Facing the consequences
Summary: I didn't have the slightest idea as to why she always waited for me late at night, healed my wounds and always gave me a scolding the instant I wake up. It was a regular routine, but why did she think it was okay to leave?
Thank you to those who reviewed! Thanks to those who read!
Please tell me if there's anything that needs to be fixed or if there's any questions then go on and ask away, but I can't guarantee that I'll be able to answer them accurately if it concerns the plot. ...I don't even know where this is going.
Please enjoy!
Time passed and it felt really weird having to return home and not be welcomed by a stone cold face. Instead, there was a smiling and affectionate one. Sweet Anne brought back the life that was taken away from us when she had to travel to a different city to pursue a modeling job to get money. She hated having to work with cameras and wearing ridiculous costumes, but we urged her to do it so she wouldn't get killed in crossfire between gang wars. She was back due to taking a break, but I think it was because she didn't wanna continue the perverted work of a model especially with people she didn't like.
We welcomed her back with open arms. Strangely, she did as well and was even able to crack a smile on her thin lips. Sweet Anne was being her usually cheery self, talking up a storm and telling us that the money she earned was well on its way of paying all the loans and debts. Rin cheered with glee at this, I couldn't help but smile too while Kaito and Meiko grinned and decided that it was time the adults broke into their wine. Rin and I had to be excused from that, only having the honor of drinking water while the smell of alcohol filled the room.
She was sitting at the table, by herself with a cup of coffee in her hands. A semi-content smile was drawn on her lips and I could feel a sense of suspicion falling on my shoulders. Just the thought of her being happy made me shudder in a ghastly manner.
Sweet Anne, we called her that because she liked eating different types of sweets when she was younger, held me by the arms and put me in the tub. She offered me words of comfort while disposing my dirty clothes and working on my wounds. Kaito was sitting on a stool in the bathroom with his shirt off and his back covered in a layer of scars. It looked like he didn't have such an easy job tonight either from what I could see with his right cheek swelling.
A bag of ice was in his hand and it was slowly melting. I could tell that it wasn't the job was what got him depressed. It was the disappearance of our maid, our Joker of the Night, but I guess more importantly to him, it was the disappearance of his so-called younger sister.
I hated saying her name, because it felt like she hated every one of us. It felt like I betrayed myself if I ever spoke her name and I really just proclaim her as she, her, that girl or Joker of the Night. Other than her cooking our food and being the Joker, I really had no respect for her.
"Stop sulking around, it's not like she was helping us out that much," I sneered towards Kaito, who shot up and pounced towards me, pushing Sweet Anne out of the way. I choked at Kaito's grip and clawed at his hands that pressed against my throat. It felt really hard to breathe and I didn't realize how much stronger he got in the past few years, especially since he always wears the baggiest of clothes.
"Don't talk about Miku as if you know her."
His blue haired shadowed over his face and his usual goofy expression disappeared as if it never existed. Why did he care so much about that useless girl? She was nothing in this group. Not even Meiko cared about her to give her any recognition of being a member.
"Kaito-nii! Please stop hurting Len!" Sweet Anne cried with tears forming her eyes. She pulled at his arms, trying to see if they would budge if she put her all into her strength. Sadly, I don't think she was strong enough to do a thing to help me. Not even I was, and I've been in more fights than I could count!
The man ignored her, concentrating his glaring dark blue eyes into me.
"You don't know her, you don't know the regret she's been living with, you don't know what she's been put through, and you don't know what she's sacrificed for us. So don't you dare judge her or speak badly of her."
Then he released his grasp around my neck and stalked out of the bathroom, leaving a weeping Sweet Anne and me trying to soothe my neck. What did he mean by all of that? What did…ugh…Miku go through that's terrible? It's not like she died. It's not like she lost her parents. It's not like she could understand me anyway!
"Dammit!"
I took hold of the bathtub's rim and tried getting up. This was no time to sulk or get angry. We were almost out of our debts and if I work hard enough then I could get the money to start going to school again or even get a motorcycle.
Rin had been more shifty than usual; she would always come to me in the dead of night and force herself on me. I tried asking her what was going on, trying to figure out if something at school was bothering her, but she always denied it. She also felt more possessive than usual, clinging to me as if life depended on it whenever we were together. In short, it was starting to get on my nerves.
It was another night and I found myself sitting at the table and staring at the neat pile of dishes that Sweet Anne cleaned. She was good replacement for the Joker, and she cooked better too. …Replacement? Was that fair to call Sweet Anne that? I mean, she's been here far longer than the Joker…but…I dunno; it felt weird saying it. It also felt weird as to why I'm sitting at the table and looking at the cracked coffee pot that was sitting on the stove, never touched.
I didn't wanna move the coffee pot no matter how much it pissed me off.
Everyone else was in the living area, crowding around a stack of papers with Rin working on her homework. Meiko was writing down something on her coffee colored notepad, Kaito was staring blankly out the window, and Sweet Anne was sitting calmly while watching TV. Then she turned it off, gaining everyone's attention.
"We're moving." Sweet Anne smiled when she saw our flabbergasted expressions.
"Sweetie," Meiko started with a wave of her hand, her stubby pencil dancing between her fingers. "We don't have the money for it."
We all know that, Sherlock.
"I know, but the modeling agency in the next city told me that they wanted me to live closer so I wouldn't have to stay at a hotel," she began, waving her hands a bit. "I told them that I was going to negotiate with my family first and well…" Her eyes looked at Meiko with a pleading face.
"No." Kaito slammed his hand on the arm of the couch. Everyone looked at him and I thought that he was crazy to reject something like this.
"What do you mean no?" I barked while dragging myself from the kitchen. "This is a good opportunity and we'll be able to visit Lola more easily now." Meiko winced at the sound of Lola's name, causing her lips to twitch into a smile. I was glad that it did because I really wanted to see Lola even though seeing her meant that she was asleep.
"I wanna move too!" Rin pushed and I grinned at her. That makes it, what four against one?
Kaito stood up, and I felt a tower of anger coursing through him. I've never seen or felt him this angry before in the last several years of my life. It was really scary, almost scary as Meiko getting mad and punishing me when I didn't do a job right before.
"Miku isn't back yet."
Meiko pursed her lips and Sweet Anne lowered herself back on her seat on the stool. A silent curtain was dressing itself upon us and I felt the tension in the room increase. Rin reached for my hand and grasped it, I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"She left on her own account," Meiko reminded while crossing her arms, displeased by Kaito's reasoning. "We're not going to stay in this pig sty forever because she was being selfish." Anger flared in Kaito's eyes as he clenched his fists and grabbed Meiko by the collar of her dress shirt.
"Don't you dare call her selfish. Don't you remember the sacrifices she made because of these two?" He questioned while pointing to us. I wondered what he meant, but he continued on without pausing for questions from me. "Don't you remember the promise we made to Leon and Lola about how we're supposed to look after the second generation of the group? Each of them is our responsibility and I'd rather die in the most painful way possible than to break a promise that we made with Leon and Lola."
Meiko was frozen solid with his deathly speech, and he didn't find any worth in holding her collar. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and stalked off towards the outside, shutting the door behind him.
"…M-Meiko-nee…?" Rin squeaked.
"We're moving," The woman informed and I felt like the gravity in this room lightened up a bit. While Kaito was out, venting out his anger, we were beginning to pack. Sweet Anne was helping us pack properly so we could fit everything in just a small number of bags. Meiko was in the guys' room, packing up Kaito's stuff as well as our job equipment so we wouldn't get tracked. Then Rin asked the dreadful question:
What were we going to do about Miku's stuff?
"I think we should still pack hers, just in case," Sweet Anne suggested while roaming towards Miku's assigned drawer and found that it was almost cleaned out. Just a few old shorts and shirts were left and I began hearing Sweet Anne crying. I snuck a peek at what made her begin to cry and found that it was a picture of a younger looking Lola and Leon holding a little girl with short teal hair and the brightest smile on her face.
It was a picture of Miku from the past.
When Kaito got back, we were done packing and he had the most infuriated look on his face. He began spouting at how Miku could come back when they were gone and that he wanted to stay here to welcome her back. However, Meiko didn't let him do that and tied him up, throwing him into the car. Sweet Anne told us that she called for a loading truck to come back tomorrow after we got to the new house.
Supposedly, it was going to be a plain one story house. The garage was going to be worked out as the office for our line of work; the basement was for meetings and other junk from our old apartment. On the first floor were the usual, only three small rooms and the living areas.
The kitchen was a little bigger than the family room and the living room and dining room were connected. I grinned at the sight of this; we were living in an actual looking house. No peeling wall papered walls, no dead bugs everywhere, no cobwebs sticking at the corners of the ceiling and definitely no signs of gang fights in front of our place. Yep, definitely something I've seen on TV, but never believed would belong to us. Rin was really excited, she ran into one of the rooms and decided that she wanted to sleep in the one furthest from the front door.
It was decided that Meiko was going to act as the aunt where as Sweet Anne and Kaito were the parents while it left Rin and I to be the children, just in case someone was going to ask. It was a good cover, but I expected Meiko to be the mother, when I brought that up, she smacked me, calling me an idiot and gave me an explanation about genetics. After her explanation, it made sense that Sweet was the mother since she had blond hair. Yep, I'm not one of the brightest stars in the sky, I'll tell you that.
This was going to be one heck of a dysfunctional family.
I sat in my new room. I was going to live in this by myself sometimes, with Kaito bunking with me from time to time. We only had some blankets to use as sleeping mats until the old beds came in. I grinned in anticipation, I couldn't wait until we got the appropriate furniture and I wouldn't have to drag myself back home with a bloody trail following me.
Sweet Anne got her mother act together pretty fast, and began lecturing me about how I'm not supposed to resume school yet until all of my injuries heal. It would cast suspicion over us if I had to explain where my mess of body had to go through and it would probably be reported as abuse if anyone discovered the mess. Of course, it would take a really long time for them to heal, but I kept my trap shut immediately when Meiko shot me a glare that threatened to suffocate me slowly till death would take me away.
Kaito, on the other hand, was like a statue. He was standing in front of our new stove and began cooking us a meal. He never touched the stove, never, not even when we were near starving one day while Miku was out of commission. Now he was just defying everything that I remembered since I was child while I watched him hold the handle of a skillet and fried eggs on it. His eyes looked dead and it was like he hadn't slept in days.
That could be the case 'cause we just started living here for about three days.
He wouldn't talk to anyone and even if he did, it would probably only be one word and a grunt after it. The only time he had a full on conversation was with Sweet Anne's manager about their fake marriage and about keeping it under wraps. Kaito was happily obliged to do so.
I got bored of watching him in the kitchen and began walking towards my room. It was empty with only a sleeping mat and a pillow in there. Sure there was my pile of clothes in the corner and some other junk that I kept through the years, but it felt really empty, even with Kaito's other things in there. I adjusted myself in the corner, getting comfortable in there and curled my legs to my chest.
This was all so new to me and strange.
We were usually on the run, going from one crappy apartment to another after Leon died. He gave us a house to live in; it was something like this, but bigger. Yeah, it had a flight of stairs and…and…had a big backyard with a sand box. I slapped my head to my forehead, surfing through my memories of what life was like when our leader, our father figure, was still living and breathing with us.
He died in some gang crossfire while on a job. His car was stopped and he was shot dead when he was trying to get away. At least, that was the story Meiko told me when I woke up the next morning and asked where he was. I was still a little kid, and my memory sucked so I had to rely on whatever anyone in the group told me.
As for Lola and her being in a hospital knocked out in a coma was because of a stray bullet that got her legs paralyzed and she had some sort of unknown disease. The doctors told us that they had to put her on mechanical ventilator. It was hard to see such a strong and upbeat person to look so vulnerable and weak.
A knock came and I perked my head up. Rin was at school right now, transferred far earlier than I thought, but she was excited about going to a school where she didn't have to be afraid of getting shot in.
"It's not locked," I informed.
Sweet Anne walked in wearing a white sun dress with her blond hair curled up to a bun. Yep, definitely mother material. She gave me a sympathetic look, telling me she wanted to talk about something important and locked the door. Why she did that, I was gonna find out.
"What's up?"
"It's about Miku."
I winced. That was a taboo name in this house.
"Why?"
"I'm worried about her," She stuttered with a breathless tone. "It's just that…she never…"
"She was never part of this group, I refuse to believe she was," I growled, feeling my irritation beginning to skyrocket. She flinched. I eased myself. I didn't wanna take out my anger on Sweet Anne; she didn't deserve it since she hasn't been with us a whole lot.
She eased herself to the floor, adjusting her dress.
"Look, Len, I have no idea why you're so mad at Miku, but she doesn't deserve this."
"And why not?"
"Because, Kaito-nii was…is right; Miku sacrificed a lot for you and Rin, for all of us and I'd like it if you showed more appreciation."
I rolled my eyes. "I don't remember her helping me out."
She shot me a cold look that made my spine shiver. "I know that you do."
"Okay fine, so she cooked and cleaned, but so what? It's not like that was gonna help with the debts and hospital payments."
She rubbed her temples. "Len, I love you, I really do, you're like the little brother I've always wanted, but Miku was like the sister I never had," Sweet Anne said with a shaking tone. "No, she was like a mother to me even if we were ages apart."
I listened, not wanting to interrupt.
"No matter how many times I yelled at her, no matter how many times I hit her, no matter how many times I would go against her, she always stayed by me." Her fists clenched and her lips pursed into a crooked line.
I started to think. I remembered all of those times that I cursed out on her whenever she would scold me about how I did the jobs. Then my mind skipped back to when she would stay up late and wake up early to do the chores. It then went into the middle of how she always cleaned the blood off of us, regardless of whatever she had to do. She lived her life like a robot without purpose, she even spoke like one and was emotionless like one; sometimes it scared me on how cold she was.
Tears rolled from Sweet Anne's eyes and I jumped in surprise; I never liked it when she cried. She looked so broken when she did. Her lips were quivering like crazy, her nails were digging into the carpet and her body was shaking as if a cold chill flew into the room. She hugged herself and tried to stifle her cries. It was probably because she didn't want Meiko to hear and ram right through the door.
My own body started to tremble. I hated feeling this way; I hated the knot in my throat when I wanted to cry so badly, but I didn't want to. I spent most of my life sucking up my tears, not listening to my emotions, because the money had to come first. Everything everyone deemed important had to come before me. Rin had to come first; food had to come first, money, doing a job well, everything! It wasn't fair!
I bit my lower lip. Sweet Anne probably felt this way when Miku joined.
"Please, Len, just forgive Miku for whatever wrong she d-did...!" She cried out as if in pain, grasping my hands with her own and pulled them towards her. Her eyes were glossed over with tears and her face was red from breathing so hard, fighting back the sobs. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her no matter how hard I tried.
I felt hesitant, regretful…but somehow angry. Why was she so special? Why did she deserve forgiveness? And why was I so mad at her to begin with? I ripped my hands away from hers and backed up against the wall, pressing it until I felt my back getting sore.
"Shut up!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Shut up. Shut up!" I kept repeating, grasping my head in between my palms. "She's supposed to mean nothing to me!"
Then she snapped.
My head was craned to the side, and my eyes were shot wide. My sight slowly returned to Sweet Anne's fierce face and felt my heart racing with fear. I have never seen such a demonic look glaring in her usually gentle eyes.
"U-Uh…" I managed to force from my throat.
Her hand was still in the air and the way she was positioned reminded me of how Miku looked when she was ready to slap me before. Unlike her, however, Sweet Anne actually did the deed and stood up with her fists clenched.
"You're the same as Meiko, always rejecting people who help you without a second thought." Then she got to the door, slowly unlocking it. "…and another thing…just because she means nothing to you doesn't mean you mean nothing to her." Then she left without even looking back, slammed the door and I could hear her footsteps rampaging on the floor outside.
I felt my body weighed down by her comment and fell back, hitting my head against the wall. The bang vibrated in my body, but I didn't care. I got bashed in the head so many times that pain as minor as this wasn't a real problem anymore. Okay, so it hurt, but I'll forget about something as minor as this in an hour or two. What really hurt was…
The fact that hurt the most was that Sweet Anne was absolutely right.
"Len?" Rin called out while cuddling into my arms. I didn't respond or rather, I didn't feel like responding. "Len?" She called again and I felt my patience skating on thin ice. We were on the roof of our house, watching the stars in the night sky. I was recently out on a really long walk, taking in the unnaturally quiet neighborhood and so happened to have bumped into a terrified Rin. She said that she was scared that I might've run out on my own to look for our Joker, but I assured her I wasn't. For some reason, she was completely relieved to hear that I disregarded her thought.
I'm not supposed to care about the Joker of the Night anyway.
"Something wrong, Len?" My sister questioned, pressing her back against my chest and looking up at me, her neck craning up.
"Not used to the environment is all." It wasn't a total lie.
She puffed her cheeks. It was a habit of hers to do that whenever she wasn't pleased with something and that was practically all the time when it came to me talking about other girls. Oh great, what'd I do now to make her mad at me?
"C'mon Len, you're not being yourself."
You're not either.
"You're being more distant than usual."
You're being way too clingy than usual.
"It's like you're a different person right now."
You have no right to talk.
"Talk to me Len, we can try to work this out."
We will never work anything out.
"Len, please, talk to me!"
All you do is beg and whine.
"I can't help you if you don't talk!"
Stop crying, you can't get through to me.
Tears started welling up in her eyes and I felt my hands twitch into fists. She was getting on my nerves! The way her small body started to tremble and how her voice was starting to crack under the pressure of not knowing. She was slowly reverting into a broken state, seeking comfort from me even though she tried to show that she was going to be the one giving comfort. Sorry, sister dear, but you're not fooling anyone.
"Please…don't choose her over me again…"
What? I gave her a look, not realizing my eyes were wide with shock. What did she mean by that? I never… I never chose anyone before Rin! Even if anyone else was dying, needing help and Rin was fifty yards away crying over a simple cut, I'd be running over to her instead. Even if my legs were immobilized and Rin needed to be carried, I'd find some way to hold her in my arms and deliver her to safety. Even if… even if… was I deluding myself or was I telling myself to the truth?
"What are you talking about?" Her statement was still buzzing in my head.
She bit her lower lip and without me even realizing it, her lips were up against mine and she pushed me down with such force that I was too stunned to think. I could barely even process what was going on until her words soared through my head:
"We always had a choice."
I tasted salt water, slipping into my mouth and finally, everything clicked together. Rin was on me, crying, her hands grasped at my collar.
"You kissed her again."
I winced at those words. Why did it feel so…irritating when she said it? It was obvious already about Rin's little disorder, but how come it hurt whenever she brought it up? She was just stating the obvious so… so…
I shoved Rin off and sat up, wiping my mouth in my sleeve. She rolled away from me with shocked eyes and a breathless mouth. Same as her, I was breathing hard too, wondering why I did that. Was it because of the Joker? No, I didn't want her to be the reason why I did what I've wanted to do for so long.
"L-Len…" Rin started to hiccup, breaking into a fresh batch of tears. "I knew it!" She started screaming. Lights from the neighboring houses all shone brightly through their curtains. "I knew that you loved her more than me!"
"W-Wait Rin!"
She began climbing down from the roof and shakily jumped down from it, landing horribly in the grass. I began reaching out for her, but she got back up on her feet and ran back inside. I could still hear her cries muffled by the walls and I fell on my back, smacking my hands over my eyes. Great…just great…another woman leaves my life without me being able to say anything.
I didn't love her.
…but which her was I thinking about?
I woke with a start. I looked out the window to find that it was the dead of night, nothing but darkness surrounding me. When did I become a poet in my head? My eyes felt tired, but I didn't feel like falling asleep. Thoughts were raging within my head, yelling at me not to sleep, but to think about everything that had happened for the past two weeks or so.
What was I even thinking about anyway?
"You're an idiot."
You can't judge me.
"You're not careful."
I'm not the one who ran away.
"You're not thinking straight."
I always do.
"You're a pain to deal with."
"Then why did you put up with me in the first place?" I yelled, slamming my fists into the floor. I thrashed around, not knowing what else to do at this hour, but then the light flared on and my eyes quickly shut closed. "What the hell?" I grinded my teeth, before adjusting to the newly lit room.
Kaito gave me a worried and confused look as he removed his long white coat and plopped down in front of my sleeping mat. It looked like he was out again, probably looking for Miku or staying at our old apartment, since his blue hair was out of its usual well kept style and his scarf was dirtied. His eyes asked me the question I've been subconsciously asking myself:
"Is there something wrong?"
I picked myself up, flinging my torso over my now crossed legs and hunched over. A shiver crawled down my spine from the sudden cold that filled this room and my eyes were still adjusting themselves to the brightness of our small room. There was not a sound, not even the wind tapping against the window sparked any words from neither me nor Kaito.
"Nothing." I breathed out, not daring to look him in the eye. His eyes were blue, and her eyes were a shade of blue…maybe having evidence of green in them, but I never speculated or dwelled on it too much. There wasn't really a point in whatever eye color she had anyway, it's not like they were lively or interesting to look at.
"Something's wrong, I can tell."
"No you can't."
I hated it when he was like that. He wasn't Leon and he was never going to be Leon. I clenched my teeth, my head starting to hurt from the force of it.
"Len, if you have a problem, just tell me."
"You don't care."
"What makes you say that?"
It's because you don't.
"If I didn't care about you, then I wouldn't be here." Kaito graced his tired features with a flare of determination to convince me. I didn't wanna believe it. …it felt as though I was living a life of total denial after all the talking I've been doing with this dysfunctional family.
"That's not true…"
"What do you mean?"
"You're only here because of Miku." I felt stern and soon a sudden rush of chilled air came over to me when I struck my head up and met Kaito's frozen gaze. Did I hit a nerve? However, I thoughtlessly pursued forward with it. "What makes her so special? Why do you and Sweet Anne care about her so much?" I felt like crying for some reason.
Did I feel inferior?
"…Len…" Kaito started while unwinding his blue scarf.
"Just tell me…" I breathed out, feeling pain spiking up in my chest. I just had to know. "…tell me why."
"It's because… we were the reason her brother died."
Rin hasn't been acting like herself lately, well more like, whenever I walk into the room, she gets up and leaves. There hasn't been a single moment where we were both in the same room and I couldn't help but feel the heavy atmosphere. Even Meiko felt the icy climate and tried breaking the ice by talking about the new job she got at this gym. Apparently, she was more of a piece of merchandise than a employee because she beat the crap out of everyone in the boxing ring so now people were lining up for rematches.
The thought of people thinking they could rival with this red demon was a humorous thought to me. I would like to see who could face up against Meiko if she were to actually take these rich people seriously.
Aside from the snarky comments I could make about the woman's ferocious nature, I decided to concentrate on Rin. She had her eyes focused on a page of one of her new textbooks and with each flip of a paper, she released a hollow breath. It was like I didn't even exist in her eyes anymore. It gave me a conflicted sense of both relief and quandary. Was this how we were going to live our new lives?
"Eat some snacks, they'll make you feel better," Sweet Anne said with a smile as she set down a small plate with a triangular shaped slice of cake. "Want some tea with that? Milk? Hot cocoa?"
"Coffee."
The word just blurted out from behind my lips and I quickly zipped them shut. The sound of the textbook slipping from Rin's hands rang in everyone's ears and I felt my heart racing with apprehension. Meiko glanced from me, to Sweet Anne then back to my sister who was frozen still. Her eyes seemed dead, but they began to narrow as if she was a huntress with her prey lying dead in front of her. She stood up, disregarding the existence of her school book and marched towards her room.
Everyone stayed silent. The only sound was the insane buzzing that soared within my skull at the echo of Rin's bedroom door shutting closed.
Sweet Anne fidgeted in the spot that she stood on. Her eyes analyzed the room. I could tell that she wasn't thrilled with the scenes that just chained together and I bet that she thought it was her fault. It wasn't, of course, but most definitely it was mine.
It felt like it was always my fault.
I promised a quick update, and I would've done that sooner...but I kept falling asleep after coming home from school ==" So I'd wake up about three or two hours later and the computer would be taken. Then when I finally find time to write, I have to go upstairs to sleep (my muse usually comes at night for some weird reason) or I have to run an errand.
This chapter was tricky to write, but I tried pulling some strings and it finally came together. I rushed through it, but it's for plot development and the fact that Miku's still missing. I can't make any promises on a quick update since I threw this together just recently and there'll probably be grammatical/spelling errors and maybe some plot holes or awkward sentence structuring...but I...y'know...umm...I got too excited about finishing the chapter to care. Especially since I'm trying to make each chapter ten pages long, so the updates will take time to come along.
Anyway, it's past midnight here, so everyone have a good morning/night/afternoon!
~Ventus