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This story contains lots and lots of swearing. Please do not read if this type of thing bothers you.
All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I do not profit from this work of fanfiction at all. No copyright infringement intended.
This story is intended for mature readers 18+ only. If you're still in high school, you shouldn't be reading this.
Rosalie's POV
Do this! Do that! Yak, yak, yak! Screech, screech, screech! The fucking bitch is driving me insane! I don't even want to go to this damned wedding. Why would I even want to attend Fuckward and his new human's wedding?
"Rosalie, make sure that the florist arranges the flowers the way I want them. What is your problem? This is a day of celebration and you're bringing me down!" Alice snipped.
Oh good, I'm doing my job correctly then. Like that bitch deserves even a shred of happiness. There's the florist. "Should I just arrange these flowers the way Miss Cullen asked?"
"Go for it, do whatever you want. I don't give a fuck." I said.
The florist shook her head and I could swear I heard her mutter "bitch" under her breath. You haven't seen bitch yet, lady!
"Oh good, she's here." Alice says as she walks back into the church.
"Alice, who the fuck puts Daisies and Queen Anne's Lace together in a floral arrangement?"
"They're a tribute to Edward and Amanda. I'll have you know that Daisies represent purity and Queen Anne's Lace stand for delicate femininity. Things you know nothing about."
"At least I'm not sex starved and repressed like you are bitch."
"I don't have time for your petty insults Rosalie. At least I don't suffer from a sexual addiction problem like everyone else in the family seems to these days. Honestly, I think you all need to seek help—it's not natural to be so obsessed with sex. Now are you going to help me or not?"
"Not!" I snapped and walked out of the church. I've had enough of this bullshit and if she wants to put this wedding together she's gonna have to do it on her own. I don't even like the greedy, human imbecile anyway.
I walked to the Boston hideaway that Carlisle set up for us. I could have gone to my shop and finished up on a couple of repairs, but with everything that's happened in the last 24 hours, there was no way I could concentrate on anything.
I'm still in shock that the guys found Bella. Emmett and I have been searching unsuccessfully for her for almost five years now and the guys run into her at Fuckward's bachelor party of all places. I saw the YouTube video of her popsicle blow job complete with her sicko ex cumming while moaning her name and I didn't know what to make of it. She's changed so much. The Bella we knew in Forks would never have done such a thing. Hell! She wouldn't have been caught dead in a strip joint. She seems happier and more confident though. I just hope she gives me a chance to get to know her. I was such a bitch to her in Forks because I was jealous of her humanity and because Alice was paying so much attention to her.
Alice—ugh! I wish she'd just crawl into a fire pit and die. I really hate her. When we left Bella and she called her former best friend white trash, I knew that I couldn't stay friends with such a superficial bitch. I thought back to our time in Forks and Bella was never anything but pleasant to me. I goaded her and played on her vulnerabilities like an asshole. I truly regret that I did that. I hope she'll forgive me because to be honest, I could really use a nice, female friend.
I also wanted to make the effort for Emmett. I've never seen my mate so devastated in all my years with him. For the past five years, Emmett has been spending all of his free time hacking into school, hospital, and government data bases around the globe searching for Bella. Every year, on Bella's birthday, he flies back to Forks searching for traces of her, but to no avail. He told me that he leaves flowers and beer at Chief Swan's grave and sits and hopes for some kind of divine intervention to tell him where his sister is. The guilt stemming from my past mistreatment of Bella intensified after hearing that.
A text message from Emmett roused me from my thoughts.
From: E McCarty
To: R Hale
Hey Babe. Heading your way now to help set up. C U at church.
I quickly texted him back.
From: R Hale
To: E McCarty
Don't bother. Alice is a certified grade A wonder bitch. Come to hideaway instead.
If I'm not helping, neither is my husband. I won't allow the Pixie to order Emmett around. Besides, I wanted to hear what else happened last night. As soon as she found out about Bella, Esme left in a rush asking us to cover for her. The last thing I got was a text from Emmett saying that Bella was riding Jasper in his Corvette. How do you ride someone in a Corvette. You'd have to be pretty agile to do that. I'm going to have to ask her to show me because I plan on taking my Grizzly Bear on a ride in Jasper's Vette. Come to think of it—those were some pretty stellar oral skills she displayed on that YouTube video. I wonder where she picked up those new talents of hers. That's it! Little sister is gonna be tutoring me starting tomorrow.
'Buzz!' Another text
From: P Whitlock
To: C Whitlock; R Hale; C Denali; K Denali; T Denali
Thought you ladies might want a visual of what went down last night and this morning.
See video attachments.
Well, that was pretty thoughtful of Peter. I think I'll just watch them now.
What? Oh my God! Oh, Dad looks scared. Is Eleazar actually shaking? Good going Mom, fuck him up! Why the hell are they both half naked? Holy fuck! Mates? Ooh—that guy is fuckhot! Damn, he landed a good one on Peter. Put some fucking pants on girl! Brother? Victoria? Irina? Laurent? Oh motherfucker—shit went down this morning for sure.
Who the hell is knocking at my door? "Who is it?" I called out.
"It's us, open the fucking door beyotch!"
I open the door and asked, "What the hell are you guys doing here? Shouldn't you be helping Alice?"
"No way. You aren't leaving us with that barracuda. If you don't have to help then neither do we. Carmen's still there and Esme, Carlisle, and Eleazar just arrived. Besides, she can breathe down Eddie the Pants Cummer's neck." Charlotte said.
"Yeah and if Charlotte's not staying, neither am I," added Tanya.
"Uh-huh and I can't stay because I need one of you guys to keep me from shocking the Prude, the Prune, and the Priss," said Kate.
Good point...although a little pain may do the three peons some good. "Did you get the videos my husband sent?"
"Yes, Char, I just finished watching them. What do you guys make of them?"
"I don't know what to say. I'm stunned about Irina and Laurent. We thought they were touring Europe, but it turns out they've been in Boston all along. I'm glad, though, Bella seems to be a really nice girl. Her story was downright tragic, but I'm glad that she wasn't alone. To be honest, I've never seen Irina care for someone so much." Kate said.
"Speaking of her brother. Did anyone other than me think he was hot?" Tanya asked, "I mean, I know you girls are all mated, but that man just oozes sex."
"Oh and did you see the way he punched Peter and dropped him on his ass? Sorry Charlotte." I added.
"Sugar, I may be mated, but I'm not blind. Peter was a shit for posting that video and he got what was coming to him fair and square. Now, I know a fine specimen when I see one and that Riley is
F-I-N-E—fine."
"Yeah and the way he's so loving with his wife and his sister just puts him over the top in the sexiness scale." Kate said.
Yup, Bella's brother is one hot ticket. I love my mate. I really do, but a little eye candy never hurt anyone and this guy is just easy on the eyes.
Suddenly, we heard growling outside the door. "We can fucking hear you, you know." I heard my mate say. I opened the door to the jealous faces of Emmett, Peter, and Garrett plus a grinning Jasper.
"Yeah, Riley's hot, Riley's sexy, Riley's loving, Riley, Riley, Riley! You gals haven't even met the guy yet and y'all are fawning all over him." Peter said.
"I'll have you know that, with the exception of Tanya, you girls are all mated." Garrett added.
"I didn't think he was that bad." Jasper said.
"That's cause he's not a threat to you. He's your mate's brother." Peter said.
"What the fuck guys? Are you jealous? Maybe you can learn a thing or two from him." Kate said to the guys.
"Yeah, he's kind of like a modern day Mr. Darcy." Charlotte gushed.
"So, are none of us helping the Pixie with the wedding?" I said to change the topic.
"She can handle it all on her own." Jasper said with an evil grin.
I happened to agree with my brother. We spent the next few hours watching movies and chatting. Soon, it was time for us to get ready for the wedding. I had to wear a fugly bright yellow bridesmaid dress and everyone was cracking jokes at me. I had Emmett bring my red Dior gown with him to the church. I planned on changing into it as soon as the virgins both say, "I do." I don't give a fuck what the fucking Pixie bitch says, I'm not staying in this atrocity. Yellow is the new black my ass!
Later, at the reception...
This is purgatory. No, this is hell—burning hell. Personally, I'd rather go through the change over and over again rather than endure this shit. We're at Edward and Amanda's reception which is being held in the Seaport Ballroom at the Seaport Hotel in Boston. Apparently, they have two ballrooms because with our vampire hearing we could hear a second reception happening on the floor above us. The guests at the other reception were obviously having a better time than we were because I could hear actual laughter.
This has to be the dullest party I've ever been to in my existence. You'd figure after a three hour church service they could at least entertain the guests better, but no, they had to keep to the theme of torturing their guests until they went insane. The actual wedding was horrific. We had to endure a three hour lecture on morality led by Amanda's minster father. The guy was on a mission. He preached about the evils of adultery and fornication. The idea, no doubt, put into the guy's head by Edward and Alice who are mortified by our supposed sex addiction. Three hours later and the virgins were finally married and I was out of that hellish yellow dress before I even left the church.
Alice was a sour bitch. She was pissed off at all of us for not helping her with setting up the wedding and getting Amanda ready for her big day. Amanda was dressed in some kind of shepherdess dress complete with a bonnet. Blech! The Pixie was also upset about all the noise coming from the wedding upstairs. She had just returned with the bride's father from complaining to the wedding party upstairs about all the excessive noise. Sure, go and ruin someone else's wedding.
The orchestra that Alice hired is playing classical music and traditional waltzes. No one was really dancing except for Edward and Amanda and a few other couples. Alice seemed to be bothered by this and walked up to our table and said, "You guys could be sociable and go dance, you know."
"We don't feel like it Alice." I answered for everybody. The one good thing was that Charlotte, Peter, Katie, Garrett, Tanya, Jasper, Emmett and I were all seated at one table. Alice mentioned something about her being unable to trust our behavior around the happy couple. Poor Carlisle, Esme, Eleazar, and Carmen were trapped at the same table as the bride's parents.
"Jazzy, would you come and dance with me?"
"No, I don't think so Alice." Jasper answered.
"Come on Jazzy, we could dance all night and maybe later we could go to my room and 'you know' for old times sake?" Alice whispered to a horrified Jasper.
So, the little bitch is as horny as a toad—she probably hasn't been laid since the divorce. Well who the hell would want to fuck her?
"No way, Alice. That would be fornication and adultry, in my case. Weren't you listening to the sermon?"
"Silly, it wouldn't be fornication, we were married at one time. Besides, I can help you relieve your pressure. It's been almost five years, you know."
Relieve his pressure? Ew! Alice doing anything sexual is simply disturbing. How Jasper stayed married to her for so long, I have no idea.
"Speak for yourself, Alice. Trust me when I say that I'm doing fine in that department." Jasper smirked. Yeah, well, that's an understatement. I'd say fucking inside and outside of a Corvette is more than just plain fine.
Alice huffed and started pouting when the doors to the ballroom slammed open and three women flanked by two men stormed into our ballroom and headed straight for her. Is that Bella? Oh, it is. She's gorgeous. She looks angry. Oh, this is gonna be good. Finally, some entertainment. Her eyes jet straight towards a stunned Alice and she says to her friends and their dates, "Let me handle this guys. I've met the witch before." I do a quick scan of her friends and notice that they've all got her back and one of the men—oh my, he's got to be the most mouthwatering human man I've ever seen.
Peter's POV
My eyebrows were twitching and so was my cock. Bella was here to hand Alice her ass—well, I mean what little ass that flat pancake has. Yep, Bella is a one thousand percent improvement over Alice. Woo—those tits. I hope she doesn't mind a little extra company in the bedroom like me and Char because I can just picture myself titty fucking those tatas. Yep, Yoda sure loves his tatas. Jasper is giving me the death glare as I eye-fuck his mate. Fuck, better cover my ass. I plastered on a serious expression and whispered, "Jasper, shit's gonna go down, but you need to stay seated. Your mate can handle this." He blinked once in acknowledgment. I take a peek at my mate and notice that her eyes are trained on one of the human men. What the hell? I look around the room and notice every single female—vampire and human—are staring at this one dude. Who is this guy? He looks familiar. Holy shit! It's the Stripper Major from last night. He must be here with Bella's blonde friend because she's hanging on him like white on rice.
"Oh my goodness, Bella. It's so good to see you. I missed you so much." Alice squealed.
"Cut the crap Alice. You didn't miss me and I certainly didn't miss you."
"Bella, I don't understand all this animosity. We're here celebrating Edward's marriage to Amanda." Alice said smugly.
Bella looked over at Amanda in her wedding gown and said, "Hi, I'm Bella. Alice and I are old acquaintances. Congratulations on your marriage. Cute costume, by the way. Are you supposed to be Little Bo Peep? That's so original."
Fuck, I love my new little sis. You go girl!
"Why are you here, Bella?" Alice asked darkly.
"Well, Alice, one of my very best friends, who also happens to be celebrating her marriage today, is upstairs sobbing on her wedding day because you and the bride's father seem to have a problem with her reception upstairs."
"Bella, you have to admit that the raucous partying upstairs is behavior unbecoming to a wedding reception. We just pointed that out to the bride and groom. Besides, it was getting extremely loud for us downstairs."
"Oh, really, just because we choose to celebrate rather than have a puritanical gathering and sing Kumbaya while holding hands doesn't make our behavior unbecoming."
At that point, the minister decided to step in and speak. "Young lady, I don't know who you and your devil worshipping friends are, but you are interrupting my daughter's wedding. Now, I happen to agree that your friend's wedding is outrageously loud and the music that you are playing leads to inappropriate dancing and fornication. Please remove yourselves from our party and keep the noise level down to an acceptable level."
"Excuse me, who the hell do you think you are calling us devil worshippers. Let me remind you that you and Alice are the ones who first came up to our reception and interrupted us in the first place. How dare you make presumptions about us!" Bella replied angrily.
Edward's Virgin Wife decided to pipe in suddenly with, "He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man: He that loveth wine and oil shall not be rich. Proverbs 21:17."
Bella undauntedly replied, "I can see why you're perfect for Edward. Let me call to your attention that we're celebrating a happy occasion upstairs. 'To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3: 1 and 4' also used in Footloose, 1984—you can thank Kevin Bacon for that one."
"Good one, Sis." I heard Rosalie say. Alice seethed after hearing Rosalie's show of support for Bella.
"That's it Bella. I want you to take your slutty ass and your whore friends out of here! We're trying to celebrate here. Oh and keep the damn noise down!" Alice screeched.
"Did you just call me and my friends whores, bitch?"
"Yes, I believe I did." Alice smiled victoriously.
Bella then held out her right hand and whispered, "Irina."
Irina promptly walked to her side and placed her hand in Bella's just like Vicky did earlier. Bella then took Irina's hand and smacked Alice across the face. Alice hissed and tried to lunge for Bella, but Irina had already placed her sister behind her. In the mayhem, Bella's blonde friend was knocked down and by the looks of it twisted her ankle. "You okay, Kelly?" Bella asked her.
"I think I sprained my ankle." Kelly said. Stripper Major took his suit jacket off, rolled it up, and placed it under his date's ankle like a pillow.
Bella looked up at Alice and said, "Are you happy now? My friend is hurt because of your unladylike actions. I believe an apology is in order."
"Apologize now, Alice." Carlisle commanded the Pixie from his table.
"Sorry!" Alice said scathingly.
Bella nodded. She then got a mischievous glint in her eyes and said to Stripper Major, "Kelly's ankle is pretty badly sprained. I think you're gonna have to take your shirt off and rip it into strips so you can bandage her ankle for her."
Are you kidding me? I can't believe she just spouted that bullshit with a straight face.
"Is that really necessary?" Stripper Major asked.
"Absolutely, prompt bandaging will prevent further strain on the ankle. Trust me, my Daddy's a doctor, I know this stuff." She flashed a brilliant smile to Daddy Carlisle.
Carlisle looked bewildered and covered his face with his hands. I could see Esme restraining him as she, like every female in the ballroom, mentally undressed the Stripper Major.
"Well, okay, then. I wouldn't want Kelly's ankle to become worse than it is." In an instant, Stripper Major ripped his shirt off his body and sent buttons flying across the ballroom floor. I heard a few "oohs" and "aahs" coming from the women and I could smell their arousal as well. Gag! I think I just got a whiff of the Virgin Bride's arousal—it smells like moth balls and Lysol. I'll never get that scent out of my head. Can't this asshole unbutton his shirt like the rest of us do instead of ripping it off like he does on stage? Every single woman is staring at Stripper Major with lust-filled eyes. My wife's eyes are almost popping out of their sockets and she has her iPhone pointed straight at him. Rosalie's mouth is hanging open and Tanya is licking her lips like he's some sort of delicious meal. Even Alice looks like she wants to jump the guy. Yuck! I need to delete that image from my brain now. Stripper Major then proceeded to wrap Kelly's ankle and when he finished, Bella said sweetly, "Why don't you carry her back upstairs to the party. We'll be right behind you."
"Check out those tight buns, Sis." Irina whispered to Bella as she eyed up Stripper Major.
"I know, kind of makes you wanna just reach out and squeeze them."
Jasper suddenly appeared directly in front of Bella. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Oh, hello Jasper. I'm just providing the ladies with some visual stimulation. They looked like they all needed it."
"We'll talk about this later, my mate." Jasper growled as he scented Bella. At hearing the word mate, the looks in Alice and Edward's eyes were priceless. They both appeared to be suffering from some sort of vampire brain aneurysm. Alice was rubbing her temples and muttering, "I didn't see this. Why didn't I see this?"
"I'm looking forward to it." Bella replied then held her hand out to Jasper and said, "I need a date for the reception."
She didn't have to ask him twice. Jasper, pulled Bella in close to him and walked out of the ballroom followed by Irina and Laurent.
About five minutes later, I heard my phone beep with a new text message.
From: J Whitlock
To: P Whitlock
Find a way to get ur asses up to the Plaza Ballroom upstairs. Party's rockin'! Bride and groom say welcome. Pass phone around so mind fuckers can't see. Remember think sex.
Well, alright now, that's what I'm talkin' about. I passed my phone around our table, being careful to think about sex, so everyone could read the message. Char soon stood up and said, "I think I just ripped the hem of my dress. Could one of you girls help me?"
"Hems can be really tricky. I think it's gonna take all of us." Tanya responded.
With that Rosalie, Tanya, and Kate left the ballroom like bats out of hell and it was just us guys seated at the table. Now, what are we supposed to do?
"I need to go outside for a smoke. I'll be right back." Garrett said as he left the table to go join his mate.
By now, Alice and Edward were looking suspiciously at our table.
It was just Emmett and I and we had yet to come up with a good excuse to get out of there.
"I've had a spermal expulsion in my pants and I have to go clean up." I announced to the horrified faces of the wedding guests.
"I'll help." Emmett said brightly as we both high-tailed it out of the ballroom.
And now for a real party...
Well, what did you guys think? What's your first impression of Amanda and her father? What did you think about Alice? What about Rosalie? Let me know and I'll write back. I promise. :)