Alone
Alone Chapter Nine: Vacation
The last year had been a whirlwind. Jamie never thought that he would be working at 1PP after being on the force for seven years. He didn't know what his future held. He knew things would get busy again, but until then he and Eddie were enjoying their downtime.
Jamie was having lunch with Mark, Sid's dad. It had been a while and he was looking forward on getting caught up with what was going on with the family.
"Hey Jamie." Mark said as he gave him a quick hug.
"Hey Mark. Sorry it's been a while."
"It's okay. I understand. I've been busy, we had two attorneys quit and one of the two replacements was a disaster and only lasted about a month. I know that you were promoted again, but are you still doing any consulting?"
"Since I've moved to 1PP, I've really cut down on the contract stuff. Work itself keeps me busy enough." Jamie wanted to say something about Eddie, but it's been awkward for him since he got remarried.
"I bet that makes Eddie happy. How have things been between you and your dad since you moved to 1PP?" Mark still worried about Jamie. He knew that Eddie and others had worked on improving Jamie's relationship with his family, but he knew how stubborn Jamie could be.
"It was tough at first. A lot of the brass thought I was there just because of my dad."
Mark had to stop Jamie. "No, not anyone else at the office. You and your dad. I can imagine it was hard walking into that building with your family's history there, but I want to know how you and your dad are getting along."
"It's better, and it's been better for a while now, but it's never been like what it was."
"I'm glad it's better, but what's missing?" Mark was happy to have Jamie in his life, but there were things that his dad could help with that he never could.
"Talking like we are now. It's like since I became a cop, he questions everything I'm say or do, and it's like he doesn't trust me to make my own decisions." Jamie ran a hand over his face. He hated that he and his dad weren't as close as they used to be.
"Honestly for a while, there were reasons to worry. I know that we were too. Have you really talked to him?"
"A couple times when I was there getting better from injuries, but I usually ended up having the bigger conversations with my grandpa. He listenes like you're doing now instead of judging me."
"I know that you're remarried, and you have a new father-in-law now, and that you may not always want to hang out with me anymore. I just want to know that you are taking care of yourself."
"Mark, I've known you for years and you've always been in my corner. I've always appreciated everything you've done for me. Hell, I've half expected you to fly off the handle when I announced that I was going to the academy. When you were supportive, I appreciated it more than you could ever know. I'll never be able to repay that."
"Would you be willing to work through some contracts for me? I know this is a terrible time to ask, but I'm really in need of some help. I'll pay what San Diego does, and I'll try and give you as much time as I can."
"Sure. How about I give you eight hours a week?"
"That would be amazing. Now talk to your dad."
"Okay. If I promise that I will, can we drop it?"
"Yes."
The remainder of lunch was spent talking and joking around. The food and company was good. Jamie headed back to the office in good spirits.
Frank knew that he had lunch with Sidney's dad and was wondering what was going on. He was still worried that something was going to take his son away from him. He was still trying to figure out how to get Jamie to open up to him. It wasn't easy when they were close, the fact that they still weren't as close as they used to be meant it was a lot harder. Baker informed him that Eddie was working swing shift so he decided that he was going to invite his son to dinner.
Five hours later there was a knock on his office door.
"Enter." He said without knowing who it was because he had sent Baker home to be with her family.
He was happy to see that it was Jamie that entered.
"You worked late. Everything okay?"
"Oh yeah, I had meetings at 26 Fed for most of the day, so I had to get through some paperwork and Ed's working swing shift so there wasn't a rush to get home."
"What's going on with the FBI?" Frank worried.
Jamie could see the worry in his dad's face. "Oh nothing, once a month I have a meeting with them to go over everything that we have going on where the NYPD and the FBI are involved. They do that will all agencies that could be involved in an FBI case or op. I had a few smaller case related meetings there too. It's no big deal."
"Oh, that's good. Anything of any real consequence?"
"No, right now things are still calm, and I hope that they stay that way. It seems as if many of the rats have disappeared into hiding after the big bust." Jamie laughed.
"That's good for you. You and Eddie have a big trip planned right?" Frank asked feeling much better about things.
"Yes!" Jamie exclaimed with a big sigh. "We are headed out west for two weeks." Jamie smiled.
"Do you have everything planned out?"
"Oh yeah, we booked the last hotel last night. We leave Monday morning."
"You guys deserve it. You haven't really been able to get away since you got married."
"No, and some of that's my fault, getting injured. Ed was my rock through that and when she said that she wanted an adventure out west I couldn't turn her down." Jamie smiled thankful to be so lucky a second time.
Frank wished he knew the details of their trip. He remembered the first big trip that Jamie and Sidney took together, and he knew where they were going, and some of the fun things that they had planned. At the time it was their first big break for their law firms and they both needed it. He just remembered how excited Jamie was that they were going.
"Jamie, are things better here for you now?"
"They were never that bad dad. Yeah, a few people gave me a hard time, but that's happened no matter where I've been in the department. I'm betting that Danny, and I know that Eddie deals with the same stuff. I know Joe did. He talked to me about it. It's nothing I can't handle."
"I know that you can handle anything and everything. I miss our talks. When you were at the law firm, if you had a terrible day you would come and talk to me, and I know the reason that we don't do that anymore is my fault."
"Dad, we talked about that. I've been back at family dinner for a while now. I thought that we were good?" Jamie knew where he was going, he had just talked to Mark about earlier that day, but it was easier to talk about than to confront it.
"We are, we just aren't back where we were all those years ago when I learned you were going to be one of my cops. Now you are one of my top lieutenants. Jamie you're on your way to fast tracking to Captain. The higher up you get the higher stress level gets. I know you get that better than Danny or Erin because you were still home while I was getting up higher."
"I know dad, and Eddie's figuring that out too. It's been harder for her. She got to be one of the rank and file longer than I did, and I know she's happy that she got promoted, but there are things that she misses about being in roll call instead of giving it. Hell, I miss doing roll call. I think if things had been different, I'd still be on the streets or a patrol sergeant. Out of everything I've done I enjoyed that the most."
That surprised Frank. Jamie had achieved a lot in his career. Most guys on the job are jealous of his career. "What do you mean?"
"When I was on patrol or even a patrol sergeant, I got to help people and possible stop a crime instead of coming in and cleaning things up. I know that what I'm doing now is a mixture of both, and I like what I'm doing now."
"I get that."
"Dad, it's getting late and I'm getting hungry are we going to eat or talk all night?" Jamie was tired and was ready to go home before he had to come back the next day and do it all over again.
"Yeah, let's go. What sounds good?" Frank asked.
"What if I pick up a pizza and we eat at my place?" Jamie asked finally ready to have that conversation and mend that fence.
"Sounds great."
A half an hour later they were relaxing on the couch enjoying the pizza and overall, just a lot more relaxed than they were before in his dad's office.
"Dad, Eddie, and I are starting our trip in Santa Fe, then we are off to Zion National Park for a few days, and then we are going to head up to Lake Tahoe and finish our trip at Arches National Park. We are going to unplug and relax and hike and bike and just be us."
"That sounds like a great trip. I know how much you love the outdoors and to spend time hiking and biking. I'm glad that Eddie likes doing that stuff too."
"Yeah, it's funny Sid would go with me, and she was happy to just spend time together, but Eddie has already picked out some trails for both hiking and biking that she wants to try. I know that I would have been happy with Sid for the rest of my life, but my life with Eddie is just different. I don't know maybe it's because I was already a cop when we met, and she understood what this lifestyle means, or I don't even know." Jamie trailed off at the end. Sid would always be a part of his life and Eddie respected that and she understood when he needed to talk about her.
"Danny can probably understand better than any of us what it is to lose their wife like you lost Sid, but none of us truly understand what you went through during that time. Danny said you were all business, and you understood what he was doing. I'm always here whenever you need to talk about her." Frank said understanding his current wife may not want to have those conversations.
"Eddie can see when I'm lost in thought and she can usually figure out what it's about. She let me know early on that she knows and understands that I was married before, and she knows that had she not been killed that we would still be together. She can't imagine what that entire experience was like for me, and she hopes she never has to find out, although she got close, and I wouldn't change what I did, but I feel terrible that she went through that week not knowing if I was going to live or not." Jamie had to stop before the next sentence. "She was worried that I wasn't going to come back because she knows that those, I was closest to are all gone. She was afraid that I would choose to stay with my family and not come home to her." These were the conversations that Jamie missed having with his dad because he was the only one left who understood the weight he carried.
"You have an exceptional women there. I noticed a couple photos of you and Sid in the apartment and I wondered how that conversation went." Frank laughed a little.
"It was her idea. They were up in my old place, and she said that she never wanted me to forget her. She was an important part of my life. Now her mom saw the wedding photo when she was here, and she lost it first on her for allowing it and then on me for forcing my past on her daughter. Eddie explained it to her and when she wouldn't calm down, she kicked her mom out."
"Hell. That's amazing and rough at the same time."
"Yeah well, our rift came in handy then. She knew about it, but never the entire story, and I told her all about it that night and I explained how she helped me heal and try and reinsert myself into the family more again."
"Well, I'm glad that she came into your life."
"Me too."
With that neither man had realized that they had been talking for hours and it was now after midnight and Eddie was walking through the door surprised to see lights on and her husband and father-in-law sitting there with a drink smiling.
"Hi." Eddie said tiredly. Her shift had been long.
"Eddie, wow, I didn't realize how late it was getting, I should call my detail and head home." Frank said happy with the way the night went.
"Dad, why don't you stay in our spare room tonight and tomorrow morning I'll drive you home to get clean clothes and then I'll drive you in. I'm at 1PP until three tomorrow when I have to head to the 2-9 for a meeting."
"Eddie is that okay with you?" Frank said unsure if his son should ask without checking with his wife first.
"Absolutely. I'm glad you guys had a good night. If you wouldn't have had dinner with him, he would have just worked and then worked out again and went to bed."
"At least he only has the one job now, right?" Frank laughed.
"Well, if San Diego has an emergency or it was something I worked with before they contact me, but that's only about once a month now, and today I accepted an offer to help Sid's dad out, but that's only eight hours a week." Jamie said and looked down. Eddie knew about it and understood, plus it was good money for retirement or their emergency fund.
"And only until he can hire on some replacements." Eddie said knowing Jamie would stick to that. They enjoyed their time together.
Before Frank could even get the words out. "The department knows dad, and it's all corporate and not a conflict of interest." Jamie says watching the smile appear on his dad's face.
"Is that why you had lunch with Mark today? Danny saw you guys walking out of the restaurant." Frank said not wanting Jamie to think he was spying on him.
"Part of it. We still meet up when he's in town a couple times a year. You're not the only one that was worried about me for a while. He could see when I was going off the rails, and each time I got hurt he tried everything to get me to join his firm, even offered to make me partner just because he was afraid, I was going to get myself killed and he didn't want to lose another child."
"Ok, well good night kids." Frank said and headed off into the bedroom.
Sunday dinner was a fun event filled with each member of the family talking about their favorite vacations since Jamie and Eddie were getting ready to leave town for two weeks. They were both excited, but tired. Each of them had been called in for an extra tour on Saturday. Jamie had been called in to sub for another lieutenant who was sick and had a drug bust going on in his precinct.
Monday morning Jamie and Eddie made their way to the airport ready to make their way to Albuquerque so they could begin two weeks of relaxation and they couldn't be interrupted by work. They had nice lunch and then made the drive up to Santa Fe. Eddie couldn't wait to go to the first art museum and Jamie was excited about their first hike.
"It's so beautiful here." Eddie said staring out the window as they made their way to their hotel in Santa Fe.
"It is and the air is so clean. Could you ever live anywhere other than New York?" Jamie asked knowing his answer, but not hers.
"I don't know. I've always lived in and around New York. I think it might be weird not living in or close to the city. What about you?" Eddie was curious with his answer. He'd spent most of his life in Brooklyn or Manhattan.
"I lived in Boston for a while, and I liked it, but then again that was still another big city. Looking at everything out here and not hearing the sounds of the city would be weird at first, but I don't know that I would hate it." Jamie said not really answering her question.
When they got to their hotel, they saw that they could walk to quite a few different places and found a nice restaurant to walk to for dinner. Santa Fe was meant to be relaxing so they could just be the two of them not the cops that they were at home. The next few days went by faster than either one wanted, but they had a lot of fun. They began each morning walking to a cute little coffee shop and after enjoying their coffee they would make their way to have some breakfast while they discussed what activities that they wanted to that day.
When they arrived in Vegas Eddie was tired and not looking forward to the two-hour drive to Zion but knew it would be nice once they arrived. She didn't know that they were not headed to Zion until the next day, because Jamie had reserved a room at the Bellagio some shopping at Fashion Show and dinner at Capital Grill. Overall a night in civilization before they spent the next three nights at Zion Lodge where they wouldn't have some of the modern comforts that they were used to.
"Jamie, why are we driving down the strip?"
"Because we head to Zion tomorrow. I have a surprise for you." He smiled knowing that as much as she loved doing the things he did, she did love the creature comforts that she grew up with.
Eddie gave Jamie the biggest hug once they were checked into their room that had a view of the fountains.
"Next, we are headed for a little shopping and then a nice dinner so dress nice but with comfy shoes that you are okay walking in. The restaurant is at the mall so we will be ready for dinner."
"Jamie, this is so sweet. Thank you for doing this."
Shopping and dinner were just what Eddie needed. She was able to buy a few things she wanted and a few things she was going to need in Zion and Arches but wasn't sure if she was going to be able to get them. Dinner was amazing. The steak, prosciutto wrapped mozzarella and the chocolate cake were amazing.
The following day they woke up early and headed to Zion for three days of hiking. The lodge is beautiful and peaceful, and they could connect with each other and nature in ways that they never could because of the constant noise and all the people. Jamie could spend all day in the mountains. Their three days there went by faster than either one of them could imagine and before they knew it they were back at the air port headed to Reno so they could spend two nights in Lake Tahoe before ending their trip at Arches in Utah.
Overall, the trip was what they needed. Jamie knew that going home meant things would return to normal and they would be thrust back into their busy lives.
Jamie ended up working for Mark for about a year until he was able to get two good new attorneys in the firm to handle the load. Jamie said that he would help out when needed but was ready to focus on his wife and the NYPD only. He quit the firm in San Diego for good, thanking them, but was ready to put that part of his life to bed.
When Jamie started in his new position, he found some areas that could be improved when working with other agencies and wrote proposals so that they could be improved. It took a while and some revisions, but they were passed, and they were not put in place for the other two lieutenants that shared his position and all of the captains, lieutenants, and detectives in the field were required to go through the training. Frank was impressed and it was something that he wouldn't have seen, but definitely needed improvement.
Two years later big changes were being made in the family. Frank had decided that he was tired and was ready to retire. He loved his cops, but Henry's health had recently declined, and he wanted to spend more time with his dad. Danny decided to retire too, he got an offer for private security that he couldn't turn down. A year earlier Danny and Maria decided to start a relationship that ended their partnership, and Danny hadn't liked anyone else that he was riding with. Maria decided to retire and took a job at a private security firm. The hours were better, and she was enjoying life. A few weeks earlier in a small wedding that was family only Danny and Maria got married. Jamie and Danny had been getting along better than they had through most of their lives. Eddie had taken the lieutenant's exam and passed and was going to be promoted by her father-in-law one last time. Jamie had taken the Captain's exam was again passed with a near perfect score and placed first. He would be at the same ceremony with Eddie. His first public promotion ceremony since he had made the decision to stop working undercover assignments. Jamie would be staying at 1PP and taking over the for the Captain that lead his unit because he was retiring too. The future was bright for the family.
It took Jamie a while to realize that being alone in life didn't bring happiness or protect him from all of the heartache that he had suffered in his life, but his time alone taught him how to deal with that loss. He learned that he needed people. His life improved the more time he spent with the living and less time at the cemetery.
The End
I want to thank everyone for following and leaving such nice reviews about this story. I appreciate all of you.
All of you have encouraged me to keep writing so watch out more Blue Bloods Jamie stories to come.