A very Merry (belated) Christmas to all of you and a Happy New Year! 2014 has come way too fast for this college student graduating in May. But alas, the real world awaits.

Enough of my blabbering. Y'all have been waiting for an update, and here it is! Word of warning, it's about to get real. Emotions, ahoy! Also, I am (slowly, as in a snail-like pace) making my way around the reviews to respond, so if you get a random message in your inbox, it's probably for that reason. I have to get quicker with responding to those, seeing as some of you probably think I forgot about them. Thanks for all of the reviews, and to you silent readers, thank you as well! (I get it, because I am guilty of silent reading, myself.)

Anyways, Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Still don't own Bleach, despite my letter to Santa this year.

Chapter 6

Rukia felt her breath catch in her throat, her steps coming to a clumsy stop a few feet behind the redhead. How could she have forgotten this hallway? It had led to a new chapter in her life, one filled with promise and hope but also pain and sorrow, for when she joined the Kuchiki family, she also left Renji behind.

He had been her family for as long as she could remember, and to suddenly lack that part of her past had been a difficult transition. She had barely slept that first week, only giving into slumber when she had cried out her frustrations, waking with tear-stained pillows and a pounding headache. The first year had been harder than she would have thought. Living within the many rooms of the Kuchiki Mansion, occupied only by her brother and herself more often than not, had left her feeling more alone than ever, and a good portion of that loneliness had been because the man that stood in front of her now had not been a part of her life.

Renji had been left behind like trash on the side of the road. She had never forgiven herself for how the event had changed their friendship. She had tried to blame him at first. If he had so much as said one word against it, she would have turned down the offer. She would have stayed there with him, happy to be an orphan from Hanging Dog. But she knew the blame did not belong to him, or anyone else for that matter. It was a tough situation with difficult decisions, and no one person could be given sole responsibility for how things turned out. And she was thankful for the brother she had gained now in Byakuya, the name she had made for herself in the Thirteenth because of his placement, and all that had happened since then. She was more than happy with her life as it was, but that fact didn't help lessen the pain of losing Renji for such an extended period of time. They barely spoke for years after, what with her speedy graduation to the Thirteenth and his time in the Eleventh. Only after the war had they become close once more, and only then had she truly recognized her feelings for what they were.

Now here they were, about to relive that pain all over again.

Selfishly, she wanted to leave. This was not a good memory like the others he had gained. This one was full of pain and suffering and a healthy dose of loss. No good would come from remembering this, and she'll be damned if they went through it today.

"Renji, come on. Let's go," she whispered, her voice lacking any sense of authority. He hummed in acknowledgment, but did not move. The tattooed man had stopped in front of the door, studying it as if it would tell him all of its secrets, all of what had happened here so long ago. His fingers ghosted over the frame, hovering as if he was hesitating, as if his body knew the pain that lay behind it, even if his mind did not.

"I know this room," he said again, as if voicing it would make the reason appear. Glancing over his shoulder at the girl, he sent her a quizzical look before pushing the door open with one swift movement. "Why is this familiar?" he muttered lowly to himself, no longer speaking to her. In a matter of moments, he had disappeared inside.

Rukia gaped at the opened door, the overwhelming need to rip him from that space gripping her tight enough that she struggled to breathe. If she entered, would that trigger his memory? Or could they somehow skip this memory, just this once? She battled with herself, struggling with what she was supposed to do in this situation. Finally, with a groan of frustration, she walked briskly to the man with the intention of dragging him back out of that room if she had to. She was already shaking, her reiatsu rising and falling sporadically with every step.

This wasn't going to end well.

X

Even before Renji was in the room, he could already feel a lingering sadness in the corner of his mind. He was sure that he had been here before, had experienced something here, but he was struggling to add it all up. Rukia had been ready to leave, anxious to get back to the Fourth, but he had to see what this was. He felt it was important, though something told him he wasn't going to like it.

Upon first glance, the room appeared to be some type of vacant classroom, though on the smaller side compared to those large lecture rooms they had visited. Vaulted ceilings, columns, and bare floors greeted him, not a stitch of furniture to be seen. It didn't look to be in use at the moment, a thin layer of dust covering most of the open floor. But what it lacked in décor it made up for in tension. He had not been mistaken. There was a sorrow that clung to the air, almost tangible in weight. It pressed in on him, wrapping around him in a cold embrace, and he shivered despite the warm temperature of the season.

As he came to stop in the middle of the room, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as his own emotions stirred within him. His chest felt heavy, the weight of the room's secrets pressing further down on him with each exhale that left his lungs.

What happened here to make him feel like…this? It was as if his head had been dunked in cold water, the chill washing over him in waves until even his bones ached with a sense of longing and frustration, though perhaps the latter was from his inability to pinpoint the reason for his response.

"Renji," Rukia called out from the door behind him. He could feel energy as she entered, a new development he gained after remembering Zabimaru. The winter floral energy, one he had come to recognize as Rukia's distinctive reiatsu, had nearly given him a heart attack when he first felt it tugging at his own energy, something more akin to warmth and smoke. But now he welcomed the girl's reiatsu whenever he felt it near.

Her energy shuddered around him, and sense of urgency and fear evident within the reiatsu. Her panic made no sense to him. Why would she be afraid here?

He was still getting used to having his Shinigami senses back. Maybe he was still rusty.

Her quiet steps announced her approach, and he let his eyes open to find her standing before him. Her face was the picture of calm, but she couldn't hide the look in her eyes. They spoke volumes even when she was silent. It was one of the things he loved most about her. No matter what she tried to do, he could see her: her emotions, her frustrations, even her soul it seemed, and he was drawn in. Even now, with her nervous energy swirling in the violet color, he couldn't look away.

"We need to leave," she spoke softly, her eyes darting around before finding his once more. He shook his head stubbornly, wondering why the girl was so adamant to leave.

"But I know I've been here," he insisted, standing firm as he did his own sweep of the room. Whatever she had seen in its depths, he was missing. Though he knew it was unlikely she'd give an answer, he asked her anyways, figuring she had some idea. "What happened here?"

"…It was a long time ago. My own memories are fuzzy." Her voice was controlled, but she hesitated, only for the briefest of moments but Renji was sure of it. She knew what plagued his mind in this place. Yet the look in her eyes told him she was far from ready to share that information with him. What would cause her to hide it? Had he done something wrong? It must involve her if she was so hell-bent on avoiding it. But what could have happened here to make it so unbearable for her to want to revisit this room, or to keep him from it?

"Rukia?" he started, his tone warning of his disbelief of her statement. She looked up at the sound of her name, and paused.

His eyes must be just as expressive as hers. He was sure she knew he had not believed her story about forgetting what happened here, and that realization had left her more determined than ever to leave. Her mouth fell open, words stuck in her throat before she could finally find her voice.

"Please," she said at last, the gears in her head starting to whirl as she struggled to put together a logical reason to leave. "Let's do this another time. You've already had so many memories today. I don't want to push you." She had a valid point, but he knew there was something else that drove her words. His eyes narrowed in confusion, watching as the girl tried to side step him. She tore her gaze from his, and he knew if he didn't stop her, he wouldn't get any answers today.

He couldn't have that.

"Why won't you tell me?" he questioned, reaching out to grab a hold of the girl's shoulders. His touch was gentle but firm, determined to hold the girl there if she attempted to leave again before telling him. She stiffened in his grasp, eyes downcast as he watched her. It was odd, but the way she looked, the room they were in, it all seemed familiar. Renji felt the tickle of recognition in some vacant corner of his mind, and braced himself for what he knew was a memory about to come screaming in.

The pain hit him harder than the times before, white flashing behind his eyes with an intensity that nearly floored him. He let out a cry, though he didn't hear anything over the roar in his ears, only knowing he had yelled because of the pressure in his throat. As he clenched his eyes shut, jaw tightening with the throbbing tension in his skull, he clearly saw what had happened long ago.

His memories, thick with sorrow, moved in rapid secession in his mind, sliding into place like pieces of a puzzle. He could picture the two of them entering the Academy, wanting to leave the hardship of Hanging Dog behind them. They had joined the ranks of eager young Shinigami, ready to learn and acquire their powers and skills. Even there he struggled to find his place, always sticking out amongst the others, mocked even. He had so much to prove, if only given the opportunity. But he was learning, and was growing stronger, and all the while Rukia was by his side, busy with her own classes but still there. And then, this room filled his mind.

Rukia had been approached by the Kuchiki elders and Byakuya. And he had interrupted, being his loud-ass self and storming into the room with the good news of passing some exam. He couldn't move as Byakuya passed him, too struck with his power, and it was only then that Rukia filled him in. They had told her of their plans to adopt her, offering to graduate her early and put her in the Thirteenth Division right away. She had asked his opinion, and he had let her go. Hell, he had encouraged her to go, rambling on about how jealous he was and how great the food would be. But he hadn't noticed the conflict in her eyes or the way her voice had softened with hesitation. It wasn't until she had run from him that he realized she was hurting, that he had hurt her by not fighting to keep her. But he couldn't go with her. The Kuchiki family had wanted Rukia, not him, and this was a great opportunity for her to get out. This was going to make her life better, and he would only hold her back.

Within an instant, the memories fade, but the look of pain Rukia had worn when she left him that day was seared into his mind, taunting him. It echoed now in her expression as she watched him with tearful eyes. He had been right. He had done something wrong here. He had hurt her by letting her go so easily.

"I remember," he whispered, eyes widening. He looked down at the girl with a frantic look, shaking his head. "Everything from the Academy, and what happened in this room." He gasped in air hungrily, not knowing he had held his breath through the onslaught of memories. His head spun, and he felt nausea threaten to overtake him. He forced his breathing to come in steady breaths, pushing the air a little too forcefully out of his nose in his efforts to calm himself.

Rukia reached up with one hand, grabbing ahold of one of his forearms as they stood there. It was enough to snap him out of his daze, and he noticed the crippling grip he had on her shoulders. He hadn't realize until then that his grip had tightened to the point of bruising, his fingers digging into her petite frame even through the uniform.

Hastily, he loosened his hold, stepping back as if burned and grabbing his head with his hands. "I'm sorry," he sputtered softly, trembling as he looked down at her. The nausea was gone, but now it was his emotions that threaten to drown him. So much pain and longing…did he really let her go like that? After everything they had overcome together, he let her go without so much as a word. She had been so upset, tears falling from her eyes as she had run from him, and all he had done was stand there with his stupid pride, telling himself she was better off without him. "Rukia, I am so sorry."

"It's okay," she replied, attempting a smile but giving more of a grimace. "You didn't mean to hold on so tightly. The pain must have been really strong this time." It took him a moment to realize she wasn't talking about the memories like he had been, staring at her in confusion before it clicked.

She was doing it again. Blocking him out. She was putting the distance between them, protecting herself, but he couldn't blame her, could he? He was the one that pushed her away first. He was the one that let her go. With a deep breath, more to steady himself than anything else, he shook his head.

"No, Rukia. I'm not talking about that," he corrected, watching as her brow pulled together. "Though I am sorry for that as well," he added as an afterthought. She had unconsciously rubbed where he had grabbed her, and he feared there would be bruises. Still, he had to continue. If he didn't apologize now, if he didn't fix this now, he didn't know when he would have the courage to do it again. "I'm sorry I didn't follow you that day."

He could feel his emotions from that time clearly. Perhaps they never truly went away, but only faded with time, but here it was as if he had lived it all over once again. He had wanted to turn and follow her, but he had forced himself to stay where he was, to stay out of her way. But his heart had gone with her.

This was the reason she was missing in his more recent memories, why she hadn't been in the Eleventh, why he had felt something had separated them. It was all of his fault, playing the noble hero and sacrificing his happiness and love for her benefit, but was it really better for her? Her tears told him otherwise. He still couldn't remember how they became so close again, as Ichigo had said they had, but how long had it been before they came together once more? How long had he pretended he didn't need her in his life to survive?

"Renji," she started, shaking her head as she watched him closely. "Don't." It was a plea for him to stop, to not delve any further into what had happened. But Renji was long past stopping.

"You were so upset," he said, "I was upset, but I acted like I was happy for you, but I didn't consider that you weren't happy."

"We were young. You were looking after me, like you always had," she insisted, reaching forward as if to touch his arm but letting her hand fall back down to her side after a moment. Renji cringed at the gesture. Only an hour ago there were joking with one another, comfortable with each other's company and shoving one another playfully. When had she become afraid to touch him?

"But at what cost? Losing you? Losing our friendship?" Renji asked with such pain that he thought his heart would burst. He didn't like this feeling. He didn't like that it still hurt so much to think about it all. Was she hurting like him because of the decision he had made for them so long ago in this room? "I should have…I should have never let you walk away like that. I should have fought to stay with you. I could have still been there for you, even with you being a noble."

"No, you couldn't have," she whispered, her voice cracking with defeat. Even in his emotional state, he knew she was right. A noble and an orphan from the street? It would have never been allowed, no matter how close they were in their past. "You did what you thought was right," she asserted once more.

"And hurt you in the process," Renji added bitterly as he looked away, his eyes shutting as the threat of tears presented itself. That was what was hurting him the most, what plagued his conscience. He had made her suffer, made her cry. She didn't deserve that, not matter how self-sacrificing he was trying to be. Cracking his eyes open, he saw that suffering on her face now, and he couldn't take it. He wouldn't let her hurt because of him.

In one swift motion, he pulled the girl to his chest, crushing her in a tight embrace. She didn't fight against him as he thought she would, instead leaning into the touch and returning the hug just as fiercely. The hug was long overdue, it seemed. Renji sighed heavily, feeling her shake against him with her own barely suppressed emotion.

"I'm so sorry," he said again, this time a whisper into her hair, "I promise, I'm not ever going to let you go again." He pulled away to look at her, watching the tears seep from the corners of her eyes as she stared up at him. It was the closest she had been to him since he woke up, and he could count the different shades of purple in her eyes, could see the barest touch of pink in her cheeks from how he was holding her. It blew him away how easily she had slipped from his fingers back then. How could he have let this go without a fight? She was beautiful, inside and out.

He knew he should be embarrassed, knew he should be pulling away from her when they were both swept up in such an emotional moment, but as he watched her bit her lower lip he knew he was fighting a losing battle with his heart. Maybe he had gone through too much with his memories today and it was clouding his judgment, but he didn't want to pull away. Just once, he wanted to indulge in her presence. Just once, he wanted to lose himself in her touch, to drink in her essence and give her everything he had to offer, show her every shred of love that was meant for her and her alone. And this time he knew he wasn't going to be able to turn away.

The only question was, would she?

"Renji?" Her voice was soft, lifted in question as she watched him. She hadn't pulled away yet, and he could feel the control slipping from his grasp. It was now or never.

She could hate him for this later.

Moving at a speed that allowed her to pull away if she desired, he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers. He was happily surprised when she pressed forward, melted against him. A whimper escaped her as a delicate hand rose to grip the front of his shihakusho as he pressed more firmly, tilting her head upwards with his thumb and forefinger to give him better access to her mouth. His other hand splayed across her lower back, yanking her closer into his chest. Momentarily he released her mouth so they could both breathe, their chests heaving against one another, both exchanging a glance from under hooded eyes. Only a moment passed before they joined again, her lips parting automatically when he ran his tongue along her bottom lip to deepen the kiss. Tongues battled for dominance, exploring each other, tasting each other, before Renji won the battle. Rukia didn't seem to mind, however, as a soft moan left her, pulling a growl from the redhead. Renji's skin burned with her touch as she drove her fingers through his hair, loosening the hair tie to get a better hold. Both were lost in one another, too far gone to care.

And it would have lasted much longer, if Renji's skull hadn't decided at that moment to try and split in two.

He yelled as he jerked away, his hands rising to grab at his head as Rukia leapt back from his arms in shock. This pain was the worst one yet, absolutely unbearable, but even in his pained haze he knew this one was not a memory. It was further back within his mind, a building agony that overshadowed the pain he felt when recalling his past. No white flash came, and no memories poured in, just an angry throbbing. It rolled and raged and grew with every second that passed, ripping cry after cry from his throat until he felt himself grow hoarse. He felt the dull pain in his knees as they hit the hard floor beneath him, his body curling around itself as it tried to get away from whatever this was that was tearing his mind apart. It was spreading too, not so much in the pain, but the tingling in his limbs had returned with force. Screams filled the empty room as his brain tried to implode from the pressure growing within his skull.

"Renji?" The girl's voice reached him somehow, just barely heard over his own yells.

Rukia. He couldn't see her, his vision blurred even when he forced his eyes open, the pain that burned through his skull deadening his senses. Reaching out blindly, his hand found her, and she supported him. She was trying to pull him up, but his legs weren't working. Nothing was functioning while he was in pain, but it wasn't ebbing off. He needed relief. He didn't know how much more he could take.

Did she know this was different? He had to tell her this pain was not like the others. But his voice wasn't listening to him, choosing only to form yells and harsh groans. Swallowing hard, he forced his mind to focus through the fire that burned there, croaking the words out amongst his shouts as tears streamed down his face from the effort.

"Not memories."

X

Unohana didn't know what to do.

Minutes had passed since Rukia had drug a writhing Renji through the Fourth's entrance, his shouts echoing off of the walls and filling every corner of her mind with a terror she rarely felt. He was now laying on his bed, body bowing and twisting and shuddering with every breath, screams and grunts slipping from him like a chant. Hands worked quickly as they gather as many vitals as they could. His heart rate was much too high, threatening his safety, and though she called out to him, trying to calm him, he was far beyond awareness. Rukia had caught a few words when it first started, but Unohana was convinced that whatever consciousness Renji had left was consumed with pain and rendered him unable to speak.

"Captain, what do we do?" Isane asked, her voice cutting through the noise as she struggled to be heard over Renji. "Do we restrain him?"

Restraining him would do no good, Unohana knew. With how his body rocked and jolted with agony, restraints would only complicate things, perhaps even leading to further injury with how he thrashed. She had hoped the pain would subside, that she could talk with him to see what had triggered this attack, but she had already began to develop her theory in her mind. The poison had shown signs of spreading already. She was afraid it had now spread even further.

"He has a fever," Isane stated softly, shaking her head. Fever's only served in helping venom to spread, and with his movement, the fever was not going to break. They had to calm him down. Now.

"Sedate him," Unohana ordered, watching as Isane ordered a young healer to hold his arm as she prepared a syringe. The needle found purchase in Renji's bicep, and soon the screams turned to whimpers, and then silence, his breathing slowing to a steady pace. His brow, contorted in pain, eventually relaxed, and the tremors stopped completely.

"Get some cool towels, and some antipyretics," she instructed one of the young healers. "We have to break his fever." The young girl nodded quickly before scurrying out of the room.

"Get his blood work to the lab now," she said to another healer, and the man jumped to action, approaching Renji with caution but determination as he prepared a vain in Renji's arm.

"Keep him sedated," Unohana said as she glanced around at the remaining healers in the room, her eyes lingering on Isane as she spoke next. "If only to give him some comfort."

The look on Isane's face told her she knew exactly what she was implying. Comfort may be the only thing, the last thing, they could provide him at this point. The idea of the poison winning was now a very real possibility, and tension hung heavily in the air.

"Ma'am, what about Kuchiki-Fukutaichou?" Isane asked. Unohana had order the girl to be escorted to the waiting room despite her attempts to follow Renji into his room. She had been on the verge of breaking herself, her emotions spilling out of her even as she tried to collect herself enough to report what had happened.

"I will attend to her," Unohana said as she folded her hands in front of her. She glanced at Renji once more, observing how peaceful the man had become upon being sedated. It was as if he was sleeping, resting his eyes for a few minutes only to wake up later with a new sense of energy and alertness. But Unohana didn't know if that idea would ever see the light of day. They were running out of time.

Shaking her head, she looked back up at her Lieutenant. "Contact Kurosaki. Let him know what has happened, and tell him there is not much time left."

X

Ichigo cut the communicator off, slamming the device down harder than necessary on the wooden desk. He clenched his eyes and he forced himself to breathe, feeling his anxiety building to the point of suffocation.

He knew he didn't have time to waste, but his body refused to move, fear gripping his heart at the news of Renji's state. Sedation to keep the pain at bay, the poison spreading with every second. Isane had said they hadn't gathered much information as to why the poison had suddenly attacked his brain, but he would be updated as more information was discovered. It all seemed so hopeless, and Ichigo couldn't help his body's reaction, his joints and muscles tensing to the point of paralysis.

"Kurosaki, do you think you can reel that energy of yours in? I felt you from about a mile away." Ishida's voice seemed to be the key to breaking the spell his body was under, as the sudden comment had him jumping into action. Quickly, he entered his Shinigami state, looking over his shoulder at the Quincy with a sense of urgency.

"Do you have the bait?" he asked.

Uryuu raised an eyebrow, the moonlight reflecting off of his glasses as he tilted his head back. Ichigo knew he had been carrying it in his combat bag for the past few days, waiting for it to be necessary as they tried and failed to find the damn hollow that had left Renji in a dire situation.

"I thought we had agreed to save that as a last resort?" he questioned, his tone holding a sense of dread. He was a smart guy. He knew Ichigo was stubborn, but that he wouldn't have brought up the bait again unless they absolutely hit rock bottom with the search. He just wanted Ichigo to say it.

With a grimace, Ichigo nodded. "Renji took a turn for the worst. We have no other options. We need to find that fucking hollow. Tonight."

The dark-haired man nodded once, reaching his hand into his bag and pulling out the familiar bait he had used back when the two had held their "competition". He sneered at the bait, clearly worried for what was about to hit their sleepy little town, but nodded to Ichigo all the same.

"Let's go hunting."

Oh, cliffhangers. How we hate you.

Reviews, as always, are highly appreciated!

Until next time,

Meg