Fault and Guilt

One Shot

Aria sat up and immediately bumped her head hard on the wooden planks of the crate. She screamed against her duct tape, before noticing that her surroundings were eerily silent. There was no train screeching against the tracks and no train whistles. She didn't hear anything for miles.

She licked her lips, diminishing the stickiness on the duct tape. Shrugging the remaining tape off with the help of her shoulder, she started screaming again. "Help me! Please, help me!"

Aria jolted awake when she heard a voice softly say her name.

Ezra rubbed her back, "Aria, it's okay. You're safe. You're okay." Ezra pulled her small body into his arms and kissed her head. Once Aria started crying against his chest, Ezra felt his heart break a little.

After he had rushed on the train, expecting to find Aria dead and her friends crying over her corpse, he was beyond relieved when she was alive. He knew something bad would happen to her, but he expected the worst.

After she had ran into his arms, he refused to let his girl out of his sight. Just because Wilden hadn't succeeded on the train, that didn't mean Darren would stop trying. Ezra demanded that Aria stayed at his house and after some persuasion, she relented.

The whole night consisted of Aria screaming out and crying from the never ending nightmares. This was about the fourth time in the last six hours that he had to soothe her back to sleep. He didn't mind it that much, but it did get tiring. And, each time she yelled while sleeping, he felt like guilt was punching him straight in the gut.

As Aria sobbed harder, he sat up and pulled the covers tighter around the two of them. When they were usually sitting up in bed with Aria's head on Ezra's chest and Ezra rubbing circles on her back, it was after a long night of sex. This time it seemed like a polar opposite.

It had been about six minutes of non-stop weeping, and Ezra had had enough of guilt tugging at his heart strings. "Aria, please calm down. Do you want some water or anything, babe?"

Aria pulled away from him and nodded while wiping away tears. "That would be great. Thanks."

Ezra smiled and got out of bed. He realized the amount of snot and tears all over his shirt and quickly tugged the V-neck over his head before tossing it into his hamper. He swiftly pulled out two glasses from the cabinet and filled them with water. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Aria was just staring at her shaking wrists. Ezra disregarded the water and raced to the bed. "Is everything okay?"

Aria sighed heavily before saying, "I was just thinking about my wrists. That tape hurt so bad…"

Ezra bit his lip, thinking about it all. Thinking about how Wilden must have dragged her drugged body and shoved it in that box. How Melissa and Wilden must have tried to push her off the train. How it was all his fault.

The B-Team, which included Melissa, Shana, Jenna, Wilden, and formerly Ian, were pissed at A for constantly trying to kill off their members. All at once, every message he had gotten in the last week flashed through his mind.

You killed one of mine. Now I'll kill one of yours.

Two can play at this game, Fitz.

Hmm… a train seems like a perfect place for a perfect murder.

He had expected the B-Team to go after Mona or maybe even Toby, but Ezra didn't expect them to go after someone who was innocent. He figured it was that bitch, Melissa Hastings. After all, it made sense. Melissa knew Ezra was at fault for pushing Ian off the bell tower, so it only made sense for her to try to kill his loved one.

"I was so scared, Ezra…" Aria whispered. Ezra sighed and crawled back into bed. Aria was now sitting with her legs crisscrossed. Ezra put each of his hands on both of her knees and kissed her nose. "It's okay, now."

"What if it's not?"

"Aria, it'll be fine. You'll be okay," he assured.

"Ezra, I won't. I mean, that really messed me up," Aria explained. "I thought I was never gonna see my friends again." She paused and grabbed Ezra's hands. "I thought I'd never see you again," she whimpered.

"But here you are. Alive. And you're okay!" he argued. He really didn't want to get into a conversation about her almost dying. Especially when her death would've been all his fault.

"But I was so close to not being here! And not being alive!"

Ezra exhaled and caressed her face. "Aria, you can't live in the what ifs."

"I know, I know. I just can't imagine what would've happened if I had died. Like, what would you have done?"

Ezra stayed silent and just stared at her. Aria squeezed his hand, "Honestly, what would you have done? What would you have done if you had stepped on to that train and were informed that I was dead?"

Plan to go kill Wilden for killing you, Ezra thought in his head, but he couldn't exactly say that out loud. But he was already halfway planning to go kill Wilden for even thinking of murdering Aria. Ezra figured his team mate, CeCe, would go for the scheme anyway.

"I would've flipped out, Aria. I would've gone insane," Ezra answered honestly. "I'd miss you like crazy."

"Ezra, I love you so much."

There it was. That one simple statement from Aria's mouth might as well been a dagger into his heart. He loved her so much as well, but it was moments like these where he wished like hell that he'd never gotten wrapped up with all the A bullshit. Whenever she spoke those three little words, it was like guilt slapping him sharply in the face. Here's this amazing girl, who's his soul mate, telling you she loves you. But what she doesn't know is that when he's not around, he's plotting with a few other people who hate her guts and want revenge. It was so fucked up. Ezra plastered on a smile and said back, "I love you, too."

He cherished these moments, though, almost as much as he hated them. Sure, whenever they made love, made out, or exchanged their love-drunk feelings there was a nagging, small voice in his head shouting, "Oh, what she doesn't know! This will break her heart forever!" But there was also a voice saying, "Enjoy this while it lasts, because the second she finds out who you are and what you've done, these moments will vanish for good."

And Ezra knew the second voice was a thousand percent correct. The second Aria finds out he's A, there will be no "Ezra and Aria." There will be Ezra, a heart broken betrayer who destroyed his soul mate's heart and there will be Aria, an emotionally unstable girl whose life might as well just ended, but there won't be a "them" or an "us."

And that fact would probably kill Ezra someday.

Someday…