A/N: Soooo I've noticed after rereading that I've spelled Ryleigh/Raleigh's name every which way, so I'm just gonna set a name, mmk? I'm going to spell it with a Y from now on.

Something was poking me. Something was poking my shoulder hard. And whatever that something was, it was kind of sharp and was really starting to hurt. Sluggishly I swatted my hand around at the unidentifiable something in hopes it would leave me to my slumber. A squawking noise rebuked me immediately and startled me awake. Sitting up straight, I heard the sound of wings flapping as a large brown school owl flew back from me in alarm.

"Serves you right, damn bird." I grumbled as it flew back towards me and landed on my lap. As quickly as I could I unbound the letter from the grieved birds' leg. "Go on now!" I told it firmly, watching as it departed through a high window in the room, before I unrolled the letter.

Ryleigh,

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about yesterday, I realize I was a rubbish friend for leaving you there to deal with Black by yourself. But you didn't see him when he first entered the room Ry! The air around him looked like it was shaking he was so livid! It was absolutely the scariest thing I've ever seen, besides Tunie and Vernon groping on the couch last summer.

Anyway, the whole reason for this letter is to apologize on my appalling behavior as a good mate. I was just starting to become so invested in James, and then all of this happened. I couldn't find you anywhere and only heard his side of the story. I should have known better to just believe his side of the story without hearing yours, but I know I was wrong in the way I treated you that day in the hospital. And me leaving you alone with him, not standing up to him for you, was just an absolute shite thing for me to do to you.

Do you think you'll ever forgive? I can hardly express how sorry I am, but know that if you can find it in your heart, I'll treat you for a Honeydukes shopping spree next weekend? I'll earn your love and devotion back with millions of chocolate frogs!

But all joking aside Ryleigh, I am sorry.

Lily

p.s. Sirius said I'm not allowed to come by anymore. BUT if you do end up forgiving me at some point maybe you could tell him to bugger off and let me back up? I just want my best mate back, and I want to start being there for you, I know you're going through a really difficult time.

Loads of extra love!

I sniffed a bit, rereading the letter one more time through before flopping back down into the comfort of pillows. Tears welled in my eyes as the minutes passed. I didn't want to be mad at Lily when she was my best mate, but I couldn't help but still feel bitter about the role she had been playing this entire time. And yet, I wanted someone so desperately on my side. I wanted my best mate, so maybe once we talked in person we could settle it all out. With a sigh, my tears faded only to be replaced by anger and resentment. How could I ever look at Remus the same way? Of course Potter I would most likely always loathe, even if he was with my best mate, but Remus? Kind and gentle Remus, who was always nice to me?

I let out a frustrated moan as I instinctively tried to place myself in his shoes. I understood that he was more Black's friend than mine on any given day, but I had never seen Remus be that cruel to anyone. He had always been the most level-headed of the group. Shaking my head, I rolled out of bed, stretching my sore body as I made my way over to our small living room area. I didn't want to dwell on the Marauders too much.

Books were spread across the table but I couldn't help it as my mind wandered to my completely fucked up life. I was feeling so many emotions how could I possibly focus on reading? I felt angry most of all, not to mention utterly jaded, and definitely sad. I could feel the depressed and confused emotions run havoc over my already weakened body. It was giving me a headache.

Speaking of headaches, what was with Black's mood swings? Possessive, to guilt-ridden, then lust filled fiend? Could a person be tri-polar? Maybe it was the veela thing messing with him. I glanced at the books sitting before me at the thought. I suppose that the books might help make it possible to understand what he was feeling a bit more, but then again, he came across his veela traits in a unique situation. A very not cool unique situation if I do say so myself. Too bad I was not feeling up to the task of research. With a huge sigh I draped myself more fully across the chair I was seated on, swinging a leg over the arm of the chair.

And that was how Black found me.

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as he walked over to me, "What are you doing?"

"Draping. Obviously." I said with a scoff. I reached around where he stood in front of me to grab one of the books.

"Learn anything new?" he asked, sitting on the ledge of the small table.

"I did. We need to lock that window up there or unwanted guests will just fly right in." I said nonchalantly as I flipped through the pages of the thick book.

"Anything else?"

"No."

An awkward silence ensued.

"You didn't read anything? It's past noon Ryleigh." He said in a frustrated tone.

"I just woke up, but honestly, how much of this pile did you expect me to read?" I said finally looking at him.

"I wasn't expecting anything," he said is a tired voice, running his hand through his hair. "I was hoping though, that you would at least make an effort. At least try to…"he let his sentence fall shaking his head and looking away.

And let the guilt settle in —now!

"It's not that I'm not trying to make an effort—it's just that," I let out a deep breath and sat straight, contemplating what to say. "Bl-Sirius. To be completely honest with you, the only thing I've done since I've gotten up is think about this entire situation, and what I've come up with is that I am still mad at you." I said lightly, "And as much as I fully comprehend that this is it, you are it for me. That this life will be it…" I choked up a bit at the sentiment but forged on, "But that doesn't mean I have to like it. I didn't read anything today because I went back to bed right after you left, not because I wasn't making an effort. I'll try and read some, not all of these humongous books, because I think I'll feel better about the situation after knowing what I'm dealing with. Maybe, that is not a guarantee Sirius Black. And…and maybe you need to read some of these books too, because the way you have been acting is ridiculous and quite rude at times. And, erm -yeah. That's all."

"You sure?" he said with a somber expression.

"No, but it's all I have for now."

"I'm sorry that my emotions are throwing you for a loop." He said reaching out to grasp hold of my hand, "But they are throwing me for a loop too. As for some of the things you first said, I won't respond to now, but know that it upsets me that you feel that way." I bit my lip and nodded.

"Is that all?"

"No," he said with a small smile, "I want to make a deal with you. I'll read one of these monsters, if you do. Just one, I'm sure they all say the same thing—"

"Then why did you get all of these?" I said with a small laugh.

"I don't know," he tossed his head a bit to toss the hair out of his face, "just wasn't sure how many you'd want, or might need." Then he gifted me with a brilliant smile, that I hated to admit left me slightly breathless.

"Well I think one each will be enough." I said softly.

"So are you going to read that one?" he asked, indicating the one in my lap.

"Absolutely not, have you seen the size of this. That's way too much reading for me." Black nodded his head towards the table, with a roll of my eyes I found one of the considerably smaller books and bestowed him with a condescending smile. "Happy?"

He reached into the pile and picked his own. "Moderately, I could be happier though." With a not so subtle glance at my lips I fought the blush rising to my face.

"No kissing." He deflated almost immediately and I could tell he was depressed. For a moment I felt a tug a my heart, not liking seeing him upset, but I pushed it aside. "But maybe I can compromise with reading on the couch with you. I'll even let you keep holding my hand." Once the words were out of my mouth I was immediately pulled from the chair I was in and over to the couch. "Merlin you're fast!" I exclaimed once I found myself sitting on the couch with my legs across Black's lap in no time at all.

"Wonder if that's something they'll talk about in this?" he flipped open to the first page of his book and began reading, one hand holding his book, the other resting on my leg. His fingers gently stroked bare legs as I too flipped open to the first page of my book. But my thoughts weren't exactly on what I was reading. To be honest I was more worried about the stubble on my legs, but when Black continued to stay silent, and lightly stroke my legs I found my worry disappear. This was giving it a chance right?