I'm sorry these next few chapters are a bit choppy at the beginning and end. It was supposed to be one big chapter. I'm sure you understand.

oOo

We ate for a bit, and during a lull in our conversation, Annie decided to bring up the wedding topic again.

"Have you decided on a date yet? For the wedding?"

Peeta and I exchanged a look.

"Well, there's still quite a bit to be done, Annie." I said, pulling up the list in my head. "We still need to get the bridesmaid dresses, and my dress, figure out exactly what's going to happen that day, um…" I racked my brains.

"I'm working on our cake." Peeta said with a factual look on, and he preceded drenching his last pancake in syrup.

"So that's why you wouldn't let me back there…" I nodded in understanding, and looked back down at my food. I wasn't sure why I didn't see it before. Coughing, I changed the subject. "But I was thinking about seeing if we can gather Ivy and Caroline back up to look at dresses again. Caroline has today off."

Annie smiled at the idea. "Yes, I'd like to meet them."

Peeta, who had started smiling, glanced up to look at me. "I take it it's a girls-only thing, right?"

"Sorry, Peeta." There was an automatic smile on my face as well. "But if we go into town early, we might be done in time for lunch. And we could…all have lunch in town or something."

"A picnic in the meadow!" Prim suggested excitedly, already done with her breakfast. "With everyone."

"Good idea, Prim." Mother smiled, but then glanced at me with a curious look. "Are you going to let your mother come to look at dresses, too?"

I hesitated, but felt a bit guilty. "Ehh… We're not looking at dresses for me today. It's just the ones for Annie, Prim and Ivy."

"So no, then." Mother shrugged, thankfully not miffed. "That's good because I have just a tad more work to finish up here at home. With luck I'll finish in time for the picnic."

The whole kitchen had this air of satisfaction that we're finally getting somewhere. Jace had started to squirm, so Annie left the kitchen to feed him his breakfast. Finnick then had both hands to finish his breakfast, and when he did, he leaned forward on his elbows.

"Girls get all the fun." He confided in Peeta, sighing dramatically, flicking a bit of bronze hair out of his eyes.

I smirked. "Are you referring to the breast-feeding part or the dress shopping part?"

That got a laugh out of everyone here.

"Breast-feeding, definitely." Finnick winked at me, but unlike the way Benj did. He was obviously just joking around. "I actually meant the part where the girls just wandered off in their little herds, leaving the men sitting at home expected to do something productive."

Peeta, who had inhaled some water when Finnick said 'breast-feeding', was unable to answer, so Prim piped up.

"You and Peeta could be getting one of the Victor's houses ready." She suggested, still smiling at the joke. "Have it nice and clean by the time Annie gets back."

"Well, if Mother's going to be busy with her work, you and Peeta cleaning up the house, and the rest of us gone, who's going to watch Jace?" I asked Finnick, tucking a piece of air behind my ear.

"I'll take him with me." Annie, who had gotten done feeding Jace surprisingly earlier than any of us had thought, came in and took her seat. "He can meet Ivy and Caroline, too."

"Okay," Finnick nodded. "When are you going to leave?"

My sister and I glanced around at everyone seated around the table. We were all done eating and leaning on the tables in classic meeting postures.

I was about to suggest now, but I wasn't able.

"I think Annie and Finnick should have the opportunity to freshen up a bit and get a little more relaxed before you go off on your little adventure." She offered. "If you want to, of course."

Annie smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I'm going to take you up on that offer. We had to be at the train station an hour early, and the ride was awful." She rolled her eyes. "We only got about two hours of sleep each."

District 13 got a train station? Huh… Guess they didn't feel the need to stay reclusive that much ever since the Capitol's downfall.

"Oh, well then," Mother stood up and practically shooed them out.

Prim, smirking, followed. I was about to stand up, too, when I noticed Peeta hadn't moved. He was just still sitting at the table, fingers curled around a glass of water. He met my gaze and shrugged. Oddly enough, I felt the urge to join him, so I refilled my cup and took a seat next to him.

Things were quiet between us for a minute, until Peeta spoke.

"How are you doing?" He asked with an inexpressive look. "With…everything."

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I guess I'm doing okay. Tired, but just trying to remember my dream I had last night."

Peeta blinked. "I meant with the…the thing we discussed Saturday." It was obvious he didn't know what to call it. I guess I didn't either.

"Oh…" I narrowed my eyes unsurely at my glass of water. Honesty. Honesty is important. I can be honest to him, nothing has changed between us. It felt like ages since we'd last held hands or kissed or anything. "It's…hard." I said truthfully, eyebrows slanting sadly. "Harder than I'd thought. Being away from you." I glanced up at him, almost afraid of his reaction.

He looked sympathetic. "I know what you mean. Trust me." His hand twitched, and he sighed, running it through his hair instead. "I'm kind of…afraid of touching you now. I don't know what to do any more."

I felt awful all of a sudden, and I opened my mouth. But the words that were about to come out were suddenly forced to a stop by a déjà-vu. I frowned as a sentence popped up in my mind.

Has he ever asked you to stop talking to him?

For a split-second I tried to think of exactly what that had a connection to do with anything in my brain, then it all came back. The sentences before. The sentences after. The warped dream-world I had watched Prim lecture me in. It was odd, and the sheer oddness of itmade me pause for a minute.

"…Katniss?" Peeta had his brows furrowed and was frowning at me. "Did I upset you?"

Slowly, I leaned my head down until my forehead was on the table. "No. I upset myself."

A pause. "Are you okay?"

Self-loathing stung my throat as I got up all of a sudden. "No, Peeta, I'm not okay. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible person." I turned to leave the kitchen, mostly because I didn't want Peeta to see me cry. That was new; he's seen me cry more times than I could count. But this particular time I didn't want him to see me shed a single tear over this. It was my fault after all.

Peeta grabbed my wrist before I could get out, and he spun me around, forcing me to look in his eyes. "K—"

"You hate me." I sputtered, trying not to let loose the faucet of my angst all over him. "You should hate me. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you. Don't even…don't even look at me, don't…" It was impossible to stop the first couple of tears, and I hunched over to cough them out.

Peeta caught me and forced me to stand up straight, facing him, looking him in the eyes. "I do not hate you, Katniss. What are you even talking about?" His blue eyes were fierce and unyielding, stubborn as the Peeta I've always known.

"I'm a terrible person. I'm sorry." I felt my shoulders shaking with the almost-silent sobs. This was all of a sudden, and as painful as any other bout of self-loathing. "I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm really sorry."

He turned from stubborn to helpless, and Peeta abandoned his 'I'm-afraid-to-touch-you' to put his hands on either side of my face. "What are you talking about? Why are you crying?"

"B-Because I'm a terrible person." I choked, and then—surprising even myself—I leaned forward and wrapped my arms tightly around Peeta's neck, burying my face in his warm shoulder. "I-I still love you even if-if I'm awful to you, P-Peeta." I found myself saying into his shirt collar, still feeling the cold tears running down my face. "I still l-love you even though it may not s-seem."

He only hesitated for a second before he wrapped his own arms around me and pressed me tightly against him. One hand buried in my hair, the other just circled my small waist. "Don't cry, Katniss. Please don't cry."

Out of all of the things he wanted (most of which I wasn't sure of), he asked this of me right now and I couldn't do it. I did my best, taking shaky breaths, swallowing my tears. I tightened my arms around his neck as I concentrated on just breathing in and out. I needed to do this for him, if nothing else. Slowly but surely I made my tears go away. Though I was still trembling with tiny sobs, I wasn't all-out bawling anymore.

Peeta smoothed the hair back from my face. "Thank you."

I had stopped crying, yes, but it had been days since I've actually felt Peeta like this. Days may not seem like much, but it felt like years for me. I didn't say anything back to that, only pressed my eyes closed against his throat. I could feel his heartbeat. Darn it, this isn't helping me any. Taking another shaky breath, I pulled away. My hands reached up to wipe under my eyes at the same time.

"God, Peeta, I'm sorry." I sniffed, swallowing leftover sadness down. "Had a little breakdown, there."

He was extremely reluctant, but he did. "Are you alright, Katniss? What brought that on?"

I didn't answer for a bit. The guilt still weighed on my chest like a stone. I glanced up and looked at Peeta. I mean, really looked. He wasn't just some other tribute I decided to love, certainly not. He wasn't just the blond-haired blue-eyed town boy who just happened to have eyes for me since kindergarten. He wasn't just the smiley, eloquent boy who went along with the Capitol just so I'd live. He didn't just hold me in his arms at night. He is the boy who wakes me up when he thinks I'm having a nightmare. Who, even though I've been acting distant and cold, still takes my hand and wipes away my tears.

And that's what he did.

"I'm sorry if I upset you last night, Katniss. I'm sorry if I ever upset you, which I know I do." Peeta wiped his thumb under my eye again to catch a fresher tear. "I know you're going through some pretty difficult stuff, and I know you're trying to…take a break or whatever, but…" He trailed off, and didn't finish his sentence.

"Peeta," I shook my head. "The reason I acted like that all of a sudden is because I had a crushing realization that knocked my brain off its axis. And I've been...completely unfair to you. Don't ask me to explain because I won't, but… I want to know what it is you want."

Peeta gave me a puzzled look, and I sighed.

"Every time I have doubts about what I'm doing, I find myself telling myself that it's for you, but…you've never asked me to do this. You never wanted it. And I realized that if this is going to be for both of us, I need your input." I rubbed my eyes and looked back up at him. "Maybe it'll help."

He took me completely seriously and thought about it for a long while. I watched the gears turning in his head, and his breathing fell even. I didn't let go of his hand while he thought. It was helping me not fall on my face. And finally, he snapped out of his intense reverie.

Peeta licked his lips nervously and took a deep breath. "I want…you to forget the Games ever happened."

Thoughts exploded in my mind, making it reel, and my mouth opened and closed with silent words.

"I know how that sounds, Katniss, and it's asking a lot of you." he said quickly, grabbing my other hand. "But I see us, the us hat was happy, and then I see you, trying so hard to reach something you don't even know what it is. Where or not you chose to stay in a relationship with me is up to you, but I refuse to sit by and watch you slowly kill yourself from the inside out, trying to do something unknown to the both of us. This gives us something to reach for, a goal made that's plausible and possible to accomplish."

All that waiting and I felt disappointed, deflated. "You want me to forget the Games, that's impossible. I still have nightmares about them to this day, and you want me to pretend they never happened?"

"No, Katniss." Peeta was making no sense. "I want you to put them behind you. You're a past-dweller, and to you, I'm still the boy from the arena. We've both changed so much, and I'm nothing like him now. But you have trouble seeing the changes made, you don't see me now. You asked what I want? I want you to forget what the Game's taught you about me."

My heartbeat was loud in my ears as I processed this. Okay. Okay. I swallowed once more. "I want that, too." I paused again. "But I don't know how to do that." A sentence popped up in my head, and it was obviously from my dream, because it was in Prim's voice. You have to want him to help. Some part of my pride flinched away from actually asking him for help. But I had to force that down and look Peeta in the eye. "I don't…know how to do that, but… I'm open to help." Come on, Katniss. "Please help."

And Peeta did what I wouldn't think he'd do. He threw his head back and laughed. "I'll do my best, Katniss."

There was a pause between us, which was a little bit awkward. Our hands dropped, and my head was running through some words he said, considering them. Whether or not you choose to stay in a relationship with me is up to you… I guess he was right, for the most part. But jeez, if I did get back into a relationship with him, it made sense that I wouldn't get better. The most effective way of forgetting about the Games would be refusing to see him for like two years, but two days was hard. That method was definitely out. The way that made the most sense (besides from not seeing him for two years) was just to keep doing what I'm doing. It didn't seem to appealing, considering how I was going on major Peeta-withdrawal, but I could do it. And he's going to help.

Sighing, I just put my arms around Peeta and closed my eyes against his shoulder for a minute. Just for a minute. He laced his fingers at the small of my back and put his chin on the top of my head.

"Katniss, Annie—oh." Prim came into the kitchen at that time, Jace in her arms, but when she saw me and Peeta, she stopped, cheeks turning pink. "Sorry. I'll…go now…." She turned to leave

"No, no, it's okay, Prim." I sniffed and pulled away from Peeta. "What's the matter?"

She still looked unsure and embarrassed. "Both Annie and Finnick are in the shower right now, and she asked if you could take care of Jace until they get out."

"Yeah, that's alright." Turning away from Peeta, I held my arms out and let Jace be put into them. He squirmed for a second, and then settled down when I tucked him into the crook of my arm. "I've got him.

"Yeah…" Prim rubbed her arm awkwardly, and then cast me and Peeta a smile. "I'll just…go now. See you later."

Frowning, I watched as she turned around and shuffled out.

I have to admit it was something new standing alone with Peeta, a baby in my arms. I rocked Jace a little bit, patting him on the back, lips pursed in awkward silence. Peeta leaned against the wall, eyeing Jace and I through thoughtfully narrowed eyes. About a minute after staring at us, he smiled.

"You look really cute with him." He noted, nodding his head at Jace.

I smiled a little bit, too, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "Thanks."

And without warning, Peeta left the room, just like that.

"Where are you…?" I trailed off, blinking at the kitchen door where he disappeared.

But it wasn't a minute after he left Peeta came back holding a black metal box-looking thing. It was only when he held it up to his eye when I flipped out, waving my free hand in front of my face.

"Oh God, no, Peeta. No pictures." I complained, holding Jace tighter to me as if he were a shield.

Peeta lowered the camera. "Come on, Katniss. Another one for the dresser."

"No."

He made a "not-amused" look at me. "Well, at least try to be angry at me while smiling." And he lifted the camera and took a picture without waiting even on second. With a whine and a sputter, the camera spit out a sheet of shiny black paper. Peeta took it out and set it on the table to develop. "Don't be such a baby."

I scowled at him, and then looked down at Jace. "Your daddy was wrong. It's men that are the crazy one's. Don't listen to a thing they say."

Jace did a raspberry and preceded to chew on my finger. Boys.

The picture took about ten minutes to develop, and when it did, Peeta held it up and laughed. "Perfect! Classic Katniss."

I snatched the picture from him with my free hand and stared at it. It wouldn't have been a half-bad picture if I wasn't scowling at him. It was actually kind of funny, because I was holding an adorable little baby in my arms, but my face was one of those "if-looks-could-kill" expressions. I gave it back to Peeta. "If you dare frame that and put it on your nightstand, I will murder you in your sleep."

Peeta just laughed again and bent down to whisper to Jace. "See? Never be alone with a girl or bad things will happen to you." When he leaned back up and looked at me, smirking, I stuck my tongue out at him. After that I just wandered around the kitchen, ignoring Peeta and his remarks, rocking Jace subconsciously in my arms.

Finnick was the first one out of the shower, of course. He didn't take his kid back right away, and just stood with Peeta in the corner of the kitchen making sexist jokes with him. And when he did want Jace back, I refused.

"You'll infect his mind with all your chauvinist crap." I said, sniffing.

"Exactly." Finnick winked at me and took a piece of fruit from the bowl on the counter.

In the end I had to give Jace back to Finnick because Mother came into the kitchen and said, "Katniss, dear, you and Annie are about the same size, right?"

I shrugged, cocking my head in curiosity. "I suppose, yes. Does she need some clothes?"

Mother nodded.

Sighing, I handed Jace back to his father and made sure to step on Finnick's toe while walking out.

Annie was in the master bathroom in the hallway, and when I approached the door I knocked timidly. "Annie?"

The door opened two inches and a sea-green eye peered out.

"It's okay," I reassured her. "The boys are in the kitchen busy teaching your son to be a sexist pig."

Annie opened the door a little more and gave a small laugh at that. Her brown hair was now nearly black with the water that hung on either side of her face. A towel was wrapped under her arms.

"You need to…borrow some clothes?"

An embarrassed smile crossed her lips. "Yeah. Jace was sick all over me and the extra pair I bought is packed away. But at least Jace lasted the train ride."

Ew. "Yeah… So, um," I glanced behind me to the stairs. "You want to sneak upstairs and see what I can find you?"

Annie tucked the towel even more securely around her and then nodded. "Please,"

I went first just to make sure there wasn't anyone in our path, then I ushered Annie up the stairs quick, all the while she was barely covered up, still dripping wet from the shower. I pointed out my room to her and we scuttled in, relieved that we made it passed our men into the safety of my girl-cave.

Letting out a tiny sigh of relief, I threw open my wardrobe doors and scanned through the selection of clothing. Annie sat on the bed.

"It's a good thing we're the same size. Is this ok?" I pulled out a pair of plain trousers and a green blouse that I didn't wear often and held them out to her.

Annie gave me a smile and took them with one hand. "Yes. Thank you, Katniss."

"Any time." I smiled back and pointed to the bathroom door. "You can change in there."

She did, and came back a few minutes later wearing the new clothes. The pants were about two inches too long, but the blouse looked nice. Annie shook her soggy hair out of her eyes. "Thanks," she repeated.

We went back downstairs and found Peeta lounging around on the couch, Jace on his lap, letting him roll around and chew on his fingers. Finnick wasn't anywhere near.

At the same time, both Annie and I said, "Where's Finnick?"

Peeta looked up. "He's in the bathroom."

There was a pause, in which Jace let out a gurgle and started pounding on Peeta's arm with his chubby fists.

"Get 'im, Jace." Finnick strode over, grinning at his son. He put his arm around Annie and gave her a small kiss.

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear… I couldn't help but smile at the sight of Peeta, grinning, being pounded on by a month-old baby. He seemed to enjoy it.

Peeta hiked the kid in his arms and stood up. "Your mother is down in the basement getting some money for the trip." He said to me, smiling.

It was impossible not to smile back. "Where's the camera when I need it? Payback is unattainable. This time." I rolled my eyes.

He just winked, but nothing else was said until Mother and Prim came back, Mother holding a small-ish leather sack that was jingling with coins and dollar-notes.

"Here you go, hon." She handed it to me with a smile and I tucked it into my pocket. "So are you going off now?"

I glanced over at Prim, and then Annie. They shrugged and nodded. So I nodded back. Peeta was forced to hand Jace back to Annie, and he went to stand next to me. I wanted to hold his hand reassuringly, but seeing as how we were just going to be parting in a minute, it was pointless.

Finnick put his hands on either side of Annie's face, and I turned away, feeling invading of their personal moment. "Have fun," He pecked his wife on the lips and bent down closer to his son. "It's up to you now, Jace. Show the silly women who's the boss." He kissed Jace on the top of his head and took a step back.

The door was opened and Annie briefly put her arm around Prim as she went out, and then followed behind. I was about to rush after them with only a small goodbye, but something in me made me turn towards Peeta.

"I'll see you at lunch." I said, coaxing a smile onto my lips, then I reached up and kissed him on the cheeks.

Though he seemed a bit surprised, Peeta grinned at this. "I'll see you at lunch." He confirmed, and then practically shooed me out with that striking smile of his.

I said a quick goodbye to Finnick and Mother before rushing after Annie and Prim.

oOo

This one ended much better than the last I thought. revvviiiiew!