Disclaimer: We still don't own Twilight! Can you believe that shit? *winks*
Risk management is the identification, assessment, and prioritization of risks.
Chapter 19
BPOV
If it weren't for the light peeking through the window, I wouldn't know if it's day or night. Edward and I only left the bed for him to make a couple of phone calls, and for me to eat and use the bathroom. Oh, and we've taken several showers to get clean, but ended up just getting dirty again.
I would love to stay here forever. This hidden house in the woods makes me forget about prostitute-killing drug dealers, shitty apartments, and working the streets to provide for my next meal. I've thought about Alice, though. I hope she's okay, but I'm sure she is. I think I'd feel it if something was wrong. All I feel now is good, but that could be because I've been properly fucked . . . repeatedly.
I checked my phone a few times and there weren't any missed texts or calls. She'll call me when she realizes that I didn't come home last night. That's our protocol.
I overheard Edward speaking to Rose on the phone during the night. He thought I was sleeping, and I had been, briefly. From Edward's responses, I could tell that she was asking what I knew about him. Edward told her that I knew pretty much everything. Her next question must have been about how I'd handled it, to which Edward responded, "Fucking amazing . . . just like her."
I wonder if she's mad now that I know. Typically, I can hold my own with people like Rose, but the fact that she's a vampire makes the playing field a little uneven.
"What are you thinking about?" he asks me, his fingers grazing over my ribs, and making a trail across my stomach.
"How did you know I was awake?"
"Your heartbeat sped up."
Damned vampire senses!
"This is really going to suck. I'll never be able to hide anything from you anymore."
"Just the way I like it," he says, leaning down and placing his lips behind my ear. I don't know how it happens, but my stomach still flutter every time his lips touch me.
"Is Rose mad that I know? About you . . . and her?" I ask, rolling over to face him.
"No. She knew that it was inevitable."
"Can I ask you something else?"
"Sure. You can ask me anything, Bella."
"Why hasn't Rosalie changed McCarty? Why has she left him human all these years? I mean, I know she loves him. I can tell by how she looks at him, and he obviously loves her."
"McCarty doesn't want to be changed. They briefly discussed it early on in their relationship, but nothing ever came out of it. He's told us that he just wants to let the chips fall where they may. Also, Rose would never push the issue. She never chose this life and she wouldn't choose it for someone else, especially someone she loves."
"But McCarty won't be young forever. He'll grow old and die one day, just like I will. You've said it yourself, Edward, humans are fragile. We get diseases and sicknesses that can't be cured. We die from accidents and crazy psychopaths! If we're fortunate enough to escape all that, old age will eventually take its toll and we'll end up dying that way! What's Rose going to do when McCarty is no longer around?"
"To be honest, I don't know," he says, looking down, refusing to make eye contact with me. "This is uncharted territory for us—something we haven't had to deal with yet."
"What about vampires?"
"What about us?"
"Can you die . . . ever?"
"Yes. It's not easy, but it can be done."
"Garlic?"
"No."
"Wooden stakes?"
"No," he laughs, but humors me by continuing to answer.
"Are you repelled by crosses?"
"No."
"Holy water?"
"No."
"Well, obviously you can go out into sunlight, so that's a lie. What about slayers? Are there people like Buffy roaming around?"
"No, a mere human could never kill a vampire. We're too fast and too strong."
"Then what can kill you? Another vampire?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"If you want to know all the gruesome details, I'll tell you."
"I do! I want to know everything there is to know about you," I reply, sitting up in bed and pulling the sheet up around me.
Edward goes into a lengthy story about beheading and being set on fire. The only real way to kill a vampire is dismembering them and then burning the pieces. Apparently, if they're only dismembered and not burned, there's a way to put them back together—which seems crazy—but Edward says that he's seen it done before. During the story, he mentions Carlisle again. I remember that name from the earlier stories about his transformation.
Just the thought of Edward not existing sends chills up my spine, making me pull the sheets more tightly around me.
"Carlisle sounds like an important person to you."
"He is . . . I guess you could consider him a father figure. If it weren't for him, I probably would be dead by now."
"I'd like to meet him someday."
"I'd like that, too."
Edward gets out of bed and walks over to the large window. Pulling the drapes back, he is illuminated by the sun that was peeking through earlier. The chiseled expanse of his body is on full display. He looks like a statue in a museum—something artfully crafted out of stone . . . a Greek god.
I could sit and study him for hours.
"I need to hunt today," he says, looking out the window. "It's been a couple of days and I don't want to take any chances."
"Can I come?"
EPOV
"No."
That's my immediate response; before she could even get the three words out of her mouth, I knew my answer to that question. There's no way I'd allow Bella to go on a hunt with me. Anything could happen—I could lose control, or mistake her for my prey. I don't think I'd be able to handle knowing she'd be so close to me when I make a kill.
"Please, Edward," she begs. Her eyes plead along with her voice, something I normally can't and wouldn't refuse.
"Why do you want to go? I'm afraid it would be very disturbing for you. I can't think of one good reason for you to ever have to see that," I reply, going for the logical route.
"I want to see what it's like for you to feed. I find it very intriguing. I just want to know . . ."
Her voice weakens and trails off. The fact that she wants to know so much about me as a vampire scares the hell out of me. I know where this train of thought is leading and I don't like it. I can tell what she's thinking by her questions and her responses to our conversations, and I don't even want to go there with her. I can't.
"Bella, there's no way I could guarantee your safety. I won't put your well-being in jeopardy any more than it already is."
"I trust you."
The ring of sincerity in both her voice and expression are enough to bring me to my knees. Her trust and love are things I've only dreamed about having. Ever since the day I was turned, I've only felt like a monster, so far removed from the human I once was. Bella's unconditional love gives me back a part of myself that I thought was lost forever. She'll never know what that means to me.
How can I deny her anything?
"OK, you can come with me."
I turn back around to see a smile spread across her face.
"Thank you!"
"On one condition."
"Anything."
"Rose will accompany you and be there in case anything should go wrong."
"I don't need Rose," she says, a hint of anger lacing her words.
"No, but I need Rose," I admit. "It's the only way I'll agree to your request."
After making a quick call to my sister and bargaining with her for what seemed like eternity, she finally acquiesced, and I know I owe her one. Apparently, a motor for her 1931 Ford Roadster is her going price for today. It would be easier for me to buy her the car, but Rose doesn't want the car—she wants the parts. Her current project is to rebuild a car hailing from every decade. She starts from the tires and ends with the hood. It's quite time-consuming, but time, of course, is not an issue.
At least, up until now, it's never been an issue. I rub my hand over where my cold, dead heart resides and I feel a phantom pain. This must be similar to what amputees feel in their missing limbs. My chest feels tight as I think about Bella and time . . . and the chance that I might not have enough of it with her. I force myself to push that thought to the back of my mind for now and vow to take the best care of her. I want to keep her with me as long as time will allow, and I'll do everything in my power to make that as long as possible.
Walking into the closet, I go on a search for anything that Bella might be able to wear. Neither of us has worn clothes the last couple of days. She only has the clothes she was intially wearing and I think she'll need a thicker shirt to go out into the forest. It's dense and very little sun gets through the canopy of trees. I pull on a pair of well-worn jeans and a black t-shirt, which is my standard hunting attire, and grab a flannel shirt for Bella.
As I walk back into the bedroom, Bella's just stepping out of the bathroom. Her hair is damp and falling down on her shoulders. The blood is close to her skin from her warm bath, her scent filling the room. I inhale deeply, coating my throat with the essence of Bella, testing my will-power. Surprisingly enough, not a drop of venom pools in my mouth . . . nothing which signifies a desire to consume Bella in any way that would be a danger to her. It's true that I can't get enough of her, but it's not her blood that I desire—it's her.
Her eyes meet mine and a knowing look crosses her face. The corner of her mouth lifts, along with her right eyebrow. She knows exactly where my mind is at; it's as if she can read my thoughts. She knows what I want and she knows how to give it to me. If I didn't believe in God before, I do now, because He made her just for me. I'm sure of it.
"Rose is going to be here any minute," she says, smirking.
"In case you haven't heard, I'm really fast."
In less than five seconds, I'm hovering over her naked body. Her flushed cheeks and wide eyes make her appear frightened, but the smile on her lips tells me that she's not. I can feel and hear her heart beating swiftly, anticipating my next move. The need to have her increases as I quickly free myself, feeling the heat radiating from her core.
Two seconds later, I'm sheathed and plunging inside her.
Bella grips the sleeves of my shirt, as she pulls herself up to meet me. She gives and I take, then we switch roles. It's the perfect example of what a relationship should be, something I've been missing for the last 30 years.
There are no spoken words, only silent promises and proclamations, as we both climax quickly.
Just as Bella and I are finished dressing, I hear the front door unlock, open, and close.
I timed that just right; good thing that I did, because my sister knows no boundaries.
"Let's get this over with. I really don't have time to babysit," Rose huffs out, loud enough for only me to hear.
"You just got here and you're already being a bitch? Can you not control yourself for a short amount of time?"
"Who are you talking to?" Bella asks.
"My sister."
"Fucking vampire hearing!" she mutters under her breath. Her petulant attitude is adorable.
"Put this on!" I demand, holding out a flannel shirt.
As we make our way deep into the woods behind my house, I watch Bella cautiously. With every moment that passes, her words hit me harder.
Human. Fragile. Disease. Sickness. Crazy psychopaths.
Something inside me is changing, evolving; a process I thought was impossible for me.
I instruct Rose to sit on top of a large boulder, far enough away from where I plan to hunt, but still close to be sufficient for Bella. The fear that something could go wrong still nags me, but I push it away. The sad truth is that I can't say no to her. What Bella wants, Bella will have. I don't think she fully comprehends the power she has over me.
"Rose, your only job is to keep Bella safe. If, for a split second, you think she's in danger in anyway, take her and run back to the house." I see the annoyed expression on my sister's face. I know she thinks that I'm being overprotective and that this whole situation is ridiculous, but I don't care.
Nervously, I back away from Bella and Rose, trying to gauge Bella's feelings by the expression on her face. She hasn't said more than a few words since we left the house, but the only thing I can tell by watching her is that she appears to be intrigued—excited even.
I'm not sure what I want the result to be from this. Originally, I was hoping that it would scare her off—now, I don't know. The only thing I do know is that I don't want her to look at me any differently. If seeing me hunt down and kill an animal causes her to be afraid of me and reject me, it would be my second death. Now that I have her, I can't imagine walking this earth without her.
After I'm a good hundred yards away, I take a deep breath and try focusing on the task at hand. I haven't fed in a few days, and when I hear a faint heartbeat coming into range, my body vibrates with anticipation. The woodsy, less metallic smell tells me it's a deer, so I pause, because it's not what I want . . . I'm waiting for something more substantial. Using the willpower and discipline I've learned over the years, I hunch down and wait for the kill that I want—the one that will satiate my natural instincts and urges.
I can hear Bella and Rose talking. Rose knows I can hear their conversation; initially, it pisses me off, because I'm not sure that Bella knows exactly how far my range of hearing goes. I hate that Rose thinks she can trick Bella into revealing something in confidence to her alone; it's not, because I can hear every word. I try not to eavesdrop, but it's difficult to tune them out, especially when my name keeps coming up.
"What you have to understand, Bella, is that it's truly not your choice. You can't change yourself. If it's something you decide that you do want, it will ultimately be Edward's decision. He's the one who has to live with his decision . . . and you, for the rest of eternity."
I know that Rose's opinions on that particular topic—well, most topics—are strong, but she doesn't have to be so harsh. What I've learned over the last 35 years is that her abrasiveness is a defense mechanism. In her way of thinking, if she doesn't give a shit about people, it won't hurt as much when they leave—and everyone eventually leaves.
A few minutes pass. Suddenly, I hear sounds approaching in the distance, distracting me from the conversation going on behind me. From the north come quick, quiet strides, which then slow to a walk as my prey gets closer. Its senses tell it danger's near, but its curiosity is what gets it killed. I walk slowly, anticipating its every move. When it's too close to escape, I make my attack, launching myself onto its back and tumbling with it to the ground. Venom pools in my mouth; in a fraction of a second, my teeth are firmly planted in the cougar's neck. The blood flows freely, quenching the constantly burning fire in my throat.
Once I've drained every last ounce, not wasting a single drop, I glance back where I left Bella and Rose. The look on Bella's face is not what I'd been prepared for. I thought I'd see fear maybe, or disgust; the look of raw desire in her eyes, and the smirk on her lips, is not what I was expecting.
"Fuck me!" I hear her breathe out.
Rose's head snaps toward her and a similar smirk forms on her lips. She reads humans well, so I know she must see what I'm seeing.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, making sure there's not a trace of my meal on my lips, and walk over to them at normal human speed, giving both of us time to rein in our natural instincts.
"Are you done with me?" Rose asks, rising up from the boulder and brushing herself off. "I have much more important things to do."
"That'll be all, Rose," I say, dismissing her from her duty. I could hunt more. I probably need to hunt more; right now, the only thing I can think about is consuming the stunning, wild-haired brunette crouched in front of me.
A/N:
Jenny Kate: Hello, out there! Jiff and I feel like it's been forever since we posted a chapter! We've been working on a couple of contest entries, so our apologies for the delay!
Jiff: That's also our excuse for not replying to reviews . . . again. Sorry, lovies!
Jenny Kate: It's also our excuse for neglecting our houses and children . . . and anything else we've been guilty of lately. So, what did you guys think of the chapter?
Jiff: I, personally, thought the chapter was HAWT! What about Bella's reaction to Edward hunting?
Jenny Kate: It's similar to my reaction to Edward hunting. RAWR. We also found out a little more about McCarty and Rose. She may have some redeeming qualities, after all.
Jiff: I don't know . . . she wasn't very nice to Bella when Edward was hunting . . .
Jenny Kate: True. I think she just can't help herself. Bitchiness must have been her most prominent quality prior to being changed.
Jiff: Hey, if Edward's heart can thaw out, maybe there's still hope for Rose. McCarty must like it rough . . . just sayin'.
Jenny Kate: Yup. *waggles eyebrows* Maybe we need to write a Rose/McCarty outtake one of these days?
Jiff: Oohhh, my wheels are turning now. I've never written a lemon for another couple. It could be fun!
Jenny Kate: We'll have to continue this particular convo in private!
Jiff: Yay! Whatsapp won't know what to think with us discussing a different couple!
Jenny Kate: LOL. It might short circuit!
Jiff: It wouldn't be the first time we broke WA! FYI: The Age of Edward contest has all of its entries posted now, so go check them out and vote for your favorite. We may or may not have an entry but, either way, it's a great contest! Also, if you didn't get the notifications, I wrote a little somethin'-somethin' for JK's birthday called Sugar Walls, if you'd like a little sweetness to read.
Many thanks and much love to our beta Mauigirl60! XOXO