new chapter, and its philosophy says: This is a man's world, this is a man's world... but it wouldn't be nothing, nothing! without a woman or a girl…

** CHAPTER 23 **

They locked eyes and stared intensely at each other, both waiting for the other one to answer the question first. But they kept silent instead, not ready to phrase it aloud, yet, or even acknowledge to themselves what the answer would be if they both stopped pretending.

It was a frightening sensation, as much for House as it was for Cuddy. There were still a lot of things they needed to say to each other, a lot of confessions to make. And there were still a lot of feelings that they kept hidden from each other, not ready to share them all, or the storm it'd set off within them.

But however big the effort to deny them was, from then on at least, they knew perfectly well they wouldn't be able to pretend that they didn't care anymore. Not after having struggled to earn a bit of trust from one another and not after having chased each other, silently proving how much they needed to be together. Maybe they were not ready to admit it but, despite their resistance, they'd both forcefully struggled to start a relationship and, somehow, they'd already shown each other how much they wanted it to work.

Cuddy cleared her throat to break the silence and House looked at her intrigued. She smiled, stretching out her arm to touch his hand with hers and laced her fingers with his.

"You have a lot to do to make it up to me, you know," she said, gently tickling the back of his hand with her nails.

He let out a quiet laugh and came closer.

"Really?" he inquired. "So, where do I start?"

Removing his hand from hers, he cupped her cheek in his palm. She covered his hand with hers, and delicately slid it to her mouth. She kissed his palm and brushed the hollow of his wrist with her lips.

"I'm hungry," she whispered, blowing a warm breath into his sleeve, and rubbing her nose against his skin.

"Yeah, me too," he replied with a knowing smile.

"No. I mean, really hungry." She laughed. "I drove here directly from the hospital."

House smiled tenderly at her, and she pursed her lips in an adorable pout. Taking the cue, he got up and stood, looking down at her.

"I'm warning you, I might have nothing decent to offer you."

"That's fine. Anything with no meat inside-"

"Yep, exactly what I meant by 'nothing decent' but if that's fine by you."

He shook his head theatrically and started to walk toward the kitchen. She watched him leave and finally relaxed, plopping down in the couch, and sighing in relief.

Noises of House rummaging through the cupboards loudly started echoing from the kitchen and she smiled.

"Do you need some help?" she offered stretching her neck in his direction but unable to spot him there.

"No," he shouted back. "Stay right where you are!"

Shortly after, he came back from the kitchen carrying a tray with him. He put it on the coffee table in front of the couch and she straightened up to see what he'd brought. She couldn't repress a disappointed pout when she saw what was on the tray.

"That's it?" she teased. "An apple and some cookies?"

She regretted saying that the second it came out of her mouth, but it was too late to take it back.

"Sorry I didn't cook you dinner," House replied, sounding a little hurt. "I wasn't expecting your visit tonight!"

Then she saw the two glasses and the bottle, and she felt terrible.

"What's that?" she asked sheepishly.

"Wine."

"White wine," she specified carefully.

"Yeah, white wine," he repeated evenly.

"I thought that was a typical female drink."

She looked at him and he instantly averted his eyes but not before she could catch the look of hurt in his gaze. She realized he'd probably bought the bottle of wine especially for her and although there was nothing that she could do to change that, not to mention that it wasn't even her fault, she still felt sad and a little bit guilty for not having seen his note on time to be here with him the night before.

"House, I'm sorry," she said, gently touching his arm.

He turned to face her and there was confusion in the depth of his eyes.

"Why do you want me?" he asked her, out of the blue.

"What?"

"Why do you keep chasing me? Why me?"

Cuddy's eyes widened with surprise, and she gaped, taken aback by his query. She hadn't asked herself the question in those terms. Why would she have? She wanted to be with him and no one else. That's how it was and there was nothing to add. She didn't feel the need to wonder why. It felt more like evidence and evidence never needed to be explained or rationalized to exist as powerfully as they did. It wasn't something she could fight. Or maybe, it wasn't something she wanted to fight.

"Do I really need to have a reason for this?" she said.

"Yes," House said stubbornly.

She bit her bottom lip and looked him straight in the eyes. Not knowing how to say it didn't mean she wasn't able to feel that indisputable connection between them. And she knew he felt it too.

"We- we are great together."

"You mean we have great sex?"

She stared at him perplexed. And an awkward silence settled between them.

"Answer me!" he exclaimed impatiently.

"YES!" she almost shouted, carried away by the growing tension. "Is that a bad thing? Should I be ashamed? Come on House, you, of all the men, can't play the shocked card with me here. Besides, you know that's not the only reason."

"Then, why are you attracted to me?" he insisted.

"You're a brilliant doctor."

"I'm always arguing with you. I'm a pain in the ass."

"You're challenging," she corrected.

"I'm a jerk."

"You are. But not all the time."

"I made you cry," he stated in a sorry voice, looking down at his feet.

"You didn't mean to, did you?"

She came close to him, and delicately touched his thigh, then she slid her hand under his. Without lifting his eyes, he seized her hand and squeezed it in his.

"I'll hurt you. I'm everything except the right guy for you."

"What do you know about what is or isn't right for me?"

"Because I know what you want!" he said hoarsely, looking at her again.

In his deep, blue eyes, Cuddy could see how terrified and lost he seemed to be.

"And what do I want?" she asked him in a soft tone.

"You're a control freak. You want things to be exactly the way you've decided they should be."

"Why should it be a problem?"

"Because you can't be happy like that! Because things will not always be like you want them to! I will not always be like you want me to. I can't."

"I know. I don't expect you to."

"Yes, you do. Because you don't see me, you see the man you'd like me to be."

"House, that's not true," she contradicted him, feeling hurt. "I'm not stupid. I know you're not flawless. I can deal with that."

"No, you can't. And you won't."

"That's not your call to decide-"

"I know you blame me for what happened today," he whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I confronted you. I stood up to you."

"I'm your boss. I will always be the person you confront."

"Are you telling me you like that?"

"I don't like or dislike that. That's my job, that's all."

"See? You think arguing with me is a job-"

"House, you'll always want to cross the lines. You can't do things in the standard, usual way. You need to create conflict. It helps you solve the puzzle. Someone needs to be here to fix the limits."

"That's too much screwed-up. It can't work."

"Don't use that argument against me. Maybe the problem isn't that you're afraid of hurting me. Maybe the problem is you're afraid I might hurt you. Maybe you're not comfortable with me being your boss. But I'm here to enforce the rules. And you're no exception, like it or not."

"And there we go! You're playing bossy again! Man, do you like that!"

She stared at him in shock.

"This is so unfair! You question your ability to deal with me as your boss, should we try to start something together and you're saying this is my fault?"

She withdrew her hand from his and straightened up on the couch.

"You have no right to decide for both of us if it can or cannot work," she continued. "Being your boss is what I have to do. I don't get excited or thrilled by our little arguments, you know-"

"Yeah sure," he muttered under his breath.

"Someone has to keep an eye on you and remind you about the rules whenever you think you need to do completely insane and dangerous things to solve a case. Because you think you're always right."

"I'm always right," he provoked.

"No House, not always, you're not. There's a reason why I'm doing this. And you know it. You deflect and you argue, but you know someone has to bring your twisted mind back to reality when needed. I know you don't like that, and I know that's why you fight me, contradict me and piss me off, but you know I'm right."

"And I'm the one who thinks they're always right?!" he sassed.

"You're making a joke out of this. But this is not a joke," she said sounding disappointed. "You're deflecting so you won't have to face what the real problem is."

"Really, and what real problem is that?"

"There's a chance you and I could work but the truth is, it scares the hell out of you. Yes, House: You're not afraid we might fail. You're afraid we might not. Despite me being your boss and you being a pain in the ass," she said raising her chin to him a bit defiantly, as if she dared him to contradict her.

For a split second, he stared at her, dumbstruck, and no words of protest came to his mind as the fact that, once again, she'd seen right through him left him speechless. He gulped and looked away briefly, instead, trying to hide his uneasiness from her. Quickly putting himself together, though, he looked at her again and rolled his eyes.

"If you were right," he puffed theatrically, "we would make out right now, instead of wasting time discussing it!"

She smacked him on the side of his arm, eliciting a light chuckle from him.

"God, longest foreplay ever!" he fake-whined.

"House!" she scolded. But she softened and smiled gently at him. "I can understand that you're frightened about us. I am, too, you know."

She lowered her eyes, and her voice became a hesitant whisper.

"But that's not because we had an argument earlier today that I don't want to be with you right now. I know I'm not afraid of this. Because being with you and being your boss can be two different things. We are perfectly capable of handling this like adults. We just need to give it a try."

"I don't know," he said with an unsure voice. "I am willing to… give it a try, too."

He stared intensely at her, silently sealing a deal with her with these few words. Cuddy locked eyes with him, and stared back at him with gravity, fully aware that they had taken a step forward. Maybe it was just a small one but, for them, it was still huge. They'd just decided to be together, in a way that they weren't ready to call a relationship yet, but which really looked like one, nonetheless.

"So, are you going to kiss me now?" she simpered, wiggling her shoulders enticingly.

"Is that an order, boss?" House teased.

"Shut up!" she said, smiling.

Without a warning, he jumped to his feet and held out his hand to her.

"Come!" he simply said.

A/N

I want to genuinely thank the amazing people that leave me such wonderful and kind reviews about my writing, my style, my storyline, my English... and even about the lack of reviews! THANK YOU!

and now, nobody's allowed to die until the next chapter because I mean, you know where this is headed, right? doh.
so, stay tuned!

and a great day, morning, afternoon, night or whatever to you! ~ maya

[EDIT 09.06.09] seems like there's currently a problem with uploading documents, or maybe it's just me, but the result is I can't publish chapter 24, because I can't upload it! Ugh.
sorry about that. I'll try to find a solution and I promise I'll update ASAP...