CHAPTER 60 of 65
I DO NOT OWN EMMERDALE OR IT'S CHARACTERS, THEY ALL BELONG TO ITV1
A/N:THANKS for all your kind reviews of the last chapter...xx
Aaron Livesy was up early...he was running up the top field close to Clyde's 'grave', Bonnie was in tow...THIS made him feel better...being out in the fresh air, away from ALL the fussing over him...
It was a cool morning for mid-June, the mist laying in the bottom field signalling that it had been a cold night.
Aaron was winded, and leaned upon the wood fensing gathering up his breath, Bonnie panting at his legs, all excited over his early morning run.
Aaron slipped down and stroked the dogs face, taking the comfort from it...he hated feeling like this...the loss always catching up with him, when he least expected it...
THE LOSS OF TOM...
THE LOSS OF HIS BEST GAY MATE TOM...
HIS MATE TOM...KILLING HIMSELF OVER SOMETHING STUPID...AND IT WERE...
IT WERE...
Aaron tried to hold back the tears...WHY...WHY DID HE DO IT...WHY?
but DEEP DOWN Aaron would always know the why...he knew MORE than anyone how feeling THAT low, felt like...
he had BEEN there...
DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES...SAME CONCLUSION...
But HE had been saved...
BUT Tom hadn't...there had been NO ONE there to save him...
Bonnie was looking up at him...eager for attention, he made a fuss of him...trying to put LAST week to the back of his mind.
Aaron led the way back to Dale head...Bonnie following obiediatly behind him, Jackson watched him through their bedroom window.
As Aaron came in through the backdoor, Jackson had come down the stairs to meet him, "hiya..." he smiled...it was hard to judge what mood Aaron had woken up in today, yesterday Aaron had been like a bear with a sore head, and were snapping at everyone...everyone BUT Jack...Aaron WAS ALWAYS okay with Jack...and Jackson was so pleased...it showed Aaron had really matured and could feed is anger to folk who knew what to expect...
Aaron fed the dog and looked up, " what..." he asked, Jackson came foward, " just saying hi...you came to bed late last night...and got up early..."
Aaron pulled a frown at him, as he filled the kettle up, " yeah SO..."
Jackson turned, pulling his grey hoodie on over his tee shirt, " I'm alittle scared that YOU are shutting me out..."
Aaron turned and folded his arms, " I'm NOT...I just need me space THAT'S all...", Jackson shook his head, " YOU are pushing me away...I'm concerned for yah...I don't know what you are going to be like from day to day..."
Aaron waved a hand at him, and pulled a big sigh, " Ohhh GREAT!...I'm an ogre now am I!"
Jackson came forward, his brown eyes trying to get the Aaron's full attention, " YOU'RE never an ogre...well...maybe JUST on halloween..." he decided...with a hint of a smile...Jackson was SURE we could see a slight glimmer from Aaron.
Aaron turned and made a brew...Jackson leaned on the counter watching him...Aaron's back to him...but then, Aaron spoke, " ...and before you ASK where's mine..." he turned and held up the mug of tea to Jackson, " It's here..."
Jackson took the mug, and smiled at him, " come and sit with me yeah..." he gently asked, Aaron nodded at him, while spooning 6 sugars into his own mug, and stirred it noisely...then chucking the tea spoon into the sink.
Aaron went into the lounge, and sat next to Jackson on the sofa, Jackson sipped his tea, and turned his head to face Aaron, " YOU really don't have to go today...if you don't feel UP to it..."
Aaron snapped his gaze at him, " ohhh that'll be right...YOU hated Tom...you're glad he's dead...and NOW, you don't want me to show up at his funeral!"
Jackson was shocked at that, and angrily glared at him, " OI!...I didn't HATE Tom...I just didn't like him that's all...AND I never tried hiding that from yah!..."
Aaron stared into the fireplace, Jackson slowly placed his hand onto Aaron's knee, " I know...I should have been making MORE of an effort with him...like you do MY mates...and I am Sooo sorry I were too late...BUT...I will be ALWAYS grateful for Tom..."
Aaron was close to tears again, Jackson felt the lump in his throat rise up, HE just wanted to take the pain away from him..." HE saved you from that beast Ben, if HE hadn't been there that night...if he hadn't KNOWN what Ben were up to..."
Aaron turned his head to him, "I'm gonna miss him...I know folk thought it strange...ME and HIM being mates...chalk and cheese...BUT I liked him...he was such a pratt sometimes...but I could have these talks with him...those I couldn't have with Adam...Tom would understand...like when me and you would have a fight...Tom would know how to sort things...tell me what to do like..."
Jackson smiled at him, " I know...I know..."
Aaron was holding back the sobs again, " IT'S all just a waste...HIM doing that...just because he thought he were gonna be ending up rotting in some STINKING cell...for defending himself from THAT pratt!..."
Jackson wanted to take Aaron into his arms...but Jack was coming down the stairs, " Bonnie!" he called, and the dog went to meet the lad, Aaron looked up..and half smiled through watery eyes, Jackson turned, "YOU still want to go..." he asked.
Aaron nodded, " he was me mate...I'M going..." he then stood, patted Jack on the head, and marched up the stairs to grab a shower, Jack looked across to his dad on the sofa, " why is uncle Aaron sad...he is ALWAYS sad now..."
Jackson stood up, and crossed over to his son, " uncle Aaron's sad because a friend of his died..."
Jack was trying to register the info, " like if my friend Dillon died at school...I would be sad..."
Jackson smiled sadly, " yeah...THAT'S why we have to be extra nice to him...make him feel like he's the best...because to US...he is..."
Jack smiled, and jumped up and down, " I can be his friend!...but if he's my uncle too...can I be his friend..."
Jackson laughed, trying to see through his kids logic of things, " yeah...I'm sure you can be...CAN'T hurt can it little man..."
At 8.30, Jackson had got Jack ready for school, Hazel was then coming in through the front door, "MORNING!" she sung, Jackson handed his mum Jack's school bag, "THANKS for doing this mum...Lisa's away with Zac, and I can't leave Aaron...not today"
Hazel smiled down at her grandson, " Ohhhh don't be silly!, I like seeing me lovely grandson, and i've hardly seen him since I got back last week...", she looked up to him,and sighed, her son looked drained, " Aaron still NOT himself...", Jackson turned to her, " I just WISH he'd let it all out and cry...but he won't!...he's bottling it all up...like he always does...all this week, he talks to me at times...and then other times, he goes out of hs way to avoid me..." he frustrated.
Hazel rubbed his shoulder, " give him time love...he'll NEED you when he's ready...grief is a funny thing..."
Jackson blew out a sigh, " knowing Aaron it could take a hundred years!..."
Hazel took Jack's hand to lead him outside, she turned, " wait till the funerals over with...I'm sure he'll need you then..." she then went to take Jack to school.
At 11, Aaron stood in the bedroom facing the mirror, he had his black suit on, and clutched his tie in his hand.
He stared at his reflection for a few minutes, and then looked down to a set of photos he had dug out, most of them were taken by mobile phone in bar west or time they spent at Alton Towers.
Pictures of Tom's face smiling up at him...haunting him...
His instinct was to screw them up...AGAIN...and chuck them into the bin...but when he did that a few days ago, Jackson had secretly rescued them...HE was glad he did...even though he wanted to do it again.
Jackson then entered, and stood behind him, "so...you ready to go...", Jackson could hit himself for such a stupid question...COURSE Aaron was not ready!
Aaron turned from the mirror, " we've gotta get THE DOG over to Paddy's..." he muttered.
Jackson shook his head, " ALL taken care of...we just need to be getting there...that's all", Aaron was aware he had been taking his time...he started to panic, and flap around the room, "My tie...I can't do UP me tie!"
Jackson reached out and held him, " WE can stop by at Paddy's...come on...it's NOW or never mate...and remember...I'M THERE for yah!"
Aaron nodded slightly, and walked out the room, Jackson glanced at the photos sadly, then followed Aaron out.
At first Aaron wouldn't get out of the van, he just watched out the window, as mourners dressed in black strolled down the dirt track up to the church.
It had taken a fair while to get to Sheffield, Tom's home town...and finding the church had been abit of a chore, Aaron had been getting even more stressed about missing the service.
But when they did find it Aaron felt like he was glued to the van's seat.
With a little encouragement from Jackson, Aaron finally stepped out into the bright sunshine...the first thing that evaded his ears was that death toll...the church bell.
Jackson locked up the van, and came around to Aaron's side on the church track, both sporting their dark sunglasses, again Aaron was frozen to the spot, Jackson turned to him, and took his hand gently, then walked him along the track...it didn't take long to catch up with a string of other mourners heading toward the church entrance arch.
Aaron swallowed...he could hear crying now...it unnerved him...he hated hearing it...especially when he turned behind and faced up the track...the Hearse was on it's way...the black limousine carrying Tom's close family was on it's tail.
Aaron let go of Jackson's hand, when he realised folk were staring...although the last thing he was going to do was kick off...but he was pleased,when he got away with a few choice glares at the culprits.
The Hearse had come to a stop, and the funeral Director in his top hat and tails, came out...then standing in front of the Hearse, led the precession up to the church entrance.
Funeral's made Aaron feel cold...it had been the third funeral he had attended in the same number of years...
2010, it had been his grandad Shadrach, his mum's father...
2011, it had been his own father Gordon...but he never ACTUALLY went to the service...just watched from the carpark.
and now 2012...his mate...Tom...
Aaron looked up to see the limo stop behind the Hearse, and Tom's parents got out...Tom's mum was crying quietly...Aaron had met her before when Tom had fallen off the belcony at his flat 6 months ago...back then she had NO idea Tom were gay...but when he had been recovering at their house...he had finally told them...and they were okay with it...Tom had been chuffed, because them being christians...he thought that they would of turned on him.
Jackson bowed his head, as the main family now awaited at the church entrance, the vicar was present, and told the rest of the mourners to enter the church...everyone needed to be sat down when the coffin was brought through...
Aaron followed others into the church, and sat upon one of the cold pughs inside, Jackson sat next to him, both slided across as others joined them on the pugh.
Jackson removed his shades, the churches stained glass windows ushering in some colourful suns rays.
Aaron, however kept his shades on, everyone sat in silence...until somebody dropped a hymn book onto the stone flagged flooring that echoed around them all.
The vicar was then at the entrance, and told everyone to stand...and Tom's coffin was pallbeared into the church...coming to rest at the tressles.
Aaron peered over his shades, he focused his gaze upon Tom's grieving parents...he couldn't help but stare at them...THEY shouldn't be burying their only son...it just wasn't right.
Jackson listened as the Vicar conducted the service, Aaron was trying to listen...but found he kept getting distracted, his eyes focusing through the shades around him, looking behind him, he caught glimpse of Greg and a few other friends from bar west...and the sight of one of them got his back up straight away...Ben was sitting there...and he had the nerve to raise his eyebrowes at him and smile.
Forcing his gaze ahead, Aaron was festering his anger...Jackson could sense that Aaron was stressed, but at the moment he just put it down to the service.
After the service, the vicar gave instruction for the coffin to be manouvered to the churchyard for burial, The coffin was again pallbeared out of the church, and the main family members followed on behind.
Aaron stood and took his place behind the line of mourners, Jackson always at his side, Aaron glared at Ben, whose pugh they had just passed, and Jackson was now fully aware WHY Aaron had been unsettled.
At the churchyard, Tom took his last journey, as his coffin was lowered into his grave, his parents now sobbing hysterically, Aaron stood there next to Jackson, calm and showing no emotion, eyes hiding behind his sun shades.
As the Vicar walked away, the funeral was offically over, and the mourners disbanded, not before Aaron left Jackson's side and hurried after Ben, he grabbed his arm, " WHY the hell are you doing here!" he spat angrily.
Ben smiled at him, " Aaron, he was MY mate long before YOU poached him off me..." Aaron's fists clenched together, Jackson was quick to get to his side joined by Greg and a few others, "Aaron...come on...lets go" Jackson told him, forcing a glare at Ben, Ben smirked at Jackson, just to annoy him, " So...Aaron married bob the builder in the end then..." Jackson was fuming himself, but Greg came in between them all, " hey NOT at Tom's funeral a..." he told...people around them sensing the tension between them all.
Then Aaron turned to see Tom's mother come over toward them, they all stood quietly, "It's Aaron isn't it..I remember you from the hospital, and Tom spoke about you all the time...thanks for coming" she said...her eyes red raw from all the sobbing she had done, Aaron swallowed, not really knowing what to say...HE WAS CRAP AT ALL THIS..." errrm...HE was amate...a GOOD mate...I owned him BIG time...more than you would ever know..." he said this while glancing up at Ben.
Ben took the hint and shook his head, and walked off, Aaron watched him go...satisfied that even now,,,he could always make Ben feel bad...
As the evening drew on, Greg and his mates said about having a little drink for Tom at the pub around the corner from the church.
Greg told a few stories about Tom, and there was plenty of laughter, even Jackson laughed, Aaron sat quietly at the table...his hand always around his pint glass...there was more laughter, Aaron could never understand all the celebrating a life...the lad had killed himself...how could you laugh about that...
In the end it got too much, and Aaron stormed off out of the pub, Greg stopped in mid laughter and glanced at Jackson, Jackson finished his orange juice, and said, " it's okay...I'll see to him..."
Leaving the pub, Jackson found Aaron back at Tom's grave...the sun was going down now...and the grave had been filled in...no flowers by family request.
Aaron stood there staring at the small cross, Jackson stood a little way behind at first, "Aaron..." he said gently...
Aaron stood there...hands in his trouser pockets...he was silent, until Jackson came to his side, " Aaron..."
Aaron turned to him, " the vicar said take a few minutes to think about him...so i did...", Jackson snapped his neck round, " anything good..."
Aaron smiled...or half smiled, " yeah...I thought about that time in the indian...HIM and that dumb Bruno lad...remember...he couldn't speak a word of!" Jackson smiled with him, "yeah...him and all that internet dating a..."
Aaron then was shaking...he was trying to hold it all back...he had done for a week...
and Jackson knew...he held out his arm, and pulled Aaron to him, " let it out..." he whispered gently...
Aaron was shaking...and the sobbing started, " Jackson...IT'S not fair...why him...WHY him..."
Jackson placed his hand behind Aaron's head, and pulled his face into his shoulder, " just let it all out mate..."
and Aaron sobbed...sobbed into Jackson's shoulder...shielded from anyone who would see him as weak...because he hated that...
...and as he sobbed...the sun was finally down...
A/N: I hope no one is TOO sad about Tom's death...I was sad...when I brought in Tom in chapter two of the original story, he was only created as a vehicle for Aaron's ex boyfriend Ben someone to reel off to about his scheme...but then he progressed into a character in his own right...i must admit I will miss writing him...but just like this story, everything comes to an end...thanks for reading...things can only look up now...can't they...?
TBC
PLEASE review...THEY ARE ALL WELCOME!... ..let me know, whether you love it or just loathe it!