Mrs. Lawliet: One must love Matt here; honestly... Ahh... If I could, I'd send him over for them, dear.
Also, I'm sorry for making you cry... *hands tissue* Ehh...

WARNING: This chapter contains child abuse.

...At least it's less depressing, I think. Right?

It didn't take much longer for Matt and Sierra to finish their lunches. The clouds continued looming in the sky, but it didn't matter so much because as soon as they were both finished they went inside. Matt had Sierra help him try to fix up the surveillance system, and Mello disappeared until later on. The chocoholic even stuck around for dinner with the other two, miraculously trying a small bit of chicken. He didn't enjoy it very much, and after that decided not to have anything else they were eating that night.

Sierra was the first to go to bed, leaving Matt and Mello behind. Things got even quieter after that, and the two friends didn't talk much. Eventually, Mello went off to his own chosen room. All three of their rooms were on the same floor, in case, I don't know, one of them woke up to discover their arm was bleeding profusely. It was just so they were all together, really. While Sierra's room was the first room on the left on the sixth floor, Mello's was the second room on the left. (There were really only two rooms on each side, anyway….) For a while, he sat in the alcove in his wall, gazing out the window as he ate his chocolate. The moon that hung above the city lights was ever so slightly more than half.

Mello didn't necessarily look at anything in particular out the window. His gaze was pensive and far-off. At first he was just thinking about Sierra. After all, she'd nearly committed suicide just earlier that day. He could feel how it felt to want to let go, and to be honest, he hated the feeling. He'd rather grab hold so tight that he had control of it all. Like that could happen…. Then he reminded himself that he had the Death Note now, and that would make everything all the easier. The corners of his mouth upturned. Yes, he had the Death Note now, and no one could get in his way anymore after this…. Sierra's aunt, me, would be kidnapped on Wednesday, and everything would go smoothly from there.

His thoughts turned to his past. He had bits and pieces of it now, but he'd been only two when everything fell apart, so it was all vague and obscure. He remembered a sibling. He remembered the house he lived in; a large manor, cream paint with golden trim. He remembered the dining table he used to sneak under – he forgot why. He remembered his mother's sharp, cold, blue eyes. He remembered how her wrists would clink with the jewelry that adorned them. He remembered the anger and frustration that existed in him even then. He remembered fire…. Darkness.

Eventually Mello pulled himself out of his thoughts and stood. He walked over to his bed, throwing the chocolate wrapper into the trashcan beside it. Then, he lay there staring at the ceiling as he allowed slumber to slowly blanket his senses. He was sent into darkness, and in this darkness he had a dream.

It was a void of white. At first, Mello was confused. He was disoriented, for after all, there was nothing to see but white. White, white, white. Then he remembered where he was, and stiffened. The last time he'd been here was after he'd been shot, and he'd been unresponsive for awhile after. It had gotten him imprisoned, though that L-like guy who claimed to be 'the phoenix' had helped him out of that one. Whatever. Now he knew he was in Sierra's subconscious again. Last time he'd appeared here, he'd found her standing there reaching up at nothing. Then she'd seen him out of the corner of her eye, slowly looked at him from what would be the sky, lowering her arm as she did so. She stepped forward, and they talked. Somewhere along the way, Sierra was able to show him every piece of her past: her brothers, her mother, the many houses she lived in at one point, the woods she played in, Tony….

This time, he guessed, would be different. Mello began making his way forward, keeping an eye out for Sierra. It took a minute or so before he saw her standing there in the distance. He directed his course to her upon seeing her at last, and as he neared his mind sync he found that her fists were clenched. Her eyes were angry. Hello, Sierra's real personality. "There you are," was his oh-so-pleasant greeting.

She frowned. "Yeah, well, I'm here, like always. Where else would I be?"

He frowned back. "I don't know if you noticed, but it takes awhile to find you in this place. There isn't exactly a point of reference."

"Tch," she responded irritably. "You should know you just have to keep walking forward."

Mello pulled his lips into a thin line. He'd figured there was actually a specific place she was, not that she'd always somehow be in front of him somewhere.

She sensed this, and smiled. Laughed. "Okay, okay, wow, Mello the genius didn't get that?" She continued laughing. "I'm sorry, just—ha!" Yep. Real personality: a more cheerful Mello. That hyper, slightly annoying bit was all just a mask. "So what do you want?"

Mello faltered. What did he want? He just appeared here, it wasn't like he had any specific reason to come. He thought he kinda had to, unless he wanted to just sit there in the white until he woke up.

"He has a point," a soft voice came through the silence.

Mello blinked. He circled around Sierra to find that there was another her, sitting with her back to the standing Sierra's legs with her knees pulled up to her chin. "There are two of you?" he asked dully.

"No," the standing Sierra said, crossing her arms. "We're the same person, smart one. Sierra, Sierra. There's not much difference. I just happen to be the one that stands up in this sucky place while she – which is still me, but whatever – just sits there."

The sitting Sierra looked up at Mello. "Isn't it hard to stand?" she asked him. "It is for me."

"So?" the standing Sierra said with clenched teeth.

Mello crouched in front of the sitting Sierra. "Well why don't you try it? It's better to give something your all than not try." He scowled. "I'm not one for giving up on anything."

"I used to try. Don't you remember? Last time, I was standing too. But then It started tearing us apart, and it was harder to stand. I mean, it was already hard what with everything hitting me and pressing down on me, but…."

"What do you mean by It?" Mello asked, slightly irritable.

"The ability to kill," said the standing Sierra. "I'm the one that wants people like Tony to die," she spat. "And they should!"

"Well, that doesn't mean you can sit down just like that," Mello frowned. "You're supposed to go strong no matter what!"

"Sorry…," the sitting Sierra murmured, her gaze shifting to what could be called the ground.

Mello looked to what would be the sky, fighting the urge to sigh. He looked back to her and stood. He held out his hand. "Let me help you up," he said.

She looked up at him. "I learned the hard way that hope only gives way to despair. I've learned that hope isn't worth it," she said.

Mello frowned. "If you don't hope for something, there's no point in life! You can't go forward without it, not in a fulfilling way, anyway. I have never won once in my life, but I still strive to that goal. Why? I hope one day I can attain my wish to be number one, and without that hope I'd be giving up! So learn to hope again, okay? Right now. And if you won't hope for yourself, hope for me, because if you won't hope then I'll hope for you!"

She stared at him. Eyed his hand. "I also learned never to trust anyone, because they always let you down…," she said softly.

"What the hell?!" he snapped. Mello looked her straight in the eyes. "You can trust me. You know me. Our thoughts and views are tied. I understand you. If you can trust anyone, you know it can be me."

The sitting Sierra stared at him and then his hand again for awhile. Whispers wafted around them like sad yet friendly ghosts that hovered within the silence that ruled this place. Mello didn't dare move; he only waited. He was more patient than he'd ever been in his life. It was odd. Normally, someone like this wouldn't be helped by Mello. Mello would see them give up and he would mark them off as weak. But he knew Sierra wasn't weak, and he didn't want to see her fall. He wanted to reach the top, and he wanted to take her with him.

She took his hand.

The image of the other Sierra flickered and disappeared, like it was only a hologram and the light had been switched off. The Sierra before him had sad, sad eyes, but she was smiling at him. A real smile, he was sure. And as he held her hand and she held his, the whispers curled around him and he found himself smiling ever so slightly back. "Thank you," she said, her voice soft. Then she frowned, pulling her hand away and crossing her arms. "Okay, no more creepy hand-holding."

Mello laughed. Actually laughed.

"Shut up!" she snapped. Back to herself. "Look, you want to know your past, don't you?" Complete subject change right there.

He stopped laughing. What? "Of course I want to know." He scowled. "It doesn't matter if it's good or not; it's who I am. I just can't remember…."

"Do you want to remember?" she asked softly, uncrossing her arms. "This is probably why you came here…. Our minds are in sync, I'm sure I can unlock memories…."

He looked at her a second. Could that really happen? Ah, she was from a different world, why did any of this surprise him anymore? "Yes," he said.

She smiled slightly. "Well, c'mere."

He bent forward, and they touched foreheads. He didn't see why this was necessary, but then just figured it was because he was in her subconscious and all that. They closed their eyes, and suddenly it was all black. Flashes of color. Backwards in time as Sierra sifted through his mind and into his memories, trying to find the hidden things in the back.. The day he got his scar. The day he joined the mafia. The day he left Wammy's. The day Near had nearly gotten trampled by all of the kids, and Mello had laughed. The day he and Matt chased after the birds that landed on the lawn, shouting at them to stay so they could catch them. The day he first met Matt. The day he went to Wammy's. The day Watari came for him. The day he woke up in the hospital, wondering why he no longer had anyone to call a family….

The beginning.

He lived on a manor with his parents and his one older brother. His brother was named Felix, after his father. His mother's name was Almira, though she would remind Mello every so often that she was to be called 'Mother' out of respect. Even though Mello couldn't quite talk yet anyway. They lived in England, though his father's father was German. His mother was born in Croatia, but had moved to England earlier in life. His father, Felix Kheel, was rich and provided most for the family, in the beginning. But as the once-poor Almira went up in promotions, Felix fell down and down….

But that's a different story that Mello could only understand now.

He never really saw his father. He was always in his and Mello's mother's room, though he heard him up at night, talking or laughing. Whenever he did see his father, he was always drinking a bottle of something that Mello couldn't identify. One day he pointed up at it as if to ask what it was, and his father smiled and gave it to him before walking away, probably to get more. He'd stared at the drink for a moment, then guzzled it like he would milk from a bottle. All that can be said is that he slept the rest of the day away, and threw up when he finally awoke.

His mother yelled at him, which only gave him a headache. She raised her voice, looking down upon him as if he were scum, telling him that he should better live by his brother's example. Mello had only yelled back, but at that age he could only yell "Daddy had it! Daddy had it!" and "I'm not sorry!" 'I'm not sorry'… possibly Mello's three favorite words at the time, though this was the first time he'd said them aloud. At those words, though, she gasped as if he'd uttered a swearword in church and slapped him square in the face. "You should be sorry," she said sternly, and stalked away, locking him in his small room.

Yes, his mother seemed to be the violent one, while his father was the uncaring drunk. His father would get demotions and eventually lose his job, thus getting more drunk and more withdrawn. This, in turn, would make his wealthy mother feel lonely and frustrated and angry, thus taking it out on Mello whenever she found an excuse. She never did it to Felix. Maybe it was because he had his father's name, Mello didn't know, but no matter what he did he never seemed to reach his mother's standards. This only made him angry.

Damn. Even as a little kid he was always number two.

His brother could be mean sometimes, too, though. He would steal his chocolate and hold it where Mello couldn't reach, or put the blame on Mello just so he wouldn't take the hit. Like Mother would ever hit Felix anyway. She only seemed to like hurting Mello. Mello, Mello, Mello. What did Felix get? A hug. A ruffling of the hair. A kiss on the forehead. Mello didn't understand why. Felix had dark hair. Maybe that was it. He looked more like Daddy than Mommy, and Mommy did so love their father. But he never gave her the love she wanted. Too bad. Mommy, on the other hand, had short blond hair that looked much like Mello's hair had back at Wammy's and into his days in the mafia. Oh, the irony. Mommy always kept Mello's hair cut nice and short, though, not even giving it the chance to grow out. Maybe that was why he felt the need to grow it out the moment she was gone: rebellion.

The only good people Mello knew of were the butler and maid that snuck him sweets. He liked the chocolate best. Oftentimes he refused to eat the food that his mother tried to feed him, because he simply didn't want to obey someone who didn't seem to like him very much. What did he care about superiority? Mello could do what he wanted, and he didn't care what it was his mother did next to punish him. (A slap, a spanking, a beating, or perhaps she'd use some hard object this time….) Yes, in his refusal to eat, the nice maid and the empathetic butler would give him sweets. He'd eat real food every so often, but he practically lived off of chocolate. This isn't surprising, of course.

The maid's name was Miss Annabelle, and her hair was one of those dirty blonds that some mistake for being brown. No matter what, she'd always smile for Mello, and now that he thought about it she seemed to have taken a liking to him. Unfortunately, he hadn't really cared then, and had treated her just as rudely as he did everyone else. The butler, on the other hand, was named Alois.

(Sierra grinned like an idiot at the name, but continued on.)

He was blond like Mello and came from a poor family. He would go home every night with the day's cash to feed his loved ones. He was actually rather young, and he always seemed a little dirtier than everyone else. Mello realized he never asked him who he had as a family. He seemed to understand Mello pretty well, though, so Mello had secretly liked him. He never told him that, though.

Despite the general annoyingness of Felix, and Mello's contempt for him always being chosen over him – honestly, he didn't understand why it was so; he was barely two – Mello and him always seemed to spend time together. Felix never saw it when Mommy hurt Mello, though. She'd always tell him to go away, or drag Mello away so he wouldn't see. He was oblivious to the abuse, but it's not like Mello wanted him to know. He was a strong boy, he could handle physical pain just fine. Besides, Felix never seemed to wonder where his little brother got the welts and bruises….

Mello was always the one to rebel and do the bad things, even though most often he got punished. Felix, meanwhile, was annoying when Mommy's back was turned, but generally nice (albeit a bit greedy) when Mommy was looking. Whatever. He was just ignorant and stupid, and after all, ignorance is bliss. But they were still close, as brothers. They would sneak beneath the dining table together late at night to listen to their parents' conversations. They'd most often avoid the subject of jobs, but they talked about tons of other topics, and it was nice learning about grown-up things. Mello would absorb it all in silence, trying to figure out what they meant by 'finances' and 'contemptuous and rebellious.' Sometimes Felix would explain it to him later, and he would absorb that too, and learn new things. Once, his mother called Mello useless and a problem child. He nearly started shouting at her, but Felix wisely covered his mouth.

One day, they got caught. Felix was getting a cold, and had been unable to hold back a sneeze. The conversation stopped short, and Mommy had stood abruptly. The drink Felix called 'wine' spilled. "Come out," she said in a cold voice, and the two brothers hesitantly crawled out from beneath the table and stood. Felix hung his head, but Mello glared up at his mother. "You're eavesdropping on us?" she said in low voice, enunciating each word carefully.

"Yeah," Mello responded boldly. "So?"

"Mihael," Felix hissed, "just be quiet. The reason Mom always scolds you is probably because you do this."

Mello only frowned, head held high.

"You should know it's bad to listen in on someone's conversation," their mother said coldly. "I suppose you'll know that now." Her eyes narrowed, and her hand rose into the air. She slapped him. Felix stared, wide-eyed. "You don't. Disobey. My rules." She grabbed the bottle, empty of wine, and lifted it, her eyes fiery.

"Mommy, stop!" Felix cried.

"Let this be an example," she said to him, and broke it on the table. Mello winced as the glass scattered over his head. One shard hit his arm and drew blood. Felix stared in horror. Their father was still sitting in his seat at the table, watching the scene unfold before him without much reaction. His eyes were drooping and bloodshot. "Now say you're sorry," she said through clenched teeth.

"No," Mello replied, glowering up at his mother.

"Now," she repeated.

"No! I'm not sorry!"

"Say it!" she commanded, her hands suddenly grasping at his neck. Mello began to choke.

Felix took a step back, bumping into a chair in the process, and Miss Annabelle suddenly burst into the room and charged at Almira, ripping her arms from Mello's neck and forcing her away from him. "Don't you dare lay a hand on that child!" she yelled, gripping her wrists so she couldn't hurt him again. For now. Mello figured Miss Annabelle couldn't hold Mommy there forever, especially considering Mommy looked angrier than she'd ever been, that Mello could remember. Miss Annabelle looked back at Mello and Felix. "You two should probably hurry off to your rooms," she told them, even as Almira, their mother, yelled at Miss Annabelle and Mello. They scrambled away.

Mello couldn't find Miss Annabelle the next day. He asked Alois about it, and he told him that Miss Annabelle couldn't work in the manor anymore. Mello had asked him why, but Alois had only smiled sadly and shook his head. That was the last he ever talked about her, and he never saw her again.

(Mello wondered vaguely if she was still alive, somewhere….)

Felix started acting nicer to Mello. Actually, it wasn't so much that he was acting nicer, rather, he was more submissive, less ignorant, and so quiet compared to what he once was. Mello would yell at him, rising up to what he took as a challenge, but Felix wouldn't fight back, which only confused Mello. Of course, the fact he wasn't fighting back anymore made him even more irritated. Felix began noticing Mello's scars and wounds, too, and whenever there was a new one he would get quiet again and Mello didn't get why at the time.

Mello actually got closer to Alois after Miss Annabelle disappeared. He told him that he shouldn't have to go through what he was, and then he'd laugh when Mello didn't respond and say that he probably didn't completely understand what he was saying anyway. But he did. He told Mello that he would try to get him out of here. This proposal surprised Mello. He'd never thought of any other life to exist, and now that the possibility was there, he kinda wanted it. He began to think that maybe he liked Alois more than he thought.

"You can get me out?" he asked Alois one of the times the subject was mentioned. "Away? A new place? Really?"

Alois seemed slightly surprised at his question. Maybe he expected a shorter response from a two-year-old. But then he smiled, perhaps noticing that little bit of hope in Mello's eyes that replaced the ever-present anger. "Yes," he said. "I can take you into my house, see. Of course, I'd probably be out of a job here, so I need to have some sort of backup job first…. You know, Mihael, the only reason I have this job is because my father – also from Germany – was once a very good friend of your father. But that was before my parents died…. But that's okay; I'm sure you'll like it at my house. I have a little brother that's a bit older than Felix. He's ill, but… well, he's disabled. Very sick. But he's very nice, and I think you'll like each other. His name's Lukas, and he's got short hair the color of rust. Not blond like us, haha."

(Sierra was slightly creeped out by the similarity to Black Butler's own Alois and Luka at this point, albeit only in name and appearance, but that was no reason for her to stop….)

Mello noticed that Alois talked a lot, but for once he really didn't mind. He was painting a picture of a new and better life, after all. Mello also noticed that Alois had this sort of childishness to him, and a sense of hope. It was almost like he'd been through a lot, but he kept his innocence anyway. He kinda liked that. And every day, he talked with Alois about his future home, and one day, Alois told him that he might have found a backup job. He said he'd find out that night, but that he was sure he'd get it. With this, he told Mello that he'd get him out of here the next day. He was, of course, impatient about it, but it really didn't matter because he'd finally be out of here.

Mello found Felix in Daddy's old office that night. "Mihael," he said as he entered, looking down at a box in his hand. "…Mihael, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to believe about Mommy and Daddy anymore. I thought Mommy was good…."

"She's not," Mello informed him bluntly.

"I know…. It's because of Daddy, isn't it? She loves him so much, but he doesn't love her back. And she's nice to me because I'm like Daddy…. Is that it?" He frowned. "Why am I asking you? You're two."

"I'm still smart!" Mello snapped.

"Well, what do you think it would take to get her to be mad at me, for once? I don't think I like being like Daddy anymore…."

Mello scowled at the fact he'd ignored his comment.

Felix pulled a match out of the box he held in his hand – so that's what that box was – and looked at Mello. Mello furrowed his brow. "What if I burned Daddy's office? Would she be mad at me then?"

Mello wasn't quite sure how answer that, so Felix struck the match. Mello took a step back, knowing the last time he'd seen fire, he'd gotten burned. (He'd asked Mommy why he couldn't touch the fire, and so she'd showed him.) Then Felix set the match by Daddy's papers, and then the paper burned and the flame began growing brighter.

"You're stupid!" Mello shouted at his brother. Wouldn't it spread? The fire made its way to the next pile of papers and onto the table. Smoke filled the air. Mello covered his mouth and nose with his sleeve and ran out of the room, looking for Alois. He hadn't left for home yet, and he was the only one he could go to to ask what to do about a fire. Mommy would blame him; Daddy wouldn't do much, he was sure; and Miss Annabelle wasn't here anymore….

He searched the whole second floor, then circled back to the office to find the whole thing in flames. He stared at the flames licking at the wall, making the wallpaper peel and turn black. Mello was amazed at how fast the fire was spreading as it burned the color away, leaving only reds and oranges and yellows and black in its wake. As he looked into what was once Daddy's office, he thought he saw a figure on its hands and knees on the floor. Felix? he wondered. Idiot; he'll die! "Felix?" he called.

The figure looked up. "Mihael," it said, "I'm too afraid to go through the door…. It's on fire…."

"You idiot!" he yelled, then ran down the stairs to continue his search. "Alois!" he called. "Alois, where are you?"

"Mihael!"

Mello froze and turned round to see his mother. "Mommy, Felix used fire!"

"Don't you dare lie to me!" she snapped. "You set your father's office on fire, didn't you?!"

"No, I didn't!" he protested.

"Yes you did!" She looked livid as she spoke, her eyes wild. She lunged for him, but he dodged and bolted away. "You little brat!" she shrieked, advancing after him rather quickly. Too quickly for Mello's comfort.

He ran as fast as he could, glancing back only once. He'd thought she'd been angry when Miss Annabelle grabbed her by the wrists, but this most certainly topped that. Even though he was only two, he knew for a fact it wasn't smart to go anywhere near her. So, he scrambled into the kitchen and hid in a small space beneath one of the shelves. It was a relatively large space, but it was a place no one thought to look. No one had found him yet whenever he decided to hide here.

There, he waited and waited, at first breathing hard but eventually calming down. Even then, though, he didn't move. He could still hear his mother not that far off. He could smell smoke, and eventually he could hear the crackling of the flames…. Then he heard his mother's scream – maybe she'd found Felix in the office – and a shout of Alois. At the sound of him, Mello stood abruptly, consequently slamming his skull on the shelf above him with a sharp, loud crack. There was a flash of color on contact, and he sunk back to the ground with his vision spinning. His eyes rolled back in his head. All was black.

The next thing he remembered he was lying in a white bed. He couldn't remember anything, and his thoughts were slow and fuzzy. He thought he heard someone talking, and his drooping eyes travelled to a window in the room. The door was open a crack. Behind the glass, there was a boy in a wheelchair with rust-colored hair and eyes that seemed somehow familiar. "I'm sorry," a man in white said to him, "this boy is the only survivor…." But before he could watch or hear any more, he drifted back into slumber.

When he finally woke up, he was told he had a concussion, but that he'd be okay now that he'd woken up. The people in white waited to tell him that he was an orphan now, but he couldn't even remember the family he'd lost, so he supposed it didn't matter…. It made him angry, though. He found that a lot of things could get him angry. He was placed in an orphanage, but his intelligence was at last recognized, and Watari eventually came for him. Wammy's became his new home, 'Mello' became his new name, and Near became his new rival. Things escalated from there….

The memories sped up.

The world melted away….

Mello's eyes opened, all he'd dreamed of clear in his head. He turned his head to look out the window. The sun was just rising. Time to get up.

Well, we've now learned Mello's past. Huzzah?

Sorry about the whole Alois and Luka thing; the first German name that came up was 'Alois,' and I just had to go with it.

Fun Fact: The surname 'Kheel' is actually of Croatian origin, so technically it should be Mello's father that's Croatian rather than his mother.

Review? For memories?