Chapter 2 – No Regrets

"Something's bothering you," Booth said to his partner as they sat down. "Angela and Hodgins?"

Brennan looked at him, her head shaking no and yes as she sorted through her thoughts. "Not exactly, but yes. You and Angela speak of love as if it should be simple, but I just can't do it that way, Booth. Sometimes I think I want to. Angela says that I … I miss so much… by doing it my way." Sadness echoed in her words as she spoke and Booth wanted so much to take her hand, but he didn't.

Once again, Booth opened his mouth to speak, but Brennan cut him off. All evening, he had followed her cues. One wrong move, Booth reminded himself, one wrong step, whatever it may be, and this moment could blow up in my face.

Brennan spoke, but the sadness was gone, replaced by firm determination. "Do you want to know why I think I stayed here, rather than going with Sully?" Brennan asked.

"What? No, it's all right, Bones. We've been over that. Gordon Gordon says it has nothing to do with … you and me…" His words trailed off.

"I don't mean that, Booth. I think I finally know why I made the decision I did, even if I couldn't have vocalized the reasons at the time."

"O-kay," Booth said slowly. His voice held more of a defensive edge than he necessarily intended. He really wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he did know that Bones would tell him whether or not he wanted to hear it.

Brennan held his eyes with hers, as if she had to say this now, or it never would be said. "I stayed because I wanted to – what did you say that day? Live widely." Booth opened his mouth, surprised, and he felt his expression soften and his hands, which had been clenching into fists, began to relax. Brennan continued, faltering slightly. "When I'm with you… as my friend and partner, I live widely." Her voice became soft again, as if she were uncertain of what he'd say. "You help me to see … things … the world, people, especially people … in ways I never could before. In my life, that is living widely." she concluded.

Booth swallowed. He thought about telling her that "live widely" had been Angela's phrase, that she'd called him a "narrow romantic," and did Bones have any idea what it meant to him that she, of all people, would say this. He considered downplaying her words, attributing her more open emotionalism to Sully's positive influence or her father's recent and still unsettling presence, but all he could do was look into her eyes, cough, and feel the heat begin to suffuse his face.

When he didn't respond, she said, "I could never regret staying here." She looked closely at him. "That would never happen," she added, and Booth recognized the echo of her words to him from just after their first kiss so very long ago. He wondered where she was going with this: was she going to run again, walk closer, or stay in the same place? Her words lingered in the air between them and he reached for her hand, giving it a quick squeeze before releasing it.

"Bones." He said. "That may well be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." And he smiled a happy smile that his partner's face immediately echoed.

"Really? I wasn't sure if I should say anything, but you seemed so confused by how I make decisions of a personal nature, that I wanted to be sure you understand. You do understand, don't you, Booth?" Brennan sounded relieved.

"Well, I'm not sure I'll ever quite understand what goes on up there in your big head"—he gave her hair a little pat that was definitely a "just partners" pat—"but I expect that, whether or not you know it, your heart is in the right place."

"Does that mean you've forgiven me for slapping your face and not seeing you for a year?" she asked. She still hadn't moved, hadn't shifted closer or away, but simply seemed receptive, open.

Booth almost jumped. Where did that come from? Bones's mind, for all its logic, worked in the strangest of ways sometimes. "Wait. What? You want to talk about that case? You and I, we have never talked about that case… or what happened… not once. Sometimes I think it didn't actually happen, we so don't talk about that case."

"I know, Booth, but it's important that you understand. I want you to understand. I don't regret what I did. You have to know that." She spoke quickly, as if rushing through the words, trying to get them out.

"So you're not going to apologize?" he asked? Maybe he hadn't forgiven her the slight, but when as amazing a woman as Bones Brennan walks into your life, with suggestions of a happiness just barely glimpsed, and then trounces just as easily out of it, you don't recover easily. He remembered what a great time they'd had on that case, bickering and flirting all wrapped up together with an ease they had yet to attain in all their more recent months of partnership. They'd acknowledged that each thought the other was not just "symmetrical" or a "good breeder," but just plain hot. Then something had gone badly wrong; he pushed and tried to get too close, too fast.

"Apologize? No Booth. Well, I suppose I could apologize for striking you. That wasn't a very nice thing to do. But you did make me so frustrated!"

"Did, Bones, did. That's past tense. What's past, is past. … and thank you. Apology accepted." Booth took a few deep breaths, trying to release the tension he felt. Bones was not going to own up to what had really happened, it seemed. His only choice was to accept her exactly where she was at this moment.

Brennan's face took on a surprised look. "Oh wait, I just apologized? I suppose I did! How about that." She grinned wickedly and said, "how's that for not talking about 'that case.' We seem to have survived!" She laughed a little, and Booth laughed with her, but he wasn't ready to break the mood, to change the subject to something lighthearted, when so much progress had been made.

"That we did, Bones. That we did. Can I be honest with you, too, though?" He asked.

"Booth, you know you always can," she responded, immediately serious again. He noticed she was playing with her hands, as if uncertain of what to do with them.

"I thought about you during that year. A lot. I wanted to try … working with you again. I wasn't sure what my reception would be, though, you know… after … everything… that happened. That's why I thought I needed to actually detain you at the airport to get you to even speak to me again."

"I'm a hard one to catch, hmm?" Bones asked, casting him an almost flirtatious smile that took Booth's breath away and made his heart hammer just slightly faster, but she looked away quickly. Booth's smile widened into a full-blown charm smile as he could only tilt his head in response. "Do you regret not doing it sooner?" she asked.

"Regret? I suppose I do," he told her, making his tone deliberately casual. "It's what we do with the regrets that matters, though. You make what turns out to be a mistake and when you can, you try to fix it. In this case… there that many more murderers we could have put behind bars… and all that… but we're here now, and that's what matters."

"I feel very lucky to have you as my partner, Booth. I don't know if we would have such a successful partnership now if we hadn't had that time apart."

"Bones. I'm lucky to have you as my partner, too." Booth smiled at her.

Brennan nodded and sighed, leaning back into the couch so she was no longer facing him. A silence descended, and Booth wasn't sure whether or not to get up, get back to those dishes lingering in the kitchen, change the subject, or simply sit and wait. He decided on the latter, turning also to lean back into the cushions. He couldn't help but notice that this time, his and Bones's shoulders almost touched as they relaxed, closer than when they had first sat down.

Soon, Brennan broke the silence, but didn't move from where she sat. From her tone of voice, Booth knew that some of the evening's issues still weighed heavily on his partner's mind. "Booth? Do you think I'll… will I ever find someone who accepts my way of thinking about love? Who'll accept me as I am and not want me to take off on a sailboat? I mean, I don't mean that badly for Sully. He meant well. I just mean … I know it's not the norm in ours or many other cultures, to be so rational, but it's what I know." She paused and waited for his answer.

Booth's breath caught in his throat. "You're mighty introspective tonight, Bones. It's not like you. Are you feeling all right?" he said, keeping his voice light and easy.

"I'm serious, Booth," she countered. "I don't want … regrets. I don't want to … miss something that that many human beings find so very important." He could feel her hand clenching anxiously as it lay alongside her.

He found it hard to speak. What should he say? He sat up a little, turning to her, and took her hand in his, looking straight at her. "Bones, you'd be the first to say we can't predict the future with any accuracy, so I'm not going to try. All I do know is that when you meet a person who you think you might … fulfill your criteria for … you know…" he shrugged, "look at the evidence carefully. Don't just assume there might be pain, because maybe the evidence will suggest thirty, forty, or even fifty years of great happiness." He saw tears in his partner's eyes, tears coupled with disbelief that such a future could ever be hers.

She too turned to face him, and her hand tightened about his slightly. He reached for the other hand and held it with equal firmness. "Bones, when that day comes, if the evidence suggests that happiness might actually be found with another person, even for a while, give him a chance? For your sake, and even for his. I promise you, it'll be worth it. No regrets. Okay?" he finished, exhaling a huge breath. He realized his thumbs had started caressing her hands. He felt like he was trying to gentle a wild animal with careful movement and calm sounds.

Brennan looked back at Booth saw that he was leaning slightly towards her. There was his face with a slight, small smile before hers in her living room, but in her mind's eye she saw it on another evening, equal in intensity, but it wasn't a moment she recognized from their shared past. She inhaled sharply. The pressure of his hands on hers, holding tightly, eased some of the tension she'd felt. He leaned slightly towards her, watching so closely, and she looked down, suddenly feeling chilly from the image in her mind.

"Booth, I… I don't know. Could I really do that?" She continued to hold his hands, but her grip loosened slightly. "I don't know if I can."

He continued to gaze directly at her. "Bones. When the time comes, you owe it to yourself and this person to at least try." He smiled, releasing her hands. With one of his he lifted her chin gently, raising her eyes to look at his. "Come on, now. There's plenty of time to figure all of this out, all right?" Booth dropped his hand and gave his partner, this woman he cared so much for, another lopsided smile, trying to lighten the mood without seeming to make light of her concerns. "You're tired, you made me this awesome meal, and besides, I left a pile of dishes in the kitchen that I distinctly remember agreeing I'd finish. Why don't you sit here, read a journal or something, while I clean up. And then maybe we can meet tomorrow morning to finish that paperwork, all right?"

Brennan smiled in response, a genuinely happy smile, and rested her head back into the cushions again, obviously tired and thankful. "Thanks Booth."

"Thank you, Bones, for everything. I mean it." He grinned suddenly. "Especially the mac n' cheese!" His partner tilted her head and smiled back, a grin from the pages of earlier that night.

After a few minutes of cleaning the dishes, Booth looked out into the living room, where his partner had laid back on the couch, her eyes closed in sleep. As he rinsed the soap off the final plate, he'd wondered how he would say goodnight to her gracefully and simply, without awkwardness, and he wasn't sure he could do it. Bones had answered his question for him. Booth walked to the couch and draped a blanket over her legs. His hand reached for her face and brushed the hairs back toward her ears. She smiled slightly in her sleep. He paused as he considered kissing her forehead, but thought better of it, his fingers lingering gently. Booth moved around the living room and kitchen, taking care of a few more details

The door clicked shut and Brennan's eyes sprang open, startled by the sudden sense of quiet. She looked around her apartment and immediately noticed that on her coffee table was a steaming cup of her favorite herbal tea, with a small bowl next to it for the tea bag. Underneath the bowl was a note from the stationery by her phone: "Thanks for the evening, Bones. I had a great time. See you tomorrow, OK? –Booth."

A wave of almost giddy emotion slipped over hr as she thought abut the looks they'd shared over the course of the evening, followed by a sense of gratefulness that Booth knew her well enough to give her space but also to leave a note.

Outside in the hallway, Booth paused before walking away, listening closely. He wasn't sure if she'd wake up, and if she did, whether she'd be annoyed at him for leaving. She'd be sure to let him know. A few moments passed, and no irate partner stepped in to the hallway, no sound from his cell phone. He breathed a sigh of relief and headed to the elevator, thinking of how beautiful she'd looked, and how vulnerable she'd let him see her. He almost held his breath a bit, wondering if this newfound closeness would last until the next morning, but then he wasn't sure it mattered. The evening with Brennan had been wonderful, and he had no regrets.