new chapter, where you'll find out why communication is the key...

** CHAPTER 27 **

And the day went by. And the day after that. And again, another one after that. Then a few weeks. Each night after their day at work, House and Cuddy met, either at his place or hers, and they spent the night having sex, and talking, and having sex again, and then falling asleep together.

All in all, it was just a few weeks, and a few weeks weren't a long period of time. However, it was enough for them to know: Something was happening, and at that moment in their lives, because it was them, they were aware that it could either become something beautiful and fulfilling or turn into something ugly and damaging. And although none of them was ready to hope for the former, they also weren't prepared to risk living through the latter.

The sex between them was great, though. That was unquestionable. It was obvious that, in that field, they were perfect for each other: They were both liberated adults, at ease with their bodies and their needs, and their sexual chemistry was indisputable. For a lot of people, it would have been enough, but for them it was not good enough a reason to be together. It was plainly evident that they were searching for more, plainly evident that what had drawn them to each other in the first place was something other than just sex, and yet, they were both incapable of verbalizing what it was to the other.

Many things remained unsaid between them. They tried, very hard to open up to each other but, in the end, they maybe weren't strong enough to accept being weak or to simply admit their feelings. Their most powerful language remained their body language and through it, they were still saying a lot to each other without words. But for all the other things that they were dying to confess to each other and which needed to be said, they just weren't ready yet.

Consequently, they didn't express their emotions a lot. Still, despite their silence, they were both fully aware of that unsaid thing, floating above them. They knew it was there and sometimes, just with a long stare or the way they would caress each other, they could feel it exist as powerfully as if they'd talked about it in a real conversation: Was it going somewhere? Should they keep this secret? Did they have something in common apart from the great sex? Was it serious or were they just having fun?

Was it going somewhere?…

At work, nothing had changed but, at the same time, everything was different. It was unsettling. They'd adjusted, step by step, to the number of little details that made their day look like another normal day while, actually, those little details put together made it look like anything but.

Not that they had many reasons to come across each other often but, each time they did, it took them a little extra time to find the right way to talk to each other, the right distance to set between them, the right gesture toward each other. Truth is, most of the time, just seeing each other was sparking off a violent urge to touch each other, but they both acknowledged that it was inconceivable, so they just sighed instead.

Lots of sighs, lots of frustrations and repressed yearning during the day, leading to lots of hungry sex at night, followed by the deafening silence of what they didn't say, but should have confessed to each other…

# # # # #

It was a Monday. Cuddy came to House's office and handed him the file of a new patient.

It felt kind of weird for both of them. Even though, before they would experience the first occurrence of that familiar professional ritual in the context of their newly intimate situation, they'd discussed what would the best way to proceed be.

House had declared that he'd have to protest in order to make it sound as normal as usual. And the fact that protesting was something even House himself could qualify as normal had made Cuddy smile. Eventually, though, she was forced to admit he was right: To anyone, they were mostly known as the curmudgeon doctor squabbling with his boss at any given occasion and it was best if they didn't change that.

So, now that they were together - or that thing between them that they were still unable to label - they had to be careful not to act any differently. In a way, with that little clarification, they'd also implicitly decided that they should keep their relationship private within the hospital walls. There, they'd agreed that they would act like two responsible doctors, reasonably distant, and in the fair limits of what they were supposed to share for professional reasons.

The team was there when Cuddy entered the conference room and she walked straight to House with the file in her hand. She hoped she looked assertive and casual but deep inside, she felt a little uncomfortable because, for some reason, it felt as if House's fellows were staring at them and waiting for something to happen.

In a way, it was a legitimate expectation given that the last time Cuddy had seen the entire team was the day when she'd had that completely surreal conversation with House in her office, ending with a "we're done" which had almost sabotaged their chances to explore their budding relationship further.

Cuddy approached House, trying to ignore the other four doctors in the room, and she presented the patient's symptoms in her most professional tone, to convince House that it was a good, challenging case that needed to be handled by his department.

House perfectly executed his little act and brilliantly protested like only he could do, and Cuddy waited patiently, sighing just at the right moments and then, eventually, she handed him the file. When he took it, while at the same time staring intensely at her, House purposely brushed the back of her hand with his fingers, and she slightly shivered at his touch. Only he could see it, or so she hoped, and he gave her a discreet smile that felt a little too intimate and full of innuendos for her to ignore the flutter it sent to her lower abdomen.

Maybe House could do that in front of his team. Maybe he was comfortable with the idea that they could guess what was happening between them and maybe, after all, he didn't care if they did, but Cuddy still felt a little puzzled and she looked at him right in the eyes telling him exactly that with her gaze.

"I'll arrange for the patient to be admitted in your department within the next hour. Good luck," she said a bit too quickly.

House narrowed his eyes at her and tilted his head to the side to study her face.

"Good luck? What's that supposed to mean?" he said, raising his eyebrows suspiciously.

Cuddy took a deep breath and bowed her head a few seconds before she could find the strength to look at him again.

"It means you're going to have to cure that guy in a safer, more traditional way," she said, her voice trembling a little. "And you'd better find one because if you think about doing some crazy, insane medical procedures within the next three days, I won't be here to give you the green light."

It barely lasted a second, but Cuddy clearly saw the hurt pass behind House's eyes: He looked completely taken aback, maybe even slightly shocked. He tried to hide it and instantly averted his eyes. Then he shot a quick glance at his team, obviously struggling to decide whether he should pretend not to care or if he should give in to the violent urge to ask her if he'd understood what her words implied correctly.

Cuddy was still staring at him, and their eyes met again. House took a sharp intake of breath and stiffened before he limped toward his team, turning his back to her.

"Don't worry Dr. Cuddy," he exclaimed with a flourish. "That guy will be just fine with or without you to take care of him. It's not as if you were totally indispensable, is it?"

Cuddy forced out a smile. She knew that the moment House would open his mouth to answer, his words wouldn't be about the patient at all. They would be about him being hurt and trying to hide it in his typical, abrasive way. And that's exactly how she understood them.

It was her fault, anyway: She had a three-day business trip that'd been scheduled a long time ago and she hadn't told House about it. She couldn't explain why, though. It was probably silly, but she hadn't been able to convince herself that it was something he would have wanted her to share with him. She didn't want to allow herself to think that he cared enough about her to need to know those things.

Now that she'd seen the look in his eyes, though, she was feeling terrible and, above all, stupid. She couldn't pretend or ignore what that look said: It was silently screaming that House, indeed, cared. But sensing the presence of his fellows in the room, who were observing them hawk-eyed, there was not much she could do to address that feeling.

They were facing each other in silence, and all Cuddy wanted to do was to talk things over with him, as much as apologize to him for not having told him about her trip. She wanted him to take her in his arms so she could nestle her face in his chest while he would run his fingers through her hair, and she would feel good and right where she belonged. They would wash away the awkwardness in a tender hug and everything would be fine.

Except none of it was an option, so she looked at him, feeling a bit helpless, instead. She hated that damn business trip and she wanted to tell him that. But as frustrating as it was, again, that wasn't the appropriate moment to discuss that with him. Cuddy bit her bottom lip and sighed, sending him a longing stare in the hope that he would understand how guilty she felt. But as soon as her eyes met his, House turned his head away and she knew then that there was nothing left she could do or add.

She left the room silently, walking past the team and feeling the weight of their scrutinizing gazes on her.

# # # # #

Cuddy spent the rest of her day trying to have a private moment with House. She had to leave for her trip later that evening and she painfully realized that because of her stupid, thoughtless reluctance to share a simple event with him, she now had deprived herself of a proper goodbye.

Even though she hadn't left yet, she was already missing him. She needed to tell him that to make things right again and get rid of the unwanted misunderstanding she'd created. In the early afternoon, she decided to try her luck and went to his floor, walking straight to his office. Fortunately, just as she'd hoped, House was alone.

She entered the room with a determined pace and stopped right in front of his desk. He looked up at her and stubbornly kept silent, making her understand he wasn't going to make it easy for her. She sighed heavily, mentally beating herself up, but perfectly understanding that she somehow deserved it. She didn't quite know where to start, though, so she chose to go straight to the point.

"I'm leaving this evening to attend a Pediatric Endocrinology Symposium in Seattle."

House squinted a bit, registering her words, and tilted his head to the side.

"Ok. Cool! Have fun," he finally said dismissively, sounding perfectly detached, even though there was still a hint of hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I haven't told you."

He shrugged and smirked sarcastically.

"Why? We're not married. You don't owe me an explanation."

"Fair enough," Cuddy said bitterly, stomaching his barb. "But I- I wanted to say that I should have-"

"Oh, come on, it's only three days! You think, what, that I'm gonna miss you?" he provoked.

Cuddy felt a pang of sadness in her chest. Of course, House would never confess that he would. Never first. He would have shown too much weakness if he had. But at the same time, asking her was his subtle way of bringing up the subject and leaving it up to her to say it first.

Deep inside, what Cuddy wanted to scream was: Dammit, yes, I'm gonna miss you! A lot. And she wanted him to miss her too. And to say that he would. But it was as if that stupid game of emotional detachment he was forcing her to play had escalated too much and the words just couldn't get out of her mouth.

"That's not up to me to tell you what you should feel," she answered, looking him straight in the eyes, trying to decipher what he was thinking behind his piercing blue gaze.

"Well, then I guess we'll find out when you're back," he said, turning the tables on her.

"I guess we will," she said, embittered, as she turned around to leave.

When she was at the door, about to exit his office, she heard him called her name. She stopped and turned to face him, full of hope. His mouth was open as if he were about to say something, but he just stared at her in silent and she stared back at him quizzically.

"Are you going with Bennett?" he finally asked, breaking the heavy silence.

Cuddy widened her eyes in disbelief, inwardly wondering where that question came from.

"No, I'm going alone. Why would you care?" she couldn't help asking.

House gave her a slight smirk, stomaching her sarcasm.

"Bennet's an ass," he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

I know that son of a bitch would do you any day if he had the chance, he thought, clenching his jaw.

"I'm just concerned about you being alone on your own there, is all," he said, instead.

"There'll be about a hundred and fifty other doctors at that symposium, so you don't have to worry about me being alone," she answered, becoming slightly annoyed by his nonsense.

She turned on her heel and started to leave again.

"Cuddy!" he called after her a second time just as she reached the door.

She stopped and clutched the doorjamb, looking down at her feet as if she were trying to gather the strength to face him once more. She turned around and sighed heavily, staring at him with a disenchanted gaze. He registered the look on her face and bit his bottom lip, uneasy.

Truth is, he was dying to tell her "I'll miss you" and damn, that wasn't so hard, was it? But the words simply wouldn't come out. House opened his mouth and continued to stare silently at her.

"What?" she said, stomping her feet on the ground impatiently.

"Nothing. Just… don't wear too many whorish low-cut tops while you're there. It's cold in Seattle, you know. Especially this time of year."

Her mouth dropped open in astonishment. What else was there to expect from him? She puffed and shook her head, once again completely befuddled by his unpredictable reactions.

But somehow, wasn't it exactly who he was and, in a way, exactly how she wanted him to be, even part of the reason why she liked him? The questions and all the different answers that came with them confused her and she couldn't decide if she wanted to be mad at him anymore.

In that moment, all that Cuddy knew was that alone in a bed in Seattle was the last place she wanted to be that night. But seeing House's boyish, mischievous pout, as he stared at her in stubborn silent, she also knew for sure that it would be a freezing day in hell before she would admit that to him!

"I'm a big girl. I'll be fine," she said, walking out of his office and leaving him seated alone at his desk.

A/N

what awaits you in the next chapter? House dealing with Cuddy's absence... will he handle that well, or not? hmm, what do you think? :)

have a good day! ~ maya