Hi everyone!

so, here's the answer to what awaits you in the new chapter. I loved all your suggestions, btw... but no poker night, no drunken orgy with Wilson, no cutting the top of the patient's head off, even for a test, LOL, no roses at the airport, or a sexy negligee to celebrate *sigh*

so, here's my humble suggestion: only, and quite symmetrically, Cuddy's take... because don't you want to know how she's coping without him, too? :-)

** CHAPTER 29 **

Cuddy hated to attend symposiums.

It was not about medicine there, it was about business. Despite the fact that she was Dean of Medicine, she hadn't chosen to embrace that carrier to be witness to the self-righteous faces of allegedly devoted doctors that couldn't hide the only purely financial interest they had in selling their latest "scientific" discovery.

She felt much more alive when she had to practice than when she had to deal with all the paper stuff and budget constraints. She was not a big fan of that. She was doing it because she had to, and she was doing it well because, well, she had to but, in the end, she was never happier than when she was wearing her coat and dealing with patients.

Cuddy hated symposiums and, for obvious reasons, she hated this one more. Seattle was a six-hour flight and she'd brought a lot of her files with her, hoping that she'd concentrate enough on them not to let her mind stray to totally pointless thoughts. But she'd barely boarded the plane and already, she'd felt sad and alone. Three days. Without him…

Oh, c'mon Lisa! As if it's the first time you'll be away from him! What is wrong with you? Three days, it's nothing. It's even less than the required time to recover from the flue! Yeah, she was not good at metaphors, obviously. And so not convincing, either, she'd thought, glancing through the window just as the plane was taking off. She'd sighed then and had opened the first file she'd fished out of her satchel. One step after another: First, she'd get herself busy for the six-hour flight then, she'd figure out something for the rest of her stay.

But the thing while flying toward the west was that instead of spending time, you're usually gaining some and had she not taken a late flight, that time zone irony would have really embittered her. Fortunately, when she'd arrived at her hotel it was already late evening in Seattle and, as she was really exhausted because of the long trip and all the work she'd dealt with while she was on the plane, she'd fallen asleep quite immediately after having taken a quick shower to refresh herself. That's how, without even thinking about it, she'd spent her first night without House.

The next morning, feeling a little jetlagged, she'd woken up an hour early than her usual morning routine, and when she'd glanced at the clock, she'd felt a bit puzzled. It was barely five in the morning and outside the sun hadn't even risen yet. Her eyes had popped opened, and in the darkness of her hotel room, she had stared at the ceiling hoping for sleep to come and take her again until her scheduled waking hour.

But the more she'd tried to relax, the least her body had been able to give in to the sensation, refusing to fall back asleep. And then her mind had started to wander, creating images that, far from unwinding her had begun to unnerve her even more. What her mind had pictured then was his face just above hers. He was about to dive into her neck just like he used to do when he wanted to rub his stubble onto her skin and scratch her a little but caress her at the same time.

The image was so vivid that it'd soon turned into a tickling sensation, and she'd realized then that she was stretching her neck into emptiness. She'd even caught herself clutching her fingers at the sheet. Out of breath and completely dumbfounded, she'd slowly loosened her grip and had rested her head down on the pillow. Was that a dream or a nightmare? Either way, it was not fulfilling at all, and it'd almost brought tears to her eyes.

You're stupid. And if you want to know how desperately stupid you are, just think about how he would find it completely pathetic. So don't be ridiculous while he's probably not even realized that you've left!

Feeling annoyed, she'd bitten her upper lip, almost leaving teeth marks on it and she'd drawn the sheets out in a fit of anger and distress. Then she'd sat up straight in the king size bed and had glanced at the clock again, which was taunting her with a 5:50 am twinkling sign. She'd looked around, breathing deeply to calm down and, resignedly, she'd finally stepped out of bed to get ready.

The symposium was taking place in one of the reception rooms of the hotel. At six-forty-five in the morning Cuddy was already downstairs, dressed and ready for the day, striding along the hall, completely alone, as the opening - which was starting with a welcoming breakfast - was only scheduled at seven-thirty.

That's how her first day had begun.

When all the leading medical experts had started to arrive, she'd felt slightly relieved and ridden of part of the tension she'd felt earlier. Maybe she could even find this interesting after all. Maybe the whole purpose of those pompous gatherings was not just about selling new medical solutions for rich, sick people anxious to test the latest drug on the market. Maybe it could also be about bringing new hope for helpless cases. Whatever it was, she would focus on every word that would be said throughout the day and focus on nothing other than that.

At lunch break, she was feeling less demoralized which was a paradox, considering that all the speeches she'd listened to with great attention weren't exactly optimistic. Hormonal disorders in children and even infants never lead to a promising future and all those sad evocations of endless treatments and life constraints for children who shouldn't have a care in the world should have been harsh to stomach. But Cuddy was used to dealing with this.

The feeling that'd hit her in the morning, on the other hand, was one she was quite unaccustomed to. And there was nothing that perturbed her more than to feel trapped in some unknown territory she didn't perfectly control, even if it was only a purely emotional one. She'd rather focus on things she knew how to master than risk being taken aback by unusual feelings like the ones that'd taken her off guard in the morning.

# # # # #

She was picking some food from the buffet and filling her plate, her mind freed of House's haunting image at last, thinking about the afternoon program when she heard a voice calling her.

"Lisa? Lisa Cuddy, is that you?"

She spun round and saw a man in his early forties, coming right toward her in a much-determined pace. She squinted at him and when he reached her, she exclaimed.

"Bill! Bill Russell! Wow! It's been-" She stopped mid-sentence and smiled genuinely at him.

They'd both attended the same Med School and as far as she could remember him, Bill was a nice guy, passionate about molecular chemistry. At that time, he was claiming he'd work in a lab, no matter how low the salary, because medicine should be about saving lives only and he, with his talents in research, would find a cure for H.I.V. He was the shy and likeable kind of guy every girl appreciated having as a friend. Cuddy didn't remember him much, though, because she hadn't spent a lot of times having fun back then, and she didn't have many friends either. She'd concentrated completely on the final goal: Becoming a doctor and succeeding brilliantly in reaching that goal. Which she had…

"Yeah, I know," he grinned back at her. "But please, don't say it or I might feel another white hair grow on my head!"

She chuckled and took a pause to discreetly study him. He was pretty tall with dark blond hair and green eyes. He was wearing a black suit with a light grey shirt and a silk garnet tie, highlighting his figure. He was freshly shaved and undoubtedly looked like a refined man with good demeanors.

"What are you doing here? Are you attending the symposium? I didn't see you this morning?" Cuddy said, engaging in the conversation.

"Yes, I was here, but I was hidden in the back of the room." He chuckled. "I'm due to make a speech tomorrow morning about thyrotropin receptor as the primary antigens in Graves' Disease."

"Wow!" she exclaimed genuinely impressed. "That's great! And where do you work?"

"MGH."

"So, you're in Boston!" she acknowledged with a smile.

"Not since long, though. I was in San Francisco until last year but then-" He looked down, almost with self-consciousness. "Well, nasty divorce, you know how things go."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Cuddy answered, embarrassed.

"That's ok. C'est la vie, as they say," he replied, shrugging. "What about you? "

"I'm at Princeton Plainsboro."

"Which department?"

"Dean of Medicine," Cuddy answered, slightly sticking out her chest proudly.

"Dean of Medicine? Hey, that's quite an achievement!" he said nodding and looking impressed.

"No… it's no big deal." She giggled, trying to sound detached, but she slightly wiggled in content, nonetheless.

Out of the blue she suddenly heard his voice in her ear, teasing her about being an administrator, and she squared her shoulders.

"But it's not only about administrating. It's not always easy and it's quite time-consuming, too," she added a bit smugly. "But I like it."

Bill Russell silently studied her and smiled. She hadn't really changed after all those years. She was still that confident woman who seemed to never doubt herself. And she was still damn sexy, maybe even more now. She had that undeniable womanly attractiveness. She was quite glowing.

"Wow, tell me your secret!" he said, giving her a playful nudge.

"What secret?"

"How you do that? Dealing with both your personal and professional life at the same time must be hard sometimes"

Cuddy's face imperceptibly clouded over at the evocation of the subject, but she immediately tried to hide it with a soft smile. But Bill was not a stupid man and he noticed it, nonetheless.

"Nasty divorce too, uh?" he asked sounding concerned.

A little sparkle of interest still definitely lit his eyes: She was quite eye-catching and if she was also unattached, then he knew how he would want to spend his evening…

Cuddy didn't catch that look. Most unexpectedly, Bill's question had caused her an irrational sadness, as the appraisal of how empty her past life had been suddenly hit her. No, she wasn't divorced because she had no husband to divorce from. Not now, not before. And she had no children, either. For a split second, she was saddened by the memory of Joy's loss and looked away. But she had her job, and her hospital and that was already satisfying enough for her. She told Bill about that with a slight disenchanted voice, which undermined the reality of its fulfilling part.

"So, no husband, not even someone?" Bill insisted with a philanderer smile.

He sure wouldn't let such an opportunity slip by if there was one. The more he looked at her, the more he found her beautiful and exciting. And that woman's suit she was wearing was really enhancing her curves…

Cuddy didn't understand the real purpose of the question and although she was not naïve, she didn't really pay attention to that little seducing game Bill was trying to play with her either. Her mind was all focused on the answer. Was it too soon to say that she was with someone? And if she did, and then Bill asked about who it was, could she say his name, his job, their professional bond, their past? That was too awkward and complicated and embarrassing, and deflecting seemed like the easiest strategy to avoid asking herself the question…

"No, there's no one," she finally answered, meeting his eyes, and smiling.

Good, Bill thought, and he smiled back, thinking he really had made a good choice when he'd accepted to go to that symposium, instead of staying in Boston, alone and miserable in his recently-become-bachelor-again apartment.

# # # # #

Soon, lunch break was over. Bill asked Lisa if he could sit next to her for the rest of the day. After all, he said, they could both join their loneliness and that way, enjoy the afternoon better. Cuddy thought he was talking about professional matters and that it was a good idea: If she had someone with her, maybe her mind would wander less, and she would be able to focus.

They sat in a corner of the room and Cuddy gathered the notes she'd taken in the morning on her seat's table. She offhandedly crossed her legs, and it revealed a small part of her thigh just above the knee cap. Bill gazed at her legs then back at her and shot her a coy smile. It puzzled her a bit, but she shook the feeling away, thinking she'd surely misinterpreted his conspicuous look. Unfortunately, the rest of the afternoon proved her wrong in so many ways, she ended up wishing she'd avoided him in the first place.

First, Bill attempted to lean down to her to whisper meaningless and distracting things, and the more he was doing that, coming closer to her face each time, the more Cuddy hated the feeling of having her personal space invaded like that. He was so close sometimes, she could smell his aftershave and she didn't like it. Then Bill started to make comments about how difficult it must be for her to be a woman at the head of a hospital but, he added, with beautiful eyes like hers, he had no doubt about the fact that all the male doctors there were willing to let her do her job without showing any resistance.

She barely believed he'd actually implied what he was saying but as if it weren't unsubtle enough already, he then added some innuendos about how she must bring them all to heel and had she not been in the middle of a medical conference in a room full of honorable brilliant doctors, Cuddy certainly would have slapped his boor face.

And of course, that's when she thought about him and how he used to behave around her back when nothing had even started between the two of them. She couldn't remember the countless times House had made some sexual innuendos about her breasts, or her ass, and how he'd always find really creative words to describe her outfits. House, and his bawdiness, and the way he was staring so shamelessly at her body, conspicuously enjoying every part of it, leaning in toward her cleavage, not even bothering to look her in the eyes while he did.

She thought about him, licking his lollipop, and coming so close to her she remembered that she'd wondered many times if they were going to kiss. And yes, objectively, House had never really been any subtler than Bill was at that very moment, sometimes even less. He'd said things to her that should have made her blush or gotten her really angry, but it never had. Because it was him.

No matter how far over the line he could go, it'd never bothered her because she wanted him to do this. She wanted him to notice her and pay attention to her body. She wanted to be his center of attention. Not any other man's attention, just his. She would pretend to get offended, and he would pretend to be a jerk but then, between them, in those moments, there was actually a real subtlety: They had spoken many unspoken words through that little courtship display of them.

And she didn't care about how sad or wrong or even twisted it may sound, she had loved every second of it… and she was missing it. She wanted to be with him and hear him whisper naughty things in her ear. God! How she was missing him…

At the end of the afternoon, when the day was over and everyone was leaving the conference room, gathering in small groups, and making plans for the evening, Cuddy hurried up to go back in her room. She wanted to take a shower and above all she wanted to get rid of Bill as quickly as possible and finally be alone. But he followed her outside and she was forced to stop in the hallway before she could get the key to her room back.

"What are you doing tonight?" he asked.

"I, uh-" she faltered.

"You and I could have dinner together. I know a place where-"

"No, thank you," she answered, cutting him short. "I'm tired. I'd rather have dinner in my room."

"Oh, come on Lisa!" Bill teased "What's wrong with this? We're far away from home. We're alone. We should have some fun!"

"Maybe you are alone and need to have fun," Cuddy replied, fighting hard against the infuriating feeling that was boiling inside of her, "but the truth is I don't."

"What do you mean you don't? Tutt, I don't believe you!" he exclaimed, winking lecherously at her.

She took a step forward and for the last time, or so she promised herself, she allowed herself to be close to him. She raised her face to his and stared at him determinedly.

"I'm sorry Bill but truth is, I haven't been completely honest with you earlier," she started, trying to set her voice on a calm tone, "because actually, I'm seeing someone."

Bill made an incredulous face and widened in eyes in disbelief.

"And it's serious. So now, if you'll excuse me, I really am tired. Good night," Cuddy added before he had the time to say anything. "Oh, but I'm looking forward to listening to your speech tomorrow. That should be interesting."

And she left him, flabbergasted, standing in the middle of the hotel entrance hall.

Once in her room Cuddy ordered a vegetarian dinner. She took a shower before the room service delivered her food. She sat on the bed, dressed in a white cotton short nightie, and ate while offhandedly flipping through some fashion magazines. She felt light. And relieved from the awkward weight she'd had on her chest since she'd left Princeton the day before. She finished her meal and put the tray back on the trolley. It wasn't late but she was tired, and she really wanted it to already be the next day. Just one left and she would go back. To him. She slid under the sheets and turned the light off.

In the darkness of her bedroom and the giant emptiness of the unfamiliar king size bed, she closed her eyes but, this time, she didn't try to fight the flowing images that came invading her brain. She welcomed them and fell asleep with a slight smile on her lips instead.

A/N

as always, I hope you've enjoyed this last chapter. in the next one, well I think you very already know what to expect since Cuddy has to come back from Seattle at some point, hasn't she?

and THANK YOU, again, but always with unquestioned sincerity, for your kind reviews.

Oh, and I'd like to hear from you, silent readers... so c'mon, don't be shy, I'm harmless… :)

anyway, wherever you're from, whatever's the time you're reading this, under whichever sky, have a good day ~ maya