new chapter, where little steps are being made... even if IT is still not being said

** CHAPTER 31 **

Neither Cuddy nor House could think straight after what'd happened in her office. That uncontrollable burst of carnal desire had obviously been a burst of something else, but it was too much for them to admit it.

Right after their passionate lovemaking, they stared at each other in silence not really knowing what to say, and a moment of awkwardness settled between them. House could see all kinds of emotions passing through Cuddy's beautiful face and he looked at her, almost aching with the need to hold her against him and the desire to spend the rest of the day just feeling her body next to his. No words, just her warmth along his warmth, her scent floating in the air and the smoothness of her skin under his fingers…

Are you kidding? Sex is a physical thing. But it's just a biological need. It's been three days and you wanted that. Now you had it, so stop being sappy and walk out of here! House mentally slapped himself. Yes, it's just basic biology, his rational mind was saying. So, stop staring at her with those craving eyes! You look like a moron.

But inside his heart, another stronger sensation was struggling to express itself trying to shut down that male, albeit totally logical inner voice in his brain he was used to listening to. House bit his lip to repress the conflicting thoughts that were taking away his common sense, forcing him to name the powerful feeling that was flowing in his veins. He knew it had to come, and he knew that if it had to, Cuddy was somehow the only woman for whom he could voice it, again. Still, he was scared to death to relive that. He was scared to death at the thought that he might have lost the strength to be involved.

Cuddy was still short of breath and while she was staring at House, she couldn't believe she'd let herself go like that. In the intensity of her gaze on him, there were thousands of questions, questions she desperately needed answers to. Everything had happened so fast and now, she was standing in front of House, a few steps away from him, and just looking at him was feeding the desire to do it again. She wanted to feel him inside her, wrap her legs around his body and let him take her away where she would be dizzy, but so good again. She'd never been that wild and carefree with a man before. No one else had the power to bring out that side of her the way House did. Except that having sex on her desk in the middle of the day while there were so many people out there, working, was not something she was used to.

Oh my god, have you lost your mind? This is so wrong. Why would you do that? How can you not see how inappropriate that was? You should be ashamed of yourself! the voice of reason said in her head.

Yet, the second she'd seen him walk to her in her office, a part of her had wanted that. And she'd shamelessly enjoyed every moment of it. She lowered her gaze. The silence, the desire, the guilt, his frivolity, her commitment, his silence… It hurt her. She knew she would have to fight against the urge to ask for it but, at the same time, she knew he was the only man for whom she could make the effort to wait longer. But she was scared to death to have to wait for nothing. She was scared to death she might have lost the strength to deal with suffering again.

Cuddy was looking at her feet and she saw his shadow on her. She lifted her face, and House cupped her cheeks in the palm of his hands. She shivered under his touch, and he simply leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her lips. Cuddy looked him deep in the eyes intently. Sometimes, like in that very moment, it felt as if she could see an open path to his soul and heart and almost be able to read through it. What was there was all she needed to hear. But she never got to hear it for real.

The moment flew away when House took a step back and grabbed a tissue on her desk to clean himself. She hopped off her desk and went to her bathroom to do the same in a more private setting. When she re-entered her office, he'd zipped up his pants and was standing by her desk, absent-mindedly stroking the surface with the palm of his hand. She approached him and he tilted his head up to look at her.

"I assume that staying here all day and have sex on every piece of furniture in your office is not an option?" he said.

His bantering tone surprised her a little.

"House, don't be ridiculous!" she answered, purposely using her Dean of Medicine's voice to address him.

"Too bad!" he commented, grinning. "Because there's a lot of furniture in here, so that's a lot of sex you're giving up on, you know. You sure you don't want me to stay?"

Cuddy set her lips in bitterness and kept looking at him in silence. House brushed her cheek with his knuckles and took a step backward.

"I think I'm gonna go now," he said his voice unexpectedly hoarse and low.

Cuddy felt a sudden gush of emotions ripple through her. She stared at him, begging him to stop deflecting with her emerald eyes. House frowned, puzzled by the intensity of her gaze on him and locked eyes with her.

Talk to me! Please, say it feels good being here with me. Say you… like me.

Stop staring at me like this! You're making it impossible for me to leave, while you know all I want to do is stay here with you.

How much did you miss me? Did you think about me like I thought about you?

You're driving me crazy. Sooner or later, I'm going to make the wrong medical diagnosis because of you, because I can't focus, and this is all your fault.

I don't care if you're a social misfit. I don't care if you push people away, as long as you don't push me away.

I've never needed a woman like I need you. You make me want to stop pretending. You take away the doubts and bring answers to me.

Don't hide. Please show me what you feel.

Don't play games. Please don't hurt me.

Cuddy blinked a few times, the intensity of his gaze on her making her feel a bit light-headed and she averted her eyes briefly.

"Yes. You're right. You'd better go," she said, taking in a sharp breath. "People are going to wonder where you've been!"

House smiled sheepishly. He knew nobody would question his absence. But he couldn't stay. He had to go treat his patient and let her do her job. He sighed and gave her one last longing stare.

"Want me to come to your place tonight?" she asked with a shy, hesitant face.

He shrugged but the smile that curled his lips upward was genuine.

"Sure! Why not?"

Then he turned on his heel and started walking toward the exit. He unlocked the door and was about to open it when he heard her call his name. He stopped but didn't turn around.

"House, give me back my panties!" Cuddy said, trying hard to sound upset and serious but barely managing to hide the amusement in her voice.

He paused a little longer in front of the door and finally turned around to face her, sending her a mischievous grin. She raised her chin and stretched out her arm, palm turned upward in a 'give them back now!' impatient gesture. House beam grew wider and without taking his eyes off of her, he put his hand inside his jacket's pocket, fished out the panties and tossed them in her direction across the room. She promptly caught them, and flush invaded her cheeks when she locked eyes with him again.

"Damn!" he said, pouting. "I was really looking forward to you coming to my office to beg me to give them back. You know I also have a desk, or a gigantic conference table if you prefer-"

"Yeah, and very transparent glass walls too."

"Ooh, so you actually thought about it."

Cuddy's mouth dropped open and House chuckled at his own joke. He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. She looked at him limp out of her office, as she squeezed her panties rolled in a tiny ball of cloth inside her hand.

# # # # #

Moments later, House was waiting for the elevator door to open when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Are you just coming from outside?" the voice said, with that so specific, bemused tone House could have recognized among thousands of other voices.

"Give me a break!" he answered, not even bothering turning to face his inquisitor. "Of course, I'm not! How could I? You've dragged me here this morning at dawn."

"Exactly. But your office is on the fourth floor. So, you, being here can only mean two things: Either you've been in the clinic, devotedly treating patients all morning which, just being phrased out loud, already sounds totally crazy or you've spent the last hours in a bar and now you're trying to sneak casually back in, hoping no one will notice. And since, everyone knows you, voluntarily doing clinic hours isn't the rational explanation, that means-"

The elevator arrived and the door opened with a "ding" and House spun around, widening his eyes at Wilson, and pacing backward to enter the car. Once inside, he repeatedly pressed the '4' button, naïvely hoping that the door would close before his friend would get a chance to hop in. Wilson shook his head, dismayed, and stepped inside, too. They were alone but Wilson stood, staring straight ahead while House, a slight pout on his mouth, pretended to focus on a random spot on the ceiling.

As soon as the elevator started going up, Wilson turned toward House and stood with his arms held akimbo, waiting. House stubbornly glanced in every other direction but his friend's, until he was no longer able to ignore his presence and decided to face him, as it was obvious that giving Wilson a hint would be the fastest and easiest solution to get rid of him, instead of letting him drag this out indefinitely with his annoying and meddling questioning technique.

"You forgot about the third option," he finally said, flashing a "don't play the moron with me" smirk at the oncologist.

Wilson's mouth dropped open and he smiled devilishly at his friend.

"Cuddy's back," he simply stated, nodding knowingly. "You came down to see her?"

House instantly averted his eyes. The fact that he was ok with letting Wilson guess where he really was didn't mean he also agreed to give any further details. Wilson narrowed his eyes quizzically to study his friend. Everything that was unusual about House, like him right now, not even making the slightest deflecting joke about Cuddy being back, was telling something. And that very particular "something" certainly wasn't meaningless.

"So?" Wilson asked, his curiosity irrepressibly aroused by the real motives of his friend's little trip to the ground floor. "How did things go for Cuddy in Seattle?"

House couldn't hold back a smile. He didn't actually have a clue how things had gone for her in Seattle. Truth is, they didn't really have time to talk about her trip but that definitely wasn't something he could tell Wilson.

"Why are you smiling?" Wilson asked a little perplexed.

Just then, the elevator arrived on the fourth floor and as soon as the door opened, House stepped outside and started to stride toward his office, leaving Wilson rooted to his spot, watching him flee away, obviously to avoid the conversation.

Another proof, if needed, that House has something to hide, Wilson thought.

Wilson's curiosity was one of his weaknesses. He'd never tried to hide it or pretend it wasn't. That's why, once the first effect of surprise was gone, he hastily caught up with House and walked alongside him all the way to his office. He entered just after him, and House didn't even try to stop him. He went directly to his desk and sat on his chair, where he slouched down and stared at Wilson, with a teasing smile that was saying "Try me, you're never going to know!"

But Wilson, not in the least bit impressed, narrowed his eyes instead, searching for the right, efficient strategy which would help him find out about his friend's dirty little secret. As a little inner voice was telling him: With a smile like that, and a sudden boost of confidence like that, everything was pointing out to his friend having feelings for Cuddy. Something he was quite sure House would refute and deny mulishly. Wilson was no fool: No matter how hard House would try to pretend the opposite, no matter how convincing he would make his deflecting jokes sound, Wilson knew that House had a hard time while Cuddy was away.

There was no denying that evident truth as he'd witnessed his friend struggling to repress the feeling of loss he'd experienced during her absence firsthand. And when House was battling emotions like that, it was generally further proof of their significance. It meant something.

Now that Cuddy was back, Wilson hypothesized that House had probably felt a compelling urge to see her, unable to resist an almost childish need to be with her, and he was probably embarrassed to confess it to his friend now. The fact that he was catching House deliberately trying to hide that otherwise totally natural reaction touched Wilson's helplessly romantic mind.

He tilted his head to the side and looked at House, amused. But he decided that he'd seen enough and that there was no need to push his friend too far, too fast. Just maybe a little boyish joke, which they would both appreciate without making any further comment, the kind that would evoke innuendos so unlikely to happen that it would just be Wilson's way of saying, "I know you care, and you don't want to talk about it so I'm not going to force you to."

"I won't ask you about how good the getting together was," he teased. "Your open zipper already speaks for it loud and clear-"

Wilson's unexpected joke took House completely by surprise. He sat bolt upright in his chair and instinctively put his hand on the front of his jeans to check his zipper, which of course was perfectly zipped up.

But it was already too late when he realized he'd reacted on impulse, out of a reckless fear of being unmasked. He puffed, caught red-handed by what his embarrassed gesture had nearly confessed. Wilson widened his eyes, literally struck dumb by what he understood this really meant.

"You… you-" he stuttered, pointing his finger at House. "Oh my God! You didn't… for real? Did you?"

House sighed and shook his head, appalled.

"You know, you're insane," he said in a low voice, trying to avoid Wilson's inquisitive stare.

"Of course, that's me!" Wilson exclaimed, raising his hands in the air, amazed by his friend's nerve. "You did it! In the hospital! With your boss! Right in the middle of the day! And I am the one being insane? Wow, House… this is big."

"What's big? Jesus, Wilson, what new, idiotic comment have you come up with this time?" House replied theatrically, turning the tables on his friends to find a way out of the trouble he'd just put himself into.

Now that Wilson knew, he would never hear the end of it. House could already tell that by the way the oncologist was staring at him, like he would have stared at a dead man rising up from his coffin. And it was becoming a little annoying.

"Oh, come on, get a grip already! We didn't make it in the middle of the crowded clinic. We locked ourselves up and I can swear to your prude, shocked, puritan mind that nobody saw us!

Wilson ignored the comment and came closer to the desk, leaning down toward his friend.

"In her office?" he asked trying to sound offhand but, with a face that betrayed how hard he was desperately trying to chase the image out of his mind.

"If you're asking for details, I'm sorry to disappoint but you won't get any," House promptly dismissed the subject, but a slight smile still flickered across his lips at the evocation of it.

Wilson caught his self-satisfied look and paused, intrigued.

"You look-" he started, but stopped to study his friend, searching for the right word, though not really knowing which one to choose.

House crossed his arms and furrowed his brow, waiting to hear what exactly his friend thought he looked like, already getting ready to snap the perfectly snarky comeback at him.

"I don't know," Wilson carried on. "I'd say happy, if I wasn't already sure you'd pretend there's no such word in your dictionary."

"You're never gonna leave me alone with this, are you?" House said sighing resignedly.

"Nothing's wrong with wanting to be happy, House. Maybe you're not used to that feeling because it's new, but you know it's there. And it's because of-"

"The tight skirts she's wearing that show off her perfect ass," House completed with a mischievous smile.

"Her!" Wilson corrected, shaking his head. "Did you speak to her about how you feel?"

"Yeah, I don't need to spell it out for you, but I think she already pretty much understood how I felt earlier in her office."

"That's not what I'm talking about!" Wilson frowned in disapproval. "She obviously matters to you."

"How's that even possible? Her job is to make my life miserable."

"You know I'm not talking about her as Dean of Medicine-"

"But being the Dean of Medicine is part of who she is."

"Doesn't mean she will automatically make your life miserable."

"Doesn't mean she won't."

The friendly teasing was over. Wilson could clearly see real, honest concern in House's eyes and the hint of a doubt that seemed to prevent him from placing high hopes in something he was still struggling to acknowledge. He looked away and silence settled between the two men for a while until, suddenly, it was interrupted by the sound of a clearing throat.

House glanced toward his office door and just by the change of look on his face, Wilson immediately guessed that it was her without having to turn around to confirm he was right. For a split second, it suddenly felt as if he'd become completely invisible and Cuddy was the only one existing in the room.

House took in a sharp breath and straightened up in his chair, locking eyes with her, all his senses visibly in alert. It was only a fleeting glimpse of a stolen moment and soon enough, House's usually undecipherable face was back. Wilson finally turned around and acknowledged Cuddy approaching with a nod.

"I swear the panties are the only thing I took, and I've already given them back to you!" House exclaimed just then, his tone playful.

Wilson saw Cuddy freeze, a flabbergasted look on her face. She barely had time to pull herself together and then, she met Wilson's gaze. He caught a glimpse of embarrassment in her eyes and felt suddenly unwelcome especially now that he knew House's sassy comment was probably... Oh God! He flashed a shy supportive smile at her and started to make his way toward the exit.

"Lisa, it's really nice to see you back. Hope you had a nice trip in Seattle. Sorry, gotta go!" he reeled off, pacing backward toward the door.

Just before leaving, he flashed her one last friendly smile, glared at House who was watching him go unemotionally, and then he stepped outside.

House followed him with his eyes with a poker face until Wilson vanished in the hallway then he turned to look at Cuddy, a broad grin instantly lightening up his features.

"You lock the door and I take care of the blind?" he suggested, with a mischievous twinkle behind his eyes.

She stood right in front of him, and she squeezed her eyes shut trying to ignore his comment but didn't bother answering. It was useless to waste her energy trying to make House understand how inappropriate it was to make that kind of uncalled-for allusion now, not to mention the one in Wilson's presence. At the same time, no matter how twisted it was, his childish bluntness kind of made her melt, too. And it was one out of many perfect examples of the things he could say to her that she only tolerated from him.

"What's this?" she asked instead, waving a document in front of him.

House narrowed his eyes and smiled playfully.

"Hmm, from where I sit, I'd say, a sheet of paper."

"It's the list of tests you've ordered on your patient these past three days," she clarified with her bossy voice.

House sighed, guessing where this was headed.

"So?"

"So?" Cuddy chuckled. "You're wondering why I'm asking you about that? House, these are dozens of useless tests only an unsure, true beginner would order just to be sure he has correctly diagnosed a cold."

"You can never be too sure," House replied, sustaining her gaze but, feeling already defeated.

"No. That's not what you do, House!"

"You don't know that."

"I do!" she exclaimed. "Usually, you'd rather try the cure before you've even confirmed the diagnosis. But this, it's-" She stopped and looked at him with a fond smile.

"What?" he gushed.

"Proof," she simpered.

"What proof?"

"That you were lost without me," she stated victoriously, unable to hide how over the moon she truly was. "You've ordered pointless tests because I wasn't here to challenge you for the crazy ones that you'd have normally wanted to run to confirm a hunch. You need me to do what you do."

House had listened to her with his eyes wide, completely wonderstruck. God, did he like that look on her face! She was so right: He needed her challenging him to be the unconventional doctor he was. But it also meant he couldn't let her know that. Because that was part of their game. Part of what made them be who they were together. Part of what made him feel the way he felt in that very moment, looking at her, smiling at him with pride. And it was part of what scared him and prevented him from naming what it was.

There were too many feelings. He couldn't talk about them. He couldn't voice them. But at the same time, it didn't mean he couldn't feel them. Cuddy came closer and leaned down over his desk, creating a dangerous promiscuity that sped up his breathing. She laid the sheet on the desk in front of him and kept her hand on top of it, using it to help her keep her balance while she bent down lower to whisper an inch away from his face.

"All these tests, they cost a lot of money. Money you spent on this hospital's budget for no reason. Which means, you owe me. So, you better start thinking about how many clinic hours you're going to do to pay them back to me."

House stared intensely at her without saying a word. She gave him a sexy smile and slightly touched his cheek with her fingertips. Then she turned on her heel and left his office with a confident sway of the hips, which he fully enjoyed until she was no longer in sight.

A/N

I'm back and very happy to be!

I've missed reading your comments... And I was happy and touched to see you'd left reviews while I was away!

so, I want to say a huge and sincere THANK YOU to every one of you who cares for this story! I really appreciate that you take time to go here and express your feelings about it!

have a nice day! ~ maya