Lilia awoke to something warm surrounding her, a feeling she didn't know what to think of. It didn't feel like a blanket. It was only when she turned her head that she saw it was Erik. His face lost its sternness as he slept, like everyone's does as they sleep. She could almost see the young boy who saved her.
He woke up slowly, his blurry eyes meeting hers instantly. She smiled. "What are you doing in my bed?" She asked, her voice playful. He could feel her body stiffen in his arms, as much as she tried to stop it. She hated getting close to people. Even him.
"You had a nightmare last night; I came in to comfort you." They sat up together, his arms falling from around her. She looked down.
"I suppose I also sleepwalked, since I am in a different shirt then when I fell asleep." She could remember the nightmare, now. She could feel the blood that had flowed from her body. Did Erik know of her mutation? Was he not terrified of her now that he knew? Blood rushed to her face and she glanced away, looking at the wall instead.
"Charles did that. He's the one that heard you. I was going to talk to him, but came here when he wasn't in his room. Staying with you to keep you safe from another nightmare seemed like the best option to follow." The lie slipped easily off of his tongue. He didn't want her to know that he had seen her in the state she had been in, blood pouring from her and her body convulsing. It was better to pretend he didn't know.
Lilia nodded before standing. Her face was still red, though it was less. "Let's go get something to eat. I'm sure the others will be wondering where we are." She led the way to the kitchen, where Charles was sitting alone. It was strange not to see him training another mutant; he had said he was planning on doing that every day.
"Good morning." He nodded at the two of them. Lilia was attempting to keep her distance, while Erik kept his eyes constantly on her. "I wanted to know if you were alright before I went to work with the others."
Lilia smiled at him. "Thank you Charles. I'm fine." Charles nodded and left the kitchen, leaving Erik and Lilia alone together. Lilia ate quickly before vanishing into the house.
She wanted time alone to think through her thoughts and feelings. She approached a sitting room, only to hear voices inside. She was planning on walking straight past, but her name caused her to freeze.
"Do you know what's going on between Lilia and Erik?" It was one of the boy's whos name she did not know.
"They knew each other when they were children I think." She knew that voice was the one of the ginger boy.
"Yeah, but have you see how Erik looks at her? It's disgusting."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like he's fucking her with his eyes. When they're in the same room his eyes never leave her. They follow her as she walks. Even Moria and Raven have noticed; I heard them talking. They say that it's clear Lilia feels something for Erik too; he's the only one she is fine with touching her."
"What even is her mutation?"
"No idea. Must be something disgusting, otherwise everyone here wouldn't be so terrified of her. Even Charles is terrified."
That was it. Lilia pushed open the door, making the two boys turn to her in shock. "Hello." Her voice was calm. "I just heard your conversation about me through the door, and I feel that I should answer your question. You want to know what my mutation is?"
The two boys looked at each other in worry. Her eyes were flashing and her fists were clenching. They wanted nothing more than to run, but there was nowhere to run.
"I can control pain." Immediately their bodies jerked as pain hit them for a moment before vanishing. "I hope that satisfied your curiosity." She turned and stalked away, leaving the two boys shaking.
"Well, she's a good match for Erik, that's for sure." Alex said before his body convulsed again. Lilia had heard him.
Lilia and Erik found themselves alone with each other during the day. They would have to separate as Charles wanted to talk to Erik, but they would find each other quickly afterwards. Most of the time they did not speak, but occasionally she told him stories of her life after he had set her free. Neither of them wanted to talk about what he experienced.
"How did you figure out your name?" he asked her once as they walked around the lake. "Lilia Iona. Did you know it when I first met you?"
She rubbed her hands along her sweater covered arms. "No. I had no idea who I was. The woman who took care of me was called Mara Iona, so I took her name. But she allowed me to choose my own first name." Lilia laughed. "It's funny. She had just taught me how to read so I rushed outside and picked the first word I saw as my name. I believe it was a flower shop. I didn't want to be called Lily because that was too simple and too ordinary. So Mara helped me change it into Lilia. We decided that Lilia Iona had a nice ring to it, so I kept it."
They laughed together. He wrapped his arm around her waist, something she tensed at but didn't shy away from. It felt nice to have Erik touching her. She leaned her head against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his. "Do you think we will be able to defeat Shaw? Truly?"
It was a question that had been plaguing her for so long. What if they failed? What if everything she was working for broke down and she was left with nothing but broken dreams?
Erik looked forward. "There is no way of knowing if we will or not. We can only try and pray that we succeed." He stopped and turned to her. The sun was hitting her face in such a way that the blue of her eyes sparkled, catching his and holding them. He gently placed his hand on the side of her face. They could feel the world still.
The kiss lasted for long minutes. They only broke apart for air, and even then they tried to hold their breath for as long as they could. Her hands rand through his hair, keeping his face pressed to hers. Their tongues intertwined. Both melted into each other, Lilia nearly hanging from his body.
It was only when they broke apart and rested their foreheads on each other that Lilia grasped what had happened. She backed away from him, staring for a moment before running back to the house. Erik collapsed onto a bench.
Why had he kissed her? Why? He had just assumed she felt the same about him as he her. It was clear she didn't want to be close to anyone. He had just forced her to do something she hadn't wanted to do. Why? He had felt her tense at his touch, but he continued anyways. He had seen the worry in her eyes, the confusion. The darkness that sparkled in the sun. But he had ignored it. Why?
Lilia searched through the house to try and find someone to talk to. She needed someone. But the only people she saw skirted away in fear. It was only after searching the house that she approached the library and found Charles calmly sitting inside.
"I need to talk to you." He said, looking up at her. "Why did you use your mutation on Alex and Sean?"
She sat across from him. "Because they were saying things I was not comfortable with. They were not hurt; I made certain of that."
"Thank you for that." Charles raised his eyebrow. "But that is not what you came to talk to me about, is it?" She shook her head. "Please, tell me what is troubling you and I will do everything I can to help you."
She rubbed her eyes. "It is about Erik. He just kissed me."
Charles nodded. "Would you like for me to talk with him about not trying after you?"
She shook her head. "No. It's just…I don't understand how I feel about him. I know I feel something, but I don't want to get close to him because I don't want to hurt him. I've hurt everyone else." her eyes looked terrified. "Help me."
Charles gently took her hands. "How?"
"Go into my head and find out what I feel. Please. I don't know how to do it myself. No one ever taught me how. I tried so many times, but I can't break through to see myself. I don't know where to look. Everything swarms together and I don't understand it." She looked so helpless that Charles couldn't refuse. He rested his forehead on hers and focused.
He was back in the white. It blinded him for a moment before he could see it was a separate part. The wall no longer climbed in front of him. Instead, he was in a corridor. All along the walls small vaults stood, with elegant script declaring what was inside.
Charles walked down the line until he felt his body being pulled towards one. His name danced beside the door and he pulled it open. The feelings of distrust, of fear, of trust, of hope and of sibling love bombarded him. The fear seemed to overpower everything else, sibling love barely fighting it. He closed the door. Next to his was one of Shaw. It seemed to be bursting at the seams, small wisps of dark smoke escaping from the edges.
He stepped in the line of the smoke. Hatred, fear, anger, worry, pain, sadness. So many more swarmed together, seeming to drill itself into his blood. He stepped away.
Erik's was at the end, standing alone at the end of the hall. Slowly, Charles pulled it open. There was happiness, trust, thankfulness, calm, worry, fear, hope. And covering it all; love. It was different than the love he had felt with his, a stronger love of a different type.. With a smile Charles closed the door and pulled himself out of her mind. She looked at him in worry.
"Love." That was all he needed to say for her face to break into a smile.
"Thank you." She stood. "I think I'll be on my own now. I need to be alone. Would you mind telling Erik that I'm sorry I ran?" she said the last words with worry, but Charles nodded and she left.
Erik was still sitting on the bench when Charles arrived beside him. His eyes stared down the hill, staring at nothing in particular. "She ran Charles. When I kissed her she ran. Why did I do it?" He sounded desperate, lost.
Charles rested his hand on his shoulder. "She ran because she didn't understand what she felt. She didn't want to lead you on, only to find out herself that you two didn't feel the same about each other. She came to me to have me figure out how she felt."
"And?"
"She loves you Erik. More than anything. But she doesn't want to hurt you. And remember, don't hurt her either. Her mind seems delicate." Charles left Erik alone to gather his thoughts.
Lilia found herself sitting on the windowsill in her room, resting her head on the cool glass as she stared into the distance. Charles had told her how she felt. He had gone into her mind and told her. She knew he wasn't lying. But she felt like she was.
How could she love? How could anyone love her?
She was disgusting. She could control pain. She could make people hurt without even thinking about it. She wasn't human, wasn't anything close to it. It wouldn't be safe for anyone to love her or for her to love anything. She had hurt too many people.
There was a knock on the door. "Lilia?" It was Charles. "May I come in? It's time to train."
Training was the last thing she wanted to do at that moment. "Come in." He opened the door and came in. She turned her vacant eyes towards him. "What do I need to practice?"
"You seem to need help understanding how your own mind works and how to move around inside of it. It's time to teach you that." He gently took her hands and pulled her so that she was standing in front of him. Her eyes slowly focused once again. "Are you ready?"
She blinked. "How am I supposed to learn?"
He gently placed his hands on either side of her head, hating how she shook as he touched her. "I'm going to go inside your head and attempt to bring you with me. That will be safer for you. Are you willing?" She faintly shook her head and closed her eyes, Charles doing the same. He had to concentrate in order to do this. Going into her mind would be easy. Bringing her with him; more difficult.
But when the white faded into his vision, she was there standing next to him. Her shock was enough to let him know it was actually her.
"Where…where are we?" she stepped away from him, looking around the space in surprise. He had brought her to the hall again, where the small compartments held her feelings for everyone she had met. Her eyes fell on one of them, widening as she gained a guess for where they were.
He walked in front of her. "This is only one of the many places in your mind. I picked this one because I've been here before and it is easy to close in on." He turned back to her. "Do you feel comfortable here? Natural in your own mind?"
Lilia nodded. "This is so strange. I don't know what to say." Her eyes brightened. "Can we go somewhere else?"
He shrugged. "This is your mind. So far I only know of two places. But I believe you can pick the place you would like to go."
She eagerly focused her mind, envisioning the place she wanted to go. The compartments faded away and were replaced with a television. She approached it slowly, watching as it flickered to life. There was a small child, walking around and around a tree. Her dress hung off her bony form, filled with rips that showed almost all her skin.
Lilia stepped back in surprise. This was a memory. She recognized the dress from the stories she had been told as a child. In shock she looked back to Charles, only to find him staring at the screen. When she looked back she saw Shaw sneering at her through the white bars of the cage. There was a needle in one of his hands and a knife in the other. Both were dripping blood.
She quickly pulled them away from there. The corridor faded in once again and Lilia looked away, her face burning red. "Take us out of here." And so he did.
The natural light of day faded in once again. Charles let his hands drop from her head. "I'm sorry you had to see that." Her voice was so quiet, her head turned away from him in shame.
He gently raised a hand so that he brushed away some of her hair. "And I'm sorry you had to live through that."
A/N: Again, it has been a long time since I updated this. I had this chapter written, but I didn't feel completely confident about it. I decided to upload it anyways.
Please tell me what you thought about this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading.