That must have been a record; the amount of reviews I got within five hours. TWELVE. That is incredible! Thank you guys for being super-awesome and telling me how you feel about it and all. You want to know a secret? I like when I get constructive criticism. It lets me know you're paying attention, instead of those reviews I sometimes get saying "omgomgomg! UPDATE PLZ!" No offense, but it's just kind of…annoying. I like when you tell me what you liked and what you didn't like about it. But so far, everyone is doing AMAZING on that, so thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! Love you all!
And some of you were close, as to what Prim had told Katniss. Close, but no bone. ;) I was mean, by teasing you with "pregnant pause". Ehehe…
Btw I don't know about you guys, but I liked writing in Peeta's point of view, so I'm keeping it like that, okay? Okay, love you buh-bye. :3
oOo
"Are you hungry?" I turned my eyes down to Katniss with the question.
We've been sitting here for a while, on our bed in the exact same position we had when Prim first left. Katniss was curled into a tiny ball at my side, covered with a blanket I had wrapped her in. She had been silent for quite some time; it was one in the afternoon. Apparently it had been about nine in the morning when I had woken up, so it had been a few hours since Katniss had found out…whatever she found out. I was dead curious, but I wasn't going to ask again. The look on Katniss' face told me not to, ever actually, unless she volunteers the information. She was staring blankly off into the distance, crusts of tears still drying on her cheeks. It had only been half an hour since she'd stopped crying, but that didn't merit speaking any. So I just held her, not pestering her in any way.
When she heard me speak, Katniss' shiny eyes glimpsed up to mine. She blinked, seemingly debating whether or not to take my offer. A second passed. "I…" She looked off to the right. An uncomfortable look flickered across her face. "I don't think so."
"Are you sure? You skipped breakfast." I reached up to tuck a piece of her unkempt hair behind her ear. It hadn't been brushed or washed in a while, but I really couldn't care less.
"I might throw it up." Her voice was quiet, and I could tell she was worried. She turned away.
This made me more curious than ever. I was dying to know what was in her mind. I put the tip of my index finger under her chin and made her look at me. "What's wrong, Katniss?" I didn't beg. I didn't plead. I didn't even repeat my words for emphasis.
She stayed silent for a long time. Then, all of a sudden, she tugged the covers off and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "Actually, I think I might be hungry. I'll go down and fix lunch."
Yeah. Like Katniss would fix us both a lovely lunch during a time of crisis. She had been crying for two hours nonstop, and hadn't moved a single muscle for even longer. It was horrible, sitting by and watching her be this miserable. It took a few seconds to register what she was doing, and by the time I scrambled up as well, she had already disappeared through the door. I stuck my head out the door, and strangely enough, I didn't even see her at the top of the stairs. Had she already gone down? How long did I take gaping at her choices? Frowning slightly, I followed.
When I entered the kitchen, Katniss was already holding a loaf of bread in her hands, along with a knife. Her head was ducked over her work, and I failed to see the tears once again streaking her face. She was succeeded in immersing herself with work, or so I thought.
With a sympathetic groan, I moved up behind her and slipped my arms around her waist. My shoulders fit perfectly behind hers, as did my arms alongside her own. My fingers touched the backs of her wrists and Katniss, knowing what I meant, set down the bread and knife. I felt her back muscles tense up as she hung her head, hands on the countertop.
"What are you doing?" I said quietly in her ear as my hands slid up to rest of her shoulders. I was doing my best to not be too invading, but it was horribly hard, seeing as how all I wanted to do right now was squeeze my arms around Katniss and feel her melt into my skin.
She took a few seconds to answer. "I'm making sandwiches."
"Y—"
"It gets my mind off things, okay?" Katniss snapped, finally turning around so I could see the lines of worry creasing her young face, mingled with the tears that followed gravity down her face. "Sitting there doing nothing just gave me more time to think about it. I don't want to think about it. Maybe, if-if I don't think about it, it won't come true."
Her mood seemed to sap all my energy as well. I ducked and set my face on her shoulder, feeling the bare skin of her shoulder with my lips. "I'm sorry. I really am." I held that position for a minute or so, and then lifted my head back up. "I'll help you with the sandwiches."
Katniss nodded, and after that we stood side-by-side, slicing bread, making lunch. It was simple and took barely any time, and that made me a little sad. This time I spent with her—in silence, busy and occupied—was precious and rare. It was only when the last sandwich was finished, I got the idea.
"Hey, Katniss." I leaned forwards on my hands on the counter, as she did earlier.
Katniss glanced up, and I was happy to note she was no longer crying. "What?"
"How do you feel about taking this somewhere else to eat?"
She peered at me and in seeing nothing suspicious, shrugged and looked back down at our food. "I suppose so. Where?"
We both already knew.
"The woods."
And in no time at all, a picnic was packed; sandwiches, bottles of water, and a piece of fresh fruit each. It was small, but more than satisfactory. Katniss was shrugging her coat on when I appeared back in the living room, small backpack at hand. She glanced at me and attempted a sort of smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. I had already set the pack down on the arm of the couch when she glanced down at her zipper. I took the four steps necessary to get to her, and slipped my fingers over hers. She looked up at me, mouth slightly open, and I zipped her jacket for her.
When I was done, my arms swung down at my sides, and we were just left gazing at each other. But Katniss dropped her gaze, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.
"You always help me with buttons and zippers." She noted, and then looked back up. Another teensy smile appeared. "Thanks."
"Any time." And it was the truth. I would always help her, it was a fact. But I couldn't just ignore the face she was making; chin held high, lips parted slightly, eyes wide, face looking strong but weary. It was as expected when I leaned down to kiss her. The mean part of me enjoyed making it short, because I knew that when I pulled away, there'd always be that resentful, desirous look. And she'd still be on her tippy toes, wanting more. It amused me. But I held on for just a little longer, for the both of us.
When I drew back, there was plenty time to notice Katniss' dinner-plate eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I hiked the pack a little higher on my shoulder. "We should go."
Katniss, who still looked somewhat dazed, nodded and let me lead her outside. We were silent up until about ten feet into the woods, branches crunching underfoot. Actually, that was just me, but anyways, I was a bit curious as to what our destination was.
"Are we going to the lake?" I asked, to no one in particular, really, because I was leading the way just as much as her.
Katniss blinked, and caught her bottom lip in between her teeth. "Actually… I have somewhere else in mind... If that's okay."
I was pushed forwards with curiosity, shuffling my feet so where I stood a little closer. "Where?"
"Just…somewhere."
Part of me felt sympathetic towards her because I saw how hard she was trying to maintain a normal composure, and I knew it was because of me. She doesn't want me asking her anything again. I felt guilty, and yet proud she was actually able to stay sane for a few minutes at a time. That's sad…
As we walked, I kept my eyes trained on Katniss; the way she moved, where her eyes followed, the way her fingers twitched every so often. Her bone structure was so slight, so delicate. Every time she took a step, it was as if a feather fell on the forest floor, not even disturbing fallen leaves or sticks. She distributed her weight so where half of it was in her aura, floating around the air. She was so graceful and beautiful, I just felt like reaching out and tracing the bones, and feeling her muscles with every step she took. I wanted to reach out and feel how she moved, how she worked. The longing was so…insane and powerful, it was impossible to ignore.
With a careful finger, I reached over and trailed it down the slight curve of her spine, all the way down to nearly the waistband of her trousers. Of course, I stopped there, and lifted my hand back up to trace the lines of her throat.
Katniss' eyes fell upon me and she gave me a look, not saying anything. I withdrew my hand and kept walking. But ironically, it was only about fifteen seconds later we slowed to a stop. I lifted my head off the uneven ground and looked out and the area.
It was the same as everywhere else. The deciduous forest spread out around us, mossy earth, a broken tree fell nearby. Nothing about it was particularly special.
I shot a curious glance at Katniss. "Is this where we're stopping?"
Her grey eye darted to absorb our surroundings, and then she nodded. "This is the place."
I didn't feel like asking why this particular twenty-square foot area was the one she had chosen. Instead, I went along with it and sat next to her under a fanning oak tree. The pack swung of my shoulder and into my lap.
"Your lunch," I handed Katniss her sandwich, then an apple and a bottle of water.
We ate quietly, listening and soaking in the sounds of the forest. Birds called to one another across the trees, crickets sang their chirpy little tunes, and the wind rattled leaves on their branches. And even long after our food was done, we sat back on our hands staring up at the shapes made by the sky around the canopy of trees. I felt Katniss' fingers overlap mine, but she didn't look over, so neither did I. It was only when she scooted over to press her side against mine I decided to wrap my arm around her shoulder and lay back on the moss with her.
Katniss reached over to take my spare hand in hers, and played absentmindedly with my fingers. Everything was peaceful and serene and…lovely. With a tiny sigh, I ducked my head and just pressed my face against the side of hers. I could feel the tip of her nose brush mine, our temples aligned, and even the corners of our mouths touched. I hoped she could feel it when I smiled, and within the tranquility of the moment, I felt myself slip away. It was soon I fell asleep there in the forest, Katniss curled in my arms.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been out, but when I awoke back, it was to the scream of a woman. I shot straight up, scrambling around frantically next to me, my thoughts on Katniss. But she was there, blinking sleep from her eyes just like me, putting her arms halfway around my waist in confusion.
"What was that?" She said in a slightly croaky voice, looking around.
"I heard screaming." This was confusing, and now that I was fully awake, I couldn't pinpoint exactly where the scream had come from. Had I heard it, or was it in my head? I turned my head back down to Katniss to say something else, but I heard it.
A high, piercing scream split the night, bone-rattling and terrorizing. It was at out left, and very, very close.
Katniss' eyes shot wide with fright. "Mountain lion," She breathed, and I actually saw the heartbeat in her throat speed up. "Get up. Come on." Katniss stood up, pulling me along with her.
I shot my head back and forth, trying to see the wild cat. I've never seen a mountain lion, but I have a feeling I really don't want to. When I didn't spot anything right away, I glanced back down at Katniss. "Where—?"
"Shh!" Suddenly, her eyes latched to something above me, a bit to the left, and she clamped down on my arm.
I followed her gaze, up to the giant oak tree she was staring at. There, perched elegantly on one of the thicker branches, was a cat. It was sleek and cinnamon-colored, and very big. Eyes like slivers of glass shone down upon us, and its mouth was parted slightly, exposing razor-sharp fangs. But to my horror, me in particular. And Katniss knew this.
We were frozen completely where we stood, watching the puma as it sprang lightly from one branch to another. And unfortunately, that branch was directly above me. I could feel its gaze boring into mine. Beads of sweat pricked the back of my neck.
"Stay here." Katniss' voice was as quiet as possible, and she shoved me roughly against the trunk of the tree, pinning me closely as possible. And with that, she slinked into the foliage.
I wanted to call out to her to come back, but I was too terrified to even do that. Instead of letting out any noise of fear, I busied myself with trying to locate where Katniss had slinked off to. Then I saw her; a shadow low to the ground, darting from behind trees over to the fell one a ways off. A low growl erupted from above me and I cringed, flattening myself even closer to the tree. Terror was pounding my heart right out of my chest; it was going to break right through my ribs. For a split-second, I let my vision go black with fright, and when I adjusted them back to reality, what happened was so fast it was a blur.
Katniss appeared out in the open, bow in hand, quiver on back, and an arrow nocked on the string. In slow motion, I saw her draw the bow back, fingers at the corner of her mouth, and she released. The arrow spun in midair and thumped to its target. A screech of pain, and with a great thrashing noise, the giant animal tore down from its perch to the ground not four feet from me. I backed away a bit and stared; a long, thin arrow was lodged in the shoulder blade of the mountain lion and it spasmed, pained growling rolling from its throat. Its limbs twitched helplessly, and its breathing got heavy. I gaped. Katniss never missed.
Just as I thought that very thought, a second arrow split the air and silenced the creature for good. After that, everything was still and silent, but tense. I let myself glance over at Katniss, knowing full well my eyes were huge with start. But Katniss wasn't looking at me. Her gray eyes were trained on the dead puma, but what shocked me most was the look of complete vacancy, wiped clean of any emotion.
Somehow, my feet found themselves for me and I dragged myself over to stand next to her, staring alongside at the animal. Her eyes met mine, forcing me away from the dead stare.
Her mouth opened to say something, but it closed again. I could see her throat working, swallowing again and again.
"You knew your bow was stored nearby. That's why you took us here, wasn't it?" It wasn't a big reason, but apparently, it was the right one because she slowly nodded her head.
"Yes." Her voice was just barely a whisper. "But I didn't plan on using it again…" She took a ragged breath and stared down at the delicate weapon in her hand. "I should have done it sooner. My heart was fighting with itself. Whether to let go of him and move on, or not…."
By 'him' she meant Gale, obviously. And to my surprise, I didn't hate him just then. I just felt sad that he caused Katniss so much pain.
She didn't seem to register the sympathy on my face. Her eyes turned back to the dead mountain lion, face still wiped. "But mostly, I was afraid." There was no elaborating.
So instead, I reached over to put my arm around her waist comfortingly, but to my surprise, she flung her bow aside and wrapped her arms around my waist tightly. Tighter than I would have imagined, for such a small girl. Katniss buried her face in my collarbone and she shook all over, trembling so violently I thought she'd just collapse right then and there. She made it three seconds before she did.
I slid to the ground with her wrapped in my arms, holding her as close as allowed. She had her fists gathered around the material of my shirt, pressing her face into it.
"I'm sorry…" I wanted to say more, but the words didn't come out.
"I wasn't afraid for me, Peeta." She lifted her face from my chest, and I could see frightened tears streak her cheeks. "It was going to kill you."
My mouth opened to say something, anything, but nothing came. What was there to say? Nothing, apparently, so I just pressed her tighter to me, burying my face in her hair. With my fingers, I felt the cords of tension in her arms, the back of her neck, down her back. I could feel her heartbeat still pounding when I traced down her shoulder blades. I wondered if mine was doing the same; I couldn't feel any movement in my chest, but I was sure it was screaming just as loud.
Drawing a deep breath, Katniss pulled into an upwards position, trembling hands propping herself up on my chest. Though her eyes were still shining with tears, her face was no longer contorted. On the contrary, it was hesitant and enraptured. Her grey eyes drank in my face, and I fought off the coming sense of unease. At least she wasn't crying anymore. But I couldn't help myself.
"What is it?" I asked when she reached up a hand to touch the tip of her index finger to my temple.
"I don't know." She shrugged, and unwillingly brought her hand back down away from my face.
"No, it's okay," I assured her, feeling a bit guilty for making her stop. In response to her frown, I took one of her hands with my own and brought it up to my neck. I could feel her smooth skin just barely tickle mine, and I inwardly hoped she could feel my heart going crazy at her touch. "I don't mind."
But she didn't smile. Either her thoughts were elsewhere or she was actually attempting not to respond, but either way, she just concentrated on her hand brushing my neck. She slid it down to the collar of my shirt, still absorbed. I wanted to shake my head and laugh at her; a guy could only take so much.
I lifted a hand to tilt her face up to mine. And something that amused me the most was the look of surprise on her face, as though she hadn't expected me to do that at all. My lips stretched into a smile when I pressed them to hers. After that my eyes closed, so I couldn't see any more of her facial expressions.
Katniss tasted sweet; like the apples we had early. It still lingered on her mouth strangely enough, and hadn't been washed away by the water or fear. If it wasn't too strange, she was my favorite thing. I'd rather just lay here on the forest floor with her, absorbing her taste, her smell, her sight, getting lost in the mere thought of her. I always did. It was inevitable, really. When I cupped my hand around the back of her neck, the world just fell away. I loved this.
She went with it, bracing herself against me. I ended up just giving up the effort of sitting upright. But of course, when I fell backwards, she was pulled down with me. My arms slid around her automatically, but when I felt Katniss try to grip the collar of my shirt, her fingers were shaking so badly it was useless. I pulled my arms from her waist, taking her hands in mine.
"Why are you trembling?" I murmured, my lips tracing the line of her jaw, still holding her hands. When she didn't answer right away, I pulled away to look her straight in the eyes. She was crying. Again. "Tell me. You keep going on and off, crying on second, better the next. What's going on? Tell me."
She started shaking her head, and then looked away. "Nothing, nothing… It can't be…can't be anything." Whatever it was, she seemed to be just denying it, not assuring both of us it won't happen.
"If it isn't anything then tell me." I pleaded, gripping her wrists with my fingers, gentle yet firm.
She was still shaking her head, and another tear rolled down her face. "I can't—"
"Tell me, Katniss. I need to know." It wasn't just out of curiosity I was begging her to tell me. If it was something big enough to act like this over, it couldn't be 'nothing'. "Tell m—"
"I can't!" She screamed, and tore her hands from mine and got up off my chest. She was breathing heavily, crying, and shaking all over, gripping her elbows to herself. But when I stood up, too, and made to put my arms around her, she just turned her back to me. "Let's go home."
Wordlessly, I picked up the small backpack again and swung it over my shoulder. I was stupid to think she was better again. Getting screamed at like that kind of jolted me back to reality, and I understood that maybe I should be a little more careful talking to her.
We walked back home in silence, Katniss about ten feet in front of me, trudging through the forest not even bothering to be quiet, head kept low. She was still shaking, but found enough stability to go faster than usual. I wasn't used to this, not being able to reach out and hold her, or at least say something. It was killing me. And I did that to her. I made her scream and cry. Guilt sat in my gut like a boulder.
We got home and without saying anything, Katniss went upstairs. I knew she needed time, so I busied myself with emptying the pack of trash, and storing it back on its peg on the wall. And I took my time going back up the flight of stairs. When I went back into our room, Katniss was sitting up in bed, in her usual white nightdress, arms crossed over her stomach seemingly in pain. Her eyes were closed, and she didn't bother looking up when I crossed the room to the bathroom.
I made my shower quick, and when I was finished, toweled off and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. Swallowing my previous concerned feelings, I went back into the room. Katniss was still there, in the exact same position as earlier. I crossed the floor and sat next to her.
Neither of us said anything. Honestly, I was hoping her to say something first, so I wouldn't screw it up again. And funnily enough, she did say something first.
"Goodnight, Peeta." She turned her back to me and laid down, pulling the covers up to her chin.
I didn't say anything still. My heart had sank down to my feet and, feeling horrid, I stretched out next to her as well and closed my eyes. It was hard to ignore the empty feeling in my arms, but I managed.
Sleep crept up slowly on me, and in half an hour, I was on the verge of drifting off, but right before I did, I felt something sweet and gentle on the corner of my mouth. A kiss. I peeked my eyes open just in time to see Katniss turning back around. But there was no time to do anything before I fell asleep.
oOo
I feel horrible. I said that this chapter would be when you find out, but it isn't because it was getting WAY too long, so I split it into two chapters. The next one. And I'm serious this time. I just got a bit carried away with the picnic, it was a bit pointless this chapter… . Keep an eye out for the next one; It's coming soon! Prolly tomorrow…. :D Review!