"You can lay down no one will hurt you

Let your fears be carried by the streams

The twilight gleam watches over you

Let this lullaby guide your dreams

And when the morning rises

I shall be by your side."- The lullaby by Sophism, Evelyne Blais, Sai.

Chapter 4: The Lullaby

Scratch.

scratch, scratch.

I sat across from grandpa, his pen gliding across the paper and his eyes downwards. I twiddle my fingers, swinging my legs as I waited for him to finally take note of my presences. He had called for me straight after breakfast, cancelling the longwinded lesson that I would have with Jon.

He sighs, deeply as he stops his pen for a second.

Then scratch, scratch, scratch once again echoes around the room, like some rhythmic tune. I found myself humming softly to it as a distraction from the continuous stress of wondering why I had been called before Grandpa. I look over at him, oval glasses slipping down his nose and no longer hiding the crunching of his eyebrows and nose as he deeply thought out his replies and answers to the paperwork before him.

I lick my lips when I heard one of the many grandfather clocks chimes within my vicinity, I thought to call out to him, to be a kid for a moment and ask in curiosity to why I had been called. Instead, I stomp it out, patience was key. Patience was good, it was safe, it meant in due time I would know. Rushing anything meant only, only that.

I grimace at the memory and instead make myself to look around, to forget and I found myself gazing at the window where below sat a walking stick. One way too small for Grandpa to use, painted in a wooden gloss in which the sun help make it almost glare at me. The head in the snape of a bird, a robin I think, with its beak open to sing. I had a feeling this was a mento of sorts, just like the letters in the locked draw and the ones tucked away in between the books in his office.

Much as he tried to be a man with closed doors, his heart was on his sleeve. Open view for everyone to see, especially when you set foot in his office. His heart was very attached to the one he loved. I couldn't help respect that, for when he loved, he loved so deeply that you never truly leave him. I couldn't help but remember all the cheesy written letters and a spittle of snickering left my lips.

The scratching stops.

The pen slaps onto the desk.

I am now meeting eyes to eyes with Grandpa as he pulls an eyebrow up, his lips twitch. "And what is so funny, Grandson?"

I gulp, not accepting such attention from him. "Um, ah," I rumble, spitting syllables out like a fish out of water. His eyebrow raises higher, and I found the words splutter out "I was thinking of your letters and how cheesy they were!"

He knew that I had read them with the twins long ago, and instead of annoyed reaction I had been expecting, He laughs, "Tyler, Tyler what are we going to do with you?"

"Huh?"

"The first sound I get out of you is, is your laughter at the letters," He shakes his head. "You sit hours and hours without a sound and the first thing to get you to make a noise is the single thought of those letters?"

All I could was shakily nod, for there was nothing I could deny.

"Dear boy, I guess we have been going the wrong way about this." He says, he twiddles with the pen between his fingers, gliding it back and forth on the desk. "Tyler, your lessons will no longer be so needlessly long, for you had not caught on to why they had been needlessly long."

"Huh?" I said, confused and wondering to what he meant.

"You reaction confirms it more." He stops the pen and openly looks at me. "Tyler, Those lessons, as much as they were educational was also us trying to get you to ask for things, even a simple 'How much longer?' or something, but nothing-"He grips the pen in hand. "Nothing got you asking, questioning, anything, you just made yourself quiet and push through. Admirable of course but-"

"Was it that strange?" I ask, interrupting his ramble.

He laughs, "And now you ask?"

I flush, warmth climbs up my throat as I put my head down.

"No, no, I didn't mean it that way." He tries to reassure; his hand reaches out and combs it way through my hair. "I'm just happy you asked something, Tyler. You've concerned us all with your ways."

"Have, have I?" I look back up, liking the way his hand softly ruffles my hair before pulling away.

"Yes, you have." He answers. "I personally would like to hear more from you, your wants and needs, your problems, even how you day was, I want to hear you more. The most I ever hear out of you is when you're with those twins."

"Well, they make everyone talk." I thought of them, scaring the maids and coursing Jon to ran around cleaning their mess and a smile threatens to lick my lips. "So, I can ask for anything, even if it strange or unusual?"

"As long as it reasonable and appropriate." He says, "I can't be sending you abroad alone or something ridiculous."

I nod, then debate if it was wise to ask Grandpa this. Though, if he knew my history at the orphanage, he might not find it strange. He did not even bat an eyelash at the twins wearing them. I curl my hands in to my trousers, I didn't look at him as I finally said, "I would like some skirts and dresses, please."

I didn't hear anything beside the sliding of the chair, wood scraping wood and feet stepping across the room and rustle of fabric. I did not move, frighten that I might have upset him even if he had asked for me to speak my wants and needs. We did not speak for a handful more minutes that felt like hours to me before the door open and a click of his fingers.

"Yes, Master?" I heard Jon call from down the hallway, his voice trailing closer as he walks.

"Please inform Hikori that we plan to go out shopping in twenty minutes time. My grandchild has finally asked for something." He says with pride and the way he was quick to change from calling me grandson almost, almost being key, from letting tears drip from my eyes with relief.

And so, we did, Grandpa took me out. We didn't go to any places to order personalised clothes, we walked down the Highstreets and the malls, though our spending fee was limitless. I learnt Grandpa came from humble backgrounds and it made it so much less stressful. We walk around the clothing store from one end to the other, I choose my skirts and dresses alongside my other items.

We foreign to the questioning Clerks and workers that I was a girl, with my long locks and the body of a nine-year-old, none would be the wiser. We laugh when we got away with it, happy with our finds. Afterwards, we got ourselves a cheap and cheerful milkshake. Leaving the bags with Hikori to store in the car, we wander along the park.

Grandpa insisted to hold my hand, for the first time, I felt I had bonded a little more with him.

"I was born in the wrong body. "He confessed out the blue, amidst the trees and off the beaten path, away from preying ears and eyes. I look at him, truly for I had not seen it nor could tell. Grandpa felt like how he should be.

He didn't say more, his face crinkles slightly as his hand squeezes mine. His words echo in my mind, repeating themselves over and over. I couldn't fathom how much of a struggle it must have been to admit that to me. As much as I like to believe I knew him, his ins and outs, the letters, and the things that he leaves display to the world now tell me a different story. They were almost like a cover, a mask to shield away from those who could harm him and his loved ones. They are still part of who he is, yet used to make sure no one knows everything, just enough to make you feel comfortable.

He glances his eye towards me, his thumb draws circles onto back of my hand. His mouth opens as if to find words and he sighs when he can't speak more about himself. I knew then there is still a brick wall standing between us, though Grandpa can look over and see all of me, all I could see was his face.

I stop in front of him, eyes staring into his. "You don't need to say anything you don't want to." squeezing his hand once more. "But why tell me anything at all?"

"Because Tyler, I want you to know, you can be whoever you want with me." He answers. "I will never judge; I will never deny you for who you are. I will always love you no matter what."

I felt the rambles in my chest, the feeling tightening around my heart. It quakes my body as the flood shift from behind my eyes and down my cheeks, an overwhelming feeling overtook and realized in that moment, I had buried too much away. My fears, my emotions and me. I had been scared to be accepted by my new family, scared they would judge even when testing the waters.

It one thing to say to another child, but to adults when I knew nothing much about them, it was frightening. I felt my shoulders sag when grandpa pulls me close, his arms wrap me up tightly. I notice he had to get on his knees to do so, for I was too short, and he is too tall.

I grip his shirt, soft and they crinkled between my tiny fingers.

I knew now that I was not alone. I have grandpa.

He had me.

For the first time, I felt more at ease.

Now with spring rearing it heads around the corner, I felt happy to play dress-up with my favourite twins. The newly acquire clothes had been a hit between us, that even the twin's mother had to get involved. She made it into a big photo shot, with her own additional clothes, jewellery, and wonderful knack for simple make-up. I had seen us on some of her fashion covers, with my face edited enough to not be too easy to tell if it me or not.

It had felt familiar, like I had seen this before, something nags at the back of my head, but the space was blank. Like when you know a song, tune, and all but the name has long gone with no way to remember. You repeat it over and over, hoping in some way that if you go over it just enough times you'll remember.

Still coming up blank, I decided to give up on winding and unwinding the thought around any longer. I'll pick it up later when something else triggers it again.

I didn't hang with the twins every day or all the time, as much as they are involved in my life, they had school and I have my home tutoring. Which came much more bearable that no longer Jon was assessing my never-ending persistence to not complain in any form.

The lessons were both interesting and boring depending on the subject, if I caught on quickly or not. I was still both terrible and good at maths depending on the specific subject, basic maths, and algebra I could do with a breeze, anything else was a struggle. Got me doing money, calculations were second nature, and I knew that was because I had been careful with money in my last life. Ask me the degree of a triangle and I be here all day.

The other subjects that I liked or prefer were English, history and science considering all the books I had been reading even before entering the household. I wasn't much a P.E person nor was I into art, not because I was bad or anything.

The pencil once to draw had been soothing and refreshing to another me, however the person I am now, struggle to concentrate long enough to make anything of quality with my hands. I found it very anxiety inducing for I wasn't as interested with art as the other me had been. I wanted to read, to learn, to do more than I could before.

I was no longer restricted as before and I want to taste something new.

I had a love and hate relationship with my new lessons, the ones of etiquette. How to eat, how to dress and how to present yourself is one of the many things we been over. We have talk of cultures and how rules change depending on who and where you are having business discussions, even when holding a party or invited to one. Jon was thorough with his teachings which sometimes can get very tedious and long winded, that I would often find myself dazing out.

I mainly hate the fact that sometimes I was a child, that I couldn't find the energy to fully immerse myself.

Jon never got angry; he would easily answer my questions when I was missing information in which he has already gone over. He was soft, always wearing a smile and always making sure I was okay. Water was always on the table, in the winter a blanket would be nearby if I got cold, in the summer the air conditioning would be put on. I very much had fallen for my caregiver, not romantically because no, He is like a big brother. A brother I dreamt of having in my last life, one who truly care for me, was protective of me.

They did always say 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.' And I had found allot of my family here.

Though, I would only see my father every few weeks, plenty more then before. It did mean that out of all the household, my father I saw the least, most times I would see him running up to his office, grab handful of paperwork, put his ass on the banister and take a slide down like Mary Poppins and rush out the door. This had given the twins the same idea when catching do it, Jon had to heavily scold all three of them over this.

I was finally settling in, finally feeling like a Honyaku.

That when Sousuke sat down at dinner one evening and announce, "I think it time Tyler went to school."

I choked on my noodles.

I gave up trying to get this to the usual 3000 words or over, so this is shorter then the other chapters. I will do better next chapter, especially since we are finally getting to the school arch! Plenty things to go over and introductions to some other characters.

Just need to sit down and reread parts again, since the manga has other characters that never (or barely) appear or get mention in the anime version.

I'm also have started writing a doctor who fanfic as well, why? self-indulge of course, since doctor who is my childhood, a show I have always come back too, plus I have been slowly picking up older episodes. especially since my first doctors were 3rd and 4th funnily enough. So if you like Doctor who, keep an eye out for it in the future!

Thank you all for sticking around with my slow pace, it probably going to keep at this pace since I got a new job in which I'm interning, so I'm learning lots of the side and that be taking up my time.

Anyway, I hope all of you have been doing well, keeping heathy and safe! Seeya ^^ - Myu.