** CHAPTER 11 **
From her desk Cuddy was watching her trainee assistant's empty chair and couldn't help wondering how things had gone between him and House. She was a little anxious at the idea that her new PA, who was too young to her taste and undeniably inexperienced, wouldn't have lived up to her expectations when he'd been in House's office earlier that morning. She had nothing against him, really, but he still definitely wouldn't have been her first choice if she'd had a say.
But Warren was the grandson of one of the hospital's most generous donors, so she really didn't have a choice when he had suggested to hire him for a training period in PPTH as Dean of Medicine's assistant. That extra line in his resume would help start his career and, given how generous his grandfather was, Cuddy had viewed that as a convenient quid pro quo.
Since his first day here – though he was undeniably diligent, always punctual and full of good-will - Warren had yet to prove to her that he was capable of handling pressure and take up the challenges she would submit him to. Of course, dealing with House was certainly a little out of his league but, after the events of the previous night, Cuddy didn't want to be the one going to House's office and Warren was basically the only one she could rely on to do what she had in mind.
Earlier that night, a young woman had been admitted to the E.R with symptoms that, at first, seemed to fit with simple alcohol abuse but, as the hours had passed and she still wasn't getting better, it had become obvious that her symptoms probably hid some mysterious, underlying disease only House would be able to diagnose. It was the perfect pretext. Not really a pretext, anyway, since the woman was really ill, but it'd given Cuddy a reason to go to House. Through Warren.
He was the perfect guy for this: House didn't know him yet so he couldn't really jerk him around as he wouldn't have had enough time to fully study his weaknesses to exploit them, yet. He'd be taken aback and then upset which meant, Cuddy expected him to refuse the case. And then, predictably, he would come to her office to complain! And that's exactly what she wanted to happen. Because, as far as she was concerned, she wouldn't make a move!
In any other circumstances, she would have dealt with the problem herself. As a responsible doctor, a Dean of Medicine, and a caring human being, she would have logically come to House and handed him the case. She would have been prepared to stand up to him if needed, to convince him to take it but, with what had just happened between them, she couldn't be the one who would go there and casually give him the file. She was too proud for this. And stubborn. And no matter how wrong her reasons sounded, she had set her mind on that childish whim and that was it. Now, if House had anything to say about that, then let him do what he usually did: Come storm in her office! She was ready and waiting for him…
Actually, she was hoping for him to come. But after an umpteenth glance at her watch, she was now beginning to wonder if House would come at all.
Truth is, Cuddy was dying to see him. What they'd shared the previous night meant something. It mattered. At least, to her it did. She couldn't rationalize the strange and disturbing feeling of awkwardness that had pervaded right after they had sex. She wanted to talk, about what they had just shared, instead of feeling abandoned, alone and… used. So, as she was seated on his couch, wrapped naked in his blanket, she'd looked around her and the heavy emptiness of the room, along with the distant sound of flowing water that just emphasized her own silence, had made her feel like once the good part was over, she was no longer needed. She would have given everything to find the strength to overcome that sensation, but she couldn't help it. That's why she had to leave. But today, she was waiting to be proven wrong. She was waiting for House to show her he cared and needed her as he'd said he did.
Jolted out of her reverie, Cuddy suddenly spotted Warren's silhouette behind her wooden blinds and saw him sit at his desk. The need to find out what had happened with House became urgent and she instantly stood up, smoothed her skirt out with her hands and took a deep breath to calm herself down. She needed to look and sound as impeccably put together as possible. She slowly paced out of her office and smiled casually at her assistant, passing in front of his desk, making it look like she was actually headed somewhere else, when she stopped, as if she'd suddenly remember something.
"Warren, did you see Dr. House like I've asked you to?" she said.
"Yes, Dr. Cuddy," he replied. "I gave him the file like you told me to."
"Good. And what did he say?" Cuddy said, clearing her throat, trying to sound detached. "Did he have a message for me? I mean, something specific about the case, medically relevant… for me… to know?"
God, she sounded like a jittery high-school girl after the prom, waiting for her date to call back. She felt heat coming up to her cheeks. Thankfully for her, Warren apparently lacked insight and he didn't seem to notice her blushing, or perfectly faked not to.
"Yes, um, actually, he, err," Warren stuttered. He looked embarrassed and a little scared. "He said, he didn't want the case."
Cuddy's smile instantly broadened. If she could, she would've made a victorious fist-pump: That was exactly the typical reaction she knew House would have, and the one she expected! He was upset, and soon she would see his silhouette limping into her office. She looked at Warren with eyes full of mischief and turned around to go back in her office. Now all she had to do was wait.
But after an hour, there was still no sign of House. Apart from the few phone calls she'd received, nothing and nobody had disturbed her. She was listening out to each sound, coming from outside her office door, waiting to hear the one she would finally be able to identify as his limping pace, but it never came. After a last disappointed look at her watch to confirm what she already knew, Cuddy had to resolve herself and admit that House probably wouldn't show. She sighed heavily and set her lips in bitterness. She leaned to the back of her chair and closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead to allow her some time to process the whole thing.
She was a smart woman. Proud and confident and she knew what she wanted.
He was a smart man. Egocentric and unconventional and he knew how to get what he wanted.
But she was strong and despite her being a woman in a man's world, she wasn't afraid to deal with all the constraints that came with managing a hospital, or him.
He was stubborn and despite the risks of him being wrong, he was excited by the challenge because all that mattered to him was the feeling of excitement that came along with solving puzzles.
He was her constraint, but she was his challenge.
And they would always fight because of that.
The rules were meant to be that way. They'd known each other for so long now, it was impossible to pretend the opposite. But despite that, it was also obvious that something powerful and irresistible was drawing them to each other.
Each in their own way, they were both misfits. Both their sentimental life was a mess. Both had tremendous trust issues along with self-conscious doubts sometimes. But they both worked hard to display a convincing image of a perfectly accomplished and well-balanced person. They could almost fool themselves some days. But certainly not each other.
Right from the start, there had always been some kind of a fizz between them and maybe all that it said from an outside point of view was that House only tried to push her buttons while she was just bossing him around, but so much energy spent on squabbling like they did together had to mean more than that. It should mean more than just that.
Despite all the hints and signs Cuddy was clearly seeing to prove to herself it wasn't just her imagination talking, House still hadn't showed, and she suddenly realized that even her stubbornness wouldn't outdo his in that circumstance. She felt puzzled and lost, not knowing what to do. She didn't understand what he expected her to do or if he even expected her to do something at all. The wait and the lack of answers slowly became excruciating and she couldn't take it anymore. She needed to put a name on it, once and for all, should the truth be hurtful or not. At least, if they decided to call it a mistake, she would finally be able to get over it and get back to work efficiently instead of obsessing over it in her office.
Cuddy swiftly stood up and walked out of her office, passing by Warren with a determined pace. She walked out of the clinic, headed toward the elevator and to his office.
# # # # #
When she arrived, nobody was there: Neither in his office nor in the conference room. She stood in front of House's empty desk chair, a little baffled as she had come with all those confused and bottled-up feelings boiling inside of her and was now left with nobody to vent them on.
She mentally cheered herself up, though, struggling against the emotional flow that threatened to overwhelm her. What are you complaining about? she thought. At least it means that House and his team are working on the case you gave them.
She sighed and gave a quick look around the empty office before leaving the room. On her way to the elevator, she passed by Wilson's office door. Quite out of the blue, she decided to go inside to worm a bit of information out of him since, if there was something to learn about House's state of mind, Wilson would be the one to help her decipher it.
Cuddy knocked on the door and opened it carefully, poking her head to check if he was there and if so, alone. Wilson was seated at his desk, dealing with the updating of his patients' prescriptions forms. He raised his face to her and shot her a quizzical look, surprised to see her visit him in his office for no particular reason, at least none he was aware of. Without a word, she entered the room, closed the door behind her and walked straight to his side of the desk where she sat, facing him and stretching her legs alongside his chair.
She tilted her head to the side and looked down at him, waiting for him to react and question her presence so she could engage in conversation.
Wilson purposely remained silent, conspicuously ignoring her instead, and enjoying her uneasiness, even though she was trying to act relaxed. He wasn't fooled by her effort, as the simple fact that she'd come here was certainly not motivated by a sudden urge to share hospital gossips. It didn't take a genius to understand that her seated here, now that he knew what had happened between her and House the night before, wasn't meaningless.
After House's earlier visit, admonishing him to do something, Wilson couldn't help but relish the irony of the situation. As he studied her, with her hands crossed on her lap, nervously waiting for him to start the conversation, he decided he should, indeed, help her a little. But whether he decided to interfere or not, he had to be subtle about it. There was some undeniable pleasure in observing them struggling against their powerful, mutual attraction for each other. But they both were proud and stubborn and, while Wilson knew they couldn't deny it, none of them would accept to be explicitly coached on how they should act upon their feelings.
"Something on your mind you want to talk about?" Wilson finally said, breaking the silence.
Cuddy bit her lip and pouted like a little girl who knows she's going to tell a lie but hopes no one will notice.
"Have you seen House?" she asked, in an attempt at sounding casual.
"Yes," he offered, purposely choosing to make a short, frustrating answer.
And, indeed, Cuddy immediately looked annoyed and frustrated with his quick answer. She was hoping for something more and it obviously upset her to have to ask for it. But Wilson was all about responsibility and coming to terms with your own actions. He'd tried on countless occasions to make House realize the benefit of such mature behavior but, more often than not it was a lost cause. "But maybe", he thought. "It's gonna be different with Cuddy. She's responsible. So, she'll have no problem addressing the issue and explaining why she left. Maybe she'll realize that she's hurt House and found the strength to cope with the consequences on her own."
Since he'd witnessed House's distress earlier that morning, Wilson was feeling a bit angry at Cuddy for what she'd made his friend endure so he wasn't going to just give her his blessing. She had to feel sorry for what she'd done first!
He studied her as she fidgeted on the edge on his desk, visibly fighting to decide whether she should allow herself to inquire for more details or pretend not to care. It was stronger than her, though, and Wilson started enjoying that counseling role he was playing for the two of them. He stared at her, flashing her a gentle smile but a smile that said I know better, nonetheless.
Cuddy sighed and looked down at her feet, avoiding his gaze. "She's so screwed," Wilson thought. "Let's wait and see how she tries to get herself out of this."
"And um, did you two, um, get the chance to talk?" she stammered, still trying hard to control her detachment while she carefully explored the field.
"Yes," Wilson answered, in a voice that definitely erased all trace of doubt as to whether he knew about it or not.
Cuddy sighed again, this time in resignation. Wilson looked at her, bravely stomaching the implied hint. "Of course, Wilson knows!" she seemed to say to herself, as she kept on staring at her feet, certainly thinking about the best way to walk out of here with dignity now. She looked sad and lost, too, and Wilson's anger suddenly grew bigger.
"Ha!" he thought. "Now really isn't the time to experience remorse! Dammit, she should've known what she wanted first, instead of running to House without thinking about what she was doing! She's the one who left, so she has to take responsibility for it and, most of all, she owes him an explanation."
"Cuddy," he started curtly, which caused her to lift her gaze and stare at him, with a look of guilt on her face. "You need to talk to House."
"I don't have time for that," she answered, trying to regain her composure. "I'm busy running a hospital."
Wilson's mouth dropped open in bewilderment. Wasn't she sassy, on top of it? No wonder House had a thing for her: She was just the perfect, challenging woman for him. He shook his head and glowered at her.
"Of course, you are! I wonder how you've managed to make time for this conversation, if the subject is so unimportant!"
Cuddy felt trapped by his last remark. She set her lips, slighted, but finally surrendered, as she had no choice left.
"How is he?" she asked, promptly switching from an angry to a worried tone.
Wilson sighed heavily. Now, he couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her, too. She actually looked genuinely puzzled. Still, she was the one responsible for it.
"What do you expect?" he said, a bit harshly. "He's a mess."
"Really?" she spontaneously exclaimed, her voice filled with hope.
Instantly, feeling unmasked by that burst of sincere concern, Cuddy averted her gaze.
"Well, he deserved it anyway," she quickly added, almost to herself.
Wilson glared disapprovingly at her.
"I sincerely don't understand," he said, wearily. "I mean, this is ridiculous: House cares about you. Why are you doing this to him? Or even to yourself? Now if you'll excuse me, I have a consult."
He swiftly stood up and gathered some files atop his desk. Cuddy looked at him completely taken aback by his reaction but didn't move. As Wilson walked past her, he shot her a challenging stare and, without further comment, silently made his way toward the exit. As he was about to open the door, he turned around and glanced in her direction. She was still sitting on the edge of his desk, offering her back to her.
"You know," Wilson said with a resigned smile. "If there's a prize for that stupid contest you two are competing in, I'm not sure which one of you would win it."
Cuddy turned her head to the side to look at him, her chin resting on her shoulder. She was smiling and, in her eyes, Wilson spotted a little sparkle that wasn't there the moment before.
"What contest?" she asked mischievously.
Wilson rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was totally unnecessary to add anything, as he knew she'd perfectly understood the implied comment about House being just as stubborn as she was, even if he cared. He left the room, leaving Cuddy to her thoughts.
And, by the look on her face, he was now convinced that no matter what her reasons for leaving had been, Cuddy did care about House. He could tell by the look of relief that had lit up her eyes when he'd told her that House cared about her, too.
A/N
Hi there!
I hope you still enjoy reading this story. what do you like or dislike about it? do you have any suggestions?
don't be shy: feel free to express yourself!
thank you and have a nice day! ~ maya
