetop. A grin threatened to twitch my face, too. "It's true. You said it back during the Quell. It's true."

Peeta sank down into the covers with me, crossing his arms behind his head. "Is that what's going on? You're too pure?"

I nearly laughed. It came out as a snort instead. "Hardly. I've already lost my virginity and it isn't coming back. Pureness has nothing to do with this."

He laughed at this, too, but something in his eyes threatened not to go into details. That was okay. I didn't like remembering that day much, either.

"It's just nervousness." I assured him again.

Peeta's head turned towards me and his eyes lazily drank in the lines of my face, finally landing on my eyes. "I can help with that, you know."

I knew that quiet tone of voice. I wasn't sure whether to agree or high-tail it out of here and spend the night locked in a bathroom, too afraid to do anything else. But instead of doing either, I just kept my eyes on his, watching as he propped himself up on an elbow, eyes suddenly glazed over.

When Peeta kissed me, I was positive my heart was going to slam out of its cage.

He took it slow at first, just cupping his hand to the side of my face. This, I was used to. His lips were on mine, gentle but unyielding. My heart rate was going up every second he was doing this, but it altogether stopped when I felt the tip of his tongue press against my bottom lip.

A small, surprised gasp bubbled out my nose and before I knew it, I was giggling. For no reason, honestly. It went from there, I suppose. My maniac laughter led to other such things. Locking myself to him, I wished this would never end.

Tonight, it was just me, Peeta, and the clock on the wall, ticking away the hours we had until dawn.

oOo

I can't stop grinning. "Saint" my butt, Michelle :D But it wasn't too bad was it? Not M-rated, certainly? I've read worse… But I'm thinkin—wait. I'm not telling. It'll give it awaaaayy. Hehehehe… As you probably noticed, that last line was also the title of a poem, but doesn't really go to the poem content. At least…the last half. This chapters' poems are "Rapture" and "Tonight". Actually , I think I'll show you "Tonight" on this chapter. REVIEW. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

Are my words

Enough to say "I'm sorry"?

Can I tell you what

I really mean?

Will you understand

When I say "I've been unfair"?

And forget all those monsters that I've been?

Tonight's the night

I will not sleep,

Warm glass of milk,

No counting sheep,

I don't want to fall asleep,

I have my own drug right beside me.

You're all I need

To make the world

Disappear

Tonight's the night

I will forget them,

The moon will gleam,

My vacant dreams,

Will haunt me no more.

Tonight belongs to just us two

Tonight we have nothing to do,

Lies,

Lies,

There's nothing more I want to do

Tonight,

Than you.