I would admit I'm cheating on the chapter(s) of the wedding, but I'm TOTALLY not going to. Admit it, I mean. I'm not going to. So, thanks to everyone who reviewed, and I should say sorry because my computer doesn't let me reply to them anymore. And I should also say that I will no longer have this darling computer as of this week, so until I get something else worked out, things are going to be a billion times slower. But anyways, enjoy this chapter!

oOo

After watching Ivy and her mother—Caroline—walk away, Peeta and I headed back home. I kept my hands laced behind my back in thought, not registering the guilt I should have been feeling every time Peeta made a move to hold my hand. In fact, half the time I didn't register it; my mind was too busy with the gears of our wedding plans actually moving. Progress is being made, but I was still somewhat confused. About what, I had no idea.

We walked home in silence, and when we got back to Victor's Village, I curled up on the couch and closed my eyes. I wasn't necessarily looking for some sleep, but just some quiet time away from my constant sensory overload. Not ten minutes after I laid down, the other end of the couch shifted with the pressure of another being sitting down. I opened my eyes and glanced over at Peeta.

He held out a cup of tea—my favorite—and I took it.

"Is there something wrong, Katniss?" Peeta reached over and touched my arm. "You're being distant. Is there more to…to…" He furrowed his brows and looked away in contemplation. "To everything?"

I curled my fingers around the cup and stared into its deep reddish-black color. "I don't know, Peeta. I don't think so."

"I know it's probably a…bad time to ask if everything is alright," his blue eyes twinkled slightly, "but I'm going to admit that I've noticed you've been pulling away from me. I just want to know if anything else is wrong."

I wrinkled my nose and pursed my lips. That was an odd way to phrase it, and made me feel slightly guilty. "Nothing is wrong, Peeta. I'm just trying to figure it all out. Trying to figure myself out."

Peeta persevered. "Is that all? Because I'm…" He grimaced, a worried crease in her brows. When I frowned, he dropped his gaze into his own, un-drunk cup of tea. After a few seconds pause, he looked back up. "I'm worried for you."

I was silent. Between the times Peeta spoke and I spoke, I finished half of my tea, taking sips every now and then, mulling over what he said. At the two-and-a-half minute mark, I laughed. Well, it was more like a really loud, long snort, but either way… Tea burned in my nose and my cheeks hurt from trying not to smile.

Peeta just looked more confused than ever, a frown appearing on his face. I wondered if he ever questions my mental stability…

"What's new, Peeta?" I took another drink of my tea, my composure mostly regained. "You always for me. I'm always giving people a cause to worry. I wish you'd just accept I'm not sane, and get on with your life."

Peeta, who was growing considerably more worried, relaxed his face and laughed once. "Fat chance. But that still doesn't explain why you don't let me kiss you anymore."

Now it was my turn to frown, but I didn't while looking at him. I was frowning into my cup, chewing on the inside of my cheek, and took a second before I spoke. "I let you kiss me."

"Not without a frown."

I glanced up at him and scowled, but said nothing.

"And not with a funny face, as though repulsed."

I turned my eyes back to the cup of tea in my hand, glowering into it.

"And certainly not often." When I looked up at him, I saw that he was grinning. "Enough, anyways."

"Where is this going, Peeta?" I asked in a voice that sounded a lot calmer than I actually was. And I wasn't actually upset. Just annoyed. Greatly.

"Nowhere." His face returned to normal and he got up. But before he left, and before I could say anything else, Peeta leaned over and gave me a quick kiss. "Nowhere at all." He left me to think about that.

Later that day we had lunch, and then at about 3:45, I came into our room from the living room and found Peeta completely absorbed in something. His back was arched and he was bent over something, scratching on it with a normal pencil. When he heard me come in, his head snapped up and his hands tilted the notepad automatically towards him.

I sat on the end of the bed. "What's that?"

Peeta glanced down at his notebook and looked back up, a slight smile tracing his lips. "Just some…rough draft plans of our cake. Sketches, ideas, just some random stuff."

Our cake? I frowned. By the tone of his voice, I could tell it wasn't just a tiny, one-layer. If I could convince him out of it (which I wasn't even 100% sure that was his plan in the first place) that would be great, but I didn't think I would be able to. "Can I see?" I tucked my legs under me.

He cocked his head slightly to the left in thought. "No. It's going to be a surprise."

Eh… "Is it giant and extravagant?"

He glanced down at the drawing again, and back at me. For a second he paused. "You don't want it to be." It wasn't even a question.

He knew me so well.

"No, I really don't want it to be." It was best to be honest in these situations. But I couldn't help but smiling a bit, and I repeated, "Can I see?"

"I told you, no." Peeta was grinning, too. "But if you don't want…" He hesitated, and then paused. "I'm going to have to make some adjustments."

"How many layers?"

"Three."

Oh, good lord. I sighed and scooted off the bed. "I'm going to take a bath." And without waiting for him to say anything back, I stretched my back until it popped and went into the bathroom.

I stripped off my clothes, kicked them into the corner, and started my bath. Immediately after I poured in this sweet-smelling soap, hot water stirred up pinkish bubbles and made a tower of foam nearly a foot thick. When the tub was completely full, I sank myself into it. The sigh of relief was inevitable.

I laid there in the bathtub almost completely submerged in water, letting my thoughts go black. Black feathers of hair floating on top of the foam around me, and every time I breathed, tiny bubbles floated near my nose, then away. It was crazy comfortable, so much I wanted to just fall asleep in there. I closed my eyes, letting the fuzzy sense wash over me.

For a few minutes I stayed there, unmoving and silent. Once, the rush of falling caught me on the brink of nodding off, but it was too hard to beat off. Promising myself I'd only take a really short nap, I let it bring me under. And I would have to say it was one of the best hour-long naps I've ever had, while it lasted.

"Katniss?" A knocking on the door jolted me abruptly out of my sleep. "You okay in there?"

Trying to shake the sleep from my mind, I shook my head. "Nn?"

"Katniss…?" Now Peeta's voice was getting worried, and he knocked louder. "Katniss, love, are you alright?"

I sat up in the bath, feeling the cold where I took my skin from the now-cool water. "Yeah, I'm fine." My words were interrupted with a large yawn. "Sorry. I fell asleep."

From outside the bathroom I heard Peeta laugh. "It's alright. I'll leave you to that, then."

"Mm, no it's okay." I groaned, and then exhaled, reaching out my hands. The tips of my fingers all the way to my palms were wrinkled and wet. "I'm getting out anyway."

Peeta didn't respond.

Inhaling sharply when I felt the bite of the air hit my wet skin, I wrapped a towel under my arms and cracked open the door. I peered outside, holding the door with one hand and the towel to my chest with the other. Not like I'd expected, Peeta was sitting on the bed, leaning on his knees with his elbows, gazing absentmindedly at the bathroom door while rubbing his chin.

When he saw me, he paused a second, then smiled. But said nothing. Giving only the tiniest smile back, I went back inside the bathroom and finished changing. I probably should have saved the bath for bedtime because I just changed back into the clothes I was wearing, but that's alright. I just shrugged and took a comb to the wet tangle of hair on my head. The floor was splattered with drops of water as I brushed it out, and when I was done, I set the comb back on the counter. Though the mirror was a bit fogged up, I could still see the squeaky-clean girl staring back at me. I shrugged and went back into the room.

Peeta was in the exact same position he was when I peeked outside. When I sat down next to him, he looked up and smiled. "Feel better?"

"Slightly." I stretched out my arms and exhaled. I wanted to say something else, but there wasn't really much else to say. I was still musing over our conversation before I got into the bath, about how I didn't let him kiss me. I did, didn't I? Of course I did. Well, perhaps I wasn't quite as snuggly to him as I was a bit ago, but that just felt…off now. Should I be feeling guilty for that?

There was silence for a few minutes, and then Peeta braced his hands on his knees and stood up. "It's dinnertime, any requests?"

I stood up too. "No." But that was all I said, and in my head I laughed at the obvious fact that Peeta did all the cooking. He made a wonderful housewife.

Peeta ended up fixing soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Though secretly I found goat cheese to be tastier, this harder form of orange cheese was still delicious. We munched and slurped for a while, savoring the flavors, but I had to put down my spoon in curiosity when Peeta did. He ripped small pieces off his sandwich and chewed it slowly. I kept my eyes on him.

A few minutes went by like this. I was beginning to think he wasn't going to say anything at all, when he caught me by surprise.

"Do you ever think about Gale?"

I stopped mid-chew and furrowed my eyebrows. Silence stayed with me for a bit, at which the end, I glanced up to meet Peeta's eyes defensively. "What kind of question is that?"

He blinked once and shrugged, dropping his gaze back down to his almost-finished soup.

I suddenly had no appetite. I just picked at my food in silence, feeling peculiar in my stomach. What did Peeta mean? Well, it was kind of obvious, but what? My tongue felt thick in my mouth, like cotton, and I avoided looking up.

A few minutes went by when neither of us spoke. When it was clear my stomach ached too much to have any more in it, I set down my spoon and I swallowed past my cotton tongue. My eyes flicked up momentarily, and I caught Peeta looking at me.

"All the time." The words came out without me even wanting them to. I was suddenly upset, and tears pricked my eyes. What business of his was it? I scowled back down at my partially-untouched food. "But it's always useless thinking about him."

There was a stretch of silence which Peeta kept his eyes down at his finished food. He paused for a few minutes. Or seconds, I wasn't sure.

"Does it hurt much?" His voice was rough and he looked up abruptly with a fire in his eyes unknown to me. "Knowing you can't change what you did to him?"

The fire in his eyes seemed to heat my face and scorch my heart. I felt my lungs do this crazy spasm thing, and I blinked hot wetness away. "What do you think, Peeta? Every day of my life I wish that things would have gone differently, every single day I miss him."

"And what if things had gone differently?" His voice was rough, again, and even quieter. "What kind of differently are you talking about?"

I stood up slowly, fighting upset rage. My knuckles were white against the back of the chair I was sitting in, and now leaning on. "What business of yours is it anyways?" My voice waved on the edge from tears. "What business do you have, Peeta, asking me what I would have done differently? If it hurts knowing I hurt him? You know it hurts, I hurt you the same. You don't need to ask me, you know."

Peeta stood up too, and the glazed look in his eyes was gone. "Katniss, I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean—"

"Of course you didn't mean to, Peeta." I turned my back to him, feeling stupid. This happened so often. "You never do."

He came over behind me and tried to put his hand on my shoulder. "I just thought that maybe if you talked to me for once, you'd feel better."

"Well, I wouldn't." I flinched away and turned back towards him, leaning against the wall. "You just don't seem to learn. It doesn't make me feel better; it just reminds me of all the pain."

"Please, Katniss don't do this again." He reached out one of his arms, looking like he regretted it. "I didn't know it'd upset you this m—"

"Why wouldn't it upset me?" I raised my voice unintentionally, once again shrinking away from his arms. "He was my best friend and I let him die, but not before I crushed his heart into a million pieces. That hurts me more than getting stabbed in the shoulder." And trust me, I would know. "It's harder than you might think, getting over someone."

Peeta looked momentarily shocked. "'Getting over' him?"

I felt my shoulders trembling with the weight of the lump in my throat. "He was my best friend. I loved him."

He paused for a moment, and then turned his head away slightly. "I've been trying to help you get over him. Because I want to see you happy again. I guess that's not happening." Peeta turned to leave the kitchen.

Now it was my turn to be surprised. He never walked out from things like that. It was normally me. Come face me like a man, Peeta Mellark. "I'm trying, Peeta." The words were practically cried. "I'm trying my best, but it's hard when you're unable to have children, your best friend just died, and I'm still wanted to be there for everyone. I can't hold myself together, and to be frank, I was beginning to forget my pain about Gale. You brought him up again and—" I was interrupted with a cough and a rasping breath.

Peeta turned around. His face was perfectly blank and gorgeous. "I've already apologized, and I've been trying to help you, but you seem to not want to be helped. I try everything, I try so hard. I don't know what else to do."

I felt two miniscule tears slip from my left eye and I took a few shaky breaths. "I want to go back." I felt the coldness slip down my cheek and onto my chin. But the second they fell and hit the floor, it felt like all hell broke loose in my chest. Letting out a frustrated scream, I clutched my head in my hands and felt more tears fall. "I want to go back home, I want to be able to hunt again, I want my old straw cot back, I want Gale to still be alive, I want everything to go back to normal. I wish this had never happened, I wish I could go back." Sobs were shaking my shoulder with every attempted breath.

"Katniss…" Peeta's voice was so quiet I could have just imagined him whisper my name. His eyes were shining and his brows were slanted in sympathy. He shook his head, mouth working but no sound coming out. His hand reached out to touch my face.

I snapped. My head whipped away from his, my body shrinking from his touch. "Don't touch my Peeta Mellark. You just make it worse. Get away from me, Peeta," But he followed me to the other side of the kitchen, arms out, looking helpless. "Get away from me!" The words came out as a scream and I turned around briskly and pounded my fist once on the countertop. My neck, which felt stiff, was forced to turn to look at Peeta, who looked frightened and worried. "Peeta, I-I can't… I just can't anymore. I'm sick, I c-can't—" My eyes snapped open.

Peeta had quickly filled the space between us and had slid his hand behind my neck. And before I could yank away or yell at him again, his mouth was on mine. Both of our tears slid together on our cheeks, and I could taste salt on his mouth. At first I struggled, trying to pull away from him, bringing my hands in between us. But his mouth remained unyielding. The energy was drained from my body; the last push was futile. His other arm slipped around me and held me as I felt my legs buckle. I did my best not to fall, but when Peeta broke away he practically had to drag me to the couch before they gave way.

On the couch I couldn't look into his eyes. I closed them and curled into a little ball next to him, my cheek pressed on his chest. Though half my brain was blurry and dissolved, I could still feel his hands on me and in my hair, stroking my face and shoulders and holding back my disheveled, damp locks. All the while, he still managed to hold me up and to his own body.

"I'll always hold you together, Katniss. I'm going to do my best, too. I won't let you fall, I promise…." His voice was rough and near-silent. But I could hear it as if amplified. I could hear every spoken syllable, I could feel his lips just barely touching my ear, and I could still taste his tears on my own.

"I'm sorry," I whispered back, opening my eyes just a fraction. "I wish I could hold myself together for you."

"Don't be sorry."Peeta touched his finger to my cheek. "These are trying times. We'll pull through, love, don't you worry. We'll pull through…"

I felt a tiny smile stretch on my mouth, creasing the layer of dried tears on my face. "That's the best news I've heard in a long time."

oOo

Phew. It's about time I finished that chapter. So, AMAZING thanks to my good friend Hannah who (miraculously) had the willpower to resist when I offered her a snippet of it. She's helped me quite a bit with this chapter, so thank you bunches, and this chapter is dedicated to you!

Review!