A/N: Sorry to anyone who likes Bruce Forsyth, I just find him really annoying!
Normal is Mrs Hudson
Italics is John
Bold is Sherlock
Group text: John Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Martha Hudson
How did this get here? I didn't do anything this time.
Can you help me, Mrs Hudson?
This makes a change. What do you two boys want?
Me and Sherlock are having a…disagreement, and I wonder if you could give him a message please.
What do you want me to say?
Could you please tell Sherlock that if he wants me to live in the same flat as another living person, the least he could do is get the milk once in a while!
Sherlock, John wants you to get the milk.
Please tell John that it should be 'Sherlock and I', and that it's his job this week.
John, he corrected your grammar and said it's your job this week.
When did we get a roster? And please tell him that he's being a sanctimonious git.
I'm not repeating that.
Sorry. When did we get a roster?
When did you get a roster, Sherlock?
Tis repeating is getting annoying.
I made one.
He made one.
When?
When?
Just now. And it's your job this week. And next week, come to that.
Just now, and it's your job this week and next week (and probably the week after).
I didn't say that!
Sorry. Ignore that last part, John.
Well, it's been my job every week. Is it ever his turn?
Is it ever your turn, Sherlock?
Some time it will be just not this week. Or next week.
I give up!
As usual, he will never be responsible for anything, he'll just leave it all to me as usual I suppose!
Mrs Hudson, please tell John that I need time to think so that I can solve triple homicides!
Mrs Hudson, please tell Sherlock that maybe if he thought a little less, he'd be happier!
Please tell John that I don't need to be 'happy'! I need to think!
Please tell him that it works for everyone else!
Tell John that emotions are an unnecessary concept!
Right! Please tell him that if he needs milk for one of his experiments, there won't be any because HE HASN'T GOT IT!
Ask John whether he wants the cases to be solved, or if he just wants milk for his breakfast cereal!
Please remind Sherlock that he wouldn't know what breakfast cereal is, he never has any breakfast anyway!
Breakfast is unnecessary!
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! I am a doctor you know, I know these things! Even though you don't think I know anything, I had to pass my exams, same as everyone else. I have a bran, you know!
So you keep saying, it's just not as advanced as mine obviously.
Oh, obviously. Of course nobody's as good as you, are they, you sanctimonious little git!
Might I remind you that I am taller than you!
Taller AND smarter. Of course. Sherlock Holmes, better than everybody else in the whole wide world!
Well…close enough.
Close enough?! Right. That does it. I give up. I. Give. Up. You can take your milk, and your experiments, and shove them…you know where. I am leaving. Goodbye, Sherlock, and I hope you wither away without any milk!
Fair enough.
I will, I'm going to go to Harry's for a few days.
Goodbye then.
Goodbye.
Well, that was interesting viewing. Much better than that annoying Bruce Forsyth.