new chapter: well, the sea on which the "Huddy ship" is sailing is not a mill pond... but hold on tight to the mast, sailors! keep your faith and Huddy will live through the storm

** CHAPTER 20 **

House wasn't in a diplomatic state of mind when he barged into Cuddy's office. She welcomed him with a soft smile that soon faded when she saw he'd brought his team with him. She sent him an inquiring look, silently asking why he wasn't alone. House answered with a smirk, and she felt a little befuddled, but mostly hurt to see he hadn't found a way to make time for them, at least just a few minutes, even though she was well aware that the purpose of him being in her office was to discuss the medical status of his patient and not some kind of a secret date at work. She still thought they could have spent a moment alone, just the two of them.

House's fellows stood in a line just behind him and it quickly became pretty obvious that they weren't at ease with the situation, either. House took a step forward to come closer to Cuddy's desk and stopped just across from it, looking at her – staring at her. His gaze was intense and, as he detailed every inch of her, from her beautiful face to her enticing cleavage and the toned legs he knew were crossed underneath her desk, it felt as if a knife was repeatedly stabbing him in the eyes, with images of her body, naked, doing all sorts of things to his body…

He held his breath and tried to focus. "The best defense is a good offense." That adage had always proven useful for House, especially when he was in pain, and even more so when the pain was emotional. Now was the perfect illustration for it.

"Dr. Cuddy!" he exclaimed petulantly, making her slightly jump on her chair at the sound of his tone, "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes," she answered calmly, looking him straight in the eyes. "I wanted to see you. So why did you have to bring them?" She pointed at the team with her chin without taking her eyes off of him.

"I'm here for my patient. My patient is their patient. They do whatever I tell them to do to treat her. They're involved. So, they want to know what stupid decision you came up with that will prevent them from saving a life today."

Cuddy tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at House, intrigued. She was sensing his anger and his need to confront her but, she couldn't tell why.

"Last time I checked your patient was still alive," she said, putting her elbows on her desk and cupping her chin with her hands.

"Maybe while we're having this completely unnecessary discussion, she's not anymore."

The verbal ping pong could have lasted forever if she'd allowed to go on like that without focusing on the medical decision she knew they had to agree on first.

"You can't do a hysterectomy on your patient, considering her current status," she cut him short, getting directly to the point.

"Ha!" He smirked. "What do you know about her medical status?"

His voice was becoming louder and his tone angrier. She tried to stay calm and not let her emotions get the best of her. She needed to put the woman in her aside to let the doctor speak. Otherwise, she knew she would have no chance to succeed in convincing him to be reasonable for once.

"I know that performing a hysterectomy on a patient that's just recovering from massive internal bleeding is dangerous and possibly life threatening. I can't let you do that. Treat her with antibiotics instead."

"We already gave her antibiotics. It didn't work," House objected, getting closer to the desk.

"That's because you didn't wait long enough for the antibiotics to take effect," Cuddy said straightening herself on her chair and staring intensely at him.

"If we don't remove that girl's uterus, she'll be dead before the first dose has time to kick in."

"You can't be sure she will be."

"You can't be sure she won't be!"

Cuddy set her lips and clenched her jaw, allowing herself to take a short pause to process what was happening: House was leaning with both hands on his cane's handle and by the way he was standing, with his injured leg barely touching the floor, she could tell he was in pain. His head was tilted to the side, and he was intensely scrutinizing her, but she couldn't decipher his thoughts. His gaze was impenetrable. There was nothing but anger behind his eyes and she became even more confused.

Why would he act like that? She glanced behind him and saw his team, waiting docilely in line, eyes cast downward, and hands crossed behind their backs. There was absolutely no point in them being here. She and House could have had this conversation without them in the room. So why did he have to bring them? What was the point? She took a deep breath and inwardly wished for that awkward situation to end as quickly as possible.

"Start her on Metronidazole," she began. "It's a stronger ATB and-"

"I know what Metronidazole is!" House snapped. "Could be toxic. There're risky side effects-"

"You're telling me an antibiotic which could cure her infection is risky because it has side effects, but removing her uterus is fine?

Cuddy was starting to feel upset herself because of their silly discussion. House wasn't even objecting with rational arguments, anyway, as the only thing that seemed to interest him was to contradict her, whatever she would say.

"House, she's twenty-one years old," she tried to explain calmly to him, almost unconsciously begging him to stop this escalating power play he was forcing her into. "If we proceed with the hysterectomy, she'll never be able to have children again. Don't you think we should at least wait twenty-four hours before considering that radical solution?"

House leaned forward and looked her right in the eyes with a piercing blue gaze that sent chills down her spine.

"Who cares if she can't have babies anymore?" he lashed out hysterically. "She doesn't give a damn about babies! And it may be too late anyway. She's had too many abortions already and she probably will never be able to get pregnant again."

"Well, you don't know that!" Cuddy insisted stubbornly, not resigning herself to give up. "And she's young. Getting pregnant might not be her priority right now, but later-"

"You're not serious, are you?" House sniggered, shaking his head. "God! I'm telling you she is going to die if we don't do the surgery. Wishing everything is going to be fine just because there's a remote possibility that she could suddenly want a baby some day in twenty years isn't enough good a reason to risk killing her now!"

"I'm not wishing," Cuddy contradicted him. "I'm just considering every option in the best interest of the patient-"

"No! You're just blinded by your own desire to have a child. You're thinking with your heart when you should be thinking with your brain. But for that, it'd require for you to have one that's medically useful!"

Cuddy silently withstood the malicious comment and inhaled deeply through her nose to force herself to remain calm. However, it was obvious that House's snide remark had emotionally shaken her.

"This has nothing to do with me or the fact that I wanted to adopt a child!" she said, bitterness registering in her tone.

"See?" House exclaimed cynically. "You're admitting you don't need a uterus to have a child. Why don't you just go see the patient to break the good news to her? But of course, don't tell her about your story. You'd better make it sound hopeful if you want her to sign the form-"

Cuddy gaped, feeling hurt. House was being intentionally mean. She knew, he'd never say something out of sheer spite just to hurt her. He'd have to have a reason. She bit her bottom lip and stared at him with sadness in her eyes.

But the look House sent her back was saying nothing other than what his words already told her. He resented her. But why? In that very moment, Cuddy felt the need to be alone with him to have a chance to understand the reasons behind his uncalled-for snappishness. But his lackeys were all there, standing in a row behind him, obviously ill-at-ease, and doing nothing except being undesired witnesses of a fight that seemed to turn into something more personal by the minute, and Cuddy desperately wanted to avoid it.

She needed to be physically close to House. Touch him. Really look in the depth of his eyes. She knew that if she could do that, she'd be able to tell if he was sincere or if that little act of his was just a masquerade. If they were alone in that room, she'd stand up and come near him and she would wait just an inch far from his face to be sure that his spitefulness was serious, or founded, and that he indeed didn't want her close to him. Yes, first she needed to know that. Understanding would come afterward. She was so puzzled in that moment while, in fact, the truth was she wanted him to be soft and gentle like he'd proven to her he could be. She was missing his tender side.

House's reaction was totally unexpected. Of course, Cuddy more or less expected that their first confrontation regarding a medical issue would undeniably be weird and that he wouldn't let go that easily. He was House after all, and she'd expected nothing less from him than a fierce resistance to her decision. But she thought he'd be reasonable and that it'd end with them agreeing to find a satisfying common ground: He'd give the patient a stronger antibiotic, and if things weren't getting better in the next twenty-four hours, then he would do the surgery.

Instead, he was stubbornly standing up to her, not even with real, valid medical arguments to convince her, only a solid will to mess things up and say nasty things to her for no reason, or maybe just to hurt her? But why would he want to hurt her? She glanced at House's team, who was still trying hard to pretend not to be here and stood embarrassed, looking down. She caught Foreman's gaze and although Cuddy was well aware that what she was about to do would probably sound utterly awkward, unusual and suspicious, she still needed to do it if she wanted to have a chance to get answers.

"Will you excuse us, please," she said in a determined voice. "Dr. House and I need to finish this conversation alone."

In one collegial movement that felt like the energy of relief, the ducklings started to turn around to leave the room. House stared at Cuddy, and she caught a fleeting glimpse of surprise in his eyes. He soon regained composure, and promptly held his hand up in the air, gesturing to his team to stand still.

"No one is going anywhere!" he opposed sturdily.

Everyone puffed, upset, but still docilely returned to where they were standing the second before.

"Why are they here anyway?" Cuddy sighed wearily.

"They're here because I knew you wouldn't listen to me," House explained. "They're here to tell you exactly the same thing I just told you. I want you to face them and repeat to them what you've said to me. That way we'll see if you still stubbornly stand up for your stupid medical decisions or if the only reason you're making them right now is because of me."

Cuddy widened her eyes in bafflement, and she tipped her head down, rubbing her forehead with the palm of her hand as if she wanted to remove the feeling of incredulousness out of her mind, or wake her up from a nightmare. When she raised her head again, she opened her mouth to say something but House, who was waiting for the most perfectly annoying timing, interrupted her before she could say a word.

"Kutner!" he exclaimed limping toward his team. "Explain to Dr. Cuddy here why you think our patient should have a dangerous surgery that could save her life instead of a safe treatment that could kill her."

Kutner's eyebrows shot up in surprise, clearly indicating he didn't know what to say.

"C'mon Kutner, don't be shy," House encouraged him with a nod. "She seems impressive from this side of the room, but believe me-"

"HOUSE!" Cuddy suddenly shouted, feeling worn out and stoutly resolute to put an end to this.

House spun around to face her. When he saw the fierce look in her gaze, he clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes, staring at her even more intensely than he had during their conversation. It's as if he knew he'd just overstepped the line and that what Cuddy was about to say would be her definite and unwavering decision.

"You're not doing the hysterectomy. You're going to monitor the patient closely for the post-bleeding and start her on Metronidazole for the next twenty-four hours, at least."

"So, you're saying we should let her die?"

"No. I'm saying we should try to save her by any other means."

"This is completely stupid. You're making the wrong decision."

Cuddy stared intensely at him and imperceptibly bit her upper lip, looking sadder than she was angry, and feeling more puzzled than she was upset. She took a deep breath to muster the courage to say what she needed to say in order to end their escalating argument.

"I'm your boss. I have veto power over your medical decisions."

House closed his eyes for a second as if she'd slapped him in the face. He'd said those exact words to her the night he'd come to her house when she'd asked him to tell her why he needed her. Hearing her using his confession against him then, in that particular context, crushed him even more than the whole conversation already had. He opened his eyes and smirked bitterly.

Maybe it was just her way of getting even with him. He knew she would. He was mean to her and a part of him understood she had to do this. But still, somehow, he thought things would be different, when in fact, he should have known that they never really changed: They were just destined to be irretrievably the same. He looked at her and smiled ironically to hide the deep hurt he was feeling.

"Are we done?" he asked, highlighting the double-meaning in his question with the intensity of his gaze.

Cuddy immediately caught that look in his eyes and her breath speeded up. She glanced at House's team, still standing in front of her office's door, but it suddenly felt like she was alone in the room with him. Their eyes locked and they stared at each other in silence for a long while.

At some point, it began too painful for Cuddy to sustain his gaze. Too many unspoken questions remained hidden underneath his stare and she wanted them answered. But she was trapped. She couldn't just demand then what she wanted to know because they were both in her office, and they were supposed to discuss a medical case, over which they just had a fight. She'd just made her decision clear anyway. So, she had to stick with the context, and not fall into the trap.

"Yes, we're done," she answered, feeling a pang of hurt tug at her heartstrings.

For a fleeting second, she caught the sadness in House's eyes, too, but then he swiftly turned his back to her and addressed his team.

"You all heard the Dean, right? No hysterectomy today!" He promptly swirled around to face her again and then spoke to his team while looking her straight in her eyes. "But who knows? Maybe tomorrow, thanks to her, we'll get to do an autopsy, instead!"

Cuddy stomached that last barb with a stoic smile. House's fellows started to leave the room one by one, not daring to glance in her direction. When the last one had walked out of her office, House who was about to do the same, stopped at the threshold, his hand clutching the knob. He turned around and sent her one last, longing stare filled with anger and hurt.

"Dr. Cuddy," he said solemnly.

She stared back at him, her eyes filled with sadness and bafflement.

"Dr. House," she barely managed to articulate.

And then, she watched him leave her office with an accentuated limp.

(...)