Thank you very much for all your sweet reviews, faves, and alerts. I truly appreciate each and every one of them. Kisses from Jasper to all of you or from Bella for those who prefer the female variety of vampire.
This chapter contains swearing, references to sex, a clinical explanation of vibrators, and vampires watching TV.
This story is AU/OOC.
All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Mature readers 18 and over only please.
Jasper's POV
"Cut it out, Jasper!" Bella whispered. "The poor guy is going to jizz his pants. Look at him! He's sweating bullets in the middle of February."
"My facts were accurate, Bella. I was in Galveston during that skirmish. You know that fucker's just a Yankee sympathizer. I didn't deserve a fucking F, Bella."
"Yeah, well, argue the point, then. Don't embarrass the guy in the middle of class. Stop sending the guy lust! He's like eighty years old. He's probably gonna have a heart attack!"
"I didn't deserve the F, Bella." I reiterated.
"Jasper, just because you got a bad gr..."
"Ungh...Mercyyyy!" The old geezer clutched on to his desk for support as he came. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he had a permagrin plastered on his face.
"Professor, Professor are you okay?" Several concerned students inquired.
"Can we call an ambulance for you?" Another student asked.
"I can't fucking believe that you actually did it." Bella said between her gritted teeth.
"Hey, I did the asshole a favor, damn it! He's probably never cum this good in his life."
The fucking Yankee recovered, cleared his throat, and said, "Class is dismissed for the day. I will see all of you next week. Please complete your research on tactical errors made by the Confederate Army which led to their ultimate demise." What the fuck? Failures. We lost because the fucking North cheated—those goddamn, no good sneaks.
We all started filing out of the classroom. Bella and I were stopped on the way out.
"Miss Swan your paper was quite exemplary. It's clear that you researched your facts thoroughly and I'm quite impressed at how you've backed up every single fact that you presented to me—unlike some people." Yankee geezer directed that final jab at me. "Mr. Whitlock, perhaps since you and Miss Swan are so close, she can advise you on how to write a proper research paper. I don't quite understand where you got the idea that presenting a fictitious story in place of a research paper would be acceptable in my class."
Fictitious story? Hey, fuck you, asshole. I was at the actual battle. I bet you don't know what it's like to be fired upon by four fucking boatloads of psychotic yankees. You know what, we're moving down south next time. I'm sick of living in Yankee territory.
I was about to give the professor a piece of my mind when my traitor wife opened her mouth. "Thank you, Professor, I'll be sure to offer Mr. Whitlock some assistance." Bella yanked me out of the classroom before I could actually say anything.
"Thank you, Professor, I'll be sure to offer Mr. Whitlock some assistance." I mimicked my wife and murmured, "Brown noser."
"You're just jealous because I got an A! Jasper, while I'm sure you didn't lie in your paper, you can't just hand in twenty pages without any footnotes or a bibliography to back up your facts."
"Well, I can't help it. That shit's all stored in my head." I defended.
"What's up, guys?" Garrett, walked up to us just then. "You okay, Jasper?"
"No, he's flipping out because he got a F on a research paper." Bella said.
"Tough break, man. You think you can boost your grade later?"
"I doubt it, the fucking loser prof is a Yankee."
"Yeah, I have a class taught by a Tory—I'm sure of it."
"Um, guys. I hate to tell you this, but those wars happened over a hundred years ago—two hundred in your case Garrett. There are no Yankees or Tories anymore."
We both narrowed our eyes at Bella. "Look around you Bella, the world is full of our enemies." Garrett said.
"Oh geez!" My mate said and smacked her forehead with her hand. "Will you two get your archaic nut sacks into this century for fuck's sake? We're no longer at war with Britain and the North and the South stopped fighting over a century ago. You're both going to get tossed out of Harvard if you keep this stubborn shit up. Now, suck it up and get with the program!"
"Fine." Garrett and I both muttered that followed by a string of profanities under our breath.
"Hey, Bella, can you come with me to the hairdresser's right now?" Garrett asked.
"Yeah, sure, why?"
"Tomorrow's Valentine's Day and Katie's been asking me to modernize my looks. She said the ponytail with the ribbon went out a couple of centuries ago. I wanted to surprise her."
"Okay, let's go." She said. "Meet you back at the house?"
"Yep, I have a few calls to make anyway." I gave Bella a kiss and went on my way. I wasn't threatened in the least by Garrett. I knew he'd protect her with everything he had. The only two that emitted lust when they were around Bella were Peter and Mike now, but they were that way around all the women. Well, almost all—everyone except for Alice and Esme. Poor Mike! The dude doesn't even feel an ounce of lust around his mate.
I got home and called Carlisle. I wanted to catch him before he and Esme left for London. Carlisle was taking her away for a ten day getaway as a Valentine's Day present. At the same time, Carmen and Eleazar were off to tour Costa Rica.
There were a few purposes to this call. One was to tell Carlisle that Bella actually didn't lose control at the bar. The bartender and two bouncers confirmed that she stayed out of the action and that she only stepped in to pull the two women off of her friends and gently, at that. The girls from Tufts apparently threw a chair through the window themselves then proceeded to act as if they were somehow thrown out so that they could file a lawsuit against the bar and Bella and her friends. The bartender witnessed the whole thing and even asked the cops not to arrest Bella, but they hauled her in anyway. Carlisle was relieved to hear that.
The second reason was to tell them that they needed to lay off of Bella. The call to the bar confirmed that she had a handle on things and there was no reason for them to supervise her all the time. When we went for our mid-week visit, they were on her like white on rice again. It got so bad that part way through the visit, Eleazar had to come and grab her and take her to his house so that she could relax. Carlisle agreed with me and said that he'd talk to the others. Apparently, he tried to reign in Vicky and Esme, but they became uber-protective and stayed on top of Bella as if she was a hardened criminal.
The third reason was to pay Carlisle back for any expenses relating to Bella's arrest. She's my mate and my responsibility. Carlisle argued that Bella was his daughter and as such, his responsibility. I told him that a mate trumps a father in the vampire world. We kept arguing until he finally gave in and let me handle it all.
The final reason was a bit tougher. I needed to set up some firm boundaries between us and the parents. The fact was that we weren't kids and we didn't need to be coddled or taken care of. The others could play whatever charade they wanted with Esme and Carlisle, they really weren't my problem and I could care less. Some of us needed to be treated like children more than others. Hey, I get that, but Bella and I definitely did not.
"Carlisle, I know you and Esme felt the need to punish Bella, but, to be honest, you really overstepped your boundaries there."
"Jasper, Bella's my daughter and, as such, we wanted to make sure that she understood the ground rules."
"Carlisle, I really hate to tell you this, but Bella's my wife and we live separately from your family. She's never lived with you on a full time basis, ever, and, to be honest, you really have no parental claim on her whatsoever. You hopped back into her life five years after you abandoned her. Five years during which she was raised by Riley, Victoria, Irina, and Laurent. They have more of a right to parent her than you and Esme do. In the future, I'd appreciate it if you'd let Bella and I deal with situations like these on our own." I hated bringing this up, but the man needed to see that Bella was no longer a little girl, and frankly, never really his.
"Jasper, you weren't home. You were in Pennsylvania. How were you supposed to deal with it from there?"
"She had the situation under control. Rose would have dealt with it." I explained. "In any case, in a normal household, once the daughter is married and has left the nest, would the parents still punish her as if she was a petulant teenager?"
Carlisle sighed and admitted I was correct.
I told Carlisle that Bella still needed him and that she'd always think of him as a father figure. He was a bit sad, but assured me that he'd accede to my wishes. I really hated doing that to him. I knew my words were harsh, but they were the truth. He really loved Bella like a true father, but he needed to let her go.
My next call was to my bank in Switzerland. I recently sold off some stock that I owned in a pharmaceutical firm at a high. I made a few million off of that transaction and I wanted to transfer that money into Bella's personal account that I had recently opened up for her. Sure enough, it was in there.
My final call was to a local bank in Massachusetts where Bella had her account. I tried to get her to combine accounts with me, but she didn't want to give up the account she's had for five years. I wanted to see how much Bella's spent and if I needed to add more money to it. Jesus Christ! She's so fucking careful with her spending. Since our trip to Nashville, she's only purchased gas, $4.39 at CVS—probably for shampoo or something, $8.47 at Border's, and she pulled out a hundred bucks for her night out with her friends. After having been married to Psycho Bitch, I never thought I'd ever say this, but I really wish she'd go shopping or something. She's not exactly a penny pincher, far from it. She just doesn't spend unnecessarily.
My cell phone rang a few minutes later. It was Riley. "Hey, Jasper. I got out of work early and I was wondering if I could kick back at your place?"
"Come on over." I said.
Twenty minutes later, Riley walked into the house. "What's up, bro?"
"Nothing much. I wanted to relax before going home. If I left now, I'd hit tons of traffic. Are you guys coming up tonight? Carlisle and Esme are gone for ten days—thank fuck. We're just gonna hang out, Vicky picked up a DVD of some TV show that everyone's been talking about."
"Yeah, but you need to have your wife lay off of Bella, man. I called the bar and she wasn't even involved in the fight."
"I know, Carlisle called me. I thought there was something fishy there. You know, Carlisle and I got into it after you guys left on Sunday. I didn't think that they had a right to punish her that way. It was different from when she got arrested during college. Back then, we were responsible for her well being, physically, emotionally, and financially. Of course, I lectured her then, but I had a right to. Vicky's punishment was more severe. When I got home from work the next day, Bella had been sitting in a corner on her knees for six hours. I had to explain to Vicky that we just didn't punish humans like that unless they were being tortured or something. Apparently, that's the way things were handled in Maria's army for minor offenses."
"Ouch. Poor Bella! Her knees must have been stuck in that position." I remember having unruly vampires sit on their knees for days myself, but that was actually to have them learn their place. It wasn't painful at all to a vampire, just boring. For a human, though, it would have been excruciatingly painful.
"Yeah, I had to pick her up and put her to bed. Laurent came in and massaged her legs and her back out for her. Vicky apologized profusely after that. Bella, being Bella, took it all in stride and laughed afterwards. As far as my wife is concerned now, she just worries about Bella, tremendously—I'll talk to Vicky when I get home."
"I know she worries and thanks." I was about to say something else when my cell rang.
"I'm done with classes. Can I come over?" It was Emmett.
"Sure, Riley's here too, come on over."
Ten minutes later, Emmett was sitting on the sofa. "Where's Sissy?"
"She's out with Garrett." I said.
"Oh, got any whiskey?" Emmett asked.
"You know I do. Just go grab a bottle." I said. I always had a couple of cases each of Jack Daniels and Patron on hand. The local package store loved me.
Emmett grabbed three and threw one each to me and Riley. He downed the whole bottle in one go and went to grab another one. Riley and I just looked at each other. This wasn't like Em at all. He cracked open that one and chugged about half of it.
You okay, Em?" I asked concerned. He finished off the other half before talking to us.
"I think Rosie likes Pete better than me." He said.
What the hell? Is Em getting all jealous about my smart ass brother? "What the fuck gave you that idea. Rose loves you. I feel it whenever she's near you."
"Well, then how come whenever she comes home she goes straight to the garage with Pete?" Emmett sounded like a whiney brat. He grabbed two more bottles and pretty much inhaled one of them. A drunk Emmett was never a good thing and he was well on his way already.
"They both have a shared hobby, Emmett. You've got to give her some space." Riley said. "You'll do more harm than good if you don't."
"Yeah, well yesterday they were in the garage for eight hours." Emmett said scathingly chugging another half of a bottle.
"Em, they were rebuilding the transmission on my Suburban. It's still out of commission." Riley explained. By the way, I'm driving your Jeep up. There's no way in hell I'm letting you get behind the wheel in your condition. Hand over the key."
"Fuck no!" Aw...shit! Fucker is drunker than a skunk. He gets ornery when he's drunk and violent too.
"Give him the key, Em." I reiterated.
"You can't make me." Emmett said, then the dipshit went and swallowed the key to his Jeep.
"Well, that works too." I chuckled. Riley looked like he was gonna die laughing. I must have been projecting because we were all rolling with laughter when Garrett and Bella walked inside. They couldn't stop laughing either.
"What the fuck are we laughing about?" Garrett dove straight for my stash of whiskey.
"Emmett just swallowed the key to his Jeep." Riley explained.
"Why the hell would you do that?" Bella asked.
"I didn't want Riley to have it." Emmett said simply.
"So you swallowed it? Couldn't you just give it to Jasper?" Bella asked.
"Nope." Emmett said stubbornly. I looked over to Garrett who was sitting by my whiskey stash on his third bottle.
"Garrett? Are you okay?" I asked.
"Hell, no. Your woman's evil. She took me for my haircut and then she made me go to Waxorama to get my manbush trimmed for Katie's sake." He said. "Do you know that they spread your legs out and yank the hair off of you without warning. I felt so violated."
The rest of us started rolling again. "I wouldn't know. Bella trims mine." I said.
"Are you saying that I could have just trimmed my bush with a pair of scissors?" Garrett asked.
"More like wire cutters in your case." Bella giggled.
"Wait a minute? When the fuck did you look at Garrett's bush?" I asked, a little pissed.
"Oh, just today. I had to. He was screaming to holy hell and growling like a pitbull so I ran in to check on him. There were four women trying to hold him down so I had to help restrain him.
"You have no idea what they do to you in there. That place is like a torture chamber. They even ripped the hairs off of my inner thighs and underneath my balls." He cringed as he downed another bottle of Jack.
"I know, it made my little guy want to curl up and hide." Emmett added, clearly remembering his own painful experience at Waxorama. "I had to coax him out in order to make love to Rosie later. Poor little dude." Emmett patted the front of his pants as if it were a pet ferret.
"Oh my God! You guys are such wimps. Do you realize that we women hit that place every six weeks? Laurent goes without complaining." Bella said.
"Yeah, well, Laurent has a higher pain threshold. He does all that karate and yoga internal breathing crap!" Garrett snapped.
"How the fuck does internal breathing work for a vampire anyway? We don't need to breathe." I asked.
Emmett's phone rang so he picked it up just then. "Where the fuck are you and Riley? I've been waiting for forty-five minutes already!" Rosalie snapped on the other end.
"I'm at Jasper's. I lost my key." Emmett stated. More like ate it. I was trying to figure out how we were going to get the key out of him. I could hear Rose on the phone shouting profanities at him. Emmett just handed the phone to Riley who explained about her mate swallowing the key and told her to get herself over to our place.
Twenty minutes later, Rosie arrived. By then, Em and Garrett were both singing at the top of their lungs, drunk as hell, totally oblivious to everyone else.
"What the hell happened?" Rosalie asked aghast.
"Oh, they're both suffering from a case of stripped manhood." I explained. "Come on, we'll take Bella and Garrett's trucks up to Amherst. You sure I can't drive the Vette yet?" I asked.
"No! It's winter. You'll ruin the undercarriage!" Rose yelled.
I put my hands up in surrender.
"Garrett, where are the keys to your truck?" I asked.
"Truck? I have a truck?" He asked as he and Emmett clinked their bottles of Jack together.
"Motherfucker!" Rosalie cursed. She then sauntered up to Garrett and thrust her hands into his pants pocket and grabbed his keys.
"Just a little more to the left, baby." Garrett joked seductively to Rose. She gave his wiener a good squeeze and he yelped in pain. He immediately downed another bottle of whiskey.
We were herding the drunks into Garrett's truck when Riley's phone buzzed with a text. "Um, guys, we forgot all about Laurent." He said.
"Okay, you get the drunk dudes home and Bella and I will grab Laurent and head up to Amherst." I suggested.
"Fuck no! You and Riley get Drunk and Drunker home and Bella and I will grab Laurent." Rose shrieked.
I wasn't about to argue with the ice queen right now. Bella was better at keeping her calm anyway. "Sounds good." I agreed. Riley and I climbed into the truck and shot out of there. I don't think he wanted to deal with bitchy Rose either.
Cullen Residence, Amherst, New Hampshire
Three Hours Later...
With both sets of parents gone for the week, we were all unusually relaxed and having a great time. The Denalis were over too. Rex and I took Garrett's truck to the liquor store and loaded up the bed with several cases each of Jack Daniels and Patron. We all figured that with Garrett and Emmett already three sheets to the wind, we may as well party it up along with them. Emmett was drowning his sorrows in, yet, another bottle of Jack. He was currently slumped back in an armchair where Amanda had just practiced her manicuring skills on him. I don't even think that he's aware that his finger and toenails each have a different shade of pink on him. She was now working on different shades of red using Garrett's nails.
We were sitting around the family drinking and watching a comedy series about vampires on DVD that Vicky had picked up called True Blood. It was obvious that whoever came up with this stuff knew nothing about vampires.
"Holy fuck! Look at them! They have retractable fangs and shit!" Peter chuckled.
"That's so unfair! I want fangs!" Emmett cried out. "It would make the whole vampire thing more exciting. All we do is sparkle and shit! We don't even get to sleep like these fuckers."
"You know, you'd think that since they get to sleep, they'd set up a nice bedroom for themselves underground." Irina said. "I don't get why they have to sleep on the ground or in coffins. They're so uncivilized."
"I wish I could sleep. I really miss it." Mike mused, then pointed to the TV. "Whoa! That vampire is fucking the cute, blonde chick and he just bit her. Look at all that blood! I thought I was a messy eater, but this guy's a fucking slob. Hey, shouldn't she be dead?"
"Not necessarily," Peter explained, "but she should have passed out by now. Man, he is a slob! I wouldn't be wasting any of that good stuff."
"Okay, now this is getting ridiculous. There's no way she could be awake and and in the tub with him."
Garrett piped in.
"Oh, sure taking Vitamin B12 is definitely going to help replenish her blood." I said sarcastically. "This show is nuts! Vicky who told you about this?"
"Oh, everyone's talking about it. It's all the rage in the staff room at the high school and the kids are crazy about that blonde vampire Eric." Vicky explained, laughing. "Didn't I tell you this was going to be funny, guys? This is bordering on slapstick."
"Oh, I definitely can see why." Bella said. "That guy is fuckhot!"
"Huh? Hang on there. What the hell is so fuckhot about him, Mrs. Whitlock?" I emphasized.
"Oh, I'd do him." Rosalie agreed. Emmett inhaled another bottle of Jack after hearing that.
"I like the girl's brother. The one addicted to V-juice." Amanda joined in the conversation. "He has a really, really nice body."
"Well, he does have a nice body for a human, but honestly, Amanda, the guy's an idiot." Vicky said. "Eric has that sinister, mysterious side to him—he's dangerous too."
"I kind of like Bill." Katie said. "He's trying to mainstream and he's so protective of Sookie."
Alrighty, ladies. You wanna play this game, then let's play. "I think the brunette waitress that was murdered is hot!"
"Oh, hell, yeah! Now, that's what I'm talking about. Her legs, her ass, she had the whole package. She was a fangbanger though." Peter said.
"What the hell is a fangbanger?" I must have missed that part somehow.
"It's a human that fucks vampires." Peter explained.
"Holy shit! Bella, you were a fangbanger when you were human!" Edward suddenly announced.
We all started laughing—even Bella. "You're right, Edward. I was a fangbanger! Hey, technically, Mike and Rex were fangbangers too."
"Wait a minute? If we fucked a vampire when we were human and vampires are dead, doesn't that technically make us necrophiliacs too?" Mike asked.
"Uh, no, Mike. Vampires are dead, but still the living dead so I don't think fucking a vampire while you're human would make you a necrophiliac." Edward explained. "See, even though we don't breathe, we can still move. A necrophiliac has sex with an immobile corpse."
"Oh fuck! I was a fucking necrophiliac!" Mike cried out. "Alice just laid there like a rag doll!"
"Well, then, technically so was Jasper, so don't worry about it." Mike and I both took huge swigs of our drinks. Mike was guzzling Patron and I was guzzling Jack. Meanwhile the girls were all lusting over that Eric dude on TV.
We all went back to watching the fucked up comedy and discussing how ridiculous it was that the vampires in the show actually have blood. "I can't believe that the humans can actually overpower the vampires and steal their blood. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen." Rose said.
"Hey, Edward, when you read people's minds do the voices come in like it does for that girl?" I asked, curiously.
"Yeah, it does. I can really relate to her. It can be overwhelming." Edward explained.
"I know exactly what you're talking about. I can feel what everyone's feeling even now." I admitted.
We settled back into watching True Blood when, suddenly, Alice streaked by us in search of something.
"Alice, we're trying to watch TV here. What the hell are you looking for?" Rosalie asked.
"Have you seen a bunny rabbit?" Alice asked.
I felt something brush my leg. I reached for it and found a cute little pet rabbit. "You mean this bunny?" I asked.
"Yes, now may I please have my rabbit back so I can go back to my business?" Alice asked. That's when I noticed that Alice was completely buck naked on her bottom half.
"Um...Alice, do you know that you have no pants on?" I asked.
"Of course I know, Jasper. That's why I need my rabbit back. As soon as I can figure out how to make it do what I need it to do, I can put my pants back on. Now give me my rabbit."
Rex's eyes suddenly bulged and started chuckling. I think he figured out what was going on.
"Don't give her the bunny, Jasper." Rex warned.
"It's my rabbit and I can do with it what I want. Now Bella, I hate to ask you because, well, I hate you, but would you please show me how to train one of these things so I can have an orgasm. I heard from Edward that you're some sort of an expert rabbit trainer."
It was funny as hell—definitely, but none of us could will ourselves to laugh. We were all in a state of shock.
"Alice, when did Edward tell you that I was an expert rabbit trainer?" Bella asked bewildered.
"I told her during the honeymoon. I had overheard you and your friends talking about how you use rabbits to bring yourselves to an orgasm. Frankly, I was wondering how you did that myself." Edward admitted.
It wasn't too long ago that I was equally confused. I was just thanking heaven that Bella forced me to go to that sex class with her. I had actually been contemplating surprising Bella with a live rabbit back then.
"Dude, she's talking about a mechanical rabbit—not a real one." Mike blurted out.
"Oh, I see!" Edward was suddenly enlightened. "They must be preprogrammed robotic rabbits operated by remote control to bring pleasure to a woman."
"Edward, we were talking about using a vibrator called The Rabbit. It's called that because there's a phallus part that you insert into your vagina and a small vibrating clit stimulator shaped like a little bunny rabbit attached to it." Bella explained. God damn it! There was something sensual about her being all confident and talking clinically like that to Edward. I want to fuck her now.
"Keep going Bella, explain what you do after you put it in your pussy." Mike the fucking perv prompted her.
"Yeah, Bella, do you gently slide it in and out of your pussy or do you ram it in and out really fast until you're crying out Jasper's name in ecstasy." Peter added.
Kate walked up to Peter and Mike, put her hands on their shoulders, and shocked the shit out of them. I threw them an extra dose of pain as reinforcement.
"Ooooowwww! That fucking hurts! What the hell was that?" Mike asked.
"That was fair warning that you need to watch your mouth in front of the ladies, Michael." Vicky warned. "Peter, of course, has a brain the size of a pea so that fact seems to elude him constantly."
"Wait a minute! Are you saying that I went to the trouble of capturing this rabbit for nothing?" Alice asked.
"Yes." Rosalie giggled.
"I have a question." Edward raised his hand as if he was in a classroom. We all nodded at him to go ahead. "If it's not operated by remote control, how does it work?"
Oh, geez. This guy's fucking clueless. Apparently, Char was thinking along the same lines because she screamed, "Ugh! I can't take this shit. Wait here!"
Char ran to her room and came back downstairs with her Rabbit. "This is a Rabbit. This penis shaped part goes into your pussy. You move it in and out of you just like a man would do with his cock. The little bunny ears here go up against your clit for stimulation like so." She turned her Rabbit on and the little latex bunny ears started trembling. "We need this shit because men don't come with built in clit stimulators and not all of us are married to sensitive empaths that think about a woman's needs first. Therefore, this is perfect for getting off after your neanderthal is in the shower." Well damn, I'm feeling pretty good. Char just announced that I'm sensitive to a woman's needs.
"Who the fuck are you calling insensitive Char? Are you saying that you'd rather fuck Jasper? Tanya doesn't think I'm insensitive, do you?"
"Actually, Peter, Jasper is a lot more sensitive to a woman's needs than you are." Tanya smiled. "You know Bella, I don't think it's fair that you're keeping him all to yourself. Char and I think you should share."
No way in hell we're sharing cause if she shared, I'd have to share. I don't share my mate—ever.
"I think Tanya's right. You should share, Jasper. You know, Bella, I can show you what it's like to fuck a real man. I've been told that I fuck like a porn star." Peter said smugly.
"So you fuck like an insensitive prick." Bella stated.
"Hey, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know if you noticed, but all porn stars fuck the same way. The guy finger fucks the girl for thirty seconds, then he goes down on her for twenty seconds, the girl blows him for twenty minutes, the guy then fucks the girl in her pussy until she's screaming cause she's all raw and sore, then he fucks her in the ass until he cums because she can't handle being fucked in her pussy anymore." Bella explained. "Oh, and by then, she's too sore to cum."
That's it. I'm never watching porn again.
"Damn! She's right." Emmett stated. "Every single porn flick I've seen is almost exactly the same."
"Bella, you've single handedly turned all of us off of porn. Now, how the hell are we supposed to get off?" Mike asked.
"I don't know, use your imagination. Think about titty fucking Jessica Stanley or something. How the fuck am I supposed to know how you get off?"
Mike sat and pondered for a while, eyed Bella and Rose's tits, then smiled to himself. "Don't worry about me. I just thought of a way."
I noticed, then, that Alice was still standing around half naked in the living room. I really wish she'd cover her hairy snatch up. It's something that I never wanted to see again.
"Psycho Bitch, why are your girly parts so hairy?" Amanda asked. "Shouldn't you shave it or something? I read in Seventeen Magazine that girls should shave all the hairy bits that stick out of their bathing suits, otherwise, it would be embarrassing when they go to the beach with their friends."
Alice actually looked mortified. For the first time in her life she had nothing to say. She soon recovered though and said the first nice thing since her return. "Thank you, Amanda, I'll take what you said under advisement."
Amanda looked happy. "The article said you should use your swimsuit bottom as a guide." Alice just smiled at her.
Peter, then, brought back the subject of sharing. "So, Bella, what's it gonna be? Are you coming to bed with me or no?"
"No." Bella said simply.
"No? I've been trying to get you in my bed since I met you! You gave Char a chance. The least you could do is give me a courtesy fuck." Peter argued.
"Hell no and I never gave Char a chance. She appeared out of nowhere when Jasper and I were drunk." Bella stated.
"I just like to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves." Char said with a smug smile.
"Peter, trust me, chasing Bella is a lost cause. I tried for over a year in Forks. She never even gave me a passing glance. Back then, she was so faithful to Edward that no one else could ever turn her head. We all tried, though. Every single one of us." Mike explained. "So, my suggestion would be for you to just give up."
"I'm a Whitlock, I never give up."
"You don't have a chance Peter, I'd rather fuck my Rabbit than fuck you." Bella told my persistent brother.
Peter took the Rabbit from Char and turned it on. He pulled down his pants, popped out his boner, and turned to Bella, "Are you saying that this pink thing is more man than I am?"
Alice was eyeing the Rabbit, or possibly Peter, with desire. She grabbed the vibrator out of Peter's hand and ran to her room.
Char had a disgusted look on her face. "Keep the Rabbit, Alice. I don't want it back—consider it a gift!" She shouted. "Damn it! I need a new Rabbit now."
"I'll give you one of mine. I have five, still brand spanking new, in their packages." Bella said.
"How come you have so many Rabbits?" Char asked.
"Let's just say that Jasper went a little nuts at the sex toy store."
"SEX TOY STORE?" Char flew out of her seat and got in Bella's face. "WHERE?"
"Calm down, Char. It's in Brookline."
"Oh! I don't have to shop online anymore! I'm so excited. When can we go?" Char already had her coat on and her purse slung over her shoulder. She was tapping her foot impatiently by the front door.
"Not now. They're closed. It's already ten pm." Bella said.
"Oh, Bella, please." Char begged. "I just want to peek through the window."
"No." Bella said.
"I'll run there with you. I know where it is. We can look inside and run back." Tanya offered.
The two of them took off into the night.
"Bella! Now my mate's gone, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" Peter pointed to his boner.
"Bro, put your shit back in your pants and get away from my mate! You're fucking drunk, Peter!" I yelled.
"Jasper, I'm horny, man! I need to get my dick we...?"
Alice suddenly appeared stark naked, picked Peter up, and carried him to her room. The last thing we heard from him was, "What the fuck? Heeeellllpppp meeee!"
Collectively our jaws dropped, our eyes widened, and we all looked at each other.
Bella and Rose were the first to break out in laughter.
Mike looked up and said, "Poor guy." Not a hint of anger or jealousy at all was emanating from him while his mate took advantage of Peter's drunken state. You would think that Mike and Alice weren't mates, but Char assured as that they were mates using her gift. She said it was a really weak bond, but they were definitely mates.
"Well, I'm not sticking around here." Rose announced. "Bella, let's go get a drink. I need to talk to you about something."
Bella looked up and smiled a mischievous smile. "Uh, sure Rose. We'll be back after our talk." The two of them took off immediately.
What the hell was that? The two of them weren't going for drinks. That much was for sure. I felt the deception ringing off both of them. What the heck were those two up to? I looked over at Riley. He nodded, confirming my thought that they were lying.
Emmett must have sensed something wasn't right because he mumbled, "What the hell?"
"Jasper, Em. Feel like a quick hunt?" Riley asked.
"Yeah." We both said and left the house.
"I'm coming too!" Edward soon joined us outside. Great! Now we were gonna have to hunt first and figure out a way to send Edward away.
When we were out of earshot of the house, Edward said. "Bella dropped her shield for a minute when Alice dragged Pete to her room. I know where they are."
"Well okay, then, lead the way." I said. Rose and Bella have been disappearing for "talks" a little too often, lately. Something was up. Today I felt a fuckton of mischief and deception from the two of them.
"Those two have been really chummy lately, don't you think?" Emmett asked. "They always come back stinking like cigarettes and liquor too."
"So, where are they going, Edward?" Riley asked.
"They're going to Slapshot Sports Bar in Merrimack. They're hustling pool." Edward stated.
"Hustling pool?" Riley, Emmett, and I said all at once.
"All I heard from Rose's thoughts were that they were hustling pool at Slapshots and maybe they could clear twenty grand this time if those jerks from last week were there again."
"Motherfucker." Emmett said. "I wonder how long they've been doing this?"
"I'd say since Nashville, Em. You saw how good Bella was."
"Bella's really good." Riley agreed. I've never beat her once and I can hold my own. You know how good I am, Edward?"
We ran through the forest towards Merrimack and decided to stop for a quick hunt. We each culled some of the wildlife and continued on our run to the bar. I wasn't angry at Bella. I just wanted to know why she felt the need to hustle pool. I also wanted to know why she couldn't tell me about it. I wanted total honesty between us.
We made our way inside the bar. There was a huge crowd surrounding one of the pool tables. The four of us stayed off to the side out of their line of sight.
"You ladies need to give us a chance to earn back what you took from us last weekend." Some sleazy asshole said to Bella and Rose.
"I'm not so sure you can roll with us." Rose chuckled. "Are you sure you even know how to play?"
"Yeah, we know how. We've got our ace in the hole with us today. This is Stan. Show em what you can do, Stan." Sleazy asshole assured.
Stan racked up the balls and started playing. The guy was really good. I'll give him that much.
"We'll take two glasses of Jack—straight." Rose said
The cocktail waitress brought back their drinks and Bella and Rose downed them immediately. "We need to see the cash, gentlemen." Bella ordered.
"Twenty-five grand. Cash." Sleazy asshole showed them the money.
"Count it in front us. Go on." Rose ordered.
The guy counted his cash. All the while he and the other men were eye-fucking Rose and Bella.
"Now your turn." Sleazy asshole said to Rose. She counted out the money.
"Fuck me." Emmett whispered in my ear.
The girls would clear twenty-five grand if they won this round. Leaving them with a total of fifty grand if they included what they were betting.
"I'll break." Stan said. He was good. He sunk in all the solid balls, but missed the eight ball. Bella took her turn, then, and easily sunk in the stripes followed by the eight ball.
"Fuck!" Sleazy asshole and Stan both yelled.
"Give up the cash, asshole." Rose held her hand out. The sleazy asshole handed the money over to her reluctantly. "Thank you, gentlemen. I trust you'll have a good evening."
"We want a fucking rematch next weekend." Stan yelled
Rose and Bella both smirked and left the pool hall immediately. We tailed them. They were giggling and chuckling on their run home about their win.
"Bella, with this win we already have almost two hundred grand in our secret bank account. We'll be able to to surprise Jas and Em with that chartered yacht trip before we know it."
"That's so cool Rose. I can't wait. Just make sure that our men don't find out. You know how they'll become all neanderthal on us."
Riley, Edward, Emmett, and I stopped in our tracks. We let the girls go on ahead of us.
"Damn, Jasper. Our girls are going through the trouble of hustling pool so that they could surprise us with a trip. I feel bad for following them now."
"No kidding. I feel like shit too. Hey, Riley, Edward—could you do us a favor and not mention this to anyone. I think Em and I are just gonna let this one go." I said. I'll never doubt my mate again. A private, chartered yacht with just my mate and Em and Rose sounded pretty wonderful to me.
"Hey, no problem. I was just worried that they were in some kind of trouble." Riley said. "I'm glad they're safe."
"My lips are sealed." Edward made a motion to zip his lips. "By the way, Emmett, your fingernails are hot pink."
"Damn it! I forgot that Amanda was practicing her nail polishing skills on me!"
We ran back to the house. Rose and Bella were already home. Everyone else was still zoned out in front of the TV. I could hear Alice in her room singing at the top of her lungs, "Heaven...I'm in heaven and my heart beats so I can hardly speak..."
Peter walked down the stairs freshly showered. He downed a bottle of Patron. "I was violated, man. Violated! None of you came to rescue me! Jasper, you're my brother. Why didn't you come and rescue me?"
"You're a big boy, Peter. You should be able to handle a little pixie." I said.
"She's crazy, man! She knocked me down on the bed, sat on my cock, and rode me like I was a rodeo bull." Peter cried.
"Alice rode you?" Mike and I questioned at the same time.
"Shit, man, she must have been really desperate. In all the years I was with her, she was nothing, but a dead starfish on the ocean floor." I said.
"No kidding. The few times I was with her, it was like fucking a corpse." Mike agreed.
"Oh, yeah, well she forced me to cum—started screaming like a hyena and slapping me across my face when I said that I couldn't. She refused to get off of my cock until I did and her thighs were clenched tight around me like a vise grip. Now, how the fuck do I get this bleach smell off of my stuff?"
"I used to use the yellow Dial soap." I offered. "It took a couple of days, but it worked."
"Hey, so it wasn't only me?" Mike asked. "I used to mix this solution of a quart of hydrogen peroxide, a quarter cup baking soda, and a tablespoon of dish detergent. Dog owners use it to get rid of the stink when their dogs get sprayed by skunks."
Em and I both looked at each other, cringing at the memory of us getting sprayed in Gatlinburg. Our mates wouldn't let us near them for days—not even to scent them.
"Hey, Mike? Were you able to smell Alice when you were human?"
"Yeah, I've always had a heightened sense of smell. Rose smells like cinammon and vanilla and Bella smells like a mix of chocolates, coconuts, and strawberries."
"That's right. What do I smell like?"
"I've always thought that you smell like a mix of hot apple cider and jasmine. Eddie here smells like a fresh Christmas tree and honey and Alice smells like Tide laundry detergent and bleach."
"And you knew all this when you were human?" Pete caught on to my line of questioning. Victoria's curiosity was also peaked.
"Yeah, it's always been that way. For example, even now I can say that Lauren Mallory smells like rum and latex."
"She does smell like that." Emmett agreed. "What do I smell like?"
"You've got the best scent out of everyone. You smell like a combination of fresh grilled hamburgers, french fries, and chocolate shake." Mike said.
"Hey, that's funny. Rex and I were just talking the other day about how Em smells like a combination of a Burger King Whopper and Mc Donald's fries." Bella said.
"Topped off with a Dairy Queen chocolate shake." Rex added.
If my suspicions were correct, Mike was a tracker. He nailed everyone's scents except we had differing opinions about Emmett. Of course, we didn't have Burger King and McDonald's in my day. I always thought Emmett smelled like chopped beef steak and a side of potato patties. Pretty close to Mike's assessment if you ask me. I planned on keeping this information to myself for now. I looked at Pete and Vicky and put my finger to my lips, warning them to stay silent about this. They both nodded that they understood.
Just then, Bella's cell rang. Who the fuck would be calling her at this time of night? It's nearly three in the morning. "Hello." Bella answered.
"Bella!" It was Char. "Um, could you and Jasper come get us? We're at the police station in Brookline. Don't say anything to our mates though."
"A little too late for that, Char. Your mates are sitting the living room listening in. What happened?"
"Oh, we were arrested. Just come get us. Leave our mates at home. We don't feel like dealing with them right now." She hung up on Bella.
Rex and Peter looked like raging bulls as they got ready to leave for Brookline. Riley intervened. "Hey, guys. Obviously your mates want Bella and Jasper to bail them out. Let them go get them—that way, you two can calm down at home and discuss what happened with Tanya and Char without flying off the handle."
"Hey, who the fuck are you to tell us what to do?" Peter asked.
"Peter, he's right man. If you go now, you're gonna flip your shit in the middle of the police station. Besides, you and Rex are both plastered. It wouldn't bode well for you and for them to show up there drunk. Just stay home and sober up. You both know that I'll keep your mates safe." I assured.
Rex and Peter both begrudgingly agreed. Bella and I left right away to go get Char and Tanya.
"What do you think they did to get themselves arrested?" Bella asked.
"Who knows. It must be bad if Char called you instead of Peter." I replied. I pulled my mate in close to my side and kissed her. I kept thinking about the conversation I overheard between her and Rose. Em and I sure were lucky guys. Both girls had more than enough money to charter a private yacht, yet they wanted to surprise us by earning the cash themselves. It may seem ridiculous, but it showed how earnest they both were.
"I love you, Bella." I said, mussing her hair.
"I love you, too, Jasper." I pulled her onto my lap and drove all the way into Brookline like that.
Now to bail out Super Tatas and Sweet Punani—I shuddered thinking about what they could have possibly done.
Oh my goodness, poor Peter-he was violated by the psychotic pixie. Maybe he deserved it though, I mean, the guy was relentless in his pursuit of Bella. Do you think Jasper did the right thing in setting Carlisle straight regarding parental boundaries? I know that a ton of stuff happened in this chapter. I'd love to hear what your thoughts are. I promise to write back. XOXO