Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Marvel Universe or Disney, The Amazing Stan Lee and Joss Whedon, or anyone else involved with the movies or comics are the ones who do. I am not making any profits from this writing, it is all for the purposes of fun and creative writing
Chapter 18
" I greet thee Heimdall." Loki said with a smiled as he casually walked into the grand atrium of the Bifrost, which was glowing brightly from the nebulous light of the cosmos.
" And I greet thee in kind my Prince." Heimdall replied with his usual deep rumbling voice, his face as neutral and unreadable as ever, but his glowing amber eyes gaze at the second prince of Asgard warmly.
Loki made his way further into the room, keeping the casual air about him as he made his way over to the gorgeous scene within the Bifrost. He had left Njord and Jarl back in his rooms, much to their annoyance but otherwise they stayed put as he asked. Now Loki stared out into the stars over which Heimdall kept ever faithful watch over.
" How fair the realms today?" Loki asked as he turned his bright green eyes to meet Heimdall's glowing amber.
" They fair well, no rumblings of discord between the nine. I would have you know that even as we speak, on Midgard the Man of Iron has just had a minor mishap in his laboratory. I know not what exactly he was tinkering with, but whatever it was, his experiment has literally blown up in his face and left it and most of his hair and upper body painted a rather fetching shade of pink." Heimdall replied, all the while keeping his face and voice completely serious.
Loki blinked slowly, and then blinked again as Heimdall's words concerning one Tony Stark of Midgard finally registered in his mind, and when they did, Heimdall felt an internal wave of triumph as Loki let out a quiet laugh and shook his head.
" Well, I would have expected such mishap to befall Tony, he told me that he was always working on something new, with varying degrees of success. He is alright through, right Heimdall? He has not injured himself now is the substance that coats him harmful?" Loki asked, worried marring his brow.
" Rest assured my Prince, the Man of Iron is unharmed, the only injury is to his pride, for embarrassingly enough his shouts of alarm have alerted his fellow Avengers. They have flocked to him to render aid if necessary, but now they are naturally having a good laugh at his appearance. The archer, Clint Barton is laughing so hard that he had fallen to his knees, and the one called Hulk, Bruce Banner is capturing several images of the Man of Iron in his current state with one of those Midgardian speaking devices. The Captain too laughs at his friend's current appearance and the Lady Widow allows herself a small smile. They are all quite well, the Man of Iron himself is joining in the laughter at his own expense." Heimdall reported with a small tint of amusement in his own deep voice.
" That's wonderful." Loki chuckled as he turned to gaze out at the stars the Bifrost beheld, his green eyes going to the little blue dot that stood out on the far right corner, familiar with it because for all the times he came to the Bifrost to converse with the Gatekeeper, he would always ask about the realm of Midgard and seek it out amidst the nebulous cosmos.
Loki quickly sobered though and turned away from the stars to face Heimdall. The two faced each other for a long moment before Loki let out a small sigh and spoke.
" You did not ask me to come here this afternoon for an update about Midgard and its band of warriors, though it is much appreciated." Loki said with a knowing look and a small nod of thanks.
" Have you left word with the palace telling them that you are here?" Heimdall asked.
" Yes I have, and thankfully Father has occupied Thor with some errands at the outskirts of the city today, otherwise he would undoubtedly be here, glued to my side. I have mother informed as well." Loki said with a fond smile, but it quickly left his features as he spoked.
" Why did you ask me to come see you today Heimdall, when usually it is I who sends word before I visit?" The Prince asked as he took a slow step forward towards the keeper of the Bifrost.
" You know why my Prince." Heimdall rumbled before unexpectedly stepped off of the dias upon which he always stood, leaving his great sword slotted in the chamber that was used to activate the Bifrost. The amber-eyed watchman of Asgard came to stand before a slightly startled Loki. With his helmet on, the already imposing figure slightly towered over the second prince, but Loki held his ground and met Heimdall's otherworldly eyes head-on.
" Five straight nights have I seen you weeping silently in your room as the rest of the palace sleeps. Five days in which you have kept up the facade of being happy and healthy in the light only to show your abject misery when night falls." Heimdall said gravely, watching as Loki's eyes shuttered and his face closed of.
" So I cried a little, it doesn't mean anything." Loki said flippantly and moved to step past the Gatekeeper. But Heimdall was not about to be ignored. Stepping in Loki's path, effectively halting the Prince, Heimdall spoke with his amber eyes hardening.
" You are in pain my Prince, and I would see such pain eased if it is within my power." He said quietly.
" If you are so concerned, why haven't you simply alerted the Allfather that his second son cannot stop himself from weeping like a child once the night comes and there is nothing to occupy his mind?" Loki said with a sneer of such self-loathing that it made something within Heimdall feel like it had been torn in half.
" I have kept silent because I would not disrespect the second prince of Asgard by going behind his back and reporting to his father as though I were a mere prison guard. I took an oath long ago to faithfully serve the Allfather and his family, be it by my sight, my sword, or even just my words." Heimdall replied before he continued.
" I know that you are fully capable of talking circles around me to where you would have me letting this matter go, so I shall tell you now before you have had a chance to speak, I suggest you go to the King, you go to your father and speak what is on your mind."
Loki blinked at Heimdall, his face going slack with shock for a moment before a look of defiance spread across his handsome features. Crossing his arms over his chest, Loki spoke.
" And if I don't do as you suggest?"
" Then Prince or not, I will grab you by the scruff of your neck and take you to your father myself, or I will ask the Allfather to come here this instant. Believe me, I will do it." Heimdall rumbled back in all seriousness.
Loki let out a small hiss and turned away, anger written into every line of his face. With a snarl, Loki turned back and got right into Heimdall's face.
" You have some nerve making such threats to me Gatekeeper. You think you would stand any kind of chance against me, when the whole of Nifelheim could not fell me?" Loki challenged, a haunted look spreading over his face as undoubtedly the memories of his ordeal came flooding back. It did not go unnoticed by Heimdall in the least.
" This is why I confront you now, that look you have on your face, I would see such expression banished from you forever my Prince." Heimdall said with all sincerity.
All at once, whatever anger that had been on Loki's face drained away, leaving only this bone deep weariness that was a thousand times worse.
" What makes you think going to my father will help?" Loki said flatly, his voice dull and his previously angry eyes hollow.
" I could never go to him before." He added.
" Which is why you should go to him now. You have always turned to her majesty the Queen, or his majesty the Crown Prince but you stopped seeking out the Allfather, and in all honesty, he made the mistake of not rectifying that. Surely my Prince, you saw how your father went to his knees before the Norns and renounced his titles and power when asked what he was willing to do to have you returned to him? You yourself fought so hard to that same end, to return home to us. Go by yourself or wait for your brother to return and go together, or ask her majesty to accompany you, but do not go on suffering in silence as you have been doing so for one moment longer. All I am saying is that to tear down whatever walls that remain between you and the Allfather, this would be as good a place as any to start." Heimdall said quietly.
" Where the Hell would I even begin were I to go to Father?" Loki asked with a shake of his head.
" Just say something, start from anywhere since there is unfortunately a great deal that has happened." Heimdall said, with sadness marring his deep voice.
Then with a deep sigh, Heimdall suddenly sank to one knee and bowed his helmet covered head. Loki gaped at the Gatekeeper, his mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out as he stood shocked speechless that Heimdall was kneeling before him.
" H-Heimdall what are you?" Loki began when Heimdall shook his head and cut the prince off.
" While the Allfather admitted his failings, I have yet to admit my own to the one I failed." Heimdall said without look up before he continued.
" I am supposed to be the all-seeing keeper of the Bifrost, the first line of defense against any threat to the realm eternal, yet I allowed a vile creature to blind my sight and steal into this kingdom. Because of this, you were so viciously robbed of your life and your place usurped by your murderer for his own twisted ends. Even when he stood before me, I could not see through the lie where it should have been obvious. I kneel before you now Prince of Asgard and humbly ask for your forgiveness. I also ask that you forgive me for the forwardness and harshness with which I have spoken to you on this day, I did so because I have failed you enough in your life and refuse to simply stand by and allow any further harm to befall you, especially if it is a harm you do to yourself."
There was a long moment of charged silence after Heimdall's voice faded. Then Heimdall felt to hands grip him firmly by the shoulders and lightly pull as Loki's quite voice sounded.
" Rise Heimdall." Loki said and he ushered the Gatekeeper to his feet once more, letting go of the other man once Heimdall was standing tall once more before he continued.
" You have my forgiveness Gatekeeper, even though I have never laid blame on you for what happened to me. It did not take me long to figure out that Menkos must have done something that was beyond even you in order to slip past your sight, he had that damned gauntlet after all. Besides that, from what I saw in Thor's memories, he nearly killed you with the casket of Ancient Winters. As for what you have suggested, I know that you're right, that I should tell my family of the pain I am in but I just..." Loki trailed off, his eyes growing over bright for a moment before he stubbornly fought down the emotions that were rising up inside him.
" There is no shame in what you are feeling, lesser hardships have broken even the strongest of men, yet the trials that you have survived all on your own are in another realm entirely. You went through Hell my Prince, but you are here because of the strength you had within you. I would not see such strength overtaken by despair, especially when there are so many around who would readily lend their aid." Heimdall said.
To Heimdall's silent relief, he watched as a tired smile lifted the corners of Loki's lips before the prince spoke.
" I take it there's no way around this, either I go to my father today or you will?" Loki asked.
" Five nights my prince, enough is enough." Heimdall rumbled.
With a sigh, Loki nodded and spoke solemnly.
" I will speak with my father, you have my word."
" And I am gladdened to have it." Heimdall replied before he continued.
" I will understand if after this, you will no longer visit me here."
To these words Loki gave a small snort and shook his head.
" Well, after all that impassioned wisdom, you undo it with a single brainless statement."
Heimdall blinked and then a small smile spread across his face at Loki's words. The Prince was showing his sharp-tongued sass, the Gatekeeper took it as a good sign.
" Forgive me then my Prince, I am known to falter on the rarest of occasions." Heimdall replied with his usual slow cadence, earning a warm chuckle from Loki.
The pair stood facing each other, Gatekeeper across from Prince, comfortable silence surrounding them before Loki spoke, a sad yet hopeful light in his eye.
" I shall do as you suggested, but do not think this means I will heed your every word of advice Gatekeeper." Loki said as he took a few steps back and his hands ignited with a familiar bright green flame.
" You would not be you if you did." Heimdall rumbled with a nod.
" You have my thanks Heimdall, I shall send word for when next I will visit you." Loki said as he raised his hands and let the flame spread over him.
" I look forward seeing you then, you highness." Heimdall said with a light bow.
Loki sent the Keeper of the Bifrost a final smile before he was fully engulfed by the green flame. It crackled and swirled about him for a few seconds before dissipating into thin air, leaving an empty space in its wake. Heimdall's eyes lingered on the spot where Loki had stood for a few long moments before he let out a small sigh and turned away. The golden armored sentinel of Asgard ascended the steps of the dais and retook his post, the pommel of his great sword held between his palms. With another sigh the Gatekeeper turned and looked over his shoulder, his gaze going to the gleaming palace of the Allfather. Heimdall did not look within the great building to gaze upon the second Prince, instead he simply looked at the building as it stood in the afternoon sun.
" Do not thank me my Prince, for I have much to atone for still when it comes to you" Heimdall said quietly before he turned his all-seeing gaze back to the nebulous, star-filled view before him, resuming his watch over the other realms within the branches of Yggdrasil.
Meanwhile, within the wall of the palace...
Njord and Jarl went on the alert as a pillar of green fire suddenly materialized in the center of Loki's room. The two ice-wolves relaxed when they recognized that this was their charge returning. The column of green fire swirled for a few moments before he melted away to reveal a somber looking Loki. With small barks, Njord and Jarl rushed to greet the second Prince of Asgard, nuzzling at his legs and licking at his fingers as he reached down to pet them both. A wane smile spread across Loki's face, but quickly disappeared. With a shaky breath, Loki turned away from his two constant companions and headed for his washroom. Once inside, Loki made his way over to the sink and splashed some cold water onto his face. As he used a towel to pat his face dry, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. Putting the towel down, Loki stared at himself. For five nights he had been almost sleepless, managing a few restless hours when his mind simply had to shut-down. As he gazed upon himself, Loki could see that there was no hint of the strain that should have been their on his face, no paleness, no drawnness, not even any dark-circles under his eyes. Come to think of it, every morning when he woke but, despite feeling miserable at heart, he physically felt alright. As he reached up to tuck a strand of his loose ebony hair behind his ear, Loki paused when his eyes fell on his right hand, and the ring that graced his finger.
Of course, The Norns and their blessing that still ran through his being. The blessing itself remained a mystery to Loki, and to everyone else for that matter, but the Prince chanced a guess that it was this Blessing from the Sisters of Fate that kept the exhaustion and heartache from marring his face. As Loki stood staring at himself, he remembered that he was no longer the delicate and pale young man he once was, that now he was a battle hardened survivor who's shoulders had broadened substantially. It would not do for him to fall into old habits, to simply try to bury things and go on pretending that things were fine. Doing that had only hurt him in the long run, and if he were to be honest with himself, there was a great deal he needed to say. Heimdall's words came to mind regarding where he stood with his father.
" Tear down the wall." Loki said softly with a sigh before he turned away from his own reflection and walked out of the bathroom.
Njord and Jarl naturally converged on Loki one more, pawing at him and eying him curiously.
" I have to go talk to someone, it's important. You two will have to stay here alright?" Loki asked and he stroked both velvety white heads.
The two wolves each let out unhappy whines at the prince's words, both of them leveling their best puppy-eyes on him. Loki smiled and let out a low chuckle before he stood to full height and shook his head.
" Sorry my friends, but those looks aren't going to work this time. But listen, when I get back we can go for a walk around the palace grounds, how's that?" Loki asked.
The two wolves seemed to ponder this a moment, before they both grumbled and bowed their heads in acceptance.
" Good boys, I'll see you soon." Loki said before he proceeded out of his rooms. Njord and Jarl followed him till he reached the door, and with a final smile he left.
The two wolves stood by the closed door, eying it for several minutes before they both seemed to sigh and turned away. Njord trotted back over to the large fur rug Loki kept by the foot of his bed with Jarl trotting behind him. The pair reached the soft rug and laid down, Njord resting his head over his paws while Jarl sank down beside him and rested his head over his brother's neck, both wolves staring longingly at the door through which Loki had just departed. They wanted nothing more than to follow after Loki, but he had told them to stay put so they would, sensing that wherever he was going and whoever he was going to talk to, Loki needed the time to himself.
Out in the halls of the palace, Loki walked at an even pace as he made his way to the wing of the palace that was reserved for the Allfather's chambers. He could have easily just teleported himself as he had done when he had gone to and then come back from his unexpected meeting with Heimdall, but instead Loki decided to take the long way of just walking. It gave him a chance to try and gather his nerve and figure out how exactly he would go about breaching the subject with his father. He had given Heimdall his word that he would go and talk to his father, where before such promises would have mattered little, seeing how concerned the Gatekeeper had been for him and also remembering that a lot was different now regarding himself and where he stood with his family, Loki quashed down the rather strong urge to turn back and seclude himself behind closed doors as he had been doing for the last few days.
As he walked, Loki nodded back whenever a Guard nodded to him and politely refused any offerings of mead or snack from the servants he passed with a small smile, making his way swiftly down the halls with his green and black leathers billowing behind him. Despite the light frown that was marring his brow, the second Prince cut a regal and composed figure outwardly. Inevitably, Loki found himself turning a corner and entering the personal halls of the Allfather. The urge to turn back rose up within Loki once he turned a corner and saw the beautifully carved doors to his father's personal study, where two guards stood at attention. Loki reasoned that since it was afternoon, the Allfather was done with his usual morning meetings and other agendas and that he would be in his study looking over documents or what have you. It was as good a place as any to start, and if the Allfather was not their, Loki could wait inside and send word to his father. He was dropping unannounced as it was, and Loki hoped Odin would not be cross with him for it. Loki came to stand before the door and addressed the guards.
" Good day to you both." He began with a nod, to which the two guards bowed in respect and greeted the prince in kind.
" Is the Allfather in his study?" Loki asked and looked expectantly.
" Yes your highness, his majesty the Allfather is presently in his study, though he may yet be in discussions with some of his senior advisors. Shall I enter and inform him that you are here to see him my prince?" One of the guards asked.
" That would be well, thank you." Loki said, smiling at the guard who nodded before he turned and gave a knock on the door before pushing it open slightly and slipping through as noiselessly as possible.
" If I may your majesty, you were amazing on the field yesterday morning." The remaining guard said quietly, looking just a bit embarrassed after he said the words.
" Thank you, it was quite enjoyable testing my metal against your seniors." Loki said with a gracious smile, feeling warmed despite the nervousness that was steadily pooling in his stomach.
" They were quite impressed my lord, they spoke of it this very morning." The guard replied, a small smile and respect in his eyes.
Damned if Loki didn't feel his cheeks heat up a little as his smile widened. But Loki and the guard quickly sobered when both doors to his father's study were pulled open, the guard who had stepped in emerging first and retaking his place with a nod to Loki before three older looking men, one in bronze armor and two in stately robes filed out. These three men were among the highest ranking advisors to the Allfather. Loki bowed to them in respect urning appreciative looks from the three senior councilors, and who in turn bowed to him with a chorus of 'my prince or you majesty' before they took their leave.
" The Allfather awaits you my prince." The first guard said.
Loki nodded to the guards and then stepped over the threshold into the room, the guards pulling the doors shut behind him. Before Loki was the spacious personal study of the King of Asgard. With walls of soft bronze and pale earthy tones, it was a room that spoke of the many ages that had passed, of the kings of old who came before Odin himself. Furniture of dark, polished mahogany were placed about the room with tapestries woven by Frigga and the queens before her hanging from the walls. There was a second level on which stood bookshelf and curved bookshelf filled with the texts of old and other books that had been collected over the ages with a gilded spiral staircase connecting the two floors. A fire roared within the great stone fireplace off to the side. There was a large, nearly floor to ceiling archway that led out to a large, circular balcony, curtains of deep red flowing lightly in the breeze. There within the threshold of the archway with the sun silhouetting him stood the Allfather. With his white hair loose about his shoulders and dressed in robed of earthy gold and bronze hues, Odin stood tall and imposing with his hands clasped behind his back. Suddenly, Loki found himself feeling more like a little boy again, rather than a full grown man.
Odin turned around and leveled his blue eye on his son, the sunlight now at his back, lending an almost halo-like effect. Licking suddenly dry lips, Loki stepped further into the room, Loki spoke.
" Forgive me father, if I have disturbed you in your meeting." The Prince said apologetically.
" Though I must admit my surprise when the guard informed me that you had come to see me, I am not at all displeased. As far as the meeting, you did not disturb anything that cannot be taken up again later." Odin replied as he stepped away from the entrance to the balcony.
" Come here my son, I would look upon you fully." Odin said with a beckoning gesture of his hand.
Loki obeyed despite his trepidation, stepping across the room till he was finally before his father. Odin gazed at his youngest son, instantly knowing that something was not alright. Yes, his youngest stood before him tall and handsome, but there was an uncertainty within his green eyes that was telling of something being wrong on a deeper level. Deciding that plowing ahead and straight out demanding to know what was wrong would be a disastrous tactic, Odin decided to take a page out of his ever prudent Queen's book as he spoke.
" Let us sit by the fire my son, for I would have you be at ease."
" Again, I'm sorry for just dropping in unannounced like this, I know that you are busy father." Loki said as he and Odin walked side by side to the roaring fire and sat down on the plush, burgundy colored sofa the Allfather kept there in front of it.
" I'm not so busy." Odin said simply.
Father and son sat in silence, both of them staring at the flames that danced before them in the fireplace. Loki felt his heart pounding almost out of his chest while the part of his mind that was telling him to flee was now screaming at the top of his lungs. Loki continued to ignore this urge and instead rubbed his hands together nervously in his lap before he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees so he could rub his face with his hand and let out a weary sigh before he finally turned to face his father. Loki said the first thing that came to his mind.
" I hurt father, I hurt to my very soul." Loki said softly as his eyes began to burn with a telltale sting.
There was a beat of silence before Odin spoke, just as quietly.
" Tell me why you hurt my son, tell me for I will listen."
Loki blinked in surprise for a moment before he licked his lips and spoke.
" Well, I suppose I can start by asking you how you could think me capable of the things that bastard did. I know that I was not the best of people even before he cut my throat, that I was often jealous of Thor and that many of my pranks were malicious, but did you really believe that I would stoop so low for a throne?" Loki asked quietly.
Odin would have liked it better if Loki were screaming in his face, anything would have been better than seeing the pain and resignation that was radiating off of his youngest son in waves.
" My son, I remember how I would often tell you and your brother that you were both born to be Kings when you were children, but that only one of you could rule. It was a stupid move on my part for it made it all the more easier for me and others to believe that your jealously had turned to madness. I am so sorry my boy." Odin said with a sigh.
Loki shook his head, eying his father sadly as he spoke.
" Father, I always knew that it would be Thor who would ascend to the throne, and it makes sense because he is the eldest. I didn't have eyes on the throne then, and to be perfectly honest, I still do not have eyes for it now. As far as I am concerned, Thor is meant to be king, and he will be someday, it's his birthright as your son and heir by blood." Loki said, holding his hand up when Odin moved to speak. Then in an unexpected move, the pale alabaster color began to darken and smoothly slip away, leaving behind only the deep blue skin that lay beneath the glamor.
Odin looked upon his youngest, who was sitting beside him in his true Jotun form. Knowing that this was a crucial moment, Odin met his son's now blood-red eyes without looking away, his sole focus on Loki as the prince turned his gaze to his hand and flexed his blue fingers. There was a definite chill in the air around him but otherwise nothing else happened. Odin watched as a sad little smile spread across his son's face as the latter spoke once more.
" I know now that you found me alone and abandoned after you defeated the Jotuns. I may be the son of Laufey, but it means very little in my own eyes." Loki said before he let his hand drop and turned his red-eyed gaze to the fire that roared a few feet away.
" I was cast out onto a frozen rock, I am the son of a king, but the only birthright I've ever had was to die. You took me in and adopted me as your son, yet ironically, that destiny was fulfilled, the death part just was not as permanent as I thought it was supposed to be." Loki said before he turned back to Odin and sent him a lopsided smile.
Odin remained silent, keeping his face carefully neutral, but there was warmth in his eye as he returned his son's gaze. Then Odin wordlessly shifted closer and reached out slowly, making his intentions known. Loki's smile, though still melancholy, widened and he leaned forward himself, allowing his father to cup his cerulean blue cheek. There was a momentary chill against Odin's palm, but then there was only warmth as Loki's skin rapidly morphed back into is Aesir form.
" Forgive me my son, for I have not been the father you truly deserved. I have made so many mistakes regarding you, and you suffered for it. I see now that you have been carrying this with you for quite some time and still I did not notice, I did not seek you out." Odin said in lament as he stroked his thumb over the arch of Loki's cheekbone before reluctantly drawing away..
" Well, I did a pretty good job of keeping things hidden. I could not hide from Heimdall this time though." Loki said, smiling at the mention of the Gatekeeper.
At Odin's questioning look, Loki explained.
" For the last five days, in the dead of night I would find myself bereft of sleep and unable to keep my despair from showing. I sat in my chambers and wept till I had no tears left, but I remained as quiet as possible so as not to alert anyone. The Norns' blessing seems to be keeping the my inner turmoil from showing on my face, I look healthy and whole. Today Heimdall asked me to come see him at his post on the Bifrost and confronted me on it. He did not say anything to you because he wanted me to face you myself. He advised me to seek you out and tell you what has been going on. That my reclamation of this life has not been going as smoothly as I have let on."
" Please do not be angry with him, for he did threaten to take me by the scruff of my neck and bring me straight to you if I refused to come to you on my own." Loki added.
" I will have words with my Gatekeeper, but rest assured, I am not angry. I am in fact pleased that his confronting you about the problems you have been hiding has led you to reveal them to me. Now there are some questions I would ask you my son." Odin said.
" Yes father?" Loki asked, now curious as yo what his father wanted to know from him.
" We saw the memories of what happened to you on the day Thor was to be crowned king, it will haunt my mind the rest of my days. But before that bastard came in, I saw how you looked at the gift you had made for Thor, that pendant he now cherishes so greatly. I saw the sadness in you eyes my son and now ask, where you unhappy that Thor was being crowned that day?" Odin asked.
Loki averted his gaze for a moment and remained silent, but then with a small sigh he looked back up meet his father's gaze and nodded.
" Yes father, I was not happy that Thor was being crowned, but not because I was so jealous, not really. Sure I was a bit envious, this was my brother being crowned king of the realm eternal but the real reason was that I didn't think he was ready father. And I suspect that in you heart, you knew this too." Loki said quietly, sending his father a knowing looked when Odin gave a small nod of confirmation.
" But you were going to let the coronation happen anyway, despite how you felt?" Odin asked.
" Yes father, mind you with great reluctance I was not going to protest or disrupt anything, maybe play a prank at the feast or something, but no, I had no such plans. I knew that at the time, Thor was an arrogant and prideful hothead who unfortunately was prone to send Mjolnir flying first before thinking things through, but I figured that since he would be king, he would learn as he went. He'd be surrounded by seasoned advisors, and also you would be there, mother too. I mean, I don't really know much about kingship and all that but I would like to think that it was a learning process for you and that you didn't automatically start off being so wise about things. You were roughly the same age Thor is now when you assumed the throne, and with the passage of time you became the Allfather we know you to be today." Loki said with a small shrug before he averted his gaze, looking slightly abashed as he continued.
" And I suppose a part of me, a childish and vindictive part of me hoped that he would learn things the hard way, that he would allow the power to go straight to his head and do something so monumentally stupid that everyone would see his incompetence, that he would see his own incompetence and change for the better because he'd then know that there was more to being king then being a mighty warrior and winning a whole lot of battles." Loki finished quietly as he looked away from Odin and focused his saddened green eyes on the fire. There was a long beat of silence before Odin spoke.
" Why did I ever let us drift apart?" He said quietly as he shook his head, pride in his second son filling his heart.
" It was not just you who allowed that happen father." Loki replied as he turned from the fire to meet his father's gaze.
" Everything is changed now, and Thor is so different from what I remember. I saw everything that he went through, from the time he was without his powers and how brave he was facing the Destroyer alone despite that, to how he saved Jotunheim from total destruction. It sickens me though, what Menkos did wearing my face, how close he came to letting Laufey kill you and mother, how he kept on toying with Thor on the Bifrost, and all the lives he stole both in Jotunheim and Midgard. it weighs heavy on my mind even though I know I didn't do any of these things. Everyone thought it was me." Loki said as his eyes finally became over-bright.
" Father, I am so proud of Thor and who he has become. He's so mature and considerate now and my heart swells whenever I call him my brother, but sometimes I cannot help but feel like he is a stranger. And while mother basically feels the same, if even more loving than she always was, you feel like a stranger too sometimes and I am sorry. You and he both treat me so differently. I drifted apart from Thor too, not just you father. As we grew older I found myself feeling like an unwanted attachment, that I didn't matter to him as much as others he cared about. Now that I think about it, I was also feeling terrible that day because Thor had not called on me to help him get ready for his coronation, he had asked Volstaag. I guess I just wanted to be there for him that day, but it's nothing. Before it didn't matter to him if I was angry with him over anything, but now all he seems to want to do is take care of me and be by my side, and I still cannot believe he has renounced the warriors three and the Lady Sif. While I do love that Thor wants to spend time with me, and we are being brothers, it does not give me pleasure to see the warriors three and the Lady Sif where they stand now. But not really for their sake, for Thor's because I can tell that he does miss them despite his animosity."
" And it's not just you and Thor father, it's everyone, everyone is treating me with such respect and awe because they saw what I went through. I have been laid bare before them, but am I supposed to just forget the disdain with which they looked upon me even before Menkos did what he did because I was so different from Thor? Am I supposed to sweep aside every name they called me to my face and behind my back? And when Menkos was brought before you to receive judgement, they all believed it was me and called for my head, am I to simply accept their admiration now and forget a lifetime of being told loud and clear that I didn't belong? I was always a Prince, why did I have to go through death and flame for them to finally start treating me like one?" Loki asked, once again with his voice never rising in anger as such words usually are spoken with, but remaining so quiet and lost that Odin felt his heart lurch painfully within his chest.
Odin reached out then with both hands, taking Loki's face into his hands and gently making his youngest son turn and face him as he spoke.
" The only thing you are supposed to do is live your life, and heal from everything you have been through. I know full well that there is pain in your heart, a pain that I caused, you brother caused, this kingdom itself caused. You are not supposed to forget anything, we cannot have it that easy. I would not ask you to forget any of the wrongs you have had committed against you my son, all I do ask is that you not allow the pain in your heart to keep you from living the life you deserve, and have won back so painstakingly. Do not forget, but do not close yourself off from us. The people of Asgard, myself, your brother, we have all seen your true worth, it has put us to shame and we have made solemn vows to try to be worthy of someone like you. Remember us as we were before in our ignorance, but give us a chance to show you that we have changed, that we can keep changing. That is all that you are supposed to do my son, that is all." Odin said, as his own eye grew bright.
Loki's green eyes were swimming with tears, but the stubbornly refused to fall as the younger prince gazed at his father. Letting out a shaky breath, Loki spoke.
" I can do as you say, but it still hurts. It hurts so much Papa." Loki all but whispered before he finally allowed the tears to start falling.
Without thinking, Odin gathered his son to his chest and simply held on, closing his eye against the powerful emotions that rose up within him as he felt the sobs that silently wracked through Loki's entire body and how his son, who had been so strong in facing so many things alone, had just called him Papa, as if he were a boy once more. There was no further conversation after that, Odin whispering words of comfort and also apology and stroking his hands over Loki's hair and across his shoulders. By the time Loki was done, Odin did not even have to use a simply sleeping spell, the utter exhaustion of the day, plus the near sleepless nights he had already suffered through finally caught up with Loki despite the Norns' blessing it would seem.
Odin stood silent as he stared down at his youngest son where the prince lay fast asleep on the burgundy sofa they had sat on. Despite how tall and svelte he was, Loki lay curled slightly on his side with his head resting on the sofa cushion Odin had placed against the arm of the chair. Odin silently took in the peaceful expression in his youngest son's face, bending down so that he could run his hand over Loki's hair a final time before he drew back. With a lingering look at his son, Odin turned and quietly shuffled away, making a b-line for the balcony through the archway.
Odin walked over the threshold onto the balcony, and he was so lost in his own thoughts he didn't notice that there was a tall figure standing up against the side of the archway, watching him as he passed by. Odin walked across the balcony till his was at the bronze railing. Reaching out with both hands, Odin gripped the stone railing and leaned heavily on it, nearly doubling over as he hung his head and let out a long, harsh breath. The Allfather stayed that way, using all his strength to reign in the cacophony of warring emotions that were swirling within him. After all that had been revealed to him, Odin was at a loss as to what he was supposed to do. A part of him knew that it would be best to go to Frigga, tell her what just happened with Loki and confide in her his own feeling, but said feelings were too raw right now and he felt he did not have the strength to relive it just yet.
Another part of his wanted to rush down to the dungeons and tear apart the slobbering, incoherent mess that was once Menkos into even smaller pieces. But Odin quickly banished that notion. With a low groan, Odin straightened up and looked towards the Asgardian sky, feeling every single one of the long years he had lived. Not a king, but an old man who felt like his heart had been run through a gauntlet of battering rams.
It was late afternoon over Asgard, the sun would be setting soon. He would let his boy sleep in peace and privacy, but this was by no means the end of things. Odin was so caught up in everything Loki had confessed to him, that he tensed when the figure that had been standing on the outside of the archway came to stand by his side. Odin deflated immediately as recognition dawned on him. Beside him Thor stood mute and with his normally tanned and smiling face pale and drawn as he stared ahead. Thor turned to meet his father's gaze, and it was all that Odin needed to know that Thor knew, that he had heard everything. Odin's eldest son stared at his father with his blue eyes hollow and reddened, clear sign of what he had been doing while he had stayed hidden. The Thunderer stood silent and wrecked.
Now father and eldest son stood side by side, both turning their gazes outward but not really seeing anything, both of their minds undoubtedly transfixed on the dark haired individual who lay sleeping on the sofa in the Allfather's study.
They stood side by side, but made not a sound, for what could they even say right now?