Sorry I took so long, with the AP tests and schoolwork/preparing for my checkride (flying) and college (I'm going away on June 24th), I've been rather busy. This is still within my now kinda standard 3 week per chapter timeframe, so I hope you'er okay with that pace. I can make them shorter and update more often, or I can keep it as is. Please give me your opinion on that via PM or reviews. ALSO, if I have not mentioned this before, I will do so now. I want your honest, completely uncensored opinion on this, and on this particular issue more than any other I've asked for input on. Do you think I was too rushed in the development of Andron and Aureleth's relationship? Normally, chapters 8 and 9 or their counterparts in other stories would be around the end, or before a final big part at the end. Here, they're close to the beginning. Is there a problem with that? I'll make it work, either way, and have some plans on remedying that issue without retconning, however I'd still REALLY LIKE your input on that. Thanks again so much for reading, and chapter 16 might be a shorter one updated in a smaller amount of time. Please Review, and thanks so much again :D
EDIT... *hides head in immeasurable shame* So in my haste to get this chapter up I reall, REALLY f*cked up some editing issues and left some notes lying around within the text as well as some temporal (time) inconsistencies. I offer my deepest apologies for that, and I believe this is remedied, so if you want you can read it again and enjoy the nicer flow starting at the part where it's just Andron and Aureleth talking alone. Again, so sorry.
ALSO i am going to move this sumbitch along. Next chapter will see them to the hub, and from there it's gonna pick up. Prepare for a drop in mush, and a massive increase in the other kind of mush (smashed skulls :P)
He stood, something in his soul compelling him to do so. Andron watched Eruwen as she mourned, the pain she felt digging into his heart as well. He felt a presence next to him, and turned to see that Aureleth had moved to his side. She wore a look of deeply saddened confusion, making him realize that she did not know of the pict that he had, and the significance of where they stood. He reached into his breast pocket and removed it before handing it to her. She took it, holding it with care as if a slip of her fingers would make it turn to dust.
She received the pict from him, and what she saw in it wrenched her heart. In the exact spot where the grieving child cried, stood that same girl, even more youthful and innocent, and her sister, who Aureleth had not seen until then. She was strikingly beautiful, and she was glad to have a vision of the young woman other than the horror she had seen the day before. She held her sister, wearing a lovely smile that made her eyes shine as bright as Eruwen's had been. She lowered the pict, and saw only loss in place of the happiness she had been staring into only an instant before. Aureleth had been a warrior, but… the horrors of war had never been so close, so personal. She felt a touch on her fingertips, and the pict slid from her hand. In her peripheral vision she could see Andron placing it back into his breast pocket. His other hand took its place on hers, and he held it tight. They stood and watched, knowing that not a single thing they could do would be able to surmount such a massive personal tragedy at the time.
"Had I known that this is what I did when I killed…" Her voice was barely a whisper. She knew not how many men she had slain, and most of them were Andron's age. Sons, brothers, fathers, friends… she'd butchered them. She had her war mask so that she would not have to live with it for the rest of her life, but it haunted her still. She tried to remember what she had felt as she had killed. Fear, anger… sadness; those were the emotions that coldly grabbed at her conscience once again as she ventured towards that blackened region of her mind. What she believed in, what she wanted for herself, Andron, and Eruwen, was exactly what she had destroyed thousands of times before in her life. She had a horrific realization at that moment. War was inescapable. The instant she stepped off the edge into the hellish abyss of war… There was no turning back. There never was. War would find them, and it would do everything in its power to strip them of who they were, what they had, and what they'd become. Even something as powerful as their love, which she believed to be indestructible… even that could be challenged. War consumed all. All they could do was avoid it. Getting sucked back in would mean losing everything. One did not have to be shot, stabbed, or crushed in order to die in war. Everyone died. The person that stepped off the ledge never comes back. Whoever returns is another being entirely, one that has experienced horrors that none should ever have to. Sometimes there would be shards of the old left, but it was only a matter of time until they were lost completely. The thought absolutely terrified her, possibly more than anything else in her life.
"We did what we had to. What they did, though…" He could not even finish the sentence, unable to find words vile enough that would not drive men mad to know. He thought about what he had just said. They did what they had to do. He lamented so much that he had done, and even as he carried out those acts he'd known that they were wrong. Still, he had done them anyway. Why? Silence was his answer. Silence from his heart, his soul, and his mind. There might not even be an answer, he thought.
"It will be nighttime soon. We should prepare for tomorrow," she paused, casting her eyes to the ground, feeling guilty for seeming unsympathetic to Eruwen's life-destroying plight. "We have to be ready, as I do not know what will await us once we arrive there. I will see to her," she indicated Eruwen, who had since sat down against the tree, her head resting against it directly under her and Anhariel's names, and was staring off towards the sunset, her face red and shining with tears. She approached the child, leaving Andron to go about preparing himself for the day ahead, which largely consisted of trying to convince himself that they stood a good chance at living.
Eruwen was close with her entire family, but the relationship she'd had with Anhariel was something special. The bond they'd had was like nothing she shared with anyone else. She clutched at the only memento she had left of her beloved sister. The necklace… It wasn't there. Eruwen's blood turned to ice, grinding away at the inside of every last inch of her body as an equally cold lump formed in her stomach. It was… gone. How had she forgotten it? Anhariel's tear-covered face as she gave it back to Eruwen flashed before her eyes. She had lost it. She had lost her. Eruwen was pounded by despair with the force of a meteor, her mind running blank, utterly consumed by the horrific grief she felt. There was nothing. Her only connection to her past life, where she had lived in peace with those that she loved was gone. The one thing her sister had given to protect, she had lost. Eruwen could no longer stand, the unthinkable realities that had become her life beginning to take hold. She wanted nothing more than to see her sister again, to hear her voice again, to be held by her again… she felt colder and more alone than she ever had before in her life. She was too encased in grief to notice Aureleth take a seat next to her. She felt a hand on her shoulder, the first contact she had had with someone for… for too long. Aureleth's voice was quiet, and despite the futility of trying to comfort her, Eruwen found that it took away the tiniest sliver of the pain she felt.
"Eruwen…" The only time she had dealt with death had been in combat, and even after that, her war mask had taken the pain for her. Having to sit down and face such things on a level as personal as required in Eruwen's instance would be something she'd never done before. She was unsure if she could be of any help, as even though she wanted to think otherwise, her mind was still that of a warrior, and she was unsure if she would ever be able to fully remove the reins of war from her soul and be free of the emotional prison that it created. Eruwen continued to stare at her feet, peering at them over her knees with her hands clutched together at her chest though there was nothing there. Eruwen's already deep sorrow was only compounded by the loss of Anhariel's pendant, but Aureleth had no way of knowing that, as its existence was unknown to her. Aureleth realized with deep sadness that neither she nor anybody would have any words that would ease the child's pain; there was nothing to say. Was she supposed to tell her to stay strong, or that they are no longer suffering? Their soul stones had been taken, and for all they knew, were either destroyed or lost. There was absolutely nothing positive that she could find to give Eruwen. Not a sliver of hope… nothing. She searched, and only saw darkness. She leaned in and embraced her as she sat curled up. "I'm so sorry."
She felt empty, or would have if it were not for the emotions writhing inside of her. She was keeping them hidden, or at least trying to. Though she tried to suppress the volcano of grief welling up inside of her, it needed release, and it would find a way out if she did not let it. She wanted to throw her head back and wail at the darkening sky, to ask why such horrific things had happened to her. Something in her kept that from happening for reasons she did not understand. Eruwen tried to find solace in Aureleth's embrace, but there was none to be had. She only felt suffocated. It was not Aureleth's fault, but even if her own mother had done it Eruwen would have felt the same. She leaned to the side, slowly shrugging off the woman's arms. Aureleth sighed, understanding. Eruwen resumed looking at the lush, green grass. Anyone else would have found it beautiful, would have enjoyed the feeling of the cool, soft blades as they sat, but all she saw were lost lives and hope.
"She is dying inside. I can feel it," Aureleth said solemnly as she sat down next to Andron, who had also done so, and was gazing towards the sunset. "I want nothing more than to help her. I feel her pain, what she is trying to hide. It is a horrible sight to behold, yet… yet there is nothing that I can do," she addressed Andron with sad, forlorn eyes.
"I know… but… what is there to say? Some things simply cannot be helped, and this is one of them. Both you and I have experienced loss, seen horrible things, done horrible things… but our minds were prepared for it. We knew the risks; we were tempered, and ready. Her, though…" he pointed to Eruwen, who had remained in the exact same position, a blank stare on her face. "She is only a child, and just like that, her entire life was destroyed. I doubt even I could handle something like that. What she must have seen and heard are..." He sighed. "There's nothing we can do. I doubt there ever will be. We can try, but…" He let himself fall backwards, his arms spread out to the side as he lamented. "Throne of Terra, why must this happen? Did… did you ever even want to fight? I damn myself to the Warp for it now, but at one point I did. I mean… against those that have absolutely no goal other than our destruction I see no issue, but there is room for peace in this galaxy. And at a point in my life I wanted none of it." He tilted his head towards her. The light shined softly on her features, casting delicate shadows across her face, some of them dancing as her hair was picked up and waved in the wind. The sight of it gave him some peace, but the feeling of self-loathing still remained. "What… what does that make me?"
Aureleth turned down to meet his eyes, a small frown on her face. He was quick to demonize himself. "I only see what is in front of me, and what I see is a gentle soul that wants nothing more than for a world where one can live without fear. That is what you are. You are not evil, and you are certainly not bloodthirsty. War…" her eyes fell to the grass. "War consumes us. No matter how much we try to fight it, it will overtake us if we become too involved. The part of you that wants nothing to do with it, the part of you that contains who you are, your morals, your hopes, dreams… you, are thrust into the recesses of your own mind. What remains is a husk, his soul rent from his body by the claws of death, pain, and destruction. Occasionally, one might have a moment of clarity. They usually exist between battles, or important moments where decisions have the most impact… or, as one dies, his final breath escaping from his body along with his tortured spirit, finally free from the hell it had been thrust into." She connected eyes with him. "You, however… I believe you are special. I believe that you are one of the few that can fight against such a fate. You have in the past."
Andron had seen too many driven mad by the horrors of war. Everyone he had ever seen that had fought was impacted somehow. He realized that there was really nobody who got away unscathed. He'd had friends who started out just as he had. They were eager, wanting to serve, and had a fire in their hearts lit with the flame of the Imperial faith. Soon, however, they were just like the rest. They were dead inside. No matter how charismatic they might have seemed, they all looked the same on the inside. Every last one of their thoughts, actions, words, and emotions was somehow impacted by what they had suffered. And during battle… she was right. He prayed that he would be able to avoid such a fate. What use was there surviving when all that would be left would be a walking corpse?
"I hope," he said. He repeated it again, mumbling it under his breath. He turned his head upwards, looking back at Eruwen. It was likely beginning to happen to her. Though it would not turn her into a killer, war would kill her as well if he did not protect her. Aureleth was right, Eruwen was dying inside. While he and the warrior had developed ways to cope, or try to cope with the horrors they had to endure, Eruwen had no defense. She was being eaten from the inside out by what she had seen. He pitied her, possibly more than he ever pitied someone in his life.
"I did at times…" Aureleth's voice eased through the silence.
"Hmmm?" He cocked his head towards her.
"At times, I did want to fight. Though there is a difference in wanting to fight for one's defense, there were times where I wanted to kill even though there really was no need. You know of one instance. I was dead. What raised a pistol to your head and fired that day…" she choked up at the memory. "It was I, yet it was not. I could feel myself thrust into the smallest corner of my own mind as the rest was consumed in white hot flames of hatred and anger. Even at times other than that, I could feel it. I felt pressed down, pushed aside as little by little I lost… everything, to that emptiness."
Andron knew that there was nothing he could do for Eruwen at the time, and though he felt terrible leaving her to wallow in her pain, he did not want to intrude on her. He hadn't eaten in over a day, and reminded Aureleth that neither had she.
"I have some of these things," he pulled out the pouch of thumb-sized seeds and handed it to her before removing an MRE from its wrapping.
"What is that?" She curiously eyed what he held.
"No idea," He sniffed it to ensure that it would not kill him before taking a bite out of it. It was funny, how a meal, no matter how horrendous, could ease one's mind after going so long without eating. He figured that was why they had no need to make what he ate taste good, as they knew he would appreciate it regardless.
"Is that all you are given?" She split one of the seeds in half before putting it into her mouth. It did not taste very good raw, and was really meant to be used as an ingredient, but she didn't care… and it certainly looked better than whatever Andron held.
"Usually. I mean, when we're out fighting and not near any set base or anything, then yes. Once we get points set up, we get stuff that more closely resembles food." He was pretty sure it was supposed to taste like Grox meat, but in no way was he certain. They sat and ate in silence for several minutes.
"Where will we go?" He voiced a question that had been circulating in his head since they had set out across the plains.
"After we reach the hub? There are paths leading to areas all over the entire craftworld, most of which are underground. If we can commandeer a vehicle, we will be able to go almost anywhere. We could get as far away from the fighting as we can, and simply wait for the war to end." She placed the other half of the seed into her mouth and began chewing on it as she listened to his response.
"Okay, but… what if the Eldar don't win?"
She looked at him. "Then what difference does it make what we have done? They plan on destroying Yul'Te, do they not?"
He frowned. "Yeah, but there's always the possibility that they would want to keep it intact in order to study it. There are certain Ordos that would want that. Either way, victory for the Imperium does not bode well for us. You know this place better than I do, so I'll leave the decision up to you about where we go."
She shuddered at the idea of humans sweeping across her beloved craftworld and systematically exterminating all of the Eldar on it in order to study it. "We shall see. I do believe that farther away from the port would be best, naturally."
Andron chuckled. "This is all just one leap of faith after another, isn't it?"
"I do believe that is what it has come to, yes," she smiled.
They sat in content silence for a moment, before Andron found his eyes pulled towards Eruwen, who still sat with her back against the tree, and was still staring off into the setting sun which was almost halfway below the horizon. He frowned. While they sat together, the soul of the child behind him was being crushed under the weight of deep, deep depression.
"I hate it,"
"Hmmm?" She looked away from the sun.
"She's reminded me what war has done to me. Have we become this calloused? Shouldn't we be comforting her or something?"
She pursed her lips in contemplation. "If one witnesses enough horror, a tolerance will grow. It does not matter what we do, there is no fighting the effect it has on us. We can try to escape it, but it is impossible to completely resist what war will do to us. Even for you and I, it will leave its mark. We could go far, far away, back to your home planet, or to an Exodite world, but the shadow of war will follow us. It has become a part of us that we will take wherever we go. As I said before, all we can do is try to remain ourselves throughout all of it…" she paused for a moment. "Do humans have a war mask?"
He looked up, "A what?"
"We have trained ourselves to have alternate personas, almost, that we call war masks. We use it to take all of the pain, absorb the hatred and sorrow that comes with war so that we might try to live normal lives after we leave the Path of the Warrior. As I have said, however, it still leaves its mark on us, even if we have our war masks."
He thought about her question. He certainly had never been trained for such a thing. How was he supposed to know if he had an alternate persona to take his pain? The answer was simple. He closed his eyes, and the same things he saw every time he tried to sleep, closed them to rest, or even blinked, flashed before his eyes. No. It was all there. It was right with him.
"Close your eyes," he said.
"Close my eyes?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Close your eyes, and tell me what you see."
"Very well," she said skeptically as she closed her eyes, and remained that way for almost a minute.
"What do you see?"
"I see that boy," she whispered, surprise creeping into her voice.
"Who, Harkin?"
"Yes. I see Eruwen's family, too. I see the officer you shot, and those men that I killed before we found each other again… I... see the faces of the dead."
He felt guilty for finding some solace in the fact that he wasn't alone. "Then, what has your war mask done for you?"
"I have not worn mine in a long time. It does not take long to lose it. Eventually, the memories might start to come back, and any new ones are put directly into my soul. My mask remains hidden, and until I find it again, everything I see and do will become a part of me." She sighed.
"What else did you see?" He felt like she might have been withholding something, as he saw her brow furrow after she told him what she'd seen.
"I saw… you."
He recoiled slightly. "Me? Dead?"
"I… do not know. It was only a fleeting image. I believe it was when we first crossed paths. Why that memory is not kept with my war mask I do not know, however I saw you." She looked up at him. "I do believe that you need not worry, however. It could be for another reason that I see you whenever I close my eyes," she said, reassuring him with a smile.
He returned with a nervous smile.
"What do you think will be there?" He broke the short silence that had followed their previous conversation.
"If I knew, I would tell you. All we can do is hope that whatever awaits us is something that we can overcome or avoid. I do not think that the Imperials will have gotten that far, as the front at the Dome of Falling Skies seems to be holding. If we make haste tomorrow, we can ensure that we avoid any sort of conflict. I am confident in our abilities," she said.
He grunted. "So, what do we do about her?" He pointed to the child who was beginning to lose a battle with sleep, likely by her own will.
"She needs rest; tomorrow will be difficult for all of us."
Eruwen was on the edge of consciousness, happily succumbing to the pull of sleep. She was starting to feel a little cold, but she was not willing, nor was she sure how to, ask Andron for his field blanket. She'd tried to find the memory that she'd relived when they had first arrived, but all that greeted her was emptiness. Her last thoughts before she fell asleep were ones of what she'd lost. There was almost too much for her to wrap her mind around, she thought as she slipped into an uneasy slumber.
Andron's sighed out of pity for the girl before reaching into his pack and removing his field blanket. He stood and carefully crept over to her as she slept, putting perhaps more effort than in his entire life into being undetectable. He draped the blanket over her form, which was propped up against the tree. He held his breath as she toppled over, laying down in the grass. He quietly exhaled before returning to Aureleth's side. Looking at her, he saw that she was biting her lip in contemplation, one of her canines protruding from her mouth slightly as she did so.
"Something wrong?"
She almost started at the sound of his voice so suddenly interrupting her thoughts, which was probably a result of what the thoughts were.
"No, no... Well, nothing is wrong, though I am thinking."
"About?"
She shifted as she sat, apparently almost uncomfortable with voicing the idea that, while she was sure was present in the back of his mind, was still absolutely foreign to both of them. "What will we do?"
He was confused, and could have sworn that they had already discussed that. "You said we'd go to the hub and then try to escape to areas that haven't gotten caught up in this, right?"
"Indeed I did, but... I meant... what will we do..." she looked at him, "after that?"
He immediately understood what she was asking, and why she was nervous about doing so. If there was one thing that war did, it was amplify emotions. As a result of that, they had advanced through a long process in a matter of days. Still, such a process cannot be flawlessly executed in such a short time, and thus a strange distance still remained between them in some areas. It all still seemed surreal to them in a sense, and as a result the idea she brought up was difficult to discuss. They still felt deep down inside that all they had was a fleeting moment of happiness before the inevitable. The thought that they could actually survive and enjoy a life of peace afterwards was nearly incomprehensible.
"You mean after all of this?" He gestured towards the smoke columns in the distance.
She nodded sheepishly, almost embarrassed at the idea and its implications.
"I... don't know," he replied. "What about her?" Andron nodded back to Eruwen.
"Hmmm?"
"What will we do with her?" Andron knew that it was of little use to think so far ahead regarding the fate of the girl, but Emperor willing, they would have to consider such things. He was beginning to have to ponder ideas that he had discarded when he'd joined the Guard, and having them suddenly brought to the forefront of his conscience again was confusing at least. He felt a pang of guilt shoot through him as he voiced his question, however. In the back of his mind there was no doubt as to what they would do, but he had already said it.
Aureleth thought about his question. She knew little to nothing about rearing a child, and such thoughts had never even began to cross her mind. She could kill and make it artful, wage war with grace that few could match, and was virtually fearless in the face of death, yet a simple question, one that should have an easy answer, was almost frightening to consider for her. There only seemed to be one thing to do, however. "Well… we cannot just send her on her way alone. We will have to care for her ourselves most likely."
Andron smiled. He wondered though, how Eruwen would receive such an idea. The thought of them caring for a war-orphaned, severely emotionally harmed Eldar child was almost absurd to him, but he welcomed it. In the back of his mind he had always wanted to wage more peaceful wars against such things as the hardships that come with children. "The three of us… we're like a hastily assembled family." He meant it as somewhat of a statement wrapped in light humor, but looking over at her he saw that her face was bright red, its color visible even in the sunset.
"A…family?" She had thought of it herself before, but hearing him say it was something entirely different. She was unsure why it was son intensely embarrassing for her, but she could barely stand to think of it.
Andron then considered his own fate. He knew that she most likely had been as well, and though they were both dreading having to come to grips with the dark realities and possibilities that would lie ahead of them, it was inevitable. His smile faded before he asked. "What about me? Surely I would not be able to stay."
Aureleth only sighed, not wanting to think too much about such a possibility, even though in the back of her mind it was almost a certainty.
"Is there anyone you can talk to? It might seem ridiculous, but is there?"
"What do you mean, a higher power or a council? We have a council, yes, but such an issue is unprecedented for Yul'Te. It is likely even unprecedented in our race's entire history. Our options are…few." She bowed her head slightly as several realizations dawned upon her. "Is… is this all for naught?"
He looked over to her, seeing distress begin to creep onto her face. "What do you mean?"
"Is this futile? Are we being foolish in our pursuit?" She had been so caught up in the present that she had not had any time to actually contemplate the future. Being able to, she did not like what she saw. The reality was looking darker as she examined it further.
"I don't know. And what I consider to be a trademark of humanity is that we usually don't know, or care. I will do everything in my power to ensure that this is not for nothing, and I know you will as well. That's all we can do. You even agreed with me that this is just one leap of faith after another. I have no idea what's to come, but whatever it is, we'll think of something. I think we've both been in worse situations," he said as he put his arm around her shoulder.
Andron knew that the Eldar would not be receptive of him, at least not with open arms, but a part of him was hoping that maybe they would be more accepting than the Imperium. They had shown that his hopes were not misplaced, but war could turn anybody into a savage beast, and he had no shortage of horrifying stories he had heard in his lifetime about combat with the Eldar. After an event such as an attack on their craftworld, he was doubtful that they would be in the mood to accept a human into their midst. He feared that Aureleth might suffer because of it as well…
"To the end, I'll do everything that I can to keep you safe. She is only a child, and you are still young," he huffed "between the two of you there is almost two thousand years of life to be had. The average life expectancy for a guardsman is fifteen hours. I'm already living on borrowed time. Even if I lived a life of peace, I could only pray that I saw two hundred. I'm only human," he lamented.
"You think yourself insignificant? You saved my life, and in more ways than one. I owe you mine." She looked hurt at his self-deprecating attitude.
"That's akin to trading a bolter for a rusty dagger."
She frowned at that, and her response showed her slowly building frustration with its slightly increased vigor. "Andron, you have become important to me. Very important. I do not know why fate has intertwined our lives so, but we have found what few in this world can ever even dream of. I do not know how long it will last, but I plan on keeping it for as long as possible, even if the world is conspiring against us. Andron, we are very different in the end, and while those differences between us have yet to be stressed, we have made it thus far. What I am saying is that... I would have been killed had it not been for you, and not only do I owe you my life, but there is something else inside of me that I have never before experienced in my life. No other beings, not even other Eldar who live several times as long as you, were able to bring those feelings out. You did, Andron. And if you can do all that you have done while being human, given the short time that you have to work with, I envy your ability."
"I hope. It has been such a short time since we found each other, but I feel as if… I just don't want to lose you. I cannot bear that thought anymore." Aureleth leaned into him, her hair settling on his chest and flowing down into his lap. The possibility was very real that they could die or become separated. They were, after all, in a warzone. If she could just enjoy what time they had together, the three of them, and make it last as long as possible… that was all there was to do.
He tightened his arm around her. "I know. I won't let that happen." He looked down at her. "I promise."
"I know." She returned the embrace. Regardless of what their future held, whether they died the very next day, she had found happiness in him, and she would hold onto it for as long as she could. It might have seemed selfish to her years before, but she had never experienced such emotions herself until only a few days before. She also knew that he would do the same, but some things were simply out of one's ability to control. She prayed that it would never come to that, but the darkness loomed all around them, and there was no escaping its shadow.
"If we… run into anything… how will we protect ourselves now that we have her to look after?"
Aureleth thought about his question for a moment. Before, they could hold their own in a fight if need be, however with Eruwen under their care, they had to completely rethink how they would go about confrontations. Their first and best line of defense was always evasion, but in the event that they were forced to fight, Eruwen was a variable that they could not ignore. Retreat and hiding would be their best options at all times. Only if absolutely necessary should they fight. She voiced those thoughts to Andron.
When she spoke, he looked towards her out of reflex. When his eyes fell upon her, though, he heard not a single word she said. Behind her from where he was looking was a landscape the likes of which he thought was only possible in a dream. Softly rolling hills covered in green grass, with alien flowers, their bright petals and limbs extending outwards gracing the plains, were backed by swirling wisps of clouds on an orange and purple sky that extended up into blackness the higher he looked. In the foreground of all of that was Aureleth. The breeze had died down, but retained just enough strength to tug at the ends of her long, ethereal golden-white hair which flowed with the currents. The soft, dimming light from the setting sun radiated from her face which almost seemed to glow, the tips of her elegantly curved ears accented by the light. Her eyes reflected the light, glints of orange in her depthless green irises. She looked like an angel, something not of the world of hatred and death that they were trying so desperately hard to escape.
"Andron,"
He was snapped back into reality by her voice. "Yeah?"
"Are you well? You seemed… preoccupied," A look of mild concern was on her face.
"I'm fine. I've just never seen something like it before."
"It?"
"The sunset." He knew the instant he said it that it was a mistake. She confirmed his fears a second later.
"The sunset is over there," She indicated the direction of it, roughly ninety degrees away from where he'd been looking.
He huffed a laugh. "Yeah… I know."
"What were you looking at?" Due to her inexperience in the ideas surrounding Andron's actions, she was unable to understand what he had actually been doing.
He laughed, a warm sound, but indicative of his amusement. He just looked into her eyes and let that be his answer. Her face turned a bright red, visible even in the sunlight.
"It is beautiful though, is it not?" She tried to change the subject away from her embarrassment. They were gazing over the landscape of rolling green hills on a backdrop of a setting sun. She pulled her knees to her chest, leaning into his embrace.
"It is," he said. She leaned her head on his shoulder and they remained that way for some time before lying down, and fell asleep on the cool grass as the sun was just falling below the horizon, the sky an orange, red and purple mixture of cloudy wisps.
The lasrifle stopped firing, a click signaling that the power cell had run dry. His finger was still wrapped tight around the trigger, pressing it into the grip, its thin form digging into his skin. He stood with trembling hands, his eyes still rife with afterimages; blue and white imprints in his vision as his retinas recovered from the intense strobe of his rifle. In the afterimages he saw them. Each flash was like a frame in a movie. Each time the dark room was lit again with a blindingly bright red light there was one more black-outlined hole bored into one of them. He had seen their deaths in pictures, at his own hands. Those afterimages would remain for the rest of his life, even after his vision recovered. He lost all strength in his arms and they fell limp, his lasrifle dangling from his fingers at his side, his other hand hanging limp. He bit back tears that threatened to flood from his eyes, tasting blood and realizing that he had bit his tongue so hard that it bled. The others stood around him, silent. Most wore blank expressions, some had hate written on their faces, and a very small few showed signs of pain. All, however, stared at the four dead bodies that lay in front of them, riddled with seared and cauterized holes and sitting in growing pools of blood.
"We are leaving. Our work here is done. And you..." The commissar gestured towards Andron with his bolt pistol. "Hesitate again, and I will not."
Without another word the man turned and left, the others following suit, what remained of the battered company assembling outside. Andron turned to leave, but forced one last glance back at what he had done. He would make sure that their memory would haunt him to the Warp and back. He forced his eyes to scan their faces. He saw masks of pain and fear, agony and sadness. Were they not the same faces he saw on those killed by the forces of Chaos themselves?
Andron woke with a start, a sharp intake of breath sounding from his mouth as his eyes flicked open. They darted around, taking in his surroundings in a second before the dream was pushed from the forefront of his mind, resuming its lurking in his subconscious. It was dark still, the light of the artificial moon reflecting sunlight from the other side of Yul'Te onto the ground. He heard a rustle and his hand jumped to his lasrifle. He relaxed when it was followed by the barely perceptible sound of someone choking back a sob. His hand left his rifle, and he carefully slid away from Aureleth, being sure to not wake her. Looking over to the source of the noise, he saw a lump under his field blanket. Again she had curled herself up into an isolated world of pain. He again felt guilty for leaving her to deal with her problems herself, but he reminded himself that she would not have had any of his help.
He would rectify that, however. They had no idea what would lie waiting for them when they arrived at the transportation hub, but they could be sure that they might not survive. Even if that were not the case, Andron did not want Eruwen to be in such a pitiful mental state. At the rate she was going, she would be dead whether or not her physical form was destroyed. While he knew that she would likely never recover fully from such a tragic loss, and certainly not within the few short days since they had found her, giving her what Aureleth had given him, someone to confide in, would help. If not only for practical reasons, he wanted her to be able to trust him. Not only would they be more likely to make it out alive, it simply pained him immensely to see the fear and hurt in her eyes every time she looked at him or he tried to approach her. He had little in the way of a plan for handling her, but he supposed that way was best.
He stood and walked over to her. She was huddled at the base of the tree, the blanket enveloping her entirely. A few locks of her blood red hair were visible, their ends protruding from under the cover. He sat down next to her, and stared off into the distance in silence.
Eruwen heard the human approaching. She tried to stifle herself, not wanting him to hear her. She didn't want to appear weak in front of him. She didn't want him, of all people, to be the one to see her lose composure, to watch as her emotional state crumbled into ruin. She wondered what he even wanted. She considered the possibility that he wanted the satisfaction of seeing her like that. She felt the familiar knot of fear build up in her stomach as he came closer, twisting and writhing in her core, turning her blood cold. She heard the footsteps stop. He was right next to her. She tensed up under the blanket, wary of his presence, before she heard the sound of grass being ground into the dirt as he sat down, pivoting his boots as he did so. She remained as quiet as she possibly could be for what felt like an eternity. She heard not a sound from him. He simply sat in silence as she tried to keep from breaking down. Was he mocking her? Was he waiting? If that were so, then why would Aureleth...
"H-hey."
She gasped, her heart skipping a beat at the sound of his voice. She tried to ignore him, burying her face into the blanket. Just knowing that a human was anywhere near her served as a reminder of where she was. She had nobody, her entire life utterly destroyed by humans. They had done unspeakable things to her family, and would have done the same to her had she been found. She blinked and their faces flashed before her eyes, causing her to feel a fresh wash of sadness over her again. The fact that the human was within arm's reach, able to do as he pleased if not for Aureleth was terrifying. Aureleth was asleep, and it was really only Eruwen and the human. She felt him, his emotions radiating off of him. He was saddened as well. She remembered hearing him wake with a start... could it be possible that even humans had nightmares? His voice pulled her from her thoughts again. It was only a whisper, but it still put her ill at ease.
He was trying to be as meek as possible, not wanting to frighten the girl, but she was showing no response. He hesitantly reached out and placed his hand on where he believed her shoulder was, feeling her instantly tense up under his touch.
He touched her... She felt his hand on her even through the blanket. It was large, and brutish; nothing like Aureleth's. She remained hidden, not moving under his touch, waiting to see what he would do next. He did nothing, and only remained like that, his hand on her shoulder as she laid still. She would wait for him to make a move. She was still afraid of the human who was laying his hand on her, but another part of her conscience wanted to know... it was curious. What did he really want?
She did nothing except tense up as soon as he laid his hand on her, nearly causing him to recoil back. Andron steeled himself, almost laughing inwardly at the fact that he needed to do so in order to maintain contact with a child, and waited for a response.
Eruwen had decided that she was not going to take any kind of initiative. She would see what the human was going to do. The girl waited, trying to keep her composure in an impromptu game of wills. Her opponent did not falter, and merely waited.
He was making no progress, and was beginning to lose hope of ever befriending the child. He thought about the many courses of action available to him in dealing the situation, and came to the conclusion that he would simply have to risk everything he had managed to build with her in order to further her trust for him. He reached down and peeled back the blanket, exposing her face and head. He noticed with deep sadness that she was almost visibly trembling, and looking at her face it was obvious that she was on the verge of a complete emotional meltdown. He would have to proceed with great care. Her eyes widened at the sight of him, and she let out a small whimper.
"Eruwen,"
She sucked in a tiny breath at his use of her name, as if it would curse her. She did everything in her power to avoid looking up at him as he loomed over her, but in the end succumbed to the insurmountable temptation to do so. She flicked her eyes to the side to look up at him, and saw his figure silhouetted against the night sky, the light reflecting from the ground illuminating his face. He looked... saddened. But could he possibly feel that way about? Surely it couldn't be her. His presence was beginning to wear away at her resolve.
Andron replaced his hand on her shoulder without the blanket between them. Little by little, he was getting closer to her. He frowned inwardly at how cold she felt. She twitched under his less distant touch, and he again tried to assume as unthreatening as demeanor as possible. He would wait all night if it was necessary, so long as she understood that he had no intentions of harming her.
Eruwen was only able to watch and wait. She as unable to move, and whether she was froen with fear or some other force she did not know. All she could do was lie and wait. Seh stole another glance at his face, and he was staring right into her eyes before she quickly broke the contact. She heard a soft rustle as he shifted his body back, sitting straight up and farther from her than he had been. She looked in his direction, and saw the same thing. He was looking right into her eyes. She decided to hold, and scanned his eyes for something, anything indicative of his intentions. All she could find was sadness. Her body, in partial contradiction to her mind, sat up.
Andron's hand rose with her as she sat up, using her hands to push herself into a sitting position. He followed her face as rose, but she had again cast her eyes to the dark ground. He could sense that she was possibly beginning to grow less afraid of him. The fact that she did not shrug his hand off or turn and run was a good sign. The blanket slid off of the upper half of her body, exposing the long dress robe she wore underneath. It was beginning to grow tattered even though they had only been travelling for a couple of days, and he remembered, feeling yet another pang of guilt, that she had no protection on her feet. They were likely sore and cut from walking through the city, again his negligence a result of attempting to survive. She was shivering enough so that he was just able to notice, he hoped due to the cold and not fear.
Her hands were still clutched at her chest, but he was unsure if she was holding anything. The memory of her huddled up in the closet, a necklace around her neck stormed into his mind with great force. He did not know if it was hers, or someone else's, but they both had forgotten about it until that night, so caught up in trying to survive. If ever there was a better gesture of trust-building, he would have liked to see it. His hand darted from the small girl's shoulder to his pocket, and she let out a yelp and shielded her head and face with her arms. He froze and stared. His dream came back to haunt him as he looked upon the girl cowering in fear in front of him. He had never wanted to do what haunted him at that moment, but he had committed the act anyway. She didn't know that, but he understood what potential was inside of him. He thought to himself, she did have every reason to be afraid of him, didn't she?
She shielded her head and face, though she knew that it would do absolutely nothing against him as he was far larger than she. He was reaching for his pocket, and her fear came back to possess her once again. She thought of the plethora of objects he might remove from it to kill her with. Her rational mind was again cast into oblivion, replaced only by a primal fear of the creatures that had made her life worse than hell itself. The fragile acceptance she had had of his presence had been broken in one simple movement that, while benign, was enough to push her back over the edge of reason into the abyss of fear. Her mind told her she was going to die. He would kill her right there, as had been his plan the entire time. He had never cared for her safety, only that he ends her existence. Eruwen's chest began to expand and deflate in rapid bursts of movement as she choked back sobs that threatened to escape her lips. She wanted to scream, but found that her voice had left her. She sat as she was and waited to rejoin those that she had lost.
He let out a short sigh, indicating that he was on the verge of speaking, before slowly reaching towards her. "Eruwen..." He gently took hold of her wrists.
She felt that same sensation that she had when he'd first grabbed her. His grip was firm, yet... gentle. The tiny voice in her head was barely heard amidst the din of panicked screams in her mind. She was frozen with fear, unable to move, and was powerless as he slowly lowered her arms. He had total control of her. She was at his nonexistent mercy. Eruwen whimpered as her only, pitiful defense was taken away from her.
He finally got her trembling arms away from her face, and saw fear, despair, and sadness twisting her face into a pathetic expression of one who was moments away from a violent, painful death. His inner daemons clawed at his heart with razor sharp talons, setting it alight with self-hate. Tears were brimming at the edges of her eyes, threatening to overflow and pour forth over her cheeks. He reached into his pocket with his free hand and removed the necklace.
"Eruwen. It's okay, I won't hurt you. I only want to help," he whispered. He held the necklace in his open palm and brought her other hand down to touch it.
She felt the icy cold of metal against her skin, and drew her hand away as quickly as she could, easily sliding it out of his grasp. Knowing her death was likely moments away, she opened her eyes to satisfy her grim curiosity as to what he would use to end her life. It was on a silver chain, a single star-shaped jewel that shifted between all visible colors in brilliant transitions. The jewel was surrounded by the rune representing love. It was slightly dulled; a thin layer of grime having accumulated on it from being pressed up against a physically exerted human, but it was still just as beautiful as the day she had picked it out for Anhariel. She froze, unable to think. He held Anhariel's necklace, offering it to her with an open hand. She looked up into face, reading his expression. She only saw a combination of guilt, for the sins of his people, and pure benevolence. He was returning it to her. The last shred of her past that she had left she thought she had lost, and he was giving it back. Her hand covering her mouth, she let out a choked squeak, the nearly overwhelming storm she felt raging inside of her threatening to explode from within. Without thought, the only driving force being her heart, she reached out with a trembling hand, shaking with emotion and the remnants of animalistic fear, and made to reconcile with whom she had thought was her greatest enemy. She felt guilt wracking her soul, for she had been cruel to him, and had seen every time she had been so the look of pain on his face caused by her actions. She had thought him a monster, yet he sat in front of her, holding out the most precious possession she owned, offering it back to her after he saved it from being lost forever. Eruwen wanted to apologize, but knew not how to. She knew no Gothic, and could only understand his intentions through his expressions and motions. She had ignored them before, despite the fact that he risked death, or worse, in order to save her life from other humans, and the fact that he had never once threatened Aureleth, and that the two appeared to be in love. She just hadn't wanted to deal with something so complex and difficult to understand. In the midst of everything going on around her, trying to come to peace with the idea that one of the very invaders that had decimated everything around her was a benefactor would have been too much, but it was something she had to do if not only for herself, but for all of them.
He held still, not moving a single muscle as she reached out to his hand. He was afraid that even the slightest movement would cause her to run in fear. She stared intently at the necklace he held, making it obvious that it had been very important to her even before the war, and he saw tears welling at the edges of her eyes, beginning to slide down her cheeks before meeting at the tip of her chin and falling to the ground. With a small, fragile looking hand, she went to take back what was rightfully hers.
His hand was calloused, rough, and dirty. She wrapped her fingers around the pendant, her neatly trimmed nails scraping slightly against his palm as her fingertips pressed into his hand in order to get under it. The numerous cuts on his warm skin scratched at the backsides of her fingers, but she held fast, and slowly, carefully, closed her fingers around Anhariel's necklace.
She had been cold, her hand feeling cool to the touch, and he felt guilty that he had been someone who she was unable to ask for anything from in order to alleviate that. He remained still, waiting for her to accept his gesture of peace at her own pace. He felt her trembling as she came into further contact with his palm, but it subsided noticeably in the few seconds it lasted. She gently lifted the necklace out of his palm, and drew back, cupping it in her hands. Drops of liquid began to splash from its surface, her tears cleansing it of the tarnish that had begun to build. She sat with it in her palms and stared at it, weeping.
"Anhariel…" Her voice was the slightest of whispers, strangled to near nothingness with the grip of the emotions inside of her.
When she uttered what he instantly knew was a name, he understood. Unknowingly, he had preserved the last of Eruwen's memory of who she held dearest. Her sister was gone, but he had given her at least some fragment of a memory, an anchor in the sea of pain in which she found herself, to hold onto. He again knew that he would never be able to bring Anhariel back, but he had given the child some solace. He supposed he should use that time to make his leave, and made to stand.
Out of the corner of her eye, through the distorted and blurred lens of her emotions given physical form, Eruwen saw him begin to rise. He was going to leave. He might have thought that she would want to be alone, but what she wanted was exactly the opposite. She reached out, across empty space, her fears, her hate, and ten thousand years of bitterness and war, and gripped his sleeve.