This chapter is a bit…emo and philosophical. Maybe even boring, but I doubt that last one. Sorry for the wait, as usual. But go ahead and read now! Nothing stopping you!

oOo

I was back in the arena. Except this time, I was not alone. Peeta was at my right side, holding my hand in his own, looking weary. Gale was on the left side, holding my hand as well, sort of bending his body over mine, as if for protection. The three of us were running through the woods, smoothly and faster than I thought possible. I wasn't sure if something was chasing us, but either way, we were running.

A bit went by (I wouldn't know—it was a dream), and the terrain changed. Instead of the thick forest of the arena, it was the dry ground of what used to be District 13. We ran five paces, but a startling difference shook me and I glanced to my left. Gale had vanished, and it was just Peeta and I running. I glanced around, confused, but before I could wonder any more, Peeta put his arm around me and forced me to keep running. Some part of me knew he was speaking words of comfort, but I couldn't hear them. I was still so dazed and confused from the loss of my best friend.

The second I regained my composer from Gale, the time in my dream seemed to have sped up. The terrain was just a blur of colors, and faded into white. We ran and ran, and I was just about to collapse with nonexistent fatigue, when I looked over to my right and found Peeta wasn't there. I slowed and looked behind me. Suddenly, the scenery around me changed. I was no longer zipping through a blur of whiteness. I was in a pristine, silver hospital room. Though unlike most of my visits to the hospital, I wasn't the one in the bed. Or, one of the beds.

On the bed on the left of the room lay Gale. He was motionless, facial features smoothed out. His wrists were bound with manacles chained to the floor next to the bed. A clean white sheet was draped over his lean body.

My mouth popped open in surprise and I stepped over next to him in a dream-like daze. I reached a finger out to brush against his perfect, flawless, olive skin, when arms reached out to me from behind. Swallowing tears, I leaned back into Peeta's chest, feeling comforted by him. Gale, of course, was gone, and Peeta was here comforting me. He spun me around so I could be able to press my face on his collarbone.

"It's okay…" His voice sounded so very distant and far away. "I've got you."

And I knew that was true. He was calming me, and I could feel the dazed, confused aftershock of Gale's departure wane. But before I could say anything to that, he drew away. My body seemed to be stuck in that position, because I didn't—or couldn't—reach out to him. I just stood there watching as Peeta backed up to the other bed, on the right side of the room. He looked sympathetic as he laid down.

A nurse materialized at his side. Except it wasn't a nurse, really. It was Madge, in her expensive dress and golden plaits on either side of her head. Without looking at me, she pulled a different set of manacles from the floor and attached them to Peeta's hands. I stared.

Everything seemed to go quiet. Peeta didn't speak; he just shut his eyes against the world. Thankfully, in the absence of sound, I was able to regain movement. In stiff shock and misunderstanding, I walked over to the side of his bed and stared down at him. The rise and fall of his muscular chest grew slower and slower. Until it stopped all together.

"Peeta?" My lips formed the word, but again, no sound came. Instead of terror, I felt puzzled. How come he's dead? And…Gale? Fighting worried tears, I glanced behind me to Gale. He was motionless as well. But when he left, Peeta held me. Now that Peeta was gone…

Tears welled in my eyes and I blinked them away. What was happening? I sat down on the floor, legs crossed in front of me, a hopeless slouch to my posture. Though I'm sure it was all in my head (what wasn't—this was a dream), the room around me seemed to grow colder. My vision blurred and everything was fading. I was alone, so alone… No comfort, no love… I was so alone…

"I'm sorry, Peeta." I covered my face with my hands, and felt cold tears spill between my fingers. "I'm sorry, Gale. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry…" My eyes opened and I found myself staring up at the ceiling in the room back at Peeta's house. My chest felt tight with tears, and when I blinked confusion away, I saw Peeta. He was sitting on the edge of the bed in his undershorts, a hand stretched out to my face. His finger was curled under my eye to catch a tear. When he saw my eyes open, he leaned back, unsure.

"Did I wake you?" The early morning light softened all his features, making him look younger than he really was.

I blinked again, trying to focus on what's real and what wasn't. He wasn't…? Of course he wasn't dead. He was here. With me. I reached out to him. "Come here. Please. Come."

Peeta, still looking concerned, opened his arms and shifted his legs to lean closer to me. His warmth enveloped me from all sides. Strong, familiar arms locked around me like a cage, curling around my shoulder blades. "Are you okay, Katniss?"

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his bare skin slide against mine. "I think I am now."

Nothing really happened last night. I admit there was a moment when one second we were just kissing, and the next our clothes sort of…went flying, but nothing happened after that. There was just an hour where we basked in the feeling of one another, so close. Every now and then my mind wandered from Peeta, only to venture outside a little further than necessary and find something it didn't want. Without me knowing it, I would have started crying, and Peeta would embrace me again, holding me tight and kissing my cries away.

"What were you dreaming?" His voice was low and quiet, and he pressed his cheek on the top of my head.

I was quiet for a second. "Gale was gone. You were there to comfort me. Then you were gone. I had no one, there was no one…" I wrapped my arms tighter, closing my eyes against his shoulder.

Peeta made a noise of sympathy and pulled back to have me look into his eyes. It was impossible without tearing up again. "Don't you trust me at all?" A crease had formed in between his eyebrows as he spoke, but the gentleness was not void from his voice or his fingers on my face. "I promised, I will never leave you. I will always be there."

"But how do you know? You have no control over it, Peeta." The tear that had early pricked my eye welled too large for my lid and fell. Its path was made crooked by the dip in my cheekbone.

Again, Peeta reached out and caught the drip of saltwater before it made it all the way down. "Has Gale left you?"

It was a question, plain and simple, and I opened my mouth to reply "of course", but stopped myself. He hasn't…completely left me. I can taste him in the earthy air where we used to lie whenever I'm out in the woods. I can feel his presence when I'm looking out the window at nighttime, the silhouettes of trees concealing him from view. He's everywhere. But I couldn't admit that to Peeta.

I dropped our gaze.

"See?" He tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at him again. "I'll never leave you, Katniss. No matter what happens." Though he said that less than two minutes ago, this time it had different meaning.

The feeling of guilt had vanished, and unable to look him in the eyes anymore, I just buried my face in his chest again. "Thank you."

The blankets I had slept under were now bunched at my navel, and I was sitting up halfway. Peeta had one knee tucked under him to support his weight as he leaned forwards into me. It must have been an awkward position, as if only meant to be held briefly, but he was steadfast and warm. It didn't even matter that both our top halves were completely bare. He kept his arms around me, face buried in my hair.

But finally, I pulled away, feeling much better. "Thanks." I repeated honestly. "Now that…now that I'm awake and better, I think I—we—need to start considering wedding plans." The word 'wedding' made me twitch. Not because I didn't want to get married, but because weddings meant people. And you couldn't exactly consider me the social type.

"Of course. Not wasting any time." He still didn't pull away, but that was really okay with me.

"Mother and Prim asked me about it yesterday. I think we should talk about it with her. I'm no good at planning things like this." I pressed my face into his neck to breath in the clean scent he provided.

"We'll have them for lunch."

My mind brought a memory up from yesterday, making me frown. "I think Mother said she and Prim were working today."

"Are they free tomorrow? We could get today off. Go to town."

"That works." Satisfied, I prepared to settle myself back against him for another few minutes of comforting silence, but Peeta didn't let me.

"We should get up, then. But, Katniss," He pulled away and, with a theatrical glanced down at my chest, he added, "clothes first." He leaned back away from me with a fond touch to my cheek with his thumb.

I blushed.

After I showered and dressed, Peeta fixed breakfast and we ate in silence. Of course, he never failed to go less than a minute without touching me; a brush of his finger over my cheek, a kiss to my throat, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. He was looking at me the whole time, making me slightly self-conscious. His blue eyes were shining with adoration. I wondered what was on his mind. Because he was so preoccupied with gawking at me, occasionally he missed his mouth when eating toast. It made me want to laugh at him, but I wasn't that cruel.

After breakfast we just waited around. Peeta didn't seem to mind wandering around the house in just trousers, and didn't seem to mind me going around in just trousers and an undershirt. Of course, I doubt he would mind me going around with zero clothes on, but that's another matter I wouldn't normally enforce.

We had lunch at the usual time (one o'clock), and it was four we decided to actually dress for town. Peeta, who pulled on a normal black T-shirt, looked beautiful. His shiny blond hair seemed like spun gold against the dark material. Feeling unsightly and insignificant against Peeta, I just threw on a green button-up shirt and braided back my hair. It was growing quite long. Perhaps it was time to consider cutting it again. Since there was no need to change in separate rooms, Peeta turned to me the second he had his shirt on. I was still busy buttoning.

He blinked at me and cocked his head slightly to the left. "You look nice."

I paused buttoning the second button to look up at him. "…Thank you." No matter how many times he'll compliment me in my lifetime, I'll never be able to get away with listening to it and end up with a straight face. A blush crept onto my cheeks. "You look good, too."

Peeta walked over to me with his hands stretched out a bit, and began helping me with the buttons. "I'm never going to get used to you looking so beautiful."

Just, shut up already. I already feel like I'm going to make some sort of guttural -throat-grunt-noise in trying to contain myself. I was positive I was turning the color of a beet.

He clasped the last button, but kept his fingers around the collar of my shirt. When I glanced up at him, attempting to rid my face of the redness, he took advantage of that and pulled me towards him using my shirt. I made a tiny noise of surprise in my throat, but it was drowned out by the shocked thump of my heart.

Peeta pulled away, a charming smile making me forget the world around me. "Sorry. I couldn't help myself."

To show him I accepted his apology, I stretched on my tiptoes and kissed him again. "We should get going."

Peeta led me downstairs with a hand and— only pausing to grab a jacket—opened the door for me. When I walked out on the porch, he stopped to look at me again. I was about to open my mouth to ask him what was on his mind, when he pressed the side of his body up against mine and with the other hand, curled my own fingers around his bent elbow. I blinked in bewilderment at him being so gentlemanly. And not to mention the feeling of having him pressed so gently against my side, still with the ability to walk freely. Part of me way back in the back of my mind felt happy figuring out yet another way to never have to detach myself from him.

He pecked me on the forehead and we left.

People stared as we walked. The young and old stopped to sneak glances at us, some looks bewildered, some happy, some just normal. I wasn't sure what made them look more. Perhaps Prim or Mother told someone at the hospital and that got around. Sometimes I wonder whether or not everyone has lost interest or not. Probably not all the way, but are they still attached to me now that I'm not longer in charge of saving them? Perhaps, now that they're safe and happy, they are in no need for something to cling onto. But then again, perhaps not.

Because they're watching me. Maybe even to the point of unease. I clung just a bit tighter to Peeta. "Do you think Mother and Prim told them?" I used 'them' for the public in general.

He acted casual, and only bent his head towards me slightly as we walked. "That we're engaged? Probably. Though we should be lucky all they're doing is staring."

As one woman with her child was seen coming our way, I muttered under my breath, "You jinxed it…"

The child couldn't have been more than four years old. She had ringlets of copper hair, and brilliant green eyes. She was clutching the leg of her mothers' trousers. The mother looked young, but tired. She walked cautiously up to us, keeping track of her youngster, but still gawking at us. Peeta and I slowed as she approached, until we were at an altogether stop, facing the lady and her kid.

The woman glanced down at her daughter and nudged her forwards. "Go on, Ivy."

The girl apparently wanted to say something to Peeta and I before, but she looked frightened now and just hid her face in the material of her mothers' trousers.

The woman glanced up and laughed apologetically. Her eyes flicked towards Peeta. "She wanted to say something to you, Mr. Mellark. Stage fright though, I guess." She glanced back down at her daughter. "Are you sure, baby?"

The girl peeked her face from the material, and then hid it again. To my surprise, Peeta unraveled his arm from mine and knelt down in front of the kid—Ivy. His eyes shone kindly; kindly enough to make Ivy uncover her face. Peeta waved his fingers at her in a completely non-threatening gesture. "Hi!"

The girl glanced up at her mother for affirmation, and ambled bravely a little closer to the stranger. She leaned a little closer to Peeta and, in a loud toddler-whisper, Ivy said, "She's very pretty."

Peeta grinned, genuinely amused. "Isn't she, though?"

The toddler, happy to have made a new friend, nodded her head, sending red curls bouncing. "I like her shirt."

Peeta, thoroughly enjoying this, glanced up at me and back down to Ivy. "So do I."

Something I thought was really sweet about it was that he was playing alone, acting as though I couldn't hear either. With a quick shift of my eyes, I saw that the mother was watching the two with amusement as well.

Ivy put both hands to her cheeks, scrunching up her mouth into a lopsided 'O' shape. "Can I talk to her?"

I cast a quick look at her mother and saw she was pink in the cheeks, but seemed warmed by her child's courage.

Peeta nodded, and I took that as my cue to kneel down as well. Up close, I could see this kid was adorable. Chubby cheeks and skin so rosy, and dewdrop eyes. When I kneeled in front of her, her green eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and she covered her mouth with her hands. And through chubby fingers she spoke. "You're like a princess."

I couldn't help but smile at this. "Thank you. So…so are you." For then, I inwardly cursed myself for lacking the eloquence Peeta had an abundance of.

Ivy, completely thrilled by this, covered her face again and went back to hide behind her mother.

Peeta and I stood up again and her mother turned to me. "She…She liked the stories I told her of you." She explained, reaching her hand down for the toddler to grip. "Apparently you're a princess to her."

We laughed quietly and glanced back down at Ivy, who was sneaking peeks at us.

"And…congratulations." But the woman added hastily, "I-I don't know if you meant anyone to know, it was…it was just a piece of gossip I heard, I don't know if…." She obviously regretted bringing it up; her ears grew red.

Fortunately, Peeta saved me at this one.

"Thank you." His eyes sparkled with kindness, but only reserved for strangers. "Nothing really stays a secret when it passes the ears of Katniss' mother." He glanced over at me and grinned.

I found myself able to smile as well, genuine. "That's my family for you."

The lady looked relieved. "Oh. Well, congratulations again. We'd better get going, though." She reached down to scoop her daughter up in her arms.

Ivy, who still looked ecstatic, waved at Peeta as they walked off.

We watched them go, and when I turned back to Peeta to say something, the look in his eyes stopped me. His eyebrows were creased, eyes shining with…longing? I didn't need to ask. I put my arms around Peeta's waist and put my head on his shoulder.

He automatically pulled me into his chest. I felt his breath tickle my ear as he bent down. "I want one so badly…" His voice was low.

I felt the same way. "I know. So do I." My throat was burning with oncoming tears, and I didn't feel like crying right then. Swallowing the miserable feeling inside me, I shook my head. "Never mind. We're going to know soon enough. No point worrying now."

Peeta, who was looking at the ground, nodded and brought his head back up to kiss me lightly. "You're right. Let's get dinner and head back home."

It turns out 'getting dinner' meant stopping by the bakery and filching some stuff. We ate on the way home, linked hands and poignant hearts. All the lights were off in Mothers' house, signaling that they were probably still at the hospital. Prim was probably going to grow up to become as good as a doctor as Mother. The thought made me a bit more cheery, my little sister having a more promising future than me.

We got inside and I stood in front of the door for a second. My chest still felt heavy, and when Peeta raised a curious eyebrow at me, I just shook my head and left. Just left. Opened the door and walked out. It wasn't like I meant to leave for good, or in fact go anywhere except his backyard.

My eyes stung with stubborn tears as I slid down the east-facing wall to the ground. The sun was melting closer and closer to the horizon, bathing everything in a sherbet-pink glow. My arms were wrapped securely around my chest by the time Peeta appeared. He sat down next to me and began to put his arm around my shoulder, but I flinched away.

"Please, Peeta, I don't need that right now." I felt like such a monster right then, refusing Peeta's comfort. This morning I needed nothing more than him, but now I didn't want that…. I buried my face in my hands.

He crossed his legs and was quiet for a few seconds. Then I felt his eyes on me. "What do you want, if not me?" The words were not conceited or anything. "What do you need?"

What do I need…. I turned my head away from him so he couldn't see the frustrated tear slide down my face. "A reality check. A painful distraction. Maybe even to escape this."

"Escape this…?" I could feel Peeta really wanted to make me look at him, to fold me into his arms like he was so used to. But he didn't.

"World. This life." In my mind, other words ran through, true and devastating. I debated whether or not to tell Peeta this, and decided against it. So instead of sharing that with him, I blinked. "Sometimes I wonder if it's worth living at all. If this is all I get in return." I rested my forehead on my arms, which were crossed on my knees in front of me.

"Of course it is." He was fighting with himself; a bloody battle playing out before us both. I knew he wanted to do more than just sit there next to me. He wanted to shout at me for thinking these stupid thoughts. "Sometimes it just takes living to find out what's worth living for."

I lifted my tear-stained head up to stare at him. Our eyes met and for a moment I could see it. The pink sky made Peeta's eyes more violet than blue, but deep in the irises there was some sort of…glow. I don't know what to call it. But he was gazing at me with such intensity it made me drop the gaze in shame. But with that five-second stretch of time seemed to have scraped a layer from my heart, leaving me feeling alone and vulnerable.

I swallowed. "It's okay to hold me now."

Tentative arms went around me automatically and did as they were told. Peeta buried his face in my hair, and from the funny angle I was twisted, I had no choice but to shift myself onto his lap. Even in his arms I felt tiny. And I was.

One human of millions on Earth. Earth is one planet in our solar system. One solar system in hundreds of others in this galaxy. Millions. Tens of millions. Billions. And I was one person, one tiny, insignificant person. I felt so small, so helpless under the stars just peeking from the hazy sky. The Earth is billions of years old, and might last billions more. Humans only live to be, what, fifty? Sixty? We're nothing. Nothing…

I resisted the urge to slap myself. In a time like this my mind decided to go off about crazy stuff like that. Perhaps we were nothing, but perhaps not. Was Peeta nothing? Certainly not. He is not nothing. He's mine; he's the only person in this world who can hold me together. He means more to me than I mean to myself. He's not nothing… Maybe that's what he meant "sometimes it takes living to find out what's worth living for".

I pressed my cheek on his collarbone and then drew back. "We should go in. It's late."

Peeta nodded, but seemed reluctant to let go of me. He let me stand up, and got up after. But he didn't say anything.

We walked inside and up the stairs without bothering to do anything else. I felt exhausted and empty from today, and went into the bathroom to change. After slipping a nightgown over my head, I brushed my teeth and dragged my body back into the room. Peeta was sitting on the edge of the bed, back to the bathroom, wearing his usual pj bottoms, leaning on his elbows. He didn't look up when I crawled under the covers. I shifted so where I was facing away. I wasn't upset at him or anything. I don't know what was wrong…

Peeta, who snapped out of his reverie, stretched out under the blankets as well. I felt his eyes upon me for a few seconds, then a tilt in the bed as he lifted his body up on his arm. "Is it okay if I touch you, Katniss?" His voice was quiet and cautious.

I nodded.

His hand slipped around my waist, and I was tucked in the crook of his elbow. The arm I was laying on was bent, and the hand was laying curled and open close to my stomach. I felt his fingers sneak onto my palm and stayed there. His forehead rested on my back, and right then I wished I could close my eyes against the world as the Peeta in my dream did. I was hurting him, and I didn't want to. But if distancing myself hurt him, so would getting closer to him. But I could feel it in the way he held me, my back to his chest, forehead resting in between my shoulder blades. I could feel he was tired and wished more than anything I was whole.

Lonely and tired, I began drifting off. But sleep did not hit me before I could feel the touch of Peeta's soft lips against the back of my neck. After that, I was swallowed up in darkness, and even then the arms around me couldn't keep me from falling away.

oOo

Ahhh…. That chapter was depressing... And necessary, I suppose. *Sigh* Okay, okay, okay. An amazing song I was listening to while writing this: Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold. I know they're normally a rock band or whatever, but this song isn't rock. It gorgeous and nearly made me cry, and while writing this horribly sad chapter, it made it fifty times sadder. Here's a bit of it:

While I recall

All the words you spoke to me

Can help her wish

That I was there

And where I'd love to be

Dear God,

The only thing I ask of you

Is to hold her when I'm not around

When I'm much too far away

We all need that person

Who can be true to you

But I left her when I found her

And now I wish I'd stayed

'Cause I'm lonely

I'm tired

I'm missing you again

Once again

That tiny snippet of the song really is NOTHING compared to actually listening to it. His voice is like melty chocolate syrup…. Ehehe got a bit carried away. Anyways, the usual; review, stay in school, don't play with matches, etc.