Alone
Hi All,
I don't own anything.
This is my first multichapter story. It's AU and an idea that I've had floating around in my head for a while. I'll upload new chapters as time allows.
Chapter One: The fight, graduation, and bigger changes
Jamie walked out the law firm with a big smile on his face. It was his last day, and he hadn't been this happy in a long time. The last time was his wedding day when Joe was still alive and his best man. He hoped that Joe would be proud of his decision. The thing that surprised him the most was the support of Sidney and her family. They had told them two weeks ago when he put in his notice. Her dad though that what he was doing was brave and took real guts to give up the money and status and put his life on the line every day to serve the community and help others. His mother-in-law had some concerns, but once she understood that Sidney backed him up and supported him, she followed.
It had only been six months since his brother was killed on the job, and he and heard his dad and brother say a few times that they were happy he wasn't a cop. He knew that his family was going to take his choice worse than Sid's, but the question was how much worse. That's why he decided to head over and talk to his dad on a Friday night while his grandpa was at his weekly poker game.
"Hey dad, got a few minutes to talk?"
"Sure Jamie, what's up, did you have a bad day at work?" It could be hard knowing his son was a defense attorney sometimes. He knew that he was good too.
"No, work was fine. I'm actually making a change."
Frank smiled. Jamie had finally decided to join the DA's office. All of the Reagan's would be on the side of the angels again.
"Which DA's office?"
"I start at the Police Academy on Monday."
Frank couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was not happening. His youngest could not be a cop. He promised his late wife that he wouldn't be a cop. He already lost one child, now he was going to lose another because Jamie wasn't like himself or Danny.
"No!"
"No, what? Dad, I'm an adult. I can choose what I want to do with my life."
"You choose wrong. You are going to get yourself killed! You're doing this for the wrong reasons."
Jamie just stood there shocked. He didn't expect a round of applause, but he didn't think he would get yelled at.
"I'm doing this because it's what I want to do."
"What does Sidney have to say about this? She is your wife."
"She supports me as does her family."
"Your in-laws support this crazy decision! I can't believe that. They are all lawyers. Hell, Jamie, you are on the fast track. Last week didn't you tell me that you had a meeting with the partners to become a partner. You don't have what it takes to do this job. You are too soft."
"How the hell do you know that dad. I can do this."
"Because I have been doing this most of my life and I am the police commissioner. Jamie, think this through. You could do anything, why a cop?"
"What's wrong with being a cop?"
"Nothing, it's just not for you! You try to be too perfect and find the good in people. You can't do this. I won't allow it!"
That was it for Jamie. He didn't want to hear it anymore. He stood up, took one last look around his childhood home and stormed out.
Frank couldn't believe that his youngest his peacekeeper just stormed out of the house. It didn't occur to him why Jamie did it.
Ten minutes later Henry walked through the door, happy as he could be because he just won a few thousand dollars in his poker game.
"Francis are you okay?"
"No, Jamie and I just got into an argument."
"Why? What did you say to him?"
"Pop, why do you always think it was me. Jamie is a Reagan after all."
"Yeah, but he's levelheaded and a lot more like Mary. So, what was the conversation about. I'll talk to him."
"He quit his job and is starting at the academy on Monday."
"That's great! Another cop in the family. Jamie will make a great cop."
"Pop, are you out of your mind? Jamie isn't meant to be a cop. He's a skilled lawyer."
"Francis, he is twenty-six years old, a licensed attorney, married and more than qualified to make his own decisions."
"He's, my baby. He should have talked to me about this before he made this life changing decision." Frank rubbed his hand across his face.
"He's a grown man, Francis, you can't let what happened to Joe impact your thoughts and decisions. You don't want to drive Jamie away."
"I think that I might have done that already. He stormed out here like a bat out hell."
"Francis, you have to apologize."
"Pop, I don't think that apologizing will be enough. I said some awful things that he knew I meant. Ya know Jamie's like Mary, he's a human lie detector."
"Well figure it out."
Jamie headed straight to the cemetery after the fight with his dad. He needed some time with the people in his family who he felt understood him, unfortunately they were all dead. He spent some time talking and apologizing to his mother for joining the NYPD, and he talked to Joe for what felt like hours about their dad's reaction to his news. He decided that he and Sidney wouldn't be at the mandatory Sunday dinner for the foreseeable future.
Once things got going at the academy Jamie was really busy with either coursework or training. He was determined to ace every aspect of his new lifestyle. Sidney had been the most supportive wife imaginable. She cooked dinner each night and found new healthy recipes for them to try and she always made sure that he had a good lunch because she knew how hard he was working each day. On the weekends when Jamie wasn't studying, he pampered her and did all of the cooking. They found a great balance. Sid knew that the academy was hard, and Jamie was having an inner fight because of what happened with his dad. They still hadn't spoken despite multiple tries by his dad each time he happened to be at the academy. Danny and Erin had each called to yell at him and told him that he's an idiot, and then called multiple times to apologize.
Sid was prepared for graduation. She had reservations at Jamie's favorite restaurant with her parents and sisters. She wasn't sure if they would be invited back to Bay Ridge after graduation or not. She just hoped that the day would end without any big explosions. Jamie had finished first in his class and won the Mayors award on top of it. He deserved a great day to celebrate all of his hard work.
Sidney and her entire family had gotten the entire day off work to celebrate Jamie. She sat at screamed so loudly for him that she just about lost her voice. When Jamie walked out of the Garden he had the biggest smile on his face that she had seen since his brother died. She knew in her heart that this was his life's purpose.
"Congratulations baby! I am so proud of you!" She almost yelled in his ear after wrapping her arms around his neck. Sidney's family had made their way over too and were hugging him and patting him on the back.
"Jamie, will you come and talk to my class in a few months. I know that they would love to meet a New York City cop. Most of them come into the city for small things here an there, but I have a few students that I think could really benefit from your example." Melanie, Sidney's middle sister asked. She taught seventh grade social studies in one of the swanky neighborhoods north of the city.
"I'll have to get approval to come in uniform but give me a few months to get acclimated and I will get back with you and we can plan it."
"Sounds great little brother. Let's go get some food and celebrate you!"
"I agree. We need to celebrate Mr. overachiever here. Can you graduate and not place first in your class?" Ava, Sidney's oldest sister said with a wink. She was thrilled for them. Ava was a social worker with a PHD in psychology.
"I don't know, I've graduated first every time." He laughed
"Jamie, what about your family?" Mark, his father-in-law asked.
"My dad usually has to talk to the mayor, and he makes his way out to talk to as many of the graduates as he can. This is one of the few opportunities he gets to talk to his new officers. I don't think I rate real high right now." He said with his head down and his smile wiped away.
Henry had been standing by a column watching everything and he knew that it should be his family there supporting him, but he was just happy that he wasn't alone. He had enough. He walked over to Jamie.
"Congratulations! I am so proud of you!" Henry said with a big hug that was enough to replace the smile that had disappeared.
"Thanks Grandpa. I hope I make everyone proud."
"You already have. Did you get your assignment yet?"
"Yeah, I start Sunday to Thursday shift out of the 12th with my TO Anthony Renzulli."
"Day shift?" Henry questioned. Typically, Reagans were not assigned shifts on Sundays.
"Rotating shifts. It will be great."
"You're going to miss dinner."
"I know grandpa, but that has been for the best. Dad and I are still not talking. My interaction with Danny and Erin hasn't been any better. They don't understand why I did what I did."
"How about you let me work on it and just focus on your new job for now."
"Okay grandpa, want to meet for a meal again next week?"
"Yeah, call me when you know what time and day works best."
Jamie walked away to join Sidney, her parents and sisters who surprised him with a limo to the restaurant. He had seen the rest of the family, but no one else came over and Danny had just sneered at him like he was a perp.
His first few weeks on the job were great. He learned that Renzulli was obsessed with unhealthy street food and knew where all of his favorites would be each day. Sidney got a kick out of this because as much as she loved her husband, she wished he would let go a little. He was a health food nut and had been toying with the idea of going vegetarian, but she had been able talk him out of it so far.
A month later everything changed. Sidney had been working a big case where threats had been made against each attorney on the case including his wife. Jamie was upset that the firm hadn't taken extra steps to protect their employees. He had worked with Renzulli to adjust his schedule a little so he could take Sidney to work and pick her up each day. Sometimes pickups landed on his meal break and he was okay foregoing food if it meant his wife got home safe.
That all changed on a Monday night when Jamie's tour had been extended because of a viable threat and multiple officers were set to ride the subway looking for a list of suspects. Sidney had said that she would call a car but was shot while waiting for the car. She never had a chance.
Jamie was one of the responding officers. Fortunately, one of his friends recognized Sidney and kept him away. Jamie was informed that it was Sidney and he had to see her body, he had to know for sure that it really was her. Unfortunately, Danny caught the case. Jamie was sitting at the 12th waiting to be questioned. He knew that as her husband he was an automatic suspect.
Danny had arrived at the scene and as soon as he heard the victim's name, he flew off the handle. He could not believe that someone had the gall to murder his sister-in-law and the daughter-in-law of the PC. He was seeing red. Now he had to talk to his baby brother, who he hadn't really talked to in a year. He knew that the officers at the 12th would back his brother and may even make it hard for him to do his job.
"Hey Detective, I guess that you are here to talk to Jamie." Renzulli said cautiously.
"Yes Sergeant. Where is he?"
"He's in the break room. He needed some space. He hasn't been left alone since he got off tour."
"He finished his tour?"
"The shooting was the last call of our day. We were working a day tour that got extended, we were headed in when the call came through."
"You're his partner, I gotta ask, have he and Sid been fighting or having any problems?" Danny hated asking this for several reasons the main one being that his brother was so separated from the family that no one really knew what was going on in Jamie's life.
"No, they haven't, and we just had lunch with both of them Sunday before he and I went on shift. He and Sid are perfect for each other. She is, I guess was a great NYPD wife. We've had some hard calls over the last few weeks and she has been able to help keep Jamie's head balanced, like Marie does for me. Sid and Marie get along great too. Oh, and Sid has joined the same NYPD wives club that Marie is a part of. She can't take part in as many of the activities as Marie does because of her job, but from what Marie told me she loves it."
This surprised Danny. He always thought of Sidney as a little Ivy League princess who wouldn't go within ten feet of any of the things that would get your hands dirty, or she could break a nail. He made a note to find out where she was volunteering and who she had been working with to find out if she made any enemy's there.
"Jamie knows that you caught the case. He said that he's ready to talk whenever you're ready."
"He still in the break room?"
"No, he had Nelson escort him up to the box in the detective squad. He knows that he's a suspect."
Danny couldn't help but stare at Renzulli for a few minutes. He hadn't planned on talking to his baby brother in the box. He knew that he could never kill his wife. No matter what was happening in his life. He and Sidney were soulmates. He was afraid of what was going to happen to his brother now that she was gone, and he wasn't talking to anyone in the family.
It wasn't very often that Danny didn't know what to say. He knew he had to question Jamie. They could not show any special treatment on this case because of who it was that was murdered.
"Hey kid, do you want anything to drink?" Danny asked his kid brother who looked like he had been crying for days. At this point, it had been just over six hours since her body had been found.
"No, I'm okay Detective, but if you need to get coffee, go ahead." Jamie didn't even look up. He kept his head down and was surprised that he had been able to stop crying.
"I'm okay. Listen I just have a few questions and then you should be free to go. I'll need your number and address though."
"Ok." Jamie didn't say anything else. He was starting to go quiet. Danny knew his window was closing, because once he went quiet there were only three people who could get him to talk and they had all passed on now, so he had no idea what he was going to do then.
"Where were you at 8pm yesterday night?"
"Working patrol with Renzulli, at 8pm, we had just finished working a robbery and we're escorting two perps back here. They are both in holding, waiting for the bus to central booking to come and pick them up at 7am this morning. They are Norman Baxter and Jeffery Madison, they are in holding cells 2 and 3. They both made a call, but neither called a lawyer. We have security camera footage of the robbery and if you ask the owner, you can get the extended footage showing the arrest. All of the footage is time and date stamped."
"Okay." Danny needed a second. He knew his brother was smart and guessed that he was good with details, but this was another level that he didn't expect.
"Were you and Sidney having any issues at home. If I interview your neighbors, will they say that they've heard fighting or anything bad?"
"No, we just booked our fifth anniversary trip."
"Oh god."
Danny's reaction to that statement opened something in Jamie and he burst out laughing.
"What?" Danny was confused, and a little worried that his brother had such an abrupt mood change.
"Your reaction to that thought was the same way Renzulli reacted. We both guessed that you would have that reaction. Sid was working on getting me back to Sunday dinners. She knew that things at work were heating up and she didn't want me to be spending a lot of time home alone."
"Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why were things heating up with her work, and why didn't she want you spending time home alone?" The second worried Danny more than the first. He knew some cops couldn't handle it and were suicidal or even became depressed and make poor decisions on the job that would get themselves hurt or killed. He had only been a cop for about six months.
"She was assigned to a big case. Their counterparts had made threats against Sid's firm, and he bosses didn't take the threats seriously. I had been taking Sid to work each day and picking her up and taking her home. My shift was extended today, and we had already taken our meal when she called and let me know that she had finished for the day and was headed home. After we were done on the Subway, when we were headed back to the station is when we got the call about the shooting. We had been sent out to Jamie street station as soon as we finished booking the robbery perps. It was a busy night. You can pull my logbook and look at all of my reports. We ended up working a double and it was a full day and night. Renzulli wouldn't cover for me either, hell I'm still on probation. This could be enough to get me off the force."
"Jamie, you will be fine. This is SOP. Do you know who the threats were from?"
"You will have to talk to Sid's boss because of confidentiality."
"Ok, they are my next stop." Danny had switched off the recording equipment, he had what he needed, now he needed to know why Sid didn't want him alone.
"Okay, baby brother, it's just you and me now. Why didn't Sid want you to be alone?"
"Two months ago, I watched a father kill his two sons and his ex-wife. Renzulli and I were first to respond. We called in HRT, but the guy was done. His ex-wife had gone t through the courts and was awarded full custody. She had just accepted a job in Seattle. It was her dream job. Before HRT got there, he shot his entire family and himself before we could do anything. All we could do was watch."
"Why didn't anyone shoot him?" Danny knew what correct procedure was.
"He had the apartment rigged, that if he died first the entire building was going to blow. There wasn't anything we could do. He flipped the switch for the bomb off right before he killed himself."
"Oh kid, ya know that dad, me and grandpa are all here for you."
"Really, I doubt that. Our captain had all of the responding officers see the department shrink for a trauma debrief. Sid and I talked a lot that week. She isn't afraid that I'm gonna kill myself, she just wants me to have a support group for bad days like those. Okay. That's it."
"Where are you staying tonight kid?"
"Home, and my cell number hasn't changed since I moved home from Boston."
"Are you sure you should go home tonight?"
"Danny, just stop. I know you forget this on a regular basis, but I am an adult, and capable of taking care of myself. I know that you thought I lost my mind when I quit the firm, but the other thing that you forget is that this is my life not yours. Before you say whatever, you're going to say, think for a minute, has anyone ever told you that you shouldn't do what you're doing?"
Danny just stared at Jamie again. It was really easy for him to forget that he wasn't the five-year-old that annoyed him when he was a teenager, and he wasn't the teenager who babysat his niece and helped her study when he was home from school. If he was honest out of all four Reagan kids Jamie was an adult long before he actually was one which is why he and Erin always wanted to think of him when he was just their kid brother. He wasn't a kid anymore, now he was a widower. Just the thought of what his brother was going through right now hit him hard.
"Okay Jamie. Hey, expect a visit from Dad and Grandpa. Please don't shut them out. I've ruled you out as a suspect. I'll try and keep you in the loop."
"I have to go to Connecticut with Mark day after tomorrow to start planning the funeral, will that be a problem? I will be driving there and coming home the same day. At this point the only day I plan to spend the night is the day of the funeral on Saturday."
"I don't see a problem with that. Are you sure that the body will be released in time?"
"Cause of death has already been ruled. They gave you approximate time of death somewhere around eight, so she had been there a little while before it was called in. The call of shots fired doesn't seem likely. It seems more likely that whoever did it or an accomplice called it in so that she would be found. Anyway, according to the corner everything should be done, and they will have her ready for us day after tomorrow unless something odd shows up. Lauren said she would give me a heads up if there were problems so we could reschedule with the funeral home."
"Ok kid. If you need anything from me, please let me know."
Danny watched Jamie gather his stuff and head home. He was more determined than ever to find who killed Sidney and mend his relationship with his baby brother. His fear was that it wasn't going to be easy. He wasn't worried about the case, that he knew he could solve, and he knew his sister would get a conviction.
Once Jamie was home all he could do was think about the fact that Sidney was never coming home again. He just went out to the balcony and cried for what felt like hours, but he was interrupted when he heard a knock at the door.
He didn't get there fast enough because by the time he did, his father and grandfather were already inside.
"Sorry son, we were worried."
"Yeah, I had stepped out onto the balcony. I needed some space. Can I get you both anything?"
"Jamie, sit down. We want to talk to you."
"What dad? I'm not going to lie and say that I'm fine. My wife was killed yesterday. I saw her dead body, and I wasn't able to keep her safe." Jamie said and broke down.
Henry didn't say anything. He just wrapped his arms around his grandson and gave him the comfort he needed.
"Jamie, why don't you come back to the house with us tonight so you're not alone."
"Dad, I have a lot of things to do. I'll come by for dinner on Sunday."
Henry and Frank just stared at each other for a minute. As much as both had seen during their long lives neither one had gone through. Frank couldn't help but think about everything his youngest had gone through in the last year and half, and most of it had been caused by himself.
Everything over the next week went by in a blur. Jamie wasn't able to get a minute to himself. The funeral was hard, but he had a lot of support, Renzulli and his wife Marie never left his side.
The Reagans were warmly welcomed but they could tell that many of the people knew what they did to Jamie. What hurt Frank the most was listening to Mark, Jamie's father-in-law talk about how wonderful a husband that he was to their daughter and how they are worried about what's going to happen to him, now that she's gone. Henry watched Jamie carefully, he could only imagine how hard this was on his youngest grandson. He knew Jamie had a habit of holding things in because he didn't want to burden others. He tried to get him to talk to him about the job and the things that he saw while he was on it. He was afraid that the job was going to get to him, and now the one person he knew he spoke to each night was gone.
Sunday came too quickly for Jamie. He had been going through Sidney's things with both of her sisters, and the things that none of them wanted were going to be donated to the church and homeless shelter. Jamie had told them to go through the apartment and take anything that they wanted because he couldn't afford it on his own and as soon as he was able, he was going to move back to Brooklyn to find a more affordable place to live. They knew and loved their brother-in-law; he was a great person who always helped them out and probably always would even now that Sidney was gone.
Showing up to the house for Sunday dinner was harder than he thought it would be. The last time he was at the house and his father was there ended with a big blowout and it had been a year and a half since he had been back for dinner. Things with Danny and Erin were still rough. He wasn't surprised that they were at the funeral, but he also knew that their dad wouldn't let them hurt him by not coming. Jamie was so lost in thought he didn't hear his brother's car pull up.
"Kid, ya know if ya wanna eat ya gotta go into the house."
"Thanks. I know. I was just thinking about a few things."
"I bet you got a lotta things to think about right now."
"Yeah, I do." Jamie put his head down, one reason he came was because he needed to get out of the loft. He needed some distance from memories of Sidney.
"Kid, I was gonna find you on duty tomorrow since you never come anymore. We got the guys who did it and they rolled that they were hired by the Sidney's law firm was suing."
"Thanks Danny. I knew that you would find those responsible. Tell the family I'll be in later. I need to go for a walk."
"Ok, kid, you are going to come back, right?"
"Yeah, I just need a couple of minutes to work through what you told me."
Danny just stood and watched Jamie walk away. Lind and the boys were on their way, they had to run a couple of errands after church, and Henry wanted to go with them so they took his car so Danny could go back to the house and relax. He was surprised that Jamie hadn't been in church. He knew that he and his youngest brother didn't have a lot in common or were very much alike, but he thought he knew him better a year and half ago, before he became a cop. Now he thought he had no idea who he was and wondered if he ever really knew who he was.
Frank was sitting in the sunroom reading the paper when Danny made it in the house.
"Hey Dad."
"Hey Danny, what's wrong?"
"When I pulled up, Jamie was just standing on the sidewalk staring at the house lost in thought, when I told him that we caught Sidney's killers he just said thanks and then said that he had to go for a walk. I'm sorry dad I don't know if he's coming back or not."
"He'll be here. He's not on duty today. He's missed for the last year because he works Sundays."
"Oh, so he legitimately has an out for Sunday dinners."
"Yeah, but I don't have any way of knowing if that's just what he was assigned or if he asked for Sundays."
Danny had started pacing a few minutes earlier. Again, none of this made sense. He knew that he had said some things he regretted when he found out about Jamie's career change but was it bad enough that he didn't want to be a part of their lives anymore.
"Family has always been very important to the kid; I can't believe that he would request a schedule that would make him give it up."
"He didn't give it up, he just changed who he was confiding in. Mark, his father-in-law was talking about Jamie at the funeral like he was his kid too. Danny, we've missed a lot over the last year and half, and its my fault. I don't know if I can do anything to get him back."
"I helped keep him away too. I called and talked to him a few times and none of them ended well. Ya know he never yelled much and then the last time I talked with him he just asked that I not call him again and told me if I did that he wouldn't pick up."
"Danny, I wish that I could help, but I think that you've spoken to him more than I have." Frank said and let out a big sigh.
Their silence was broken by the door opening again. Erin, Linda, and the boys were all in making dinner, so the only person it could be was Jamie.
"Hey Dad, Danny. Sorry Danny, I just needed a few minutes to clear my head."
"I understand kid, I have no idea what you've gone through this last week."
"And I hope you never do Danny."
With that Jamie disappeared. Danny and his dad continued talking until it was time to eat.
Dinner was a little awkward. It was Jamie's first dinner in a year and half and having just buried his wife the day before he really didn't want to be around more people. Henry sat through the entire dinner watching Jamie carefully. Jamie felt like he was in a fishbowl. He missed the quiet dinners he and Sid would have at home. He was happy that he still had shifts on Sundays so he wouldn't have to endure this each week.
When dinner was over Frank asked Jamie to hang back so they could talk.
"Dad, I'm tired and I have a long day tomorrow." Jamie said while running his hand through his hair.
"I know, I just wanted a few minutes to talk."
"Okay."
"Jamie, I regret the things that I said the last time that we talked like this. I regret the parts of your life that I've missed over the last year."
"Dad, it is what it is. This last year has been crazy."
"Jamie, I want to be back in your life. We all want that. I know that you and pop meet up once a week for a meal."
"Dad, I can try, and I know Sid wanted that, but I don't know if I'm ready for that. You may regret the things that you said, but dad those things you said really hurt. Danny said some of the same things and Erin made me feel like I had betrayed the family because I quit my law firm."
"Jamie, we were scared when we said those things. We are just afraid of losing you."
"Dad, Danny has been a cop forever, and I know everyone worries, but it was like when I said I was becoming a cop that everyone just assumed that I was going to die my first day on the job. I graduated first in my class out of the academy, I've taken all the additional training that I am approved for. I do everything that I can to make it home each night."
"I know you do son. It's just hard seeing you in that uniform. You'll understand one day when you have kids." When Frank said this Jamie started crying again. "I'm sorry son."
"It's not just that Dad, six months ago Sid was pregnant. We lost the baby in her eleventh week. I don't think I'm meant to have a family." Jamie said as he walked out of the room said goodbye to his grandfather and headed home.
Frank was shocked. He was going to have another grandchild and he never knew it. His son went through a giant loss and no one in the family knew. If it was Danny, he would have been over here pouring his heart out so he could be strong for Linda, but his youngest was always so quiet. He always wanted to protect those around him, so he kept it all inside.