I posted this on AO3 a while back but forgot to upload it here, so here you guys go.

I'm not quite sure how to do this. How to say goodbye, that is. Part of me doesn't want to. But as much as I wish I could just leave this story on hold for a while and stare at it at the bottom of my proverbial junk drawer, I can't. I can't because I know now without a doubt in my mind that I won't be coming back. That this story will sit and collect dust and never change unless I end it, right here, right now.

This isn't the ending I wanted, or the one any of you deserve. But it's what I can give you, and what I can give myself. I think deep down I always knew it wasn't going to work, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. It was my first time writing fanfiction and I got a little too… over-excited? Maybe that's not the word but whatever it is, this story sort of spiraled. I can't say I'm surprised.

This story has been sitting in my head for at least a year, but I didn't plan it. There was no outline, no guidelines. I just jumped right in and 150,000 words later, I can't do it anymore. I've tried revising chapters, I've tried just sitting and waiting. I even tried moving on to write other stories, just to get my creative juices flowing. But if anything, those stories only made it harder to come back to this one. Because I'm actually proud of those fics. I can sit down and admire my work and actually be happy about my work. I managed to write 70,000 words for another story in two weeks and yet it's taken me over a month to write 2,000 words for this one. I just… can't continue this fic. It's not that I don't have ideas, because I do, but I just have no desire to finish this story.

I know that's not entirely fair to those of you who have actually sat down and read this fic. It's not fair to those of you that have supported me above and beyond since the beginning. I know that, and I'm sorry, but this is it. This is the ending you're getting. It's the way this story was always meant to end, albeit far more condensed. Tate was supposed to grow up and become her own person. She was always going to join the BAU and fall in love with a mysterious army guy named Jamie. They were always going to have three kids, two boys and a girl. Will wasn't always going to die, originally it was going to be Tate but… this felt better.

Anyways, for those of you still reading what is probably going to be the longest author's note on the planet, thank you. Thank you for supporting this story through everything. Thank you for encouraging me to write. If it's any consolation, you can read my other fics, although they aren't Criminal Minds ones. But I truly am grateful for each and every one of you because I love writing. I just don't love writing this. Not anymore.

So, here it is. 2,440 final words for the girl that was all alone in the world and had lost everything and everyone. 2,440 final words for the girl that was rescued by a detective from New Orleans. 2,440 final words for the girl that overcame everything, that fought to survive, and thrived.

2,440 final words for Tate.

Say your goodbyes. Read this chapter. Don't read it. Print it out and burn it. Read this absurdly long note and then leave a comment asking me why (which by the way is the whole purpose of this absurdly long note, to explain). Just… do what you need to do. I've mourned, I've grieved, and I'm reading to move on. I've said my goodbyes to Will and JJ, to Beck and Amelia, to Charlie and Collins and Drew, to Ezra and Asher, to Grant and Mack. I've said my goodbyes to Tate. Truth be told, I think I said my goodbye to this story since the first time I put it on hold.

Anyways, I guess this is it.

Peace out,

Blue

"You almost ready, babe?" Jamie called from downstairs.

"Coming!" Tate yelled back.

Tate quickly grabbed Theo's old watch, which she had worn every day since JJ had given it to her, off of the dresser. She slipped it onto her wrist, did the clasp, and grabbed her jacket before heading out into the hall and hurrying down the stairs. She frowned at the time the watch was displaying as she entered the kitchen and Jamie just laughed.

"I told you we were gonna be late," he said as he stuffed Liam's arms into his coat.

"I know, you were right," she sighed.

Sometimes she swore her husband was a clock. If it wasn't for her and the kids, the man would always be right on time. She blamed it on his military career. Jamie had been in the Special Forces before joining the BAU almost a year after Tate. Even after everything, she'd gone to Harvard and got her PhD in psychology by the time she was 24. She'd joined the BAU not long after to fill Spence's old spot.

Emily had accepted the position of director of the Bureau and Spencer had become the head of the BAU over JJ due to the man's seniority. He'd ended up marrying Max and they had a six year old daughter, Gracie, who Tate swore was smarter than Spence if that was possible. JJ and Will had ended up staying in D.C. instead of returning to New Orleans, not wanting to leave the life they'd made behind.

Reid had been running the unit by the time Jamie's file came across his desk and despite everyone warning him not to hire a man that had been captured in the Middle East and held captive for almost two years, Reid had offered him a job. And sure, Jamie had been distant at first. He'd had PTSD and didn't trust anyone on the team. Tate understood his inherent distrust of others all too well; at the time, she had still been struggling with everything that had happened to her growing up.

Honestly, she had basically despised James Campbell for the first several months they worked together. He was professional, sure. But he was cold and impersonal, unlike the rest of the team which was basically a family. But then he'd asked her to get a drink after work one night and although it took a while, Jamie eventually grew into the man she married. She'd expected JJ and Will to hate the man considering how they had acted around her previous boyfriend. Okay, maybe hate was a strong word. She'd expected them to harbor a large grudge against the man. Yet, they'd welcomed him with open arms. It wasn't until years later that Tate had finally asked her mother why that was. JJ had simply smiled at her and told her it was because they had been so good together. That they had healed each other. Her mother couldn't have been more right.

They married two years after Jamie first arrived at the BAU in a small ceremony reminiscent of Will and JJ's. Will gave Tate away, Spence officiated, Luke acted as best man, and Ellie – who had stuck by Tate through everything – was Tate's maid of honor. Charlie had actually shown up, much to Tate's surprise. She'd seen the man plenty throughout the years after he'd declared he wanted a relationship with her, but the man had a nasty habit of flaking and disappearing for months on end. He'd finally gotten his act together when Tate got pregnant and eventually moved to D.C. and remarried. Sadie was a good fit for Charlie, she kept the man in line, and Charlie was an amazing step-father to her three children whose father had been killed while firefighting.

A year after Tate and Jamie married, they had their first son. William Patrick Campbell, after both of their fathers. To avoid confusion, they had settled on the nickname Liam. Tate could still remember her father's soft smile as she told him Liam's name while he held his first grandchild just after he'd been born. Beck later told her he'd never seen Will look so proud a day in his life. Liam was nearly 7 now and was the perfect mix of Tate and Jamie, with his mother's dark brown curls and his father's gray eyes with just a hint of blue.

"Well, it's not like he'll be mad we're late," Jamie told her as he put Owen on his shoulders before grabbing Liam's hand.

"You never know," she replied as she picked Quinn out of the bassinet by the dining table before heading out the front door after Jamie and locking it behind her.

Quinn was almost four months old, making her three years younger than their youngest son, Owen. Jamie and Tate had spent months trying to think of a name for their daughter, having never had to decide on a girl's name before. Charlie had been the one to eventually suggest Quinn and it stuck. They gave her the middle name Lila after Tate's mother. Jamie had been the one to think of it and although she was hesitant at first, Charlie and Drew's reactions had made it worth it.

Half an hour later, Tate finally spotted where everyone was sitting in the park. Blankets had been spread out all across the grass and it was warm and sunny out, perfect weather for a picnic.

"Aunt Tate!" Teddy cried as he raced forward to give her a hug.

Tate wrapped her arms tightly around her godson, already dreading the day when the ten year old boy would decide he was too old for hugs. He'd already begun going by Ted to everyone outside of the family.

"How come you always seem happier to see him than me?" Grant asked as he stood up and came over to give Tate a hug.

"Because I'm her favorite godson," Teddy replied cheekily after having heard Tate give that response plenty of times.

Teddy was, of course, short for Theodore. Grant and Tess had named their oldest son after Tate's brother without a second of hesitation. He took after his father in every way and his antics tended to remind Tate of Theo when he and Grant had been younger. They had a little girl, Sadie, who had just turned five. Grant had become a pro-bono lawyer just like he'd said he would and even Beck had to admit he was a damn good attorney. Not that it surprised Tate. Grant had always been good at anything he put his mind to.

"She's always liked Teddy best, Grant. You oughta know that by now," Kit told the man.

Henry and Kit were nearly 18 and if you didn't know it, you would never guess they were twins. Henry was only 5'10 with their mother's blonde hair and blue eyes while Kit stood at almost 6'2, still with dark curly hair and deep blue eyes. Matt, their younger brother, was almost 13 and had light brown hair with JJ's blue eyes. Mattie was the most like JJ when it came to his personality whereas Henry took after Will. Kit acted more like his namesake than his father and sometimes Tate honestly forgot the boy wasn't a Deveraux.

Beck laughed at Kit's remark before and flashed Tate a grin before turning his attention back to his kids. Asher and his husband were sitting on a blanket with their three year old daughter, Emmy. Lucy was 15 and reminded Tate so much of herself at that age, only less traumatized. The girl was a Deveraux through and through. Despite how happy her uncle seemed at the moment, Tate could see how much the absence of his youngest son weighed on him. Ezra had always had the same struggles with his mental health as his father, and he'd eventually OD'd on pills when he was 19. The family had been consumed by grief and at one point, Tate had been worried they'd lose Beck as well. He pulled through though and although the family still felt the loss, it was no longer in danger of ruining their lives.

"I think JJ's with him now if you want to head over," Amelia told Tate.

Tate passed Quinn off to Jamie, whose hands were free since Owen and Liam were playing with the rest of the kids. He pulled her close and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before letting her go, and Tate set off in search of JJ. She found her mother exactly where she knew she would. About a quarter mile from where they'd set up in the park, a large wrought iron gate marked the entrance to a cemetery. Most of the head stones were old and weather but one was particularly clean with fresh flowers laying on top.

"Hey," she murmured quietly, not wanting to disturb her mother.

JJ startled slightly from where she was sitting on the grass before giving her a small smile.

"I was wondering when you were gonna show up," JJ said.

"Well, you know Jamie. He's always running late," Tate quipped.

"I'll see you back there?" JJ asked as she slowly stood up.

"Yeah, I'll be there soon," Tate replied softly and soon JJ was gone, leaving Tate alone in the cemetery.

She sat down in the spot previously occupied by JJ and stared at the headstone for a few minutes. The black marble sparkled in the sunlight, allowing the engraving to be read easily.

William Matthew LaMontagne Jr.

September 11th, 1978 – March 19th, 2026

Loving husband, father, and brother

The memory of the day two police officers showed up at the Bureau would be forever burned into Tate's mind. It wasn't unusual for a police officer or two to be roaming about the office but the second Tate had seen them, she had known something was different. And just like that, her world came crashing down. Will had been shot and killed in the line of duty. They'd told Tate and JJ he'd been trying to save a girl stuck in a hostage situation. The girl had only been 14 and her kidnapper had been holding a gun to her head. The similarities between that and Tate's experience with Freddie Carlisle wasn't lost on her. She knew why Will had done what he'd done.

"Hey Dad," she said quietly. "I know it's been a while."

Tate hadn't visited his grave in over a year. Not since they'd buried him. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Because every time she did, it was a startling reminder that he was really dead and she had enough of those as it was.

"I'm sure you've heard, but you finally have a granddaughter. Quinn. You'd love her," Tate began. "And the boys are doing well. Liam misses you. Owen, he… I don't really think he remembers you."

And that killed her, to be honest. The thought that her children wouldn't be able to remember the best man she'd ever known. Liam could still remember his grandfather but Tate had no doubt that anything he could remember would fade into a few hazy memories as he got older. Owen would never remember him and Quinn hadn't even gotten to meet him. Tate hadn't even known she was pregnant when Will died.

"I know Kit and Mom come here a lot but Henry and Mattie are okay too. It's just… it's hard to come see you. Henry committed to Notre Dame, just like you said he would. Kit's gonna play for Harvard though."

Both of the twins had excelled when it came to athletics and had gotten full rides to college for it. By the fall, Henry would be in Indiana playing soccer at Notre Dame and Kit would be up in Boston to play hockey.

"I um… I'm not gonna lie to you. I didn't want to come here today but Jamie told me I needed to talk to you. He says I need to say what I have to say," Tate explained.

She fell silent for a moment, fidgeting with the gold chain around her neck. Just like her watch, she wore it everyday without fail.

"Sometimes, I'm so fucking mad at you," Tate said, swallowing heavily. "I know you were just doing your job, just doing what's right… but you left us. You promised me you'd never leave and then you did. But as much as I want to hate you for it… I can't ."

She couldn't hate him because he had done everything for her. Will took her in when no one else wanted her. He gave her something she'd never had: a home, a family. Her dad had taught her what it felt like to be loved. He'd protected her and taken care of her and had just… been there for her. Will had saved her.

"I can't hate you because the only reason I am who I am is because of you," Tate whispered shakily, tears slowly starting to cascade down her face. "Without you, I wouldn't be in the BAU. I wouldn't be married to the love of my life. I wouldn't have three kids that I love more than anything else in the world. I wouldn't have a family . I'd probably be dead by now if it wasn't for you."

And she wasn't exaggerating. If it hadn't been for Will, Freddie Carlisle probably would have killed her that fateful night in Boston. If by some miracle she had lived, she would've spent the next four years in foster care with no one looking out for her. Tate could've been sent to live with someone like McClaren, or worse. And then she would've become one of those statistics of kids who age out of the system and become homeless or die within a year.

"I'm mad at… the world, I guess, but I couldn't hate you if I tried. I love you. I probably didn't say it as much as I should have, but I do. Because you were always there. So, I just needed you to know that." Tate said as she stood up and brushed the dirt off her jeans. "See you later, Dad."

Tate walked away from the headstone, slowly heading back to where her family was having a picnic. It felt good to say it all, even if no one was listening, because it was the truth. When Tate had been a kid and thought she was alone and afraid, she really hadn't been.

Because even when Tate had nothing left…

She always had Will.