I hated how I ended the last chapter. Screw me. I suck.

oOo

Still Peeta's POV

We went home in silence, and I couldn't help but be upset. Things were fine just this morning, and now we were back to the way we were before. I was upset at me for a reason I couldn't find (as usual), I was upset at Katniss for being upset at all, and I was upset at the world for letting it happen. It was tedious and unfair.

When Katniss and I got to the Victor's Village, I led us up the porch, but stopped before we got in. Katniss, who had her shoulders hunched, straightened her back a little and looked up at me with a confused look.

"What is it, Katniss?" I demanded, not wanting to be rude but completely fed up. "What is it this time?"

She recoiled with a defensive face on, looking hurt.

"I—" I sighed, feeling guilty under that wounded pout of hers that could make me cut out my lungs and eat them with steak sauce if she asked. "I'm sorry Katniss, I just…"

Katniss grimaced, dropping her gaze. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Just…please," Hesitantly, I reached my finger to her face and pulled up a corner of her mouth in jest. "Smile. Because this morning was excellent, and now you're back to being sad again. Smile."

She tried, but it ended up being this frightening contortion. But the effort made me smile.

"I'll fix you lunch." I circled her shoulders with my arm and led her inside, only upset on the inside. So many apologies… One of these days I'm going to crack completely and go on this suicidal rampage. The thought made me snort a little.

As soon as my arm left Katniss' shoulders, she went in the opposite direction as I, and went to curl up on the couch, knees tucked to her chest, chin resting on top of them. She didn't look….depressed or injured, necessarily. More along the lines of as if she just read a very poignant poem and is thinking over its power, which was an odd look for Katniss to have on in the first place.

I wanted to look back and comfort her, but I didn't do that. Resisting anything of that sort, I just plowed on into the kitchen and began whipping up bowls of chicken noodle soup and warming the cheese buns. If that didn't cheer up Katniss, I didn't know what would. And, just for good measure, I tossed a batch of cookies in the oven. Perhaps while everything was cooking I should go and give her a hug… Risking a peek in the living room, I saw that Katniss was still in the exact same position. But I decided not to go in there quite yet.

After a bit, our food was done, and I let the soup cool a little while icing the cookies. I knew it was not necessary, but even so, I hoped the little yellow smiles I put on there would at least cheer her up a bit. Holding our soups with both hands and with my pinky looped around the small sack of cookies, I walked tentatively into the living room and sat in front of Katniss on the couch. To my relief, she accepted the food. Even I knew not to speak while we ate. Though she still didn't stop looking so shattered, her poignant face morphed into just tired and emotionless.

When Katniss was done eating, I took our bowls into the kitchen and put them both in the sink, going back to her afterwards. I felt her gaze follow me, and when I reached into the sack I had concealed next to me, she frowned.

"I made these for you," I said, feeling a little corny, but nevertheless handing her a smiley-face cookie.

Katniss took one look at the design and a snort bubbled from her throat in an obvious attempt not to laugh. There was a moment when she just sat there, looking at the cookie, but then she lifted her head up at me. "Thanks, Peeta." Her expression was grateful.

There wasn't anything to do except grin back and sneak my arm around her waist. To my relief, she sank in next to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

We sat like that for a while, munching on the dozen of homemade cookies I whipped up. Part of me felt incredibly accomplished at cheering Katniss up (no matter how little), and even more so when we were finished. Katniss was absentmindedly sucking the icing off the tip of her thumb, eyes staring off into the distance in thought. She was fun to watch every once and a while, and right then was one of those times. I could see her thinking, about what I wasn't sure, but every now and then I could see her expression change a fraction. Her eyebrows furrow a tiny bit, accompanied with a couple of blinks, as if she was surprised that she thought that. Sometimes her eyes widened a bit or her jaw would clench momentarily. And when Katniss finally caught me looking at her, she looked up. There was a tiny bit of icing smudged on her lower lip.

It was hard not to laugh.

"What?" Katniss pouted defensively, as she did every time she caught me staring at her.

I shook my head slightly and reached out to gently wipe the bit of icing off with my thumb. "You had something on your face."

A tiny flush appeared on her cheeks, but it didn't miff her other than that. "Oh…"

Another long pause, at which the end I broke.

"So, Katniss…" I wasn't sure how to ask. I stretched out my arm that was around Katniss' waist—which was falling asleep—and made a contemplative face. "Everything went okay in the woods?"

The look she gave me accompanied an eye-roll, and told me clearly that she expected that question eventually. Katniss shrugged. "Nothing."

Sighing, I shook my head. "How come I don't believe that?"

Katniss rolled her eyes a second time. "Peeta, nothing happened. Nothing happened the last time either. It was just me. Still is."

"Just you…" I trailed off, not understanding my insufferable girl next to me.

For another minute Katniss didn't respond, but to my extreme surprise, when I did look over at her again, her eyes were moist and she looked upset.

"He says it's my fault, Peeta." She said quietly, not meeting my gaze. "He died because of me."

Oh, good lord. Biting my lip, I furrowed my brows down at her. "What do you mean? Is this about the dream you had last night?"

"No," Katniss was obviously telling the truth, just by the torn look. "But I've had other dreams about him."

Gale. Of course.

Her eyes were now sparkling and she had to blink a lot to clear her vision enough to focus her gaze up at me, but blinking caused a silver tear to slide down onto her nose. "He says that it's m fault he died, but I thought I was over him, past that… I wanted to go to the forest to prove to myself I could. And for the first part I was fine just wandering."

I swallowed. "And the second part?"

She shook her head, taking a shaky breath. "Nothing still happened, but I remembered how he said it was my fault." Katniss brought her glance up to me slowly with a frightened look of a child, naïve and innocent. "Was it my fault, Peeta?"

I had a feeling that now wasn't the time to just say 'no'. She needed more than an emotional response. Biting my lip again, I curled my arm a little more snugly around her—as if afraid she'd run away—and took a breath. "There was nothing you could have done."

"I could have saved him." Katniss put her face in her hands, not quite sobbing. "If we hadn't gotten caught up with Haymitch…"

"You had no way of knowing, Katniss. Gale is—was a free-willed man who made the choice of being there when he was. Even if we hadn't been caught up with Haymitch, he had lost blood. There was nothing you could have done. And dreams are just dreams. Don't let them get to you."

She crossed her arms over her chest and grimaced, yet another tear sliding down her face. "The forest reminds me too much of him. It was ours."

With my arm that wasn't around her, I gently loosened hers from her chest and laced my left hand with her right. "He gave it to you, though."

Katniss looked incredulous and like I'd said something astoundingly stupid.

"You know he'd still want you to go there." I can't believe I was defending Gale, but I'd long since gotten over my hatred for him. Long since. "And instead of never going there because it reminds you of him, go there exactly why. It belonged to you and him, it's a place where you can feel at home again. All this crazy, insane stuff going on here with me and everyone else… The woods are your escape." I averted my gaze for no reason, narrowing my eyes slightly. "They always have been. You shouldn't be afraid to go."

For a few minutes Katniss said nothing. An awed silence stretched over us like a blanket, warming me from my head to my toes. And when the quiet finally ended, Katniss sighed, pressing the side of her face against my shoulder.

"There should be more of you in the world, Peeta." She admitted almost sheepishly, streaks of red appearing on her cheeks. "You have this talent of blowing me away."

Another sense of accomplishment settled on my heart, and the smile that came afterwards was inevitable. "I suppose neither of us is too stupid after all."

I felt Katniss smile slightly against my shoulder, too. "It's too late anyways. You swept me off my feet a long time ago."

"When?" I wasn't sure, but I could feel some little game forming, and I was enjoying myself quite a lot.

"Don't even ask…" She rolled her eyes and stood up, freeing my arm.

I felt an almost painful rush of blood back into it, but the sleepy tingles I felt were completely worth it. Stretching out my arm a little, I stood up as well.

"Mother gets home in ten minutes…" Katniss said, glancing at the wall.

I was startled by the abrupt change of subject, and it took a minute to figure out exactly what she was talking about. But of course, the topic was reached yesterday and I remembered. "Do you think Caroline will come here with Ivy after she's done with work, or maybe your mother will walk home with her?"

She shrugged, rubbing her eyes. "Whatever it is, I should change if I'm working in the dirt."

I looked her up and down and silently agreed at her choice of attire. She looked surprisingly clean and groomed, in a pair of long beige trousers that seemed freshly washed and ironed. Her green tank-top seemed ok for gardening, but…

Katniss chewed her lower lip a bit, cocking her head at me in slight thought, the way she did often. "…I'm going to go back to my house to change before Mother and Caroline and Ivy get here."

I automatically hung my head in defeat, unable to stop the disappointed feeling. But before I heard the door open and close, I felt a slim finger under my chin and a pair of lips on my cheek. Looking up, I saw Katniss' back as she left before I could react. Come back… Sighing, I shook my head and went up to my own room. Women…

Twenty minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. Blinking at my doorway in surprise, I swished my paintbrush in the pot of water and set it down to go answer. And, to my surprise, it was Prim and Annie.

"Are you coming?" Prim asked, practically bouncing up and down. She was in a pair of white shorts and a pale pink tank-top, hair tied back into a ponytail. Annie was in just about the same outfit but different colors of clothing.

Thankfully, I had changed into clothes designed for more laborious work in the sun, so when Prim asked, I nodded and stepped out.

It was a beautiful day out, as the previous ones have been. The afternoon sun beat its golden rays down on everything, casting warm shadows wherever we stepped. Almost automatically I was sweating, but nevertheless followed the girls back out to behind Katniss' house. And I was surprised yet again. Small orange ribbons formed a temporary fence around a 12x24 foot area behind the large victor house. There was a stack of thick wooden stakes ready to take the place of the ribbons.

Katniss was already there, standing in the fenced-off area holding a shovel, in a new outfit as well. She kept the top, but changed into a pair of much shorter trousers, exposing her legs, ending with soft-looking leather shoes. Along with the braid, her hair was held back by a grey bandana. She was working hard removing the top layer of dirt from the area, brows furrowed in concentration.

Everyone was already there; Caroline (who was mixing some powdery white stuff with black dirt), Ivy (who was playing with Buttercup off to the side) and Mother (who was helping Caroline). I guess I was the last one informed, but no big deal. I grabbed a shovel as Prim got to work pounding in the thick wood pieces on the perimeter of the future garden, being helped by Annie.

I walked over next to Katniss and just did what she was doing, forcing the blade of my shovel under the roots of the grass and prying it up with a strange crackling sound.

"It's really hot today," Katniss commented when nothing was said by me for a few minutes.

Nothing was said still.

We worked for a few hours, sweating under the hot sun, barely even speaking. I liked the distraction, and it was obvious Katniss did, too. It was long, hard work, and I was glad when Ms. Everdeen announced quitting time so there was time to shower before dinner. Annie slugged home, covered in sweat and panting. As she walked away, I wondered what Finnick and Jace were doing that entire time. He mentioned knocking down mailboxes…

"I don't know if…"

Caroline's voice made me turn to look over at her.

She was sitting cross-legged on the grass, covered in dirt and that powdery white stuff, sweating as well. Ivy was rolling around in the stray dirt in front of her, singing to herself and throwing bits of grass in the air.

"Stay for dinner, Caroline!" Ms. Everdeen insisted with a wave of her hand. "You two can use the shower at our place. We'll cook up a big dinner and have everyone come."

That didn't leave the other woman with much choice.

Sighing, Caroline stood up. "Thank you, Ruth."

Ruth? Eyebrows raising, I realized I've never known Katniss' mother's name before now. That's probably not very good since she's going to become my mother-in-law. A felt heat creep to my cheeks, but shoved the embarrassment down.

Katniss wiped her dirty hands on the front of her tank-top. Ivy had started walking towards her, with arms outstretched, and I watched with slight pleasure as Katniss swept the little girl up into her arms and gave her a tiny kiss on the cheek. What was this new Katniss Everdeen I hadn't known before now? It's like Ivy opened something in her, something that assured me that I had chosen the perfect m—

"Hey, Peeta, do you mind if I use your downstairs shower?" Katniss broke me out of my thoughts, casually poking my arm with the wooden end of her shovel. I looked at her. "The…used ones in my house will all be taken up."

"Oh," I shook my head briefly and smiled. "Of course."

She gave me the tiniest smile back, and I felt content.

After putting away all the gardening supplies, Caroline, Ivy, Primrose, and Ms. Everdeen headed over to their house, and Katniss followed me to mine. She kept silent as we walked the short 50 feet to my front door, and when we got there, I opened it for her. Things felt normal, for once, and it helped the awkwardness that Katniss knew where everything was. She headed over to the large bathroom on the first floor, adjacent to the master bedroom (which remained never used, oddly enough, because I'd taken a liking to one of the smaller ones upstairs).

"I'll put a towel on the doorknob," I told her offhandedly as she closed the door behind her, and I heard muffled thanks back.

While Katniss was in the shower, I wandered upstairs to the hallway that connected a few bedrooms, where one of the two closets in my house is. This one held a surprisingly enormous supply of linen; bed sheets, blankets, towels, kitchen clothes, washcloths, comforters…just about everything in that sort of area. I grabbed a towel that was this off-white color. Tucking it under my arm, I was just about to head back downstairs when a curious thought hit me. Perhaps…

Walking into my room, I set the towel down on my bed and went over to the wardrobe. Now that Katniss was no longer living with me, it was incredibly emptier than it had been before. Now only my few pairs of clothes and jackets that have been gathering dust sat crammed in no orderly way. But the day after Katniss had moved out, I had noticed she had forgotten a pair of her clothes. I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or what, but I was secretly glad I hadn't brought them to her in cases like this.

Scooping up the plain clothes and the towel, I continued back on my path down the wide stairs and through the hall and to the door of the master bathroom. The hiss of the shower very nearly drowned out the amusing intone of Katniss, oblivious to my presence outside the door. Grinning to myself, I carefully draped her things on the silver knob and went back up the stairs to clean and change, too.

In the shower, I scrubbed all the dirt out of my fingernails, which had become black crescents. There were small stains of soil on my knees and elbows as well, along with throbbing blisters on my hands from wielding the shovel for over an hour. I washed all of that off and scoured the rest of myself to get off the layer of sweat that had accumulated. After that, I tugged on a pair of worn jeans and a sleeveless blue top. I didn't do anything to the wet mop of hair that was hanging into my eyes; the coolness of the remaining water feels good against the heat of the summer. It was a good thing Finnick and I had fixed up the air conditioner in their temporary house, because otherwise they just may turn into a pair of duck roasts by the end of the week.

Katniss was just getting out by the time I had stumbled downstairs (tripped on a shoelace). The bathroom door was open, and when I curiously went up to it and peeked in, she was rubbing her hair off with a towel while looking in the mirror. She caught me.

"Sorry," I said, giving her an embarrassed smile. Looking in on her in the bathroom again, shame on you…

Katniss shrugged, dropping the towel in a hamper next to the giant bathtub. "The steam was getting to me. I don't care if…you…" She trailed off with a blank look, then shrugged again and shook her head. The slightest pink flush appeared on her cheeks and she promptly picked up a comb and began straightening out the wet mop on her own head.

It was hard not to snort with laughter. Katniss, never thinking before she spoke as usual. She could amuse me a lot sometimes. With a small smile on my face, I left the open bathroom door to go to the kitchen, where I got out the ingredients for pumpkin bread. I didn't often make the stuff, but maybe it'll be appreciated at dinner. White raisins, cinnamon, dehydrated milk… I hummed under my breath and I worked, mixing and greasing and tasting. I hadn't even noticed Katniss leaning on the wall behind me.

"What are you making?" She asked curiously, making me turn around in surprise. "It smells good."

I smiled a bit. "Pumpkin bread."

Katniss' eyebrows raised slightly. She wandered over to the counter next to me and watched through vacant eyes, leaning forwards on her elbows.

I worked with no words to her and none from her to me. It didn't take too long to bake the bread, and when it was done and hot (the raisins were melting), I covered the loaf with saran wrap and put it in a paper bag.

"We heading over now?" Katniss straightened up from her motionless lean and tilted her head at me slightly, wet hair falling into her face.

Man, I wish she knew how lovely she was right now. She never knew, though.

"Yeah," I smiled, and then held my arm out to her. "May I escort you?"

Katniss blinked at it once in surprise, but nevertheless took it, wrapping her hand around the crook of my elbow. Looking puzzled as we walked out, she laughed quietly and said, "It feels like we're going to some casual-Friday dinner party, with the bringing food and escorting…"

I just shrugged.

We walked back to Katniss' mother's house in silence after that, making it just before we could have been effected by the sun's unforgiving rays. The first thing I saw when we stepped in was Finnick sprawled on the couch. He was sitting up, one arm draped over the back of the sofa, the other protecting the two kids he had with him. I was actually quite shocked seeing Ivy sitting on Finnick's shins, arms wrapped around Jace, who was grabbing at her hair. They were both giggling. It was the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

"Knocking down mailboxes I see, Finnick." I chuckled, rolling my eyes at the so called-tough guy now playing with little children on his lap. "That is a manly thing to do, you're right. Now that gardening is too feminine for you, you've taken up babysitting."

He looked at me, and then at Katniss. "The ladies are making our dinner. And this little squirt isn't too bad." Finnick flicked Ivy fondly in the nose, and she laughed even harder, slapping him away with a chubby hand. "Parenting isn't as feminine and bad as one would think."

The topic automatically made me glanced over at Katniss, who had gotten this odd look on her face, as she always did when it was brought up. Her jaw was clenched, but eyes only betraying a small amount of worry.

"I'm sure it isn't." I said impassively, deciding to not stick around, knowing the topic of parenting makes Katniss uncomfortable. As I walked past her on my way to the kitchen, I touched her reassuringly on the arm. And, to my surprise, she followed me into the kitchen.

In there, we found Prim, Caroline and Ms. Everdeen bustling away at the stoves and chopping boards and the fridge. They were working in a flurry of long sleeves and hair and skirts, working as fast as my mother did back in the day before the bombing. Women are underestimated, and I knew that as a fact.

It was Prim who actually paused to notice me and Katniss standing in the doorway. She tucked a stray piece of hair—that had escaped its ponytail—and looked at us. "Hey guys. In here to help?"

"I just brought some bread." I gave her the paper sack and saw the look of longing in her eyes when she smelled the pumpkin bread inside it.

"Thank you," Prim said sincerely, quickly stowing it in the refrigerator. "It'll help. We're cooking up a feast here. My arms already hurt."

Through the clamor of metal and sizzles from the frying pan, the oven dinged and Caroline reached down to get it.

"Well, I'd better get back to work." Katniss' little sister gave us both a smile. "Dinner should be ready in half an hour if all goes well. You can wait in the living room with Finnick and the kids."

She sounded so grown-up, much different from the girl I remembered back when I first knew Katniss. I guess war would do that to someone. Both Katniss and I nodded to her and left at the same time, side-by-side.

I sat on the sofa across from Finnick's, and Katniss sat next to me wordlessly. It looked like Finnick's fun was over, because when Ivy saw us both sit down, she clambered out of his arms and ran straight into Katniss', crawling up onto her lap. Katniss' arms automatically went around her, and I saw her expression soften.

"I'm so hungry, Caniss." Ivy divulged, lolling her head onto Katniss' shoulder.

"Me, too," Katniss went along with the little girl, hugging her comfortingly in her arms. "Don't worry. Prim and our mothers are making us food right now."

Ivy giggled. "Yay…" She grinned, but it was interrupted by a large yawn, and then closed her eyes (silence from her was rare, so I was surprised).

"Don't fall asleep, love, you'll miss dinner." Katniss' voice was soft, and I noted that she used the pet name I use on her. It was adorable and fitting, as was the image of the little girl sitting in her arms, about to fall asleep. I wanted to take a picture of it so badly, but I just sat there staring.

Finnick, who I had momentarily forgotten, snorted and shifted positions, scooping his boy up in his arms. "So," Mine and Katniss' gaze trailed over to him. "Are we going to be expecting a new addition to the family from you two anytime soon?"

Damn you, Finnick. Worriedly, I glanced at Katniss for her reaction. And answer, of course, because this isn't the sort of thing I could save her articulacy-wise.

She chewed on her lip, as she did every time she was unsure. And there was that familiar sad sparkle in her eyes, but I was glad to see it was smaller this time. Like she felt a little braver.

Katniss rubbed her forehead. "Expecting? No."

Silence.

Finnick looked puzzled, as if he knew that wasn't the full answer to his question.

"But hoping. Perhaps." A splash of red appeared on her cheeks and she shrank a little into the couch (no longer paying attention to Ivy who'd fallen asleep). "In the future. Wishing."

I didn't know whether or not to say something after that. I knew children were pretty much a forbidden topic between us—and anyone in that fact. I just took a moment to breathe through my nose, and everything was normal again. Ivy woke up from her nap in time for dinner, and we sat around the giant table like one big family. Everyone was cracking up at Finnick's sexist jokes (I was only laughing at Katniss' reactions), people stuffed their faces, Ivy splattering food across the table for not getting enough attention, Jace making a huge fuss and him and Annie having to leave for a moment.

Katniss' mother and Caroline became excellent friends over that dinner, and it was amusing to watch. They jabbered like a couple of geese, and in the end, it was decided that Caroline was to be more involved in the wedding plan as if she was closely related to us. I didn't mind, of course. She was fun to have around, and Ivy made the mood quite a bit lighter than it was originally. And along with the decided including of the Sawyer family, we decided more of the wedding.

The girls and boys will be separated the night before, which would be this Saturday. Finnick and Jace will stay with me in my house (man sleepover…I wondered how Finnick feels about that), and then all of the five girls will stay in their house. Apparently I wasn't capable enough to dress myself in the suit I will buy Friday after Katniss goes to get her dress and picks up the bridesmaid dresses. There was a lot more said, complicated wedding stuff that the girls seemed to gush over. I didn't' understand a lot of it, so I furrowed my brows and nodded a lot as if I completely understood what was going on.

In the end, everyone left as they did every time we all got together. First it was Caroline with Ivy—who had fallen asleep. And then it was Annie who decided to take her sleeping kid home, followed by Finnick, and then everyone else came to the conclusion of bedtime for the rest. Prim, who had gathered up her fluffy orange cat in her arms, asked if Katniss wanted to stay the night in her room.

"Sure," Katniss smiled at her little sister, but immediately, something crossed her face. Her eyes flicked up at me.

Prim analyzed her look, and then cleared her throat casually. "I'll be in the shower."

Their mother knew what that meant as well. She patted her daughter's cheek and gave me a brisk hug. "I will see you two tomorrow. Two o'clock is your appointment, Katniss, don't forget." Ms. Everdeen smiled kindly and left the kitchen as well, walking delicately as usual.

Katniss' face was slightly vacant, so I smiled a tiny bit and walked to the door, wondering if she'll follow. Of course, she did.

"Peeta," Her hand caught my upper arm as I opened the door. And, when I turned around, Katniss surprised me with a small kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow."

My smile grew. "I'll see you tomorrow as well."

And I walked out, feeling Katniss' light gaze upon my back as I did so.

oOo

Sorry this took so long, but I am cramming more into chapters than usual because I'm condensing it into less chapters 'till the wedding. review!