"Allen?"
He didn't answer because that would involve making a sound, and he didn't want to go there. Whatever came out was unlikely to make any sense, and would probably panic the nurses.
He heard her come in, felt her sit on the bed and take off her shoes, then she settled in beside him, covering his hand with hers. "It's okay," she said softly.
She was wrong. It wasn't okay. Malcolm Rouvellier had tormented the Order dancers for decades, and he was walking away unscathed, his pride injured but his fortune still intact. Allen's parents had been driven from their home and Road's mother driven to suicide by the Earl Campbell, who would continue to get the best possible care at the expense of an estate he should never have inherited. Mana had been killed on his orders, and he would never see a day in prison, nor would the Cardinal for killing Cross.
Meanwhile, those who had survived would live the rest of their lives with the consequences, invisible scars left behind by those sessions in Komui's office. Even the world itself had been injured, robbed of both Cross and Kanda, whose extraordinary talents had been snuffed out.
The Campbells, too, bore their own wounds. The diminutive girl at his side was sniffling, and he leaned closer to her, resting his cheek on the top of her head and covering her hand with his.
No, it wasn't really okay, but eventually he seemed to run out of tears, and when he grabbed for the tissue box, Road got off the bed. He heard water running in the bathroom, then she came out with a wet washcloth. "Here," she said.
"Thanks," he said, resting his face in it. His nose was completely clogged, his eyelids felt swollen, and salt and protein deposits were forming on his prosthetic. "I need to call a nurse," he said.
"What for?" Road asked.
"I need help with my eye."
"I'll go get someone," she said. "Wait here."
As if he was going anywhere else!
She came back with the nurse, and insisted on staying while Allen's eye was removed for cleaning and the socket rinsed with saline. She seemed the find the procedure more interesting than disgusting, and she was delighted with the patch they gave him. "Tokyo Ghoul!" she said as she re-took her place on his bed.
"What?" Allen said.
"You need to read more manga," she said. "Are you better now?"
Allen leaned back and sighed. "I think so. Where's Tyki?"
"Getting drunk," she said.
So he was as good as his word. "Does he do that a lot?"
"No. Tyki's real vice is smoking. If he can wrap it in paper, set it on fire and not puke when he inhales, he's all over it. Know what he and Dad used to do when they were kids? They'd take hollow bits of hay and light them in bonfires, and smoke them."
Allen laughed. "That's disgusting!"
Road nodded. "I know. Dad outgrew it. Tyki didn't."
"Did he leave you here by yourself?" She was small for her age, and slightly mad. It didn't seem like a good idea to leave her unsupervised.
"Our hotel is just down the street, so if I get tired, I can go back."
"Where's your dad?" Allen asked. "Is he here?"
"No, he's at home. They have to transport the Earl from Paris, and Dad has to take care of that. It's okay, Allen," she said. "I was reading, so I wasn't bored."
He blinked. Onstage, Road was the absolute center of attention. It never occurred to him that she might be accustomed to being alone. "Is anyone from the Order here?"
She took a deep breath. "Lenalee took Komui home and Kanda left to get some real sleep. He was here literally all night."
"That's good then," Allen said. Perhaps leaving her wasn't such a good idea for her sake, but for his own, he was glad she stayed.
"I'm sorry about dinner," she said.
"What?"
"I promised you dinner, but things got messed up."
He'd completely forgotten about that. "Road, it's okay. Really."
"At least you got your present. Do you like it?"
She had given him his own history. "Yes. Thank you."
"I made notes under the pictures, but if you ever want to talk about them, let me know, okay?"
Whatever else Road was to the Campbells, she was a living reminder of a nightmare, and she seemed painfully aware of it, even as she was unable to let go. It probably didn't help that she looked a lot like her mother. "How about now?" he asked.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." His prosthetic was already out, so crying wouldn't cause any additional problems, except maybe to his dignity, and that was already out the window. "Unless you think there's something on TV worth watching."
She wrinkled her nose. "No. I'd rather do this." She settled in, a warm, comforting presence at his side, and opened the album.
About an hour into it, there was a knock on the door and Johnny Gil poked his head in. "Allen? Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company."
"It's okay," Allen said. "Come in."
Johnny looked dubious.
"You know I'm his cousin, right?" Road said. "It's really okay."
Johnny blinked. "Yeah, I guess you are. Everyone's talking about that."
Good, Allen thought. It meant the cardinal would need a nuclear warhead to finish the job.
"How are you feeling?" Johnny asked. "You look a little rough."
"I'm fine," Allen said.
"Sorry I didn't get here sooner," Johnny said. "The Order is losing its mind, and Reever wanted me there to help deal with it."
"What's happening?" Allen asked.
"Nothing yet," Johnny said. "That's the problem. Something needs to happen, but Hevlaska's been here and Rouvellier is nowhere to be found. Some people just skipped rehearsal and some went home when we told them they could, but a few wanted to do something, so Reever worked with them. We're already feeling the loss of you, Kanda and Lavi. Are you going to be able to dance again?"
"Of course," Allen said. "It will be a few months before I can use my arms properly, but I'll be back."
"Good, because Howard was one of our no-shows, and I don't know if he's coming back or not. We can't lose both you and your understudy."
The Order was fragmenting, as Hevlaska thought it might, but maybe part of it would hold, or it would become something new. He hoped so, because he realized in that moment that he had a stake in it himself.
"How's the Earl?" Johnny asked Road as if he was reaching out toward a feral kitten.
"Fine," Road said. "He has the same heart problem Allen does, but he's older so he has better hardware. The arrhythmia was corrected right away, so he's mostly in for observation."
"You said he has a pacemaker?" Allen said, startled by the fact that this was deeply relevant.
"It's a pacemaker and ICD mixed together. You'll need one, too, someday."
The biggest stumbling block in his medical care been removed so suddenly that he hadn't even noticed until that moment. He had a family history now. There were people who knew what was happening and could give him and his doctors some idea of a prognosis.
"I'm glad he's all right," Johnny said. "We had no idea what happened. What did happen?"
"Here," Road said, opening the album to Nea's picture.
Johnny whistled. "Is that your father, Allen?"
"My uncle," Allen said, the word still new on his tongue.
"The resemblance is crazy, especially with your hair dark."
"It really is," Road said. "The Earl sort of lost it when he saw it, but he's all right now."
"So Allen, what are you going to do?" Johnny asked. "Are you going to go back to England with the Campbells?"
"Please?" said Road. "If you come to England, we can dance together. I don't weigh anything, so you could lift me safely, at least a little."
It was, Allen found, an incredibly tempting idea. She was indeed small enough for him to lift, and skilled enough to not hit his chest even by accident. However. "I want to finish school at St. Ignatius," he said. It had been a long time since he'd been at school, and it was the first school that successfully kept the bullying in check.
Road responded with a theatrical pout while Johnny brightened. "If you want, you can live with me. Hevlaska and I have been talking about it, in case you don't want to live with her."
He didn't, because he didn't think he'd ever be entirely comfortable around her. She was too elegant, and too frail, but Allen wasn't sure about Johnny, either. "I don't want to be a bother," he said.
"You won't be. I'm more likely to be a bother to you. I'm a geek, which means a lot of robot parts all over the place, and stepping on Legos is a real hazard."
"You build robots?" Road asked, fascinated.
"In what spare time the Order gives me," Johnny said.
"If he lives with you, can I visit?" Road asked. "I want to see the robots."
"Uh...yeah," Johnny said, surprised. "I don't see why not."
"You can live with Johnny then," Road said.
"And me," said a voice from the doorway.
"Kanda?" Allen suddenly remembered what it was about living with Johnny that was a problem. Kanda had mentioned moving in to help with something. That something was now clear, and it was a prospect Allen didn't care for.
"Yeah." He sauntered in, grabbed a chair from a corner, and sat down.
"I thought you were sleeping," Allen said.
"I was. I woke up."
"Why did you come here?"
"Got a better idea?"
"You could go drown in the ocean."
Kanda sneered. "Grow up, bean sprout."
"Bean sprout?" Road asked.
"Shut up, Kanda," Allen said. "Why are you even involved in this anyway?"
"You're not the only one who needs a place to live," Kanda said. "I'm sure as hell not going back to China, and Johnny could probably use a hand. He doesn't have any experience with children, and I do."
"I am not a child," Allen said heatedly.
"Yes, you are," Kanda said.
"You're only three years older than I am," Allen said.
Kanda smiled. "Yes, but those three years make all the difference!"
"Go away," Allen fumed.
"No," Kanda said.
"If he lives with you, can I visit?" Road asked.
"Sure," Kanda said, looking her up and down. "If you cause trouble, I can roll you up and stuff you in a garbage can."
"I bite," Road warned.
"Good luck with that," Kanda said.
"If you get tired of Kanda, you can come to England," Road said. "We have lots of room."
"Only if he's very good," Kanda said, his dark eyes twinkling with an unaccustomed hint of mischief.
"Kanda!" Allen protested. "I'm sixteen, not six!"
"Could have fooled me," said Kanda.
"Hey Allen!" said Lenalee from the doorway, where she was waving her phone. "I just got a text from...oops!"
"Hi, Lenalee!" said Road. "How's your foot?"
Lenalee turned white, then red. "Um...fine. It's fine."
"She's okay, Lenalee, she's my cousin," Allen said, but for the last few years, Road had been Lenalee's nemesis.
Lenalee vanished back into the hall, then returned a minute later with a chair. "So it's true," she said to Allen. "You're really a Campbell."
"Looks like it," Allen said, grinning.
Lenalee giggled. "And you're a Rouvellier. I'm sorry, I think it's hilarious."
"So do we," said Road. "Tyki and me, anyway."
"Wait, he's a what?" Kanda said. "How did that happen?"
"Through a series of adoptions," Allen said, "not by blood. Hevlaska adopted Cross; Cross adopted me."
"I think I'd rather have no family at all than your fucked-up family," said Kanda, shaking his head. "Is Lavi okay?" he asked Lenalee.
"Yes," Lenalee said. "So far anyway."
"Tell him that the Rouvelliers aren't going to go after him," Allen said.
"You can do that?" Road asked.
"I don't think so," Allen said, "but Hevlaska can, and she said she wants to give him a second chance."
"Good," Lenalee sighed, going back to her phone. "He'll be less likely to do something stupid if he's not afraid they'll mess with him."
"Where is he?" Johnny asked.
"Israel," Lenalee said, glancing up from her phone.
Johnny winced. "Where?"
Lenalee looked around, uncertain.
"Not near Gaza, I hope?" Johnny asked.
"No," she said. "I mean, there are some problems where he's going, but it's not near Gaza."
"What's happening in Gaza?" Road asked.
"Air strikes and rocket attacks," Lenalee said grimly. "He went back just as things started heating up."
"Oh!" Road said, her eyes wide. "I hope he stays safe."
"He will," Lenalee said firmly, as if convincing herself.
"I'm sure he will," Road said. "He has a lot to come back for. What's that on your foot?"
"What?" Lenalee said. "Oh! That's an air cast. It inflates on the inside to give me as much or as little support as I need."
"That's really cool," Road said. "Will you be able to go en pointe again?"
"They think so," Lenalee said. "It's healing fine so far."
"I think it's great that you can do that," Road said. "I never learned how, so I'm a little jealous."
"What?" Lenalee said, her astonishment plain on her face.
"None of us dance ballet, so we don't have anyone who can teach me. You have all that versatility with it, and it looks so elegant."
"Oh!" Lenalee said. "Um...well, you just have to train for it, that's all."
"That's the problem," Road said. "I'd have to get an outside teacher, and that's not easy."
"Why not?" Lenalee asked.
Road sighed. "Good teachers cost money, and the Earl doesn't like spending money on things that aren't necessary. Since there are good teachers in the family, it's not necessary to get someone else, so..." She shrugged.
"Oh!" Lenalee said. "I didn't know that. Well, you'll need a really good teacher for that, but if you can find one, you'll strengthen your feet in new ways."
"Really?" Road said. "I'll have to try that argument. Thanks."
"You're welcome," Lenalee said, still surprised.
"Oh, wait," Road said, turning to Allen. "Technically, you're supposed to be the Earl. Can I have ballet lessons?"
"What?" Allen asked, startled.
"Hang on, what?" Kanda asked.
"It's a little complicated," Road said, "because nobody really inherits the estate until they're at least thirty, and the title and estate are passed down as close to the direct line as we can manage. Allen's grandfather and Uncle Adam—the current Earl—were brothers. Allen's grandfather died when Allen's dad was still a child, leaving Allen's dad as his heir, but Allen's dad was too young to take over, so Uncle Adam did. Uncle Adam was only supposed to be the head of the family until Allen's dad grew up, but Allen's dad and uncle both died young."
"Wait," Johnny said. "But Allen's father had a child before he died, so what happens now? Is Allen really…?"
"The proper Earl," Road said, nodding, "or he will be when he's older. Right now, my dad inherits, but that's only because we didn't know about Allen." She turned back to Allen. "Can I have ballet lessons? Pleeeeeeease?"
"Seriously?" Lenalee asked, her eyes as big as saucers.
"That is miles beyond fucked up," Kanda said at the same time.
"No, hold up," Allen spluttered. "I'm not…I can't…I thought…"
"Oy!" said a voice from the door.
They all turned as Tyki Mikk, not quite three sheets to the wind and smelling heavily of tobacco, brought in a chair. "Where are those cards, kid? I want a game."
"Tyki!" Road said, frowning. "What are you doing here? You're drunk."
Tyki looked hurt. "I just want to play poker, that's all."
"Good luck," Kanda said. "I'm pretty sure he cheats."
"I know he cheats," Tyki said. "That's why I want a regular, real-life game. No bots."
"And no accomplices?" Allen asked, grinning.
"So you figured that out," Tyki said. "Nope. No accomplices." He struggled ever so slightly with the word.
"Bots?" Johnny asked.
"He has a poker bot." Tyki turned back to Allen. "You write that or buy it?"
"I wrote it," Allen said.
"Damn!" Tyki said. "That's some good work! Well, no bots, no accomplices, just the cards, mano a mano."
"He cheats with those, too," Lenalee said, suppressing a giggle.
Tyki looked at her, as if seeing her there for the first time. "How do you know?"
Lenalee blushed. "Because he's the only one who keeps all of his clothes on."
"Woah!" Tyki said with a broad grin. "The Order's more fun than I thought. Wish I'd been there, 'cause you're even cuter up close than you are onstage."
Lenalee turned a shade redder.
"Tyki!" Road said. "You're embarrassing her."
"No, I'm not," he said. "I'm embarrassing myself. I'm also thinking of changing sides. Ever since Mana and Nea left, no one will play poker with me, but the Order plays poker."
"Mostly because of Allen," Lenalee said.
"And nobody plays with him anymore," Kanda said. "He never loses."
"That sounds like a challenge," Tyki said, cracking his knuckles. "What do you think, kid? Should I come back later?"
It might be interesting, Allen thought, to play Tyki later, when he was sober, just to see which of the two of them was better, but everyone in the room was looking at him, almost as if life and death hung on his answer.
Perhaps it did. No, there was nothing he could do to bring the people who had hurt them to justice, but then he thought of Cross, and of the album Road had given him. A lot of people had sacrificed far too much in order to make this moment possible, and Allen didn't want to throw it away.
Cross, Allen thought, would have hated a funeral, but he might have liked a wake. This wouldn't a proper wake, but Cross would have hated that, too. Cards, on the other hand, would have suited him fine, and from the sounds of things, they would have suited Allen's parents just as well. He didn't know very much about his mum, but his dad, certainly, wouldn't have wanted him to spend too much time mired in grief. He'd always told Allen to keep walking, keep moving forward no matter what he was leaving behind. It was just a matter of looking over the landscape and choosing the most promising direction.
"No," Allen said, reaching for the cards. "Let's do this. Who's in?"
"Me!" said Road, bounding a little beside him.
"Yeah, me, too," Lenalee said, risking a smile, which Road returned tenfold.
"I'm in," Johnny said.
Kanda nodded.
"What are we playing for? Strip?" Tyki asked, winking at Lenalee.
"No," said Lenalee.
"Not money," said Kanda.
"I'm not very good," said Johnny.
"Don't worry," said Road. "I'm not, either. Allen, can you even hold your cards?"
He could hold them. What else he could do was an open question, although the sling offered some interesting possibilities. "Yes, but I can't shuffle or deal."
"I'll do it when it's your turn," Road said.
"What are we playing for?" Tyki insisted.
"What's in a hospital that we can use?" Lenalee asked.
"I know!" Road said. "There's a vending machine in the waiting room. We can use candy."
"That works," Allen said, reaching for his wallet. "One packet apiece?"
"Sounds good," Lenalee said, digging through her purse.
"Give me your change," Johnny said, rising. "I'll go get them."
"No eating the stakes," Tyki said to Road.
"Tyki!" Road protested.
"And you're going to have to move."
"Why?"
"Because you can see each other's cards from there."
"We promise we won't look," Road said.
"Road..." Tyki said.
"I have to stay here in case he needs help," she insisted.
"You're the one who told me it's not worth arguing with her," Allen said.
"I know," Tyki sighed. "It's just that we have to keep trying to civilize her somehow."
"I'm civilized," Road said.
"Barely," Tyki said.
"Sit on the foot of the bed," Kanda said.
Allen blinked, but it was a tone he'd never heard from Kanda before, stern but surprisingly gentle.
"Okay." Road scrambled down and sat cross-legged, exposing the beribboned purple bloomers she wore under her skirt, a good match for her black and purple striped stockings.
Johnny came back in and gave them each a pack of M&Ms. "These looked like they had the most pieces in them," he said. "I hope they're okay."
"I love these!" said Road.
"Remember what I said," said Tyki.
"Tyki!" said Road.
"I hate sweets," Kanda said, glaring into his open packet and wrinkling his nose.
"It's not like you're going to have any left," Allen said.
"Shut up, bean sprout."
"Bean sprout?" Tyki asked, eyebrows raised.
"Don't you start!" Allen said.
"So what are we playing?" Tyki asked, shuffling the cards. "Texas hold 'em?"
"Ah...I don't know how to play that," Johnny said.
"How about we start with five card draw?" Allen said. "We can move on once Johnny gets comfortable with it."
"All right," Tyki said. "Five card draw it is!" He gave the deck one last theatrical shuffle, and dealt the cards.