I watched the credits roll through the screen. Mom and I had decided to watch a movie. Callie was working tonight- it was just us.

I stretched, shifting in my spot on the couch.

"That was pretty good," Mom commented.

"Yeah." I agreed, relaxing back into the couch. I looked at her. "What?" She was looking at me funny.

"I feel like it's been a while since we talked about yo- my ex..." She corrected herself from the slip up very quickly.

"I guess."

"Well?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I've moved on. I mean, you're marrying someone else."

Mom looked upset.

Maybe I worded that wrong.

"No I just mean that- I don't... ugh. Like, you're marrying Callie, she's a whole lot better... so why does he matter any more... you know?" I tried to correct myself.

Mom bit her lip, her eyes a little narrowed.

"What?!"

"I don't know." Mom said.

"I can't word it right. Sorry. Just... I'm fine. I don't really want to think about him. That's why I haven't talked to you." I tried again.

"Okay."

"What about you?" I asked, wanting to know how Mom felt.

"What about me?"

"I mean, you haven't brought it up either. How do you feel?"

She nodded a little. "I think I'll always be angry. But, I don't really think about him that much. I think about what happened. But, not about him."

"Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Did- Well, did he ever hurt you?" She had never answered me from all those months ago. I don't know why I felt like I needed to know. I needed to know how much I should hate him.

"Olivia, that really doesn't matter now."

"It does to me."

"It doesn't to me." Mom said.

"Well, what do you mean you think about what happened?"

"Exactly what I said. I think about what happened." Mom spoke matter-of-factly.

"What happened?"

"Olivia, please."

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me. And, this wasn't even supposed to be about me. I was asking about you."

"Your answer single handedly impacts how I feel. If he hurt you, I'll hate him forever." That was true. Though, I already did hate him. I would hate him even more if he hurt her. I would hate him so much.

"Olivia."

"What?"

"It doesn't matter what happened. I found someone who loves me now, and she's perfect- she's nice to me, she cares about me, she's there for me- she is wonderful to you. I have the perfect relationship now, what happened in the past-with my ex- doesn't matter."

It mattered to me, though.

It really mattered to me.

I realized it was probably bad to push her. It was personal, something she didn't want her daughter to know. I wouldn't look at her any differently, but maybe she thought I would.

"Let's focus on that, instead." Mom said after a few moments.

I nodded a little.

She leaned over, hugging me tightly. "It's okay, honey."

"It would be better if you just told me." I mumbled.

"I don't know that I'm ready for that." She whispered in response.

I leaned into her, not wanting her to let go. That meant there was something. I had already known that. But now I knew that.

She understood. She didn't loosen her grip.

"I'm glad you found Callie." I said after a few moments.

"I'm glad too. Really glad."

I rested my head on her shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut.

Why would anyone do something like that? Intentionally hurt someone else?

I didn't even know what had happened and I was angry. Rightfully so. She's my mom.

At least now she had Callie. Callie would never do something like that. Ever. I firmly believed that.

Callie was safe. This marriage was safe.

That's all I wanted. For Mom. To be safe. Which is probably something a child shouldn't be thinking about. But, how could I not? Now knowing this...

I squeezed Mom a little tighter.

I was grateful, too. Grateful she had gotten away from that... from him. Grateful that she was now with her.

That thought led me straight to the biggest conflict in my head currently. One that not a soul knew about besides my own.

Not Mom.

Not Callie.

Not Teddy or April.

Not even Isa.

I felt like I couldn't tell anyone.

Fear of being frowned upon. Fear of being told I was confused.

Lots and lots of fear.

Though, I found I was telling myself I was confused.

I was confused.

I wasn't sure if I really felt this way, or if it was just because I saw Mom so happy with a woman.

Was I just basing my life off of her, again? Or was I truly finding out who I was?

There was absolutely no way of telling.

Which is why I have to keep quiet.

I knew Mom would accept me, no matter what. But, I'm not quite sure what she would have to accept me for.

"Honey?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"A lot." I whispered.

Way too much. Things you can't know. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"Oh. Like what?" Mom stroked my hair. She was still hugging me.

I blinked a few times, searching my brain for an answer.

"I'm happy you and Callie are getting married." I said.

Mom giggled, "I'm glad. So am I."

I stayed quiet, then, "How does it work with two women? Does she get an engagement ring, too? Or just you?" Was this curiosity for myself or just innocent? I don't know.

Mom loosened her grip, the tension fading due to the uniqueness of my question.

"I actually asked Callie the same thing." She laughed. "I mean, I think most couples do a proposal both ways. But, Callie said she didn't need that. She thought it was special that she 'beat me to it' and wants to leave it at that." Mom shrugged.

I nodded. "That's sweet."

"Yeah," She giggled some. "I'm sure it depends though. Not everyone does what we did. I think people usually wait to get married until they have proposed both ways. We're unique." She smiled jokingly.

I had a feeling Mom was a little suspicious of me.

Maybe all my questions made it obvious I was confused.

That was ok, it wasn't like I would tell her, though.