new chapter... and this one... well, I really care about it...

just one little clarification, though, before you go and find out what happens: every line in bold font is House's line. (I thought that would ease the reading if I put it that way...)

** CHAPTER 53 **

Cuddy entered her parents' house, heedful not to make too much noise as she headed toward the stairs to go up to her room. She needed peace and quietness. She needed to be alone to cry.

Why couldn't she forget him?

How much time would it take for her to finally come out of that destructive turmoil? And what was wrong with her? She'd almost let Bill kiss her! She forcefully wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and her eyes became watery.

The house was dark, and the lights were off. Her parents were probably already in their room, which was a good thing because she really didn't want to talk to her mother about her disastrous evening and pretend, once more, that everything was fine instead.

She climbed the stairs trying to calm down. As she arrived at her bedroom's door, she thought she'd probably have to face yet another tormenting sleepless night that she would spend struggling to chase his image away from her mind.

And then, she took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

…

When she appeared in front of him, House gasped loudly, and his fingers instantly started to tremble. The shock of finally seeing her took his breath away but he fought hard to hide it behind a detached stance.

Cuddy was just a few feet away from him, standing at the doorstep, paralyzed, and yet she looked absolutely dazzling. An irrational and irrepressible need to hold her took hold of his body and made him almost lose his balance. He had to grip his cane's handle until it brought pain in his fingers to find the strength to stay still…

…

The first thing that Cuddy noticed when she entered her bedroom was that the lights were on, and then, quite simultaneously, she saw him.

House was standing there, beside her desk looking seemingly unaffected. A violent shot of adrenalin rushed into her veins and made her heart race inside her chest, almost painfully. She gasped and stared at him, paralyzed. But once the first feeling of fear had left her body, she felt anger slowly pervade her…

"Was that picture taken in Med School?" he asked casually, pointing at a picture frame hung on the wall. "I don't remember you wearing your hair like that back then."

"What are you doing here?" she interrupted coldly.

House looked down at his feet but slowly lifted up his face again to look her in the eyes.

"I'm here to see you."

"How did you get here?"

"Your mother let me in."

"No, I mean how did you know I-"

"Because you told Wilson!"

"I only told him-"

"The name of a doctor, in MGH, Boston which, coincidentally, is also the town where your parents live."

Cuddy bit her lip and turned her head away to avoid his gaze.

"So now, I'm here because you wanted me to find you."

Jerking her head in his direction again, she stared at him in shock.

"No, I didn't! I don't want you here!"

He clenched his jaw and inhaled deeply through his nose.

"Fine! But then I want to know why. Why you cancelled your appointment and left."

"Why I-" Her eyes widened in astonishment. "So that's what it is? You only came here to complete the puzzle? Because you can't stand not knowing the answers?"

Her voice was becoming louder.

"You should close the door," House said evenly.

She puffed and shook her head, but she still took his advice and shut the door where she kept standing, trying to stay as far away from him as she could.

"I thought you and I were in some kind of a relationship," he said with a slightly provoking tone.

Cuddy set her lip bitterly.

"There's no relationship when there're no feelings involved."

House narrowed his eyes and looked a little bit confused, but he kept scrutinizing her in silence, forcing her to go on.

"You keep saying that my body drives you crazy and that was … fine, for a while-"

So that's what it is, he thought. She thinks I'm only with her for her good looks?

What a giant misunderstanding! His head was tilted to the side and he imperceptibly sighed, somewhat relieved to know that, maybe, things weren't as helpless and definite as he thought they'd be. He put both his hands on his cane handle and straightened up challengingly.

"So what? You turn me on. Why would I deny it?"

A mischievous smile flickered across his lips.

"You, son of a bitch! I don't want to hear you."

"Maybe, but you don't have a choice," he said matter-of-factly.

He took a small step toward her.

"You're hot and that's a fact. I won't lie and pretend that's not true."

She stared at him with a sickened look on her face.

"Because I love your boobs."

"You're an ass!"

"Sure! I also love that part!"

"Fuck you!"

"Hmm yes, I love doing that, too!"

He took another step, bigger this time.

"Don't come near me," she warned.

"I love your body. You have a zesty bod'. What's wrong with that?"

The distance between them was slowly closing and they were now standing less than three feet away from each other.

"And you know what I also love?"

Cuddy waved her hand in front of her chest as if she wanted to brush his words aside.

"I love the sound of your voice-"

"No."

"Hoarse and smoky. I love the words you're whispering in my ears when we have sex."

"Don't you dare, House."

"And your scent. I love your scent-" He raised his hand and pointed his index finger toward her neck, "there."

"Stop."

"It's pheromone, you know. It triggers something in me."

He was still approaching, and he flashed a roguish smile at her then. Cuddy took a step back and her back hit the door.

"And your skin… it's like silk-"

"Don't do that."

"And your lips-"

She clenched her jaw, and he noticed her body becoming tense against the door.

"I love the way they taste."

"Enough!"

"You're right. I could go on like that for hours, but it would be pointless. Thing is, as hot as it is, you're more than just a sexy body."

House came closer again and Cuddy shot him a furious glare.

"You're so much more."

"Go to hell!"

He came to an abrupt halt and his face suddenly darkened, as he stared at her with gravity.

The game was over. It was time to stop pretending.

"I've been there already."

She looked up at him and gasped when she perceived the change of tone in his voice.

"Since you've been gone… that's exactly where I've been, Cuddy."

She closed her eyes and shook her head 'no' in denial.

"Look at me!"

He waited until their gazes met again.

"You're the only woman who's ever done that to me."

He slightly shifted to his left and rested his cane against the wall. Hands free, he skipped forward swiftly, and in one jump, he ended up standing in front of her, barely inches away and stretched his arms out, palms facing up.

"See? You keep me steady."

She looked down to avoid his gaze, struggling hard against the rush of confusing emotions that flooded inside her. It felt as if every certainty that she'd been relying on to justify her running away from him until then was suddenly vanishing into thin air.

"I'm the worst asshole-"

She glared at him, the anger in her gaze conveying how much she agreed with him on that part. He registered her irritation and briefly closed his eyes to find the strength to continue in spite of it.

"But you're tender with me-"

"No."

"You take care of me-"

"It's over now."

"You're tolerant-"

"I'm done."

He paused and took a deep breath. Then he licked his bottom lip slowly and planted his gaze into her steel-blue eyes before smiling fondly at her.

"And yet, you're so not perfect!" he said, his smile growing bigger.

Her mouth fell agape, and she stared at him, stunned.

"You're a real pain in the ass."

"See?" she exclaimed resentfully. "That's exactly why I don't want you here…"

"You want everything to be just as you decide!"

"No, I don't!"

"But in the end, you don't know what you want."

(…)

"You hesitate."

(…)

"You make the wrong decisions—"

"At least I'm making ones!" she defended herself, sounding aggravated. "Someone has to, otherwise it's just-"

"You're annoying," he interrupted her, still smiling. "You shout and you demand-"

"Yes! Because you leave me no choice! That's the only way there is to convince you and your stubborn mind to be reasonable-"

"I don't want to be reasonable."

"Don't play that game with me, House."

"This is not a game."

"I can't do that anymore, I-"

"Shut up and listen to me!"

Taken aback by House's compelling tone, Cuddy froze and gawked at him, her lips slightly trembling.

"I don't care."

She fell silent and stared at him, feeling her heart thudding in her chest.

"You can be fucking wrong or annoying. I don't care."

(…)

"I don't want anyone else."

(…)

"I want you."

He reached out his hand, and slowly grabbed the hem of her shawl, then he pulled on it until it slid from her neck. She slightly tilted her head backward and put her hands flat against the door behind her, still silently staring at him.

"I don't care if they cut out your breasts. I don't want your breasts."

(…)

"I only want you."

"Why do you do that?"

"Because … I love you."

He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes for a second. When he re-opened them, he stared intensely at her, almost angrily.

"Do you hear what I'm saying?"

All her muscles turned into jelly and Cuddy found herself incapable of uttering a single word, not even nod in acknowledgement.

"I love you," he said again.

(…)

"Not just your boobs, or your ass, or your curves-"

House cautiously took the last step that still separated them and stood in front of her, almost touching her.

"I love the whole you. I love you!"

She bowed her head and, although he couldn't see her face, he could hear the sound of her agitated breaths. He could feel her body shaking. He raised his hand to her face and lightly stroked her cheek with his thumb, but she turned her head away to avoid his touch. He removed his hand and clenched his fist.

"Dammit Cuddy!"

(…)

(…)

(…)

The heavy, distressing silence that had filled the room finally made her lift her head. Their eyes met and Cuddy sucked in a sharp breath. House's gaze was beseeching, angry, and hurt, but filled with hope…

"Don't leave me," he pleaded his voice nearly above a whisper.

She sighed and looked away for a second. She looked away to collect herself and try to forget. Try to forgive. Finally, she jerked her head back in his direction and planted her accusing eyes in his.

"You hurt me. And you'll hurt me again."

"Yes, I will."

Her mouth dropped open in shock.

"But I will never intend to. It's just how it is. We can't avoid hurting people. We only try not to."

He leaned down, very slowly, and rested his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes and took a deep, quivering breath.

"And you will hurt me, too. Just like you did when you left."

He raised his hands and gently enveloped her nape with his long fingers.

"I couldn't stand you being away-"

(…)

"Not knowing where you were-"

(…)

"Not knowing how you were doing-"

(…)

"It was like living in Hell…"

She seized his hands and slowly slid them away from her neck. He straightened up and interrogated her with sorry eyes, already knowing what she was going to say.

"You crossed a line, House. Not just once. You said-"

"I know," he interrupted her, horrified and disgusted by the memory of what he'd told her.

"You said you wished I had cancer." Her lips started trembling, and tears welled up in her eyes.

House hung his head in shame and forcefully clenched his fists along his thighs. No. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't let that happen. No.

He grabbed her wrists and squeezed them tight, as strongly as he was desperate. His head still down, he stared at his hands, holding hers, and his wobbly voice choked with emotion as he spoke again.

"I'd take back every word I said to you then if I could. But I can't. I said those words. And I know that's not an excuse, but I was hurt. You left me and … I lost it. Losing you just drove me crazy. Cuddy, I don't want to lose you … I can't change what is already done, but … I love you… please, just let me… now… please."

He stopped and took a deep breath, his eyes still on his hands, tightly gripping her wrists. And he waited.

After a moment of unbearable silence, he let go of her wrists, and he waited a while longer still looking down, until he saw her left hand slowly rise to his face. Cuddy cupped his cheek inside her palm, and he closed his eyes, exhaling a deep sigh of relief.

He covered her hand with his and pulled her to him gently. When she didn't resist, he cupped her face, and tilted it up to make her look up at him. They stared at each other for a long, silent moment of absolute stillness.

She still looked hurt and confused and lost but he saw it was there: The little burning flame behind her steel-grey eyes. Intoxicating, compelling, imploring, and enthralling…

Afraid he might break the spell, House carefully leaned down to kiss her, and Cuddy rose on tiptoe to meet his mouth. She touched his lips first and he jolted as if a violent shudder had shaken him. He moved his hands from her face to her shoulders, then her back.

He wrapped her in his arms, delicately at first, but as their kiss became deeper and more demanding, he tightened his embrace, almost squashing her against him, overwhelmed by the intensity of the desire that was coursing through his veins.

Seven days. Six nights.

And finally, he was holding his woman in his arms again.

A/N

Hey everyone!

today's a good day... it's my mom' s B-day and I drank a lot of champagne... oopsie, I feel, um, happy…

anyway, that was it! the "L" word has been finally dropped! well, 400 (so far) pages of rollercoaster were somehow meant to end there... so, now I hope to hear from you… and I mean all of you, even you, yeah, you, who reads but keep silent… :)

~ maya

PS (to cosette16): I'm so proud of you! I hope now you don't regret having waited...