CHAPTER FOUR

SEE THE SUN

27th of September

X Factor house

Dear God

You're a good guy – or so I've been told. Answer me this: why did you make war possible? Look at World War II. Think how much time we wasted arguing over whether a certain race deserved to walk free. Wouldn't it be better if everyone just minded their own business? But I guess the world will have its bad eggs, and you're just the chicken who lays them.

…Yes they'll ask you where you've been

And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day…

I had spent so long in the Main Room last night that walking in again was like greeting an old friend that I had gotten just a little too close to. Or maybe that was just Chris, who grinned at me before slumping into a chair.

'I got a craving for some Simpsons,'announced Lorane.

There was a room-wide groan from everyone Over 25, and squeals of appreciation from the rest of us.

'Majority rules!' sang Robyn, throwing herself to her knees to choose a disk.

She selected 'Much Apu About Nothing' and we settled down to watch.

'I don't really like this episode,' I declared after a while. 'I don't really getthe message of 'go back where you came from'.'

'Well, Ithink it would be best if we alldid that,' said Salty pointedly, glaring across at Triple K.

Kendall stood, his head barely level with her chest. 'Alright that's it –'

'Don't,' advised Kris, putting a restraining hand on his shoulder.

'They're not worth it,' agreed Robbie, not looking away from the TV.

'He's right,' Bikini sneered. 'Still worth a Hell of a lot more than you.'

Kendall leapt – and was yanked back immediately by Kris, who clearly had had a lot of practise in restraining his buddies.

Unfortunately, no-one was watching the twins, who, the moment Kris was occupied made their move.

In less than ten seconds, the volume was about up to the level of 'bitch fight' and Kenneth, Kevin, and the Beach Babes were rolling around on the floor, yelling and screaming.

The Over 25s were shouting, Africans With Attitude were squealing, and the Boys and Lorane were trying ineffectually to break up the fight. As for Robyn, she was just staring gormlessly into space, eyes shining.

'I have to deal with this every day at home,' she stated at last. 'I don't want to here as well.'

And with that, she buried her head deep into the cushions of the chair she was sitting on and made no further move.

As for me, I was getting really fed up. Robyn was clearly really upset by the proceedings and no-one was noticing. The guys were acting like children and I seemed to be the only one who realized just how stupid it all was.

I took a deep breath. This, I knew, was going to require every last ounce of oxygen I could get out of my system. 'SHUT UP!' I screamed.

Everything froze as suddenly as if I'd clicked a stopwatch, and even Sunny let go of her handful of Kevin's shirt: I found myself wondering if she had just wanted to test how muscly he was.

Now that they were all staring at me, I didn't really know what to say.

'Look at Robyn!' I managed, pointing out where she crouched, face-first in the upholstery.

Lorane immediately ran to her, and set about the complicated process of comfort. I tutted disapprovingly at the Beach Babes. The twins, I knew, simply had a fragile temperament.

'I still think they're freaks,' muttered Bikini.

'I swear –'

'Kevin.' Chris held up a hand for peace. 'It's OK.'

Kevin stared at him. 'What makes you think your opinion matters to me?'

'Mate.' Kendall pulled an apologetic face at Chris. 'Sorry; he gets crabby when he's tired.'

Kevin punched him with his good hand and Lorane stamped her foot, shod in a hot-pink boot. 'Are we going or not?'

I zipped my lovely loose black sweater (Dennis's – I wore it on Bootcamp second week) up to the neck and slipped my hands into the huge double pocket around where my belly-button was. Lorane cooed over me in that cute way she had, and Robyn smiled wearily, her eyes still a bit red.

Dylan pulled his woolly hat as far down as it would go, though it only covered half his ears. 'It hasn't stopped raining.'

Chris looked at him as if he were crazy. 'Duh.Rain doesn't just stopin Ireland. Once it starts, you can expect about a week of it.'

'Are you kiddingme?' Thomas exclaimed. 'How'm I supposed to keep up the tan?'

I looked at him carefully. He was around the colour of the paler rays of a setting sun; a hue I'd presumed was natural. I mean, you didn't get that type of tan in London.

He caught me staring. 'Fine; I go to a salon. Do you see one around here?'

'Which is exactly why we're staying here,' interrupted Sandy smoothly. 'So we can explore the merits of this dump.'

'Dump' was a bit harsh, really. True, it was a creaky old country house, but whoever the residents were, they had obviously strived long and hard to bring it up to the complex code of modernism.

Camilla seemed to agree, scowling coldly at her. 'Where did you live, Buckingham Palace?'

Sunny snorted. 'Hell no; an oak tree would be better than this hole.'

'I don't have time for this,' Robyn stated calmly. 'C'mon guys, we're going for a walk.'

'Good riddance,' muttered Salty as we swanned out of the door.

Once outside, I instantly pulled my hood up, loving the feel of it flopping over my forehead. I inhaled deeply. Mmm. It smelled like him. Plus, now, it had that extra memory of getting to the holidays, which somehow made it even warmer. I would always remember that day, as much as the holidays and my first audition. I had been standing onstage with five others who could have each had two heads for all I cared – all that mattered was the judge's verdict. And when they said that we were through… well, you can't understand it unless you've experienced it.

I felt a presence beside me as I started to trudge through the deliciously green grass, and knew that Chris had fallen into step beside me. I reached out wordlessly for his hand, and felt him grasping it barely half a second later. I felt the wind whip almost through me and was glad that I'd never found my 'inner woman' when it came to high heels. I was probably overdoing the 'natural' look though: no make-up, hair loose and unbrushed, an outfit that could have been assembled from the leftovers of a jumble sale, and now I was soaking wet as well.

I felt Chris's eyes on me and struggled not to respond.

'You look really nice,' he said.

'Thanks,' I murmured, gaze fixed on the ground. Usually, when Dennis complimented me, I'd kiss him in reply. Well, I could hardly do that to Chris, could I?

So silence lingered for a while. I imagined broken glass beneath my feet, and die set in motion to determine what would next be uttered.

Eventually Chris took the burden. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he started 'So, er…what are you usually doing around this time?'

Amazing really, how you can jabber away all night and not have anything to say in the morning. 'Um…I guess, writing music, practising my singing, catching up on last night's homework…'

I heard a single-syllabed chuckle. 'Tell me about it. My Maths teacher's a nightmare; completely obsessed with numbers.'

I giggled. 'Try having an English teacher who doesn't know where apostrophes go!'

Then we were both laughing and we were back where we started; perfect once more. Oh God. I was so confused. Maybe it was the fresh air. After all, how many chances do you get in a lifetime to be strolling in fresh countryside with not a road for at least kilometres? I mean, it was scarily quiet out there; I could hear my own breath as well as seeing it.

'It's amazing, isn't it?' observed Chris. 'You could walk for hours and just be going around in a circle.'

'Yeah.' But was that a bad or a good thing?

'Hurry up guys!' Thomas called from ahead. 'We're gonna leave you behind!'

'We'll catch up!' called Chris.

'Save yourself time and do it now!'

I grinned. Smart-aleck Bethany was going to prove a real handful over the next few weeks, I was sure. She just didn't have an 'off' button. Maybe it came of being a tomboy.

'OK.' Chris came to a halt, causing me to as well. 'How 'bout a race?'

I looked up at him, his hair even more windswept than yesterday, the wind painting his cheeks pink. 'What?'

'You know: ready set go?' He jogged on the spot a little to demonstrate, and I didn't bother to point out that I knew what a race was.

'Alright.' I paced myself, thanking whatever I believed in back then that I had chosen my new Nike trainers for footwear. 'Then what you waiting for?'

'This.'

And the next moment he was off, running away from me. I gave chase, thinking of it more as pursuing than racing. This was the first time I'd ever physically followed a boy. With Dennis I always took the lead. I preferred it that way, and he never complained.

Now, as I trailed Chris relentlessly, I wondered if this was what it was like to be the doormat in a relationship. Unlike my sister, I had never let that happen. I was tough. Hell, I was DJ. And now here I was, running fast enough to lose all the air that I usually saved for singing power songs, just to keep up with Chris. Was I high, or what?

''Bout time!' remarked Lorane when we finally made it to their crowd. 'I've been yelling myself hoarse here!'

It didn't sound like it. She had a voice as Southern and sweet as Jasmine's, and every word from her mouth was as easy to decipher as Tinie Tempah's lyrics. Judging by Melodia's comments at my audition, I was the opposite.

'No you haven't,' confirmed Robyn mildly. 'You've been listening to Thomas.'

'I think we all have,' China winced, massaging her earlobes. 'I hope we can all agree on one thing Thomas; you won't need a microphone.'

Thomas smirked arrogantly. 'I do my best.'

Lorane threw him a look of deepest loathing and then stalked away.

I glanced apologetically at Chris and then followed her, Robyn already halfway there.

Lorane was standing tall – on the edge of a cliff. True, there was a knee-length fence, but otherwise nothing that could keep her plunging to the ground if she put one foot wrong.

I stopped so abruptly I nearly toppled over. Robyn, on the other hand, kept walking until she reached Lorane and put an arm around her denim-jacketed shoulders.

'Lorrie? You OK?'

I couldn't hear Lorane's answer, but I detected a laugh from Robyn. 'We knew thatalready!'

I desperately wanted to get closer, but couldn't. I've always been terrified of heights. I can't even take the window seat of a double-decker bus without feeling like I'm going to throw up. I have to sit with my back against it or with someone else in beside me.

'DJ?' Robyn turned back to me. 'You OK?'

'I don't like cliff-edges,' I explained.

At that, Lorane spun around. Her eyes were shining, and her pale face was the colour of the top layer of petals from a rose. 'Then you've got to see this.'

I wondered if she'd heard me right. 'But I –'

'I'm serious.' She reached out and tugged me toward them. 'This will totally convert you.'

I resisted, but she was damn strong; her muscles stuck out like Madonna's. Except they looked better.

She dragged me to the border and I obstinately squeezed my eyes shut. I was not looking out there for love nor money.

'Oh my God!' Robyn suddenly screamed.

'What?' Well, it had to happen sooner or later, didn't it?

I gaped. We were standing on the edge of the world. All around us was a clear, upturned bowl covered with sheets of translucent grey silk. That's exactly what it looked like. The rain had ceased – and had left behind a view that beat the Grand Canyon hands down. I noticed, averting my gaze to the ground, that grass was not far beneath, but, looking straight ahead, you didn't even notice it. This was total, infinite, wonder.

I heard Lorane laugh, satisfied. 'Told ya.'

'Girls?'

'Lorrie?'

'Rob?'

'DJ?'

The distant cries of the others were starting to grate on my sensitive ears, so the others and I began to walk back, leaving the sky behind for some other unexpecting individual. We didn't really mind going. We were never going to forget something like that.

As we made our way to the rest, Lorane began to dance – of a fashion – skipping over daisies and weaving in and out of the long grass, so one minute it was up to her ankles, and the next, barely brushing her toes. Caught up in her rhythm, I started to copy her, perfecting what I'd thought were long-forgotten steps of my childhood ballet lessons.

Robyn watched us wistfully. 'See, I express myself with song rather than movement.'

'OK, sing to us,' I encouraged. 'I haven't heard you yet.'

She looked confused, suddenly in the spotlight she appeared to shun normally. 'What should I sing?'

'Anything you want!' trilled Lorane. 'Just not Robbie Williams,' she added.

Robyn frowned jokily. 'Damn.'

Lorane and I politely stood still as she began her song. I didn't recognise it, but I picked up the beat fairly quickly. That was definitely one of my strengths when it came to music. Within minutes, Lorane and I were twirling and hopping all over the field, revelling in the tune.

She came to the chorus. ''Cause I'm gonna love you

For the rest of my life

I'm holding this feeling

In this heart of mine…'

To my surprise, she began to dance, almost subconsciously, simply following her voice. Lorane and I stared at her as she spun and leapt, the wind appearing to carry her through the air. Flying without wings.

She stopped, abruptly brought to Earth, the spell broken. 'What's the matter?'

I shook my head hastily, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. 'Nothing. You're… wow.'

She blushed.

'GIRLS! GET YOUR HOT ASSES OVER HERE!'

I let my mouth stretch open about five centimetres until my lip nearly brushed my chin. 'That cheeky bastard!'

'Still wondering why I was upset?' Lorane enquired ironically.

'Ah.' I got it.

Robyn shrugged. 'I went to a co-ed primary school; I know boys.'

I shuddered. The only time I'd shared a room with more than one boy was when I'd gone to high-school dances and clubbing outside of school hours. The boys there were absolute nightmares; drunk and groping and hopelessly out of time to the music. I couldn't imagine going to the same school as these foreign creatures – sharing a house with even just Chris, Robbie, and Thomas and Triple K was kind of freaking me out.

Robyn noticed my discomfort. 'Amazingly…they're not that bad when you get to know them. I mean, there're a couple of true terrors'– she flinched – 'but they're surprisingly rare.'

Lorane nodded. 'I've been with my share of men –'

'Oooh!' I quipped.

' – and either I've got impeccable taste, or boys are actually normal,' she continued.

'Excuse me.' Robyn spoke up. 'Are we back?'

All three of us gazed up at where we'd ended up – the X Factor house.

'Wow,' I announced. 'Time flies when you're having fun!'

'Absolutely.' Suddenly, the others were standing behind us.

'Home sweet home,' drawled Kenneth.