01/07/12: Betaed by Raven of Red Wings

A/N:So here we are, on time. It's not really long, but I think it's manageable, what about you? Should I make them longer?

Draco is a little creepy, but I rather like it. He's going to be rather strange in the next few chapters. So let me know what you think, I appreciate all kinds of criticism. Love you lots!

-Murt

Chapter Five: Linger

Hermione:

Blank. Blank. Blank. Goddamnit. Blank. Blank. Blank. GODDAMNIT. Blank. Blank. Blank. GODDAMNIT!

This is the mantra that was playing in my head as I looked at the empty piece of parchment in front of me, twirling my quill between my fingers. I was meant to write a proposal to the minister on implementing safety precautions, because I just had to open my mouth during the department meeting this morning. Now, I'm stuck with the "brilliant" job, and I've got nothing.

Not that the din of this place is helping, anyways. People are so obnoxious and loud, especially when they know you have work to do.

Sighing, I pushed away the empty parchment and leaned back in my chair, resting my head against the chair. This was meant to help, but all I did was knock my head against the wall my desk is pushed up against. I heard a chuckle and squinted one eye open.

"Look sharp, Granger," said the man passing by my desk. Said man, Kevin Green, worked at the desk next to me and just happens to be gorgeous. Brown hair, light blue eyes, and a dimple on his left cheek when he lazily smiled. Like he was doing right now, right at me. Gosh, how beautiful.

I stuck my tongue out at him and pretended to go back to work while secretly hoping he'd continue to talk to me. But really, if he wasn't going to make an effort, I really did have work to do.

Three...two...one...

"Nice work at the meeting this morning, by the way. Screwed yourself over real well, didn't you?" Bingo. I looked over at him once more and tried to make some sort of non committal gesture or noise, but it really just sounded more like a strangled moan.

But he laughed. So I'm saved. Don't give me dirty looks, women. I haven't met a decent guy who appreciates me in years. Since Victor Krum, actually, and he turned out to like men more than women, so let's not venture down that road.

"Want to have dinner with me?"

Wait. What did he just say?

"What did who just say...?" he looked confused. Did I just say that out loud? I think I did.

"What?" I'm sure I looked a little shocked and taken aback, and he looked mortified at the situation he was in. I just asked out an insane girl, is what he's probably thinking right about this moment. I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid-

"Are you just trying to distract me? You don't have to go out with me, I didn't mean to offend you, I suppose it'll make things awkward since we work together, right next to each other and all but I just thought that-"

"Yes," I cut him off. He had a nervous ranting streak oddly similar to mine. How shocking. I thought I was alone in this world.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. You know what, don't even mention it, I'll-"

"Yes, I'll go out with you, silly." Come to think of it, he's actually really cute when he's nervous. I actually make a man nervous, now there's a thought! Things are really starting to look up now. I've a friend, and a date with an amazingly brilliant looking guy. I grinned happily for the rest of the day. And yes, I know, I probably looked like a maniac, but let me have my happiness while it lasts!

Now I suppose I should work, since, you know, the whole point of moving to New York was to get a better job.

About that...

Blank. Blank. Blank. GODDAMNIT!

I guess some things never change.

Draco:

I'd definitely seen her before. Big brown hair, brown eyes, lots of talking, distracting. I'd definitely seen her somewhere. Known her... been with her?

In lives past, perhaps.

It can't be safe to be so delicate, can it? Small and delicate. She looked breakable. Was she breakable? Did I break her? Maybe that's why she talked to me. I don't remember, all I could see was her lips moving and moving and moving. Do people do that a lot? Move their lips... It doesn't seem healthy. Quiet is healthy, she wasn't quiet. She can't be healthy.

But being unhealthy is familiar. Maybe I could...

No. Finding her would not be safe. This is safe, laying on my bed. Safety is good, is it not? I should stay safe. But she was so colourful! It makes me feel bland. Should I stay bland? Bland has always been safe. Nondescript. She wasn't nondescript, though, I remember. She was colourful.

It was scary. She is scary. Where have I seen her before?

No one has stopped me in a crowd before. I thought I had blended in so well... do I need to change myself? Am I too noticeable? I need to be invisible... But she saw me, she did. Maybe she sees everything, because I am invisible. Invisible is the only way to be anymore, I cannot change. But she seemed so warm... so warm...

I slowly sit up to make sure not to crinkle my lovely sheets. I seem to be getting quite good at this endeavour, for I do not crinkle them anymore. Lovely, lovely sheets... I wonder how she would look on these lovely sheets. Not so cold. But she shan't crinkle them, she shan't. She must be softer than these sheets, I am sure...

But I shan't abandon the safety for a muse. But is it so bad to think of a muse? A muse is only a thought. It isn't as if I am searching for her. Not in the least... not ever. I won't look for trouble.

Though I wish I know why she irks my memory so. Should I know her? I should know nothing. Knowing things can only lead to trouble. Knowing things gives one responsibility. One should know nothing and simply assimilate into the crowd. No one can blame me for anything, can they? I didn't do anything. I'm invisible, I'm invisible, I am...

My heart starts to hurt, thinking that I may never know who she is. But it hurts more thinking that I may not be safe here anymore. How can I leave this place? It won't let me leave. Not only that, but I hardly remember a life before this one. Has it been forever? I do not know. Should I remember?

No. Definitely not. I shouldn't try to think of horrid things. That is not who I am anymore, that is not what I want in my life. It must stay in the locked box and never come out. Not when I cannot control it. Not during the day...especially not during the day...

I try to think of something else, to calm me, to take away those bad thoughts and lock it away again in the deep, dark recesses of my nonexistent mind and nothing comes. So I grasp and try again to empty my mind, or at the very least fill it with something else. All I can think of is the small girl that had outed me in such a public place! Destroyed my peace for the day and disrupted my thoughts. But she sounds like a change from this, safety net. This monotone. What am I really, if not safe?

I find myself under my bed, once more, so soon! This time, not to remember, but to think of the softness that I met. To imprint it into my thoughts so that maybe, just maybe, I can forget myself and just be her.

Just be soft.

But as I look at the bottom of my bed, I realize all that I am. All that I will be and promptly forget everything of my present and immerse myself into my past. And I cry, slowly, softly. Not because of the pain, for I have steeled myself so finely towards such things, but because I do not deserve to be soft, and I crave it so.

I die a little more, and sleep, only to wake up to die again.

A/N: So what do you think? PLEASE REVIEW!

In the next chapter, Hermione is going to see Draco again and may or may not stalk him. ;)