** CHAPTER 21 **

The day had slowly gone by. Cuddy had buried herself in work to forget about her awful and incomprehensible fight with House earlier. She was incapable of comprehending what had happened. She wasn't even quite sure she'd gotten it all right. She hadn't seen House again afterward, but she knew he'd done what she'd told him to. She'd spent most of her afternoon out of her office, going from one department to another, getting updates on the patients, collecting doctors' grievances for their own specialties.

In the evening, she was pretty exhausted and ended up in the E.R where an unusual quietness was filling the air. There weren't a lot of patients waiting to be treated and the night staff had just arrived to take their shift. She spotted Cameron standing at the desk and sorting the files of the day. Cuddy slowly approached her. When she saw her, Cameron greeted her with a smile.

"So," she asked, "how's House's patient?"

Cuddy timidly smiled back, and her eyebrows imperceptibly arched in surprise. Why would Cameron assume she wanted to talk about House? Maybe because, actually, she did. It was stronger than her: Truth is, he was haunting her thoughts and she needed to hear his name mentioned in a conversation, or just share a comment about him. But Cuddy was proud and instead, she pretended not to care.

"She's lucky she's still alive. She seems stable right now. But we have to wait to be sure."

"Chase told me the surgery was cancelled."

Cuddy smiled ironically. She'd forgotten how fast the news travelled in this place. Suddenly she felt panic pervade her. What if she'd made the wrong decision? What if she was the stubborn one and was unable to see House's true logical arguments correctly? What if she'd been wrong to insist that they give the patient antibiotics when maybe the right and reasonable solution was to do the surgery? She looked at Cameron as uncertainty reflected in her eyes.

"Do you think House's patient needed the hysterectomy after all?"

Cameron looked at her, intrigued by her query but, most of all, by the fact that her tone indicated she was raising it as a legitimate question. She narrowed her eyes and studied her boss' face. Cuddy looked confused, tired, and genuinely worried but not really by the medical case. Cameron thought about the conversation she had in the cafeteria during lunch time with Foreman and Chase. If there was any doubt about that, she clearly had her answer right in front of her.

"House is a jerk," she said evenly, offering Cuddy what she probably wanted or even needed to hear with that simple statement. "He'll do anything to be right and have the last word, but you made the right call. Antibiotics are the most cautious approach in her condition. It's the right decision to make."

Cuddy smiled sheepishly at her and looked slightly embarrassed as she understood that Cameron had clearly seen beyond her simple question and wasn't just talking about the medical case. She didn't know how to react, so she averted her gaze, not really knowing how to end the conversation or how to leave without making it look like an awkward moment of uneasiness.

Cameron read that fleeting emotion as shyness, and it confirmed her insight about House and Cuddy probably having an affair. She looked at her boss and realized how painful and hard it might be for her to have to argue with a man she had feelings for.

"Being House's boss doesn't necessarily mean you have to fight with him all the time," Cameron said to her in a soft, reassuring tone.

Cuddy tilted her head to the side and stared at Cameron, wondering where that comment came from but feeling too weary to analyze its meaning further. She sighed. In any case, she wasn't ready to open up to Cameron, or to anyone, about House and her. She was still well aware that their conversation wasn't just professional, so she still tried to put up a brave face.

"House is a stubborn, capricious child. He never listens to anyone but himself," she answered shrugging, trying to sound as detached as possible.

Cameron smiled but remained silent. She looked at Cuddy with eyes telling her that she knew what she meant and that she understood how it felt. She looked at Cuddy with eyes that said she'd been there, too, had doubts herself and hopes about House. Finally, she looked at her with eyes saying she was happy, now, and wished Cuddy to be happy as well.

Cuddy nodded and smiled back. There was one question still lying behind her sad, light-blue eyes though: Was it worth it?

Not a single word was uttered but everything was said within that intense exchange of gazes between the two women. Cameron took another pile of files and Cuddy straightened herself up.

"Well, good evening then," she said a little embarrassed, before walking away.

"Good evening," Cameron answered back.

# # # # # #

Evening already, Cuddy thought as she headed back to her office, sighing, and feeling powerless and weak. She felt overwhelmed and all she needed then was some moment alone to forget about the tension of the last hours. She passed in front of Warren's desk and silently greeted him with a nod. She locked herself in her office and walked to her desk, where she sat, closing her eyes, and breathing slowly.

The day had flown by, and it was so intensely emotional. Every hour had been filled with so many different, mixed feelings. Cuddy opened her eyes and stared blankly in front of her but in the emptiness of her office, the only thing that she saw was that spot, across her desk, where House had stood just hours before. She could still picture his tall, lean body there, as he'd said those hurtful, horrible things to her.

How could he be so spiteful and yet so gentle at the same time? She'd always known House wasn't just the total jerk that a first impression after meeting him left to most people. There was so much more to him than just the grumpiness, the cantankerousness, or the malice. Yes, Cuddy knew he was so much more than a bitter man, completely closed up.

Over the past two days, during their most intimate moments, Cuddy had discovered another hidden part of his softer side, and it was even more delightful than anything she'd ever fantasized about. But it wasn't all there was to discover about him. And it was certainly not the reason why she'd felt drawn to him in the first place, a long time ago.

House was like a mysterious land, where every kind of danger could occur at each corner of the road, but a land where delicious, intoxicating fruits could be found there only, growing on trees that existed in no other places. In so many ways, he was still an uncharted territory and Cuddy wanted to be the one who would conquer it.

She knew it wasn't going to be an easy battle, though, but House had made her feel like she could try. Because he'd let her believe she could be that person. By the way he'd looked at her and made her feel beautiful and desired. By the way he'd held her in his arms and made her feel protected. By the way he'd allowed her to see his pain or allowed himself to show her his sadness.

She'd believed it was possible. And she wanted to see that man today so much. Instead, the one who'd shown up in her office was the darker version of that man, one that'd yelled and snapped at her; one who'd been controversial just for the sake of it, as if he wanted to add fuel to the fire and seize every occasion to be mean, just to unleash an anger that she didn't understand. Still, wherever that anger was coming from, Cuddy knew something specific had upset him because she knew House enough to recognize when he was fighting his demons.

And this time, as incomprehensible as it seemed, she'd had the disconcerting sensation that she was the catalyst. It'd made her feel totally helpless. "Are we done?" he'd asked when he perfectly knew she could only answer with a 'yes'. She hated herself for saying it.

But he was the one who'd triggered it, and cornered her, leaving her no choice by bringing his team in… and for what? Except create more awkwardness and unsettling feelings, making it impossible for them to have a decent, quiet conversation and show they were capable of handling this like adults. It was pure provocation, of that Cuddy was certain, because House would never mean what it implied for real. She'd caught that glimpse in the corner of his gaze: sadness, resignation, disappointment.

She'd felt angry at herself, then when she couldn't oppose a strong 'no' to House's question. But they weren't done. No. Cuddy sure didn't want them to be, and she also wanted him to feel the same strong certainty about it that she was. She didn't want House to doubt them.

When she'd finally resigned herself to put an end to their conversation, saying they were, indeed, done, she'd wanted to scream no, from the top of her lungs. She'd wanted to yell, get up and run to him. She could have slapped him in the face then, or kissed him, anything to set off a reaction and not have to face that awful, silent stare of his, instead.

As she was sitting alone in her office, Cuddy was reliving that unsettling moment and another pang of sorrow hit her in the chest. She shrank to stomach the pain and her elbow hit a file on the corner of her desk. The file slowly slid from the top of the pile, down to the edge of the desk, starting out a chain reaction and, before she could prevent the disaster from happening, the entire pile of documents fell on the floor with a heavy thud.

She looked down at the number of papers spread all over her carpeted floor and all the mess in front of her eyes suddenly made her even more painfully aware of the mess she had created with House and how helpless she felt about it. Realization hit her and, just like that, it opened the floodgates and all the tears she'd tried to hold back all day started to flow freely.

She cried almost silently, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. After a few minutes, during which she gave in to the irrepressible and soothing sensation, she wiped her tears away with her fingertips, feeling sad but relieved. She took one long, deep breath to calm herself down and kneeled down to gather the papers that were lying on the floor: faxes, order flowcharts, last month activity tables, meeting reports… She methodically sorted them out, until she collected a sheet of paper that strangely seemed to belong to none of the categories she'd listed.

The sheet was blank and, attached to it by a paper clip, there was a smaller one, folded in two. Something was drawn on the folded piece of paper. Cuddy took the paper clip off and held the sheet in front of her eyes. Her heart started to beat faster when she saw what the drawing represented: A house, childishly framed, but however perfectly identifiable. She grabbed the edge of her desk with her hand to pull herself up. Her hands slightly trembling, she unfolded the sheet of paper and when she recognized the handwriting and read what was written on the paper, her heart almost skipped a beat.

MY PLACE, TONIGHT?

She looked at her desk in bewilderment. Where was the paper lying? She hadn't seen it, and yet, it must have been somewhere… It didn't matter, though. The most important thing was what the message undeniably told her: House had come back, after their fight, to write her that note. Three words, straight to the point. No pointlessly long speech, no excuse either… just typical House.

She smiled and felt suddenly so light she could have flown there, to his place, in a flash. She put up a good front instead and walked toward Warren's desk with a determined pace.

"Warren?" she asked. "Has Dr. House come to my office today?"

Warren stared at Cuddy, dumbstruck, visibly completely taken aback by her question. In times like this, when she approached him to ask about something he thought she already knew, he could never tell if she was serious or if, maybe, she was testing him.

"Uh-" he said, gulping, "Dr. House was there this morning with the other doctors, because you asked him to come."

Cuddy looked at Warren and shook her head.

"Yes, Warren, thank you! I remember that!" she answered with a smirk. "I'm asking you if he came this afternoon, while I was not in my office."

"Oh. Sorry Dr. Cuddy, but no. Dr. House didn't come to your office while you were absent. Not this afternoon."

"What do you mean not this afternoon?" Cuddy inquired, her curiosity instantly piqued by Warren's little slip of the tongue.

Warren bowed his head in embarrassment. He'd totally forgotten to mention House's visit the day before and, truth is, he'd done it deliberately. If he were being honest, he wasn't really proud of himself and, most of all, not ready to admit to his boss that he'd been completely fooled by Dr. House who'd played him to find his way into Dr. Cuddy's office. So, of course, he hadn't told her about the incident.

And now, she'd probably found out that House had nosed around her personal stuff, and she was mad at him but, since he wasn't around, she'd soon be mad at him. As there was no point in trying to hide it, Warren thought he might as well tell her the truth.

"Dr. House was not here this afternoon, but he was here yesterday. He came by in the afternoon to see you but, you were at-"

"Princeton General," Cuddy completed, more talking to herself than actually answering Warren, "And I didn't come back here after, I-"

She interrupted herself and the expression on her face changed as if she'd just had an epiphany about what had probably caused that huge and stupid misunderstanding between House and her.

"Warren, did Dr. House go in my office while I wasn't there?" she asked hopefully. "I mean yesterday, did you let him in?"

Warren seemed embarrassed and anxious to answer. Cuddy looked at him with wide eyes.

"Warren, it's important," she encouraged him, in the softest and most neutral tone she could muster.

"I, uh, you know, I tried to stop him-" Warren started unsure.

A fond smile curled Cuddy's lips upward and she breathed out a short sigh of relief.

"Yes, of course you did," she said.

She turned on her heel and walked back in her office without waiting for Warren's explanation. She took her coat then, and hastily turned her computer off. She checked her watch, grabbed House's note on her desk and slid it inside her pocket.

No, they weren't done. It wouldn't be over until she'd hear House say that it was, eye to eye, with no one else but the two of them in the room. It couldn't be the end. Not now and not like that. They'd lived nothing so far, had shared so little. and she wanted to have more memories with him, more of his skin against hers, more of his mischievous eyes on her.

So, unless House would refuse to open his door to her, Cuddy was firmly resolute to make him understand exactly that.

A/N

Hi everyone! I hope you're doing great!

I'm in an awfully good mood, which is kind of suspicious and odd since tomorrow I'm going back to work... ouch! that'll hurt! Well, that's totally irrelevant I know, but I just needed to say it.

anyway! THANK YOU all for your kind reviews and the compliments about my English! God, you can't imagine how big a kick that is!

carpe diem ~ maya

ps: sorry for House's snarky attack about the baby's adoption thing in the previous chapter, I know it was a foreseeable one... but, it was pure mean fun! :-)